• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2021

Monsieur Bleu


I am a public policy researcher; I also like writing and MLP:FIM. I am writing here to test out various literary techniques, many of which I borrowed from the 20th c. canon.

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Source

For generations, Fluffy ponies have endured poverty, marginalization, and discrimination—but, finally, the movement for equality and economic justice is gaining momentum. At its helm is the charismatic Cuddle Puftoulfs, destined to become the first Fluffy pony Prime Minister of Equestria.

This is his story—and the story of the movement he led.


Image © of the Parliament of the United Kingdom, free use allowed

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 7 )

Well, I'll be the first to say that this interests me, and I'd like to see where it goes.

Also, 'Cuddle Puftoulfs'.
:rainbowkiss:
...
:rainbowlaugh:
If it weren't for the fact that other Fluffy Ponies get far worse names, I'd feel so sorry for him.

This is surprisingly interesting. I've never seen anyone write an actual serious story involving Fluffy Ponies. I look forward to seeing more.

Very nice how fleshed-out the political world you've built is. I eagerly await more of this story.

Ooh, a political story. I like what you've done with the Equestrian political system; you've obviously put quite a bit of thought into it. The idea of fluffy ponies is a novel one and not one that I've seen used too much outside of comedy or memes. I also like the real-world humorous references that you've scattered here and there. As a political junkie, I like that.

With that being said, it still reads a bit dry. Try to show us the divide between the fluffy ponies, not just tell us. For instance, it would be nice to see firsthand some of the discrimination they face. In Chapter Two, you have a racial breakdown of the parliament, which is nice but maybe a bit unnecessary. You could always say something like "Majority earth pony with significant minorities of earth, pegasi, and crystal ponies, and even one or two dragons." That would, in my mind, be just as effective and not provide too much information overload.

Also, in chapter two, you use waaaay too many em-dashes. Try spicing it up with commas.

I love this highly detailed political world you've created for Equestria. It is quite believable and I enjoy imagining how our little ponies would behave in the smoke-filled backrooms of political wheeling and dealing.

I am very much enjoying the intricacies of the political world of the ponies you have created. It's fascinating to think of the behind-the-scenes politicking which must take place in the magical land of Equestria.

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