- Member Since 28th May, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 11th, 2021
AxleMoon
It's so nice to be here with such nice people. My goal, here, is to write and give life to my stories. I hope you all have great days/nights :D
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While it may just be a start, it's certainly an interesting one, in my opinion! Looking forward to the next chapter. :3
3356614
Thank you. I appreciate it and I won't let you down. I want the story to grow and I thank you for helping it grow
I approve of this story! However, if you're going to use humans, you need to add the Human tag in the edit page for this story. Other than that I have no complaints, spelling is good, grammar is good, pacing is good, and the characters are, well, in-character. Excellent work!
3363779
Thank you that makes me really happy to hear. I'll definitely fix that. I feel I might need to change it more as the story goes anyway. Thank you again
3364108
You're very welcome! I'm just giving out some advice and a short review because young, new authors like you go far with a bit of encouragement. That's what I needed to get going at least.
3364555 It's much appreciated. Thank you for helping my story grow
3364559
Again, you're very welcome! I wish to see you improve, because you've already got the talent to write.
I like the concept but, so far, this story makes a mistake I see often from novice authors: Things happen too easily to be believable when the author wants them.
It doesn't make sense in chapter 2 for Celestia to just assume that Twilight will be ready to leave immediately after being told, rather than offering her time to make some preparations for her trip. (Also, if Twilight really is going to leap into the unknown so readily, you have to justify her faith in her eventual safe return to Equestria.)
Likewise, if you're going to have your human characters in a war zone so friendly to Twilight, you need to justify that. For example, by showing that they trust Twilight and believe she's real because she's just too strange for their enemies or their own hallucinations to think up.
...not to mention that stories are about challenge. If you're hand-holding your characters all the time, their adventure doesn't feel satisfying. Whether they're struggling against other people, the faceless will of "society" as a whole, their own insecurities, or anything else you can think of, it's the struggle that makes the triumph feel good.
3389181 I was thinking about some of this recently. I've been thinking about making some changes. But I can't make a major change that changes the story completely for the chapters I've already placed. As for the characters taking Twilight in so easily, I'm trying to explain why the main characters have taken her in so well. Aside from the main characters, everyone else looks at Twilight differently. The religious group is going to be know as the Divine Judges. They are called this due to them feeling as though they have been chosen by God to deliver judgement upon people. They declare Twilight a spawn of Satan and a sign of the Apocalypse. Human nature shows that, when afraid of life or death, humans will do anything to save their own life. Later, Twilight will encounter many other challenges. But for now, the main characters accept her so easily because they've all experienced traumatic sights and challenges in their life. Loss of loved ones, traumatic sights of horror, the works... But I appreciate your input, and I will use this to make my story better. Not much I can do with the chapters already posted, but I can use it to change the future of the story. I hope you'll still follow the story and continue to input so I may make this story even better.
3389181 Oh, one more point. Celestia assumed Twilight would take the challenge once Twilight had heard it could benefit the war efforts of Equestria. Twilight has jumped into things like this before, the only difference was that they had prepared supplies for her already. A true leader shows characteristics of selflessness. Which Twilight has show with the battle with discord, saving Equestria from 100 years of darkness from the dragon, saving the crystal kingdom, even when helping Luna get used to the new ways things are done after her 1000 year banishment. I aim to add more detail to make the beginning of the story make sense. I'm using, what I call, "Star Wars Logic". Each chapter leads into explaining another chapter. It's something I'm trying.
3393973
Yup, I love cults. Thinking they can do gods work when they can't.
3396609 Yep, I call it divine justice for what happens. Feel like I might change some stuff in the past 2 chapters though to make it better
Elements? Of Harmony? In OUR world?
Intriguing...
This must be investigated!!!
Reading on. Keep up the good work, bro.
3471454 Woo! Thank you! I aim to make this story great.
Elements of Harmony. Earth and Equestria. I'm gonna read moar! Great story! :D
I'm assuming Marcus is Generosity, and Kristen is Laughter? ...meh, it's a guess.
3628647 hahaha thanks I'm glad you like it
. And Marcus is Generosity. But I count Kristan more of Honesty. Yes she is kind at times, but at other times she is just fed up with everything. But she always voices how she feels and tells the truth how it is
I guess Tyler is actually Laughter, then?
P.S. When are they going to meet the rest of the elements? I can assume Kyle Smith is supposed to be like Twilight or something? I can't say he's the Element of Magic for sure, but he called out to Twilight, so he's just like Twilight.
I can't say much about it because it might spoil a lot. But, let's just say a tragedy can affect a person
:D been waiting for this chapter.
Problems: I haz none
3830710 You have no idea how happy I am too hear that
I'm glad you enjoy the story. It really means a lot to me
As usual, you never fail to amaze.
3862292 I love reading your comments. Always make me feel like I am doing something with my life. I'm glad you enjoy the story
3862830 I always enjoy a good story :D
Buddy. I can say one thing and one thing only.
When a zombie apocalypse comes, I can see this happening.
~Sar
3918961 hahaha I can see this as well.
I loved the way you set up the story. Will defiantly be reading the other chapters
3978672 Thank you
. I love hearing from all my readers. I'm happy you are enjoying the story. I know I don't get to write as much as I would like to but I will post the stories as soon as I feel they are right.
Great story you have here... i shall be watching and waiting
*LakieLegion hides under a nearby table, snout poking out the front, and his rump poking out the back*
4006546 hahaha thanks
I I'm glad you like it
So I'm guessing this story will be like a hundred chapters long? You haven't introduced any other human characters, so I can only assume they will appear much later in the story. Also, this story is really well-developed (not as well-developed as BOWTB Assimilation, but still really good), so I hope you don't disappoint by ending at chapter 20. It would feel a little rushed unless you plan a sequel for Caring Sparkle.
P.S. Sorry for ranting, I guess I'm just trying to say "Keep up the good work."
4007563 hahaha I love reading your comments Brony falcon. I don't know about a hundred chapters, but, like hell if I'm ending it anytime soon
There is another main character coming in the next chapter. That's all I'll say about it hahaha. I love hearing from all my viewers, but I really appreciate yours. You've posted a comment after every chapter and it makes me feel like my work is appreciated. I'll leave a special shout out for you in the authors note of the next chapter. Thank you again 
4008578 no prob
I'd never leave a friend hanging 
So, you gave us a nightmare, memory, and reunion, but you left us hanging at explanations.
I'm kinda used to stories that have long chapters (not that I'm complaining), so the transition for me is a bit shaky. Don't worry, you're doing fine. I'm just used to reunion and explanations in the same chapter, with a great stopping point.
Keep up the good work
Omg... lot of time have past from when I read this story before. I forget what was in the story...
As always, great chapter. I'm impressed you could come up with a strange phenomenon like that. Tyler got his 'cutie mark,' so to speak. Are the other elements going to get their 'cutie marks' too?
4267930 Hahaha that's fine. I'm hoping you like what it's beginning to form into.
4267967 Yes they will eventually come to find their "cutie marks". I'm coming up with a different name for them though. Just from the most recent chapter, the route of this story has sprouted many paths on which I can travel.
More!
4508045 Hahaha there will be more. Sorry for the delay on the story. I've been busy with important business. But I'm back now and more chapters will be updated over the next few days. Thank you for your support
4596513 No problem.
Certainly an interesting one! Just wish I could have detached that .50 from the mount to take it with me! Muahaha!
4731737 hahaha Thanks bro
. There's still more left to the story. Give it time hahaha
Lookin' great, man! Things be gettin' more intense by the chapter, man, I love it! Ease up on the punctuation, though. That's all I have to say, keep up the great work!
4735742 Thanks hahaha. I know I went a bit overboard on the punctuations. I'll be more careful about that.