Is it possible for the elements of harmony to exist in small fragments in other worlds? What if that world's elements have awakened and are calling for help? They are calling for Twilight and it has the Princesses concerned.
I like the concept but, so far, this story makes a mistake I see often from novice authors: Things happen too easily to be believable when the author wants them.
It doesn't make sense in chapter 2 for Celestia to just assume that Twilight will be ready to leave immediately after being told, rather than offering her time to make some preparations for her trip. (Also, if Twilight really is going to leap into the unknown so readily, you have to justify her faith in her eventual safe return to Equestria.)
Likewise, if you're going to have your human characters in a war zone so friendly to Twilight, you need to justify that. For example, by showing that they trust Twilight and believe she's real because she's just too strange for their enemies or their own hallucinations to think up.
...not to mention that stories are about challenge. If you're hand-holding your characters all the time, their adventure doesn't feel satisfying. Whether they're struggling against other people, the faceless will of "society" as a whole, their own insecurities, or anything else you can think of, it's the struggle that makes the triumph feel good.
I like the concept but, so far, this story makes a mistake I see often from novice authors: Things happen too easily to be believable when the author wants them.
It doesn't make sense in chapter 2 for Celestia to just assume that Twilight will be ready to leave immediately after being told, rather than offering her time to make some preparations for her trip. (Also, if Twilight really is going to leap into the unknown so readily, you have to justify her faith in her eventual safe return to Equestria.)
Likewise, if you're going to have your human characters in a war zone so friendly to Twilight, you need to justify that. For example, by showing that they trust Twilight and believe she's real because she's just too strange for their enemies or their own hallucinations to think up.
...not to mention that stories are about challenge. If you're hand-holding your characters all the time, their adventure doesn't feel satisfying. Whether they're struggling against other people, the faceless will of "society" as a whole, their own insecurities, or anything else you can think of, it's the struggle that makes the triumph feel good.
I'm assuming Marcus is Generosity, and Kristen is Laughter? ...meh, it's a guess.