• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

Uncr3at1ve


Because after everything burns to the ground I always tend to wander the field of ashes.

E

Separation can leave two lovers feeling saddened by their inability to confide and comfort the other, Twilight and Fluttershy are no exception to this feeling. Forced to separate for a time both feel the need to come together once more.

Written for the August Dual Contest in the TwiShy group following both prompts.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Not bad. Not bad at all. Definitely got the feels, but there was a distinct lack of setting, and I had no clue who's POV it was at any given time. What makes the story a story is a combination of the setting, the characters, and the plot. Your characterization and emotional detail was damn good. Damn damn good good good damn. Good. But as I mentioned, I had no idea who I was supposed to be thinking through the eyes of, or where I was. As for the plot, I think a longer story would have worked better for this. Perhaps give a few snapshots of what's going on with whom at what time.

That's just my humble opinion/critique laid out for you.

<3 DarqFox

3158937>>

The landscape passes by quickly beneath the window of the train, swiftly bringing me closer to my love, closer to a new life filled with joy and simplicity. I cannot contain my joy at the thought of being able to lie down next to her and listen endlessly to her softly spoken voice.

My freedom from monotony is welcome, yes, but my freedom to be beside her and relish in her presence once more is greater than any relief I may feel. Through my saddlebags I can feel the one thing that will end any chance of being separated from her; she just has to say yes.

As the train pulls into the station I search for that lovely primrose mare whose presence I can no longer be without. But before I can even take more than a few steps I end up being tackled into a hug by that which I seek. Few words are spoken, our being together worth far more than speaking as we walk slowly to the library. To my surprise she has dinner all ready laid out at the table, ready to eat, I always did enjoy her cooking.

The night passed swiftly, dinner was as amazing as it always was, even more so from my long absence. What follows is what I’d been missing for so long, a quiet night spent reveling in each other’s presence, soft words being spoken, assurances, apologies, promises. Though the best moment of the night for me, is when I worked up the courage to finally ask her: Will you marry me? The answer was sealed with a kiss and tears of joy.
]

uuuuuuhhhhhhhh... this is when I realized twilight was speaking

her softly spoken voice

cus flutters speaks softly

3159475
And that's where I finally knew who was talking too. The point is that was at the very end of the story, and I had no clue who was speaking until that point.

<3 DarqFox

3158937>>3159475
To be honest the style would have made more sense with my original plans... I was originally going to have it be entirely in Fluttershy's PoV without directly naming the 'loss' and have the reader guess who was talking and who was gone with a reveal towards the end. With the current style of switching back and forth between PoVs it doesn't exactly have the same effect and I can see how it would be confusing had I more time/ foresight I probably would have smoothed it out a little bit more.

3159634 hey got any stories yet ????

3159890 nice try more please :eeyup:

I liked this story quite a bit; I can easily relate to how Twilight and Fluttershy feel since I'm currently separated from the one I love as well. Reading this helped to ease the pain a little, so thank you. :heart:

4804557
Many thanks for the kind words. Hope your situation works out and I'm glad I could make the distance easier to bear.

Not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna pull a dirty trick & twilight was dead (clouds above ponyville mafe me think that) and the so called end of the week was when Fluttershy was going to commit suicide. Great story though.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

In opposition to the comment above, I was waiting for the punchline where Twilight had just gone to the bathroom or something. <.< Also, I realize now that I completely missed that it was Fluttershy talking. D: I shouldn't have, it's not like you hid it, but I did.

Awwww, it goes through all the hard feelings of a long distance relationship but touches those points very nicely and cleverly. Well written!

Don’t know if this has already been said, but I am fairly certain that the feelings described in this this are what long distance relationships can be chalked up too. ESPECIALLY military.

I can't help but be reminded of old, flowery love letters that historical figures sent to their significant others.
The kind of letter writing that would never happen these days.

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