- Member Since 21st Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 15th, 2012
Ponahkiin
Sometimes I write shit I eventually look back on and wonder why I wrote it in the first place. Sometimes other people fap to it.
Ponahkiin
Joined 21st Feb, 2012 ·
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WHY DID I READ THIS UGH MY EYES THEY BURN!
Good story, I'm just not big on M/M Relations. It was under most circumstances a general clopfic though, there was no real story development (Derp) Aside from that, I think if you built on the premise it may be good.
The epilogue summed it up quite nice with out the clop too, so yea... GJ.
Again, Not big on M/M relationships, but I gave this a shot and it wasent...Totally horrible. So you did do something right. Couldn't tell you what though...
(Not kintra)
Im signing it as someone else that way you don't see me here...
I take it your Homosexual yourself?
either or, i still only have one thing to say...
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJoay3WyQm1VhV_KpqVKURPYIivNgl1O7mBx38D6ctBGGIx11-
Im not a fan of M/M shipping, but i don't care if its here or not either. but I love shipping, MIXED FEELINGS.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Not even gonna read this because
1) It's M/M clop, and I'm straight
2) THEY ARE COUSINS!
Good day.
(To some previous commenters) Oh for ... it's labeled as a clopfic and clearly M/M. wtf were you people expecting. It even has a cover image. Don't be stupid.
My own comments go something like this:
* Sooo we're ignoring the fact that in canon, they're cousins. Or at least it's very strongly implied that they're cousins, I guess maybe it's not made explicit. But I mean, his name is Caramel Apple. You established that they're not in the epilogue, but I had ... well, some initial discomfort. But I'm not gonna be the commenters above, that's not actually very story-relevant, as squicky as it may be. Just rewrote my brain a bit to remove it.
* The primary scene had very nice, vivid descriptive text. The pacing was a bit fast. AJ's appearance was pretty much hilarious.
* AJ's connection from the main text to the epilogue rounded things off nicely.
* The rest of the epilogue seemed ... well, I don't mean to sound rude, but it seemed kind of pointless. Like a second story was trying to sneak in on top of the story in progress, but one that was not presented in enough detail to really appreciate, or so little detail that it was just an idle remark. Does it make any sense that this was actually their "best night ever" this time? Does that have any relevance at all to the primary characters? Hm hm hm.
All in all, well clopped, but I still find it hard to look past the fact that, y'know ... they're cousins.
Please take all comments as constructive criticism, etc etc.
I love this ship ! I do it myself
it should be updating too soon but to clop or not to clop... Ponies need more m/m :aaaa:
huh, haven't seen much MLP yaoi fanfiction, nice start!
I think that this cl
op story is fabulous though i'm not a big fan of M/Mshipping.Otherwise this story is excellent
Thank you for the good story
-FlutterPie4ever<3
I honestly try to stay away from M/M docs but this was really good though the epilogue could use some work in my opinion but its not my story to change. WELL DONE SIR
yeah not in to M/M, but the writing itself in the story was well done, if ur not homeosexual try writing a straight story, then it will really get people's attention
I'm a huge sucker for m/m shipping, but this was absolutely riddled with errors. Grammar, spelling, and several other things were tossed out the window. I liked the general idea, but please proofread things more delicately. As well, the epilogue seems... out of place.
It sure works as a clopfic to get bronies all hot and bothered. Still, look it over again and try to work on those things.
First of all, thank you to everyone who commented, I honestly expected this fic to go completely unnoticed, when I just checked my emails I saw that it had been favourited by a couple of people and had a bunch of comments too! I was very surprised. I'm gonna try and reply to them all.
Firstly addressing all comments saying oh, it's M/M shipping so it was all
, 
Um, yes. That's why I labelled it as such?
Adressing all comments that say they're cousins.
I honestly didn't know that when I wrote it, I wasn't aware that it ever even told you Caramel's last name actually, so I suppose this is kind of a wincest fic now, whatever, I'll keep it up. EDIT: I'm actually pretty sure they aren't cousins, Caramel's last name ISN'T Apple, that's an entirely different pony, her cutie mark is three caramel apples.
@IraqLobstah: Yes, I am, but (not sure how nobody picked up on the "Story for another day" in bold.) I am attempting to write with my friend Jack who also wrote this fic with me (apart from the epilogue) a Vinyl/Tavi fic, so that should be fun, not.
@Clavier For starters, thank you for the detailed critique. I understand the pacing was a bit fast, I did however try to keep it consistent but I myself felt it seemed a bit rushed even though it took quite a while to write. Addressing the other point, I don't myself think the epilogue was pointless despite it being pointed out a couple of times, the reason I included it was to
A: Establish a long-term relationship with Mac and Caramel
B: Give the mane 6 the opportunity to have some mane 6 dialogue about the relationship
C: Note the changes and similarities between last years and this years Gala.
I do however definitely see where you're coming from when you say it felt like another story was trying to sneak in, I felt after I wrote it that the epilogue actually could've just been a condensed version of AJ's letter.
@SwiperTheFox I proofread this more than 10 times, I can't see any mistakes but pleeeeease if you wouldn't mind PMing me to point them out I'll make the edits immediately.
Thanks for all the comments again, especially the constructive ones.
This fanfic was written with absolutely NO planning, it was written through improvisation in a facebook chat actually.
We both just kept writing, and we were proud of it afterwards (although after reading some comments I don't feel quite as good about it) but it wasn't a story that was written by someone trying to write a story if you see what I'm saying. I'll normally have a strong plan in my head before I write anything and on top of that I have NEVER WRITTEN ROMANCE BEFORE, let alone anything this sexual, my writing is usually very dark and centred around a tortured soul type protagonist, on top of that this is also my first pony fanfiction but me and Jack have some ideas about a few more that you should be seeing eventually.
I dont know what to say but this one word...SEQUAL!!!
@bearie Well, there won't be a sequel to Farm Boys, but we had an idea to do 3 or 4 clopfics all set in the same universe, as in, the relationships you see in this fic will remain in the other fics. Other clopfics we had ideas for so far are Vinyl/Tavi and RD/AJ/Spitfire.
Cousins do find each other attractive all the time. The only reason that it should be shunned as incest would be in the case of potential accidental conception involving inbreeding damaging to the child. As it is clearly impossible for them to conceive, there is no reason for them to be kept apart. and in the case of cousins with dissimilar parental backgrounds: Medical studies show that having children would still be safe. Just as long as a genetic testing of the child was done to ensure that the child would not be born with a severe genetic defect.(Discontinuance of pregnancy would have to be an option for these couples as a safety precaution).250983>>248249 Your instinctive caution is understandable as only breading couples have children to pass on social standards to.
250392
"Caramel's last name ISN'T Apple, that's an entirely different pony, her cutie mark is three caramel apples."
MIND = BLOWN. I was totally wrong. My apologies. Apparently several people were under the same misconception too.
"A: Establish a long-term relationship with Mac and Caramel
B: Give the mane 6 the opportunity to have some mane 6 dialogue about the relationship
C: Note the changes and similarities between last years and this years Gala."
C was the only one I was really criticizing. A is nice, and worked out well. I feel like the balance between B and C was an issue, and B may have rung more true to me had their been more time spent on it. I guess maybe it was just a balance issue.
Usual "constructive criticism" disclaimer. I feel like far too few of the comments on this site in general are in the form of constructive criticism, so thanks for being receptive
266645
I acknowledge fully that it's purely an instinctual "squick" reaction. Instincts are funny that way.
A very nice story and one that I'm sure to keep favourited for a while now
The first part was written quite well with only minor grammatical or spelling mistakes dotted around, however I can look past that 
As it has been stated before there was no real "development" behind the characters. Whilst I understand that this may have been written as more of a "Get them hot and bothered and finish sweetly" kind of story, It would have been nice to see how they progressed in that 10 month gap 
I was going to say similar things to Clavier however it seems you have answered the problems well enough so I won't stay on them for long. I can completely understand the reasoning behind A a little less so, to B, feeling like you could have spent a little bit more time on this. In fact It would have been nice to spend more time on the gala itself and Big mac/Caramel character progression! (Perhaps a sneaky little proposal slipped in there somewhere eh?
). C is the only real problem I have as I feel there really was no need for it in this story. As Clavier pointed out, it seemed like a story being piled onto another story.
However It did manage to get me hot and bothered, as a HUGE fan of Caramel/Big mac shipping! Very well done and keep up the good work! I would love to see more m/m shipping in this style so I hope to see more from you soon
This is only constructive criticism mind you so please don't take it to heart 
248203 Actually, you're thinking of Braeburn. Caramel isn't his cousin.
649952 Caramel was at the family reunion in the first epside. EXPLAIN THAT!
650533 He was a background character at the time. And the Apples always call ponies who are not otherwise related their "family", so it's possible he was invited as a family friend. It was never officially stated that he was Big Mac's cousin.
If it's true that he was in the crowd. I'd have to rewatch the episode.
650533 I actually reviewed the episode and didn't see him. There was a Caramel Apple, but I only saw female ponies in the crowd when the shot went wide and the pony who tossed up the Caramel Apple was never seen. I realize it's a little implied they might be family, but just because two ponies may have the same surname, doesn't mean they have to be related.
They don't have the same surname.
Caramel and Caramel Apple are two entirely different ponies.
@Frizzy:
Wow kinda unnessesary dont you think? Theres no real canon evidence that thier related plus that comment made you sound like a homophobe. If your not gonna read it cause you dont like the content then you shouldnt comment why you dont like it.
Oh Applejack you so tolerant.
mlp needs to have a canon homosexual to teach children about acceptance. very well done
Nice story, not usually into clopfic but the epilogue was so sweet!
.
They should totally do a canon gay character in FiM, sadly I doubt they will, it being an American Children's show...even in Europe it would be a bit controversial....
Here is something I don't understand, at all, people get on these M/M stories and freak out and say they won't read it beacus of it, this and that... but then why did you come here in the first place?
If you truly didn't like M/M shipping you would not have A: come here and most likely read it (yea I'm onto you). B: commented on oh so how much you hate these kind of stories, yada yada,ETC...
So on that note if you TRULY don't like M/M shipping then just, oh I don't know, find a different story?
Besides that point, nice job on the story, jumped into things a bit quick in my opinion but, heh, that's what opinions are, someone's thought on something, nothing more. Ausgezeichnet, und gute Arbeit!