Alicorn Origins: Legends of Disharmony

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Everyone is young at some point or another. Even alicorns.

Before being assigned Day and Night, before even becoming alicorns, Luna and Celestia suffered through the Great War. Times were plagued by starvation and suffering, and a relentless dictator ruled the land. When an attempt at salvation goes horribly wrong, the two siblings are forced out into the world on a journey that may threaten to separate them forever.

Chapters (9)

00 - Prologue · 11th Aug 2013 · 1,860 words
1,860
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01 - Dark Days · 13th Aug 2013 · 1,578 words
1,578
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02 - Illumination · 15th Aug 2013 · 2,932 words
2,932
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03 - The Price of Magic · 16th Aug 2013 · 998 words
998
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04 - A Fate Worse Than Death · 17th Aug 2013 · 2,050 words
2,050
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05 - Soft Words and Hard Truths · 18th Aug 2013 · 1,757 words
1,757
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06- Luna's Confessions · 22nd Aug 2013 · 2,251 words
2,251
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07 - Return · 23rd Aug 2013 · 573 words
573
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Author's Note - Final Words · 15th Oct 2013 · 196 words
196
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Comments ( 18 )

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Treppen

Treppen #1 · Aug 14th, 2013 · · · 01 - Dark Days ·

*squee*
Must add to group!

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #2 · Aug 17th, 2013 · · · 03 - The Price of Magic ·

Pretty good story, I mean, so far, I only read the prologue, however, the point still stands. It does one good to read a sad, dark tragedy once in a while. Seriously, Equestria cannot be all Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rainbows. The only thing bad I have found so far is that the first chapter is a huge wall of text, which makes it a little hard to read. I cannot wait to see what happens next, so I will favorite and up vote. Anyway, as Winston Churchill said, "KBO."

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #3 · Aug 17th, 2013 · · · 01 - Dark Days ·

"Its been a while since I've sung in the Ancient tongue, sister bear with me."

And that ancient tongue? The one even older than Celestia and Luna's ancestors? The one even older than the great God Discord himself? That "ancient tongue" ...was English.

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #4 · Aug 18th, 2013 · · · 02 - Illumination ·

Luna felt her chest swell with pride. She had nothing but love for her parents and sister, overwhelming confidence and affection. "Of course I am!" She whispered back. "I'm gonna see the moon, and if that's not enough, maybe I'll go there someday too!"

EPIC FORESHADOWING! DRAMATIC IRONY! I found a small mistake here in the chapter titled 02 - Illumination, you repeated this paragraph,

Luna was always up for an adventure, especially one with her sister. Her horn glowed briefly, an illusion spell wasn't difficult. It just made one object appear to be somewhere it wasn't. "Already done." She said. "Let's get back there before mom and dad wake up or we'll never hear the end of it. If we get caught, I'll just say it was my idea."

right after this bit of flash forward.

"What is it?" Celestia asked, gazing upon her younger sister.
Luna had gone quiet, and her own focus was on the grounds outside the castle window. "I don't like this part," Luna admitted. "If I had known, if we had known, if we hadn't been so stupid..."
Celestia's voice softened. "We couldn't have known what was coming, or even what he was capable of. I'm here for you, Luna. Let us get through this tale together, then we shan't speak of it again. Our story will be preserved."
The Princess of the Night wiped her eyes, nodding in agreement. She hated Discord for what he had done, and even now, with him being reformed, she refused to do business with him unless it was absolutely necessary.
"Alright."

Luna was always up for an adventure, especially one with her sister. Her horn glowed briefly, an illusion spell wasn't difficult. Not for her, at least. It just made one object appear to be somewhere it wasn't. "Already done." She said. "Let's get back there before mom and dad wake up or we'll never hear the end of it. If we get caught, I'll just say it was my idea."

One more thing:

Then she became silently, closed her eyes.

I think you may have meant:

Then she became silent, closing her eyes.

Those few small mistakes notwithstanding, this was another great chapter. I cannot really understand why there are not more up votes on this. Well, I am enjoying it anyway. KBO.

lunabrony

lunabrony #5 · Aug 18th, 2013 · · · 04 - A Fate Worse Than Death ·

3066568 Thank you very much, I'm going to fix those right now, I edit all my stories myself and I can't catch everything!

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #6 · Aug 20th, 2013 · · · 05 - Soft Words and Hard Truths ·

I found this one mistake in an otherwise great chapter: 05 - Soft Words and Hard Truths:

She knew she would have to leave eventually, but winter was coming and the days were getting longer.

In the context of the paragraph, I think you may have meant "Spring was coming." KBO.

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #7 · Aug 22nd, 2013 · · · 06- Luna's Confessions ·

"Little Moon Pie," Celestia said affectionately, as if her little sister was scared of the dark. ".;.you know I'd be right at your side all the time and as soon as you go home I'll follow you.

Semicolon in the middle of an ellipses. Other than that, Luna finally got a song! To bad it was only two lines, and in text. Anyway, I cannot wait for the next awesome chapter. KBO.