Silence
The steady hum of the heart rate monitor filled the room. Each beep showed that she was still alive, but I knew she was dead. It has been several months since the accident and she has not shown any signs of improvement. I look back on that day with scorn, knowing what happened and how it could have been prevented. I have gone through hundreds of thousands of ways that I could have stopped this from happening in my head, but every thought is a dagger into my already broken heart.
My mom is at home with my dad. They used to visit the hospital everyday, but the strain has taken its toll on my mother. She barely eats, she barely sleeps, she just sits there with her emotionless eyes staring into the void that she was dragged into. Before I started staying at the hospital, I swear that I could see the memories she had with her daughter being replayed like a video on a loop.
I remember when I first got the message. Come to the hospital, your sister is going into surgery. I dropped all that I was doing and rushed to the hospital. I arrived just in time to see her get taken into the operating room. We waited outside. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, but all the while it felt like an eternity to me. After five hours and twenty-four minutes, the doors opened and she was wheeled out. She was wrapped up in several different bandages, but the thing I noticed first was that she was still breathing.
Seeing her still alive was amazing, and I could not wait to talk to her again. My family and I waited in her room for the rest of that day, and for the night as well. The next day we waited some more. We waited, and waited, and waited. I really hate that word, waiting. When that one word carries the idea of your dead sister, it becomes very unpleasant. After a month, the doctor said that she was still unresponsive to anything they did. After two months, my mother stopped showing up, and after three, the doctor gave me the choice of pulling the plug, as they saw no way of her coming out of this.
“We can either keep her on life support, or pull the plug today. It’s your choice.”
I objected. I objected every single day when they gave me the option. I would give anything in the entire world to hear her soft voice again.
“Rarity, lets go hiking!”
“Rarity, can Scootaloo and Applebloom sleep over tonight?”
“I love you, Rarity. You're the best sister ever!”
Every beep of that machine showed those words drifting farther and farther away from reality. These were the words that I was afraid I would never be able to hear again. Every day, those fears come one step closer to being a reality. One thing that kept me going was my friends. They visit me every day, which is something that I am forever grateful for. One at a time, they spend some of their with me.
First who comes in is Rainbow Dash. She tries to hide her emotions around me, but I can tell that she is just as upset. When the news spread, Scootaloo went to Rainbow Dash. They had been together everyday since the accident. When Rainbow would visit me, she tells me all about the good memories that Scootaloo had with Sweetie Belle. All of their adventures to find their calling, all of the times they got in trouble, all of the fun times they had together. Rainbow and I laughed about these days, remembering the aftermath they always had to clean up. Those memories seemed like it was only a few days ago. Rainbow would always leave these little meetups with this sentence.
“She will wake up, Rarity. She is just as tough as you are.”
Next up came Pinkie Pie. Every day she would bring me a single cupcake. She did not bring me just any cupcake though, she brought me the most beautiful cupcake I had ever seen. She did this with every cupcake she brought in, each being completely unique from the last, with a brand new flavor to go along with it. Pinkie told me how she always admired me for doing that with my dresses, making each one different from the last. After I ate it, she tried her best to cheer me up. She talked to me, she told me jokes, and even though I would never get that happy, I always appreciated what she did for me. She left me with these words every day.
“Once she wakes up, we’ll go and play everyday, making sure to enjoy every moment of it.”
Once Pinkie left, Twilight would come in. She suggested one day that she read a book to me, to help me ease my mind. I said sure, and she started reading. I enjoyed this part of my day much more than I thought it would. I really would take my mind off of things and everything that was going on. A few months before the accident, Sweetie Belle started taking magic lessons from twilight to further improve her magic abilities, so everyday after the readings she would tell me how great Sweetie Belle was. She would tell me how she mastered spells like they were nothing and how great of a student she was. This made me so proud of my little sister. Before Twilight left, she would tell me this.
“Once she fully recovers, I would like you to come to one of our lessons. She was always talking about you coming to one.”
When Twilight was gone, Applejack slowly made her way into the room. This accident also affected her considering Sweetie Belle was almost like a second sister to her. She would walk in and give me a shiny apple. She would also leave one for Sweetie Belle, just in case she would wake up that day. Applejacks visit was a little like Rainbow Dash's, except she was more open about her emotions. She would tell me about all the good times that they had together. We would talk about all of the sister days that had done together and all of the happy times they had. When Applejack left, she would always tell me this.
“She'll wake up, sugar cube. I can promise you that.” That coming from the element of honesty was very uplifting.
The final visit, which happened to be the one I enjoyed the most, was Fluttershy's. After she came in nice and silent like she usually does, she would sit next to me and hug me and we would both cry and cry until neither of us had any more tears. Words are rarely shared with our visits, but I am fine with that. Sometimes, words don't need to be shared between two friends to understand each other. Fluttershy would always leave me by hugging me and saying this very softly.
“Everything is going to be okay.”
These visits from my friends are what’s helping me through this the most. If it was not for them, I could have very well given up hope a long time ago. It has been about five months since the accident, and things are looking less and less hopeful everyday. I was waiting in my usual spot like I normally did everyday when the doctor walked in, ready to ask his usual question. When he opened his mouth, instead of asking the question, he said something different.
“While you were asleep yesterday, we ran some tests. I have no easy way to say this. Her brain was permanently damaged in the accident. I'm afraid that she won't wake up. Now, it's still up to you if you want her on the machine, but we have some other patients that could really benefit from the use of this room.”
Him saying those words, the words that I have been afraid to hear ever since the accident, caused me more pain than any physical harm could. He asked again if I wanted to keep her on the machine, but instead of my usual yes, or nod, I finally shook my head, knowing what I had to do. He walked over to the machine, and he pulled the cord. The hum stopped. The beeps stopped. The room fell silent.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I opened up the door to my house. I just came back from her funeral. Everypony was there. All of my friends, my neighbors, even the princess took time out of her busy day to give her condolences. The house was still and silent. I walked upstairs and laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I slept for a good six hours before I awoke again, but when I did, something caught my eye. It was a note on my bedside table with the label saying “To Rarity.” I opened the note and started reading.
“Dear Rarity. It's your sister, Sweetie Belle. When I was sleeping in the hospital, Luna came to visit me in my dreams. I have to admit, I was super scared of what was going on for the first few days, but she made it a lot easier to deal with. Either way, she is the reason I was able to get this note to you. I just want to tell you how much I appreciated you staying there with me when I was scared. You were there every single day that I was in the hospital. What I will say will hopefully make you feel a bit better.
After the first month, I got used to being in this other world. There were a lot of other ponies here with me, and all of them were super nice. Some were old, some were young, and some were even blank flanks, like me! That leads me to another thing. I finally got my cutie mark here! It turns out that my special talent was singing, but I guess I should have figured that out, huh? Princess Luna came and played will us a lot. It was super nice of her to do. She is a lot of fun to hang out with. I have made plenty of new friends here, and I was even able to find grandma and grandpa, the ones in the pictures at your house! I have been living with them, and they are also super nice.”
The letter went on and the more I read the more I cried. I cried so much that the bottom of the paper started to get a little soggy and it almost made the last line almost illegible, but I was able to make out what it said.
“With great love, your biggest fan and loveable sister, Sweetie Belle.”
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Congratulations! This fanfic has been added to my list of fanfics that can make me cry. You killed Sweetie Belle, my favorite Cutie Mark Crusader, not to mention my absolute favorite pony, and I am trying not to just lose it as I write this comment. I'll give this a like, and you are a damn good writer, actually writing a fic that makes me cry. Therefor, I'll show my support by favoriting this. I'll definitely need to read it again. It was very emotional for me, though. You hit my soft spot dead-on with this story.
-Mudraynebow
Aww this was so sad! Nuuu Sweetie Belle!
Ow my heart. First things first, you might want to also label this as being a tragedy, as death would definitely be considered one.
This was pretty well done for the kind of story it was. The emotion could be felt in Rarity's mind and voice, and I did get awfully upset and sad while reading. So the overall motive seemed to work I suppose
I enjoyed what each of the mane 6 did for Rarity during her time of mourning and sadness, each of them seemed appropriate.
However, on the flip side It seemed overly wordy in spots, and the spacing could be better (ex, the first 3 paragraphs could be spaced better so it doesn't look like a clump). But these aren't major problems and over time your writing will improve.
Also, if you're looking for more people to read your stories, join a bunch of groups related to the topic at hand. I could probably find at least 6 more or so if I searched. Just a heads up
Anyway, nice work! I'm interesting in you writing more stuff like this, so I'll give you a follow
3020496
I totally agree! I should have put that in my earlier comment but this is by far a tragedy.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTIEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
It's so sad:
So, I just should tell you that I hate you. I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I don't usually do that, sob uncontrollably. But, now I am.
Thanks a ton.
I think you should take that as a complement. It's very rare an piece of art can move a person (or even pony) like that. Congratulations. You have done that. And this truly is a piece of art.
Finally, I noticed some minor errors in timing. For example, "One thing that kept me going was my friends." If keeping with the Syntax, that should be "Keeps." This happened a couple of times throughout the piece, although I doubt anyone is going to notice it through ALL THEIR BUCKING TEARS.
And that's it. That's everything negative I can say about the actual writing, besides that fact that this is the saddest, most sob-worthy piece of literature I have ever read. Thanks. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep in a corner now.
-Dragonfeith
This caught my eye as I was signing off from updating...Why oh why did I have to click it?! WHY?! The feels man!
Great job! You have created a terrible mood that is completely miserable.
Non-sarcastically, great job!
Now I have to go to sleep on that thought...well played author, well played.
Am I a heartless person? Because I'm not struggling to write this with proper grammar through grief-stricken tears. Definitely feelsy though. Also, one thing I noticed; it's "Pinkie", not "Pinky".
2sad4me. :'(
3020578
... Gather the Dragon Balls. There is still a chance!
now THAT'S what i needed after readin to much happy fic.
fucking marvelous dear author.
haven't shed tears like this since i was an slter boy.
...don't cry...don't cry....
Oh it's so sad...but the mane six...and then the end...
Gah! You stole the title of one of my stories! Rats!
Who put this bowl of onions in front of my face!?
3027352 It was the ninjas I sent to your house when you started reading it!
3032663 Damn ninjas... I should've known... lol.
The episode Sisterhooves Social seems to be the only thing that can cheer me up after reading this story. Anyone else agree?
3033263 When I think about that it cheers me up but at the same time makes me more sad. If that makes any sense at all.
3033313
could you explain a bit more though?
It sort of does...
3041157 Well when I think of the episode, it makes me happy knowing that they love each other and can play with each other, but in terms of my story, that will never happen again, and Rarity knows it.
Why have you done this to me? I've been reduced to tears
Very nice, liquid pride was shed.
Overall it was a nice enough story with a solid style through it. Though there were a fair number of mistakes within the words, it wasn't enough to jostle me from the experience. It wasn't too terribly compelling though. I didn't feel Rarity struggle enough as a character for the story to immerse me. It wasn't a bad story by any means, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
Also, a Sad tag is incompatible with the Tragedy tag. (I know it can be a confusing tag) I'd suggest removing the Tragedy tag since the story does not fit the Tragedy criteria. This story didn't involve
If anything the struggle presented was about accepting the loss of a loved one, which is 'Sad' category and not 'Tragedy'.
Thanks for writing.
Hi there. I hope you don't mind, but I liked this story so much I have put together an audio version on YouTube.
Eeyup, I felt liquid pride welling up. Good show.
3044771
Link to that video, if you don't mind? Could you PM it to me?
3046092
Uh, sure. Okay.
This is so beautifully written. I was crying inside after reading it.
3045385 Liquid Pride? You mean oil for your firery head, right?
Joking aside, this story was great! I had my eyes watering when I read this. Very nice.
3059785
Even an agent of Hell can dream!
I just watched Obabscribbler's dub for this. :') It's so beautiful. You are a genius!
3066868 Why thank you kind sir!
3074227 um, it would actually be ma'am, just saying.
3074931 Why thank you kind madame!
3076076 you're welcome
While I didn't quite cry, the story was beautifully written and I feel you portrayed Rarity's sadness really well. Although this is a great story, it has some problems. I would've liked to know what this "accident", was. I also would've preferred if the ending hadn't been so abrupt, even if Sweetie Bell's letter partially compensated for this. I felt that Rarity's decision to pull the plug was made to quickly, and we weren't given much detail, but the idea for Luna to visit Sweetie Bell in her dreams was pure genius by my standards! I'd give this an 8/10, definitely worth reading if you have a few minutes, but I wouldn't quite go out of my way to read it, either.
This was a very sad story, and it was an amazing read. I seriously felt a pang on my heart when the doctor said she'd never wake up, even though I was expecting as much. The friends' visits were really well-done as well, and I especially like how you had each say something different. The idea of Luna helping Sweetie out made it a bittersweet ending, and I applaud you for that.
However, there are some things I'd like to point out to help you improve. For one, I noticed you never used contractions. Personally, that took away some of the emotion from the story and made all the characters too formal, but that's an easy remedy for future endeavors. Also, the spacing was a little random. I'd suggest keeping the same format throughout the entire story, spacing it out more. Furthermore, there were small errors around the story altogether, which should be easy to spot if given another read-through. Allow me to give you an example:
Twilight should be capitalized. Anyway, a really nice read that I'd definitely recommend. Great job, author, and I hope my criticism helps you improve!
And now I read this.
Seriously, 3033313, STAHP. My eyes... they can't take no more.
Why are these stories never featured?
My eyes can't handle it anymore
Very sad and well done. Liked and favorited.
I cried, I won't deny it, and I will say this is a very good fanfiction but both the idealist pony in me and my logical side wish to argue the story.
This is a world of magic, a place where friendship is the greatest power in all of the Equestia, a place with ponies like Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia...
There should be no reason why there could not have been a happy ending, with Sweetie Belle waking up.
----------
Oh, also I'm here because Scribbler's dramatic reading of your fanfiction.
NO!!!! I DON'T WANNA CRY GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!
3193394
My pre-reader also made this point in asking why Celestia could not do anything about it. My thought process is that what if the accident was caused by some sort of magic, and that magic could not be stopped by using more magic. If there is a fire, you can't put it out by setting more things aflame.
god dammit, im crying like a bitch,
now im going to go read something happy and full of fluffiness.....
Seeing a kicked puppy doesn't make me as sad as this story does!
3196395
... You realize that's not how magic works right?
Even if magic did cause the accident there should be no reason why healing magic wouldn't work, even if there was some magical explosion during Twilight's lessons with Sweetie Belle (as is the first thing I consider when it comes to a magical accident).
Magic is extremely varied, and is not like fire, you can have spell that do all sorts of things. Medical unicorns would more likely then not would know healing based magic.
But of any case it is a bit late to change things, that and doing so would destroy the purpose of your fanfiction if you were to make changes anyway.
3216909
Since magic doesn't exist, there is no set way on how magic works. Some magic could be irreversible, even when medical magic is used. George in Harry Potter had his ear permanently cursed off with dark magic. Other magics could not bring it back, not matter what type it was. I realize that the fire with fire was not a very good way of explaining things.
That was very impressive, It created emotion, and you really kept each characters personalities accurate. Good job!
SOOOOO
SAD!!!!!!!!!!!