I really like pie. Pie and ponies.
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When an accident happens, Rarity spends her final moments with her sister, while seeking comfort from her closest friends.
One shot I did late at night. I had this idea for awhile, so I finally put it down on paper, or computer in this matter. I wrote it in the middle of writing more of the Wonderbolt Origins. Cover art by jamescorck on deviant art, check his art out sometime! Edited and Pre-Read by Ryan Darling.
*update* New story of this in Sweetie Belle's perspective here!
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Congratulations! This fanfic has been added to my list of fanfics that can make me cry. You killed Sweetie Belle, my favorite Cutie Mark Crusader, not to mention my absolute favorite pony, and I am trying not to just lose it as I write this comment. I'll give this a like, and you are a damn good writer, actually writing a fic that makes me cry. Therefor, I'll show my support by favoriting this. I'll definitely need to read it again. It was very emotional for me, though. You hit my soft spot dead-on with this story.
-Mudraynebow
Aww this was so sad! Nuuu Sweetie Belle!
Ow my heart. First things first, you might want to also label this as being a tragedy, as death would definitely be considered one.
This was pretty well done for the kind of story it was. The emotion could be felt in Rarity's mind and voice, and I did get awfully upset and sad while reading. So the overall motive seemed to work I suppose
I enjoyed what each of the mane 6 did for Rarity during her time of mourning and sadness, each of them seemed appropriate.
However, on the flip side It seemed overly wordy in spots, and the spacing could be better (ex, the first 3 paragraphs could be spaced better so it doesn't look like a clump). But these aren't major problems and over time your writing will improve.
Also, if you're looking for more people to read your stories, join a bunch of groups related to the topic at hand. I could probably find at least 6 more or so if I searched. Just a heads up
Anyway, nice work! I'm interesting in you writing more stuff like this, so I'll give you a follow
3020496
I totally agree! I should have put that in my earlier comment but this is by far a tragedy.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTIEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
It's so sad:
So, I just should tell you that I hate you. I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I don't usually do that, sob uncontrollably. But, now I am.
Thanks a ton.
I think you should take that as a complement. It's very rare an piece of art can move a person (or even pony) like that. Congratulations. You have done that. And this truly is a piece of art.
Finally, I noticed some minor errors in timing. For example, "One thing that kept me going was my friends." If keeping with the Syntax, that should be "Keeps." This happened a couple of times throughout the piece, although I doubt anyone is going to notice it through ALL THEIR BUCKING TEARS.
And that's it. That's everything negative I can say about the actual writing, besides that fact that this is the saddest, most sob-worthy piece of literature I have ever read. Thanks. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep in a corner now.
-Dragonfeith
This caught my eye as I was signing off from updating...Why oh why did I have to click it?! WHY?! The feels man!
Great job! You have created a terrible mood that is completely miserable.
Non-sarcastically, great job!
Now I have to go to sleep on that thought...well played author, well played.
Am I a heartless person? Because I'm not struggling to write this with proper grammar through grief-stricken tears. Definitely feelsy though. Also, one thing I noticed; it's "Pinkie", not "Pinky".
2sad4me. :'(
3020578
... Gather the Dragon Balls. There is still a chance!
now THAT'S what i needed after readin to much happy fic.
fucking marvelous dear author.
haven't shed tears like this since i was an slter boy.
...don't cry...don't cry....
Oh it's so sad...but the mane six...and then the end...
Gah! You stole the title of one of my stories! Rats!
Who put this bowl of onions in front of my face!?
3027352 It was the ninjas I sent to your house when you started reading it!
3032663 Damn ninjas... I should've known... lol.
The episode Sisterhooves Social seems to be the only thing that can cheer me up after reading this story. Anyone else agree?
3033263 When I think about that it cheers me up but at the same time makes me more sad. If that makes any sense at all.
3033313
could you explain a bit more though?
It sort of does...
3041157 Well when I think of the episode, it makes me happy knowing that they love each other and can play with each other, but in terms of my story, that will never happen again, and Rarity knows it.
Why have you done this to me? I've been reduced to tears
Very nice, liquid pride was shed.
Overall it was a nice enough story with a solid style through it. Though there were a fair number of mistakes within the words, it wasn't enough to jostle me from the experience. It wasn't too terribly compelling though. I didn't feel Rarity struggle enough as a character for the story to immerse me. It wasn't a bad story by any means, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
Also, a Sad tag is incompatible with the Tragedy tag. (I know it can be a confusing tag) I'd suggest removing the Tragedy tag since the story does not fit the Tragedy criteria. This story didn't involve
If anything the struggle presented was about accepting the loss of a loved one, which is 'Sad' category and not 'Tragedy'.
Thanks for writing.
Hi there. I hope you don't mind, but I liked this story so much I have put together an audio version on YouTube.
Eeyup, I felt liquid pride welling up. Good show.
3044771
Link to that video, if you don't mind? Could you PM it to me?
3046092
Uh, sure. Okay.
This is so beautifully written. I was crying inside after reading it.
3045385 Liquid Pride? You mean oil for your firery head, right?
Joking aside, this story was great! I had my eyes watering when I read this. Very nice.
3059785
Even an agent of Hell can dream!
I just watched Obabscribbler's dub for this. :') It's so beautiful. You are a genius!
3066868 Why thank you kind sir!
3074227 um, it would actually be ma'am, just saying.
3074931 Why thank you kind madame!
3076076 you're welcome
While I didn't quite cry, the story was beautifully written and I feel you portrayed Rarity's sadness really well. Although this is a great story, it has some problems. I would've liked to know what this "accident", was. I also would've preferred if the ending hadn't been so abrupt, even if Sweetie Bell's letter partially compensated for this. I felt that Rarity's decision to pull the plug was made to quickly, and we weren't given much detail, but the idea for Luna to visit Sweetie Bell in her dreams was pure genius by my standards! I'd give this an 8/10, definitely worth reading if you have a few minutes, but I wouldn't quite go out of my way to read it, either.
This was a very sad story, and it was an amazing read. I seriously felt a pang on my heart when the doctor said she'd never wake up, even though I was expecting as much. The friends' visits were really well-done as well, and I especially like how you had each say something different. The idea of Luna helping Sweetie out made it a bittersweet ending, and I applaud you for that.
However, there are some things I'd like to point out to help you improve. For one, I noticed you never used contractions. Personally, that took away some of the emotion from the story and made all the characters too formal, but that's an easy remedy for future endeavors. Also, the spacing was a little random. I'd suggest keeping the same format throughout the entire story, spacing it out more. Furthermore, there were small errors around the story altogether, which should be easy to spot if given another read-through. Allow me to give you an example:
Twilight should be capitalized. Anyway, a really nice read that I'd definitely recommend. Great job, author, and I hope my criticism helps you improve!
And now I read this.
Seriously, 3033313, STAHP. My eyes... they can't take no more.
Why are these stories never featured?
My eyes can't handle it anymore
Very sad and well done. Liked and favorited.
I cried, I won't deny it, and I will say this is a very good fanfiction but both the idealist pony in me and my logical side wish to argue the story.
This is a world of magic, a place where friendship is the greatest power in all of the Equestia, a place with ponies like Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia...
There should be no reason why there could not have been a happy ending, with Sweetie Belle waking up.
----------
Oh, also I'm here because Scribbler's dramatic reading of your fanfiction.
NO!!!! I DON'T WANNA CRY GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!
3193394
My pre-reader also made this point in asking why Celestia could not do anything about it. My thought process is that what if the accident was caused by some sort of magic, and that magic could not be stopped by using more magic. If there is a fire, you can't put it out by setting more things aflame.
god dammit, im crying like a bitch,
now im going to go read something happy and full of fluffiness.....
Seeing a kicked puppy doesn't make me as sad as this story does!
3196395
... You realize that's not how magic works right?
Even if magic did cause the accident there should be no reason why healing magic wouldn't work, even if there was some magical explosion during Twilight's lessons with Sweetie Belle (as is the first thing I consider when it comes to a magical accident).
Magic is extremely varied, and is not like fire, you can have spell that do all sorts of things. Medical unicorns would more likely then not would know healing based magic.
But of any case it is a bit late to change things, that and doing so would destroy the purpose of your fanfiction if you were to make changes anyway.
3216909
Since magic doesn't exist, there is no set way on how magic works. Some magic could be irreversible, even when medical magic is used. George in Harry Potter had his ear permanently cursed off with dark magic. Other magics could not bring it back, not matter what type it was. I realize that the fire with fire was not a very good way of explaining things.
That was very impressive, It created emotion, and you really kept each characters personalities accurate. Good job!
SOOOOO
SAD!!!!!!!!!!!