If you want some cover-art done, send me a message!
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Princess Luna tasks Twilight with taking out one of the most undercover and powerful Templars, Prince Blueblood himself.
Anthro. Oneshot.
Could be labeled 'everyone,' as it doesn't go into TOO much detail, but I'll stick a 'teen' rating on it just in case with a SLIGHT gore tag.
Going on hiatus until The Scar is complete. Please see the blog post about it. The redo is nearly complete though, but I'll finish it afterwards.
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haha the picture is so cute
Loved the story!
It was interesting, but it felt poorly developed. Just a "happy birthday!" poof!, Twilight is an assassin.
The Brotherhood just started after the events of A Canterlot Wedding, and already Twilight, who is a trained librarian and wizard, is an assassin. So the time development on the creation of the Brotherhood seemed rushed, as did Twilight suddenly becoming an assassin... who is also a alicorn princess. That's a pretty big jump. Not just in personality sense, but in training and skill set as well. All of the assassin's received some sort of training while growing up. The shows did point out that Twilight wasn't the most athletic pony, often struggling to keep up with her friends.
I also had some confusion with her not using her wings to at least slow her decent into the hay stack. You also seemed to have made a time inconsistently with the hood and the sunlight. Although I do get what you meant to point out in there, it did seem to conflict with it being night. Which also brings back the question of choosing not to use wings during night when people have a hard time seeing you and the guards seemed to have been paid off by Celestia
I think it would be better if you took it and rebuilt the story to at least explain these events of how the Brotherhood came to being and how Twilight made such a massive transition. You have a lot of potential that can be harvested in this story, and by addressing a few things, it could become quite the story.
2851792
Princess, Assassin, Wizard Twisassin reporting for duty
2851834 You're hired. Right now.
2851792 Thanks for being honest with it. To tell the truth, I'm much more an artist than I am an author, so my stories aren't the best. I kinda wrote all this in one night just for the hell of making a story. I didn't think about how this all came about or why, which is obviously never a good idea. I thought about expanding this and going into much more detail, but I think I'll leave it as it is for the time being.
Thanks for the criticisms. As long as the reviews are handled maturely, I welcome them.
(that's more than I can say for another story of mine that was up for a day.)
2852136
I think you should keep going. You have potentially a beautiful world here to create, you just have to get the foundations right.
If you ever need any help or anything with it, just shoot me a message.
2852167
With lack of motivation for my other stories (and finally getting ACII), I think I might start this over as a new story. One that goes into more detail, but still taking place in this world I've set up.
I might need help with a title though...
Do you think you could do another one of these? Like maybe change the ending of this so there is a few other chapters?
2874634 Yep! Got another one in the works right now! Though it'll be a different story, it'll still be in this world. I just need some suggestions for title.
2876178 I can supply ideas for the title, but only if I knew what happened in the story
2876385 Without giving too much away, there's an undercover group of Templars in the castle's government, and the characters must locate and kill them,
2877084 Undercover Plot could be the title I guess
Looking forward to reading the newer version of the story. Hoping to see some dark stuff but it could easily go the other way.
2897168
I won't give away too much considering the tone of the story, but I'll grant you this.
Let's just say it prefers Luna to Celestia.