A Secret Thrice Unconnected.
written by Jioplip
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Here we go again.
2814450
Why thank you.
It just... fills my hear with a fuzzy feeling, seeing comments like this.
It also fills my stomache with a feeling like chrome. It's heavy, but it feels good.
Do you know what feeling I'm referring to?
It's duty.
If even one person enjoys something I wrote, I feel responsible to make the next thing I write as good or BETTER.
How did I even get on this tangent anyhow?
2827613 That's basically it.
Everypony had a secret, though oddly only the ones thought not to be ponies turned out to be ponies.
How strange.
Also, Embryous is Celestia's true form.
2846001 Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Thanks for reminding me, if I had gone on writing the sequel without recalling that I might've introduced a plothole!
Scary thought.
2852729 Room was meant to be capitalized, and I see, thanks for pointing those out, I missed all that!
2943410 Your avatar.
Hee.
Hee ho.
Ha!
...And now I have to find out what Double Sun Power is...
3127402 Why hello there!
It seems you've come a way to get here, might I inquire as to what your opinion was on this story?
3130582 Well, I hope it's in a good way.
If it was a bit much for you, the sequel is usually tamer.
Sorry it took a while. I'm not exactly the best at giving reviews, but here it goes.
Name of Story: A Secret Thrice Unconnected
Grammar score out of 10: 8
Pros:
- It was hilarious!
- The narration was great.
- It's definitely something I haven't seen before. Original, and not to mention, random.
Cons:
- Capitalization issues. "The Throne Room was quiet, it was so silent in fact, that had a pin been present, it would have been heard even if nopony had dropped it." The word "throne" doesn't require capitalization.
- Commas. "The Throne Room was quiet, it was so silent in fact, that had a pin been present, it would have been heard even if nopony had dropped it." I'm not really sure how to put this, but there's a bit too many commas here, and reading it had kind of a weird flow.
- Missing apostrophe (minor). "Celestias gaze hardened as she focused her eyes on Discord". Should be Celestia's. This one isn't too bad, as it's the only one I've noticed.
Notes Section:
That. Was. Awesome!
Definitely earns a like and favorite for me. I really enjoyed your humor and silliness in this fic, and that's really all I have to say. I'll be looking forward to more fics from you!
3142056 In the capitalization case, The Throne Room is the chamber's full name, capitalized to show it's importance and grandeur.
The commas I should really deal with, and I'll seek to rectify the apostrophe issue as well.
Thank you for your time, and for pointing out my errors!
3220309 'Tis the general consensus amongst our peers.
I think my mind just melted...
3220979 Heeheeh!
That picture makes me
.
3222747 Hoo...ray? Maybe.
3223037
Yep. Hooray! Wait... what? Oh yeah, that part of my brain already melted
3234416 Exactly.
3594597 Say whaaa?
Naw man, 'm just a cheery blue unicorn. Totally.
3602754 A Secret Thrice Unconnected, by Jioplip.
(Which is me!)
Now, what you need to do, is you need to write the exact same story, but treat it seriously.
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews.
Well, you're only getting about five paragraphs out of me. What do you want - this story's not even 2,000 words long.
I again find myself in a strange position on this one. I imagine this is how a food critic would feel if someone slapped a bag of Lay's Chips on their plate and told them to 'do their worst.' I suppose it's my fault. I expect every fanfiction to try to be the next chic cuisine and now I'm stuck reviewing the fiction equivalent of Zebra Cakes. "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" can be graciously called 'a bit out there' and ungraciously called 'bat-shit bananas served on baked bonkers bread served straight from the insane asylum.'
All my usual stones, sadly, must remain tucked away in their cases because none of them apply. All my trademark ramblings fall flat, for they operate on the intrinsic notion that the their subject is trying to be a good story. "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" is not trying to be a good story, it's trying to take a big shit directly atop your brainpan. All I can really say about this conglomerate of words is that it feels like something one of the show writers would throw together if he got wind he was about to be fired and wanted to irrevocably nostril fuck the canon before they sent him on his way.
"A Secret Thrice Unconnected" is not a good story, but it's not a bad one, either. It's like 'fanfiction divided by zero'; like observing a broken dimension that isn't technically impossible but isn't physically capable of existing either. It's so inherently dumb, bleating and empty that you snap and slip into a solipsistic, existential coma as your jaded mind tries desperately to fill it with some kind of meaning, purpose, pragmatic end or even an imagined end. Oh God, I'm watching my own eyes fall out! How is this even possible!?
How can I accurately describe this… this thing? Picture entering a stark, white room containing only two chairs facing one another. In the chair before you is a young man resembling a coy Ryan Gosling. You sit down, a little unsettled, and ask him where he intends to go with this. After a few minutes maintaining his stoic expressing, he slowly pulls out a massive erection and pleasures himself with you watching. Here's the catch; you don't leave. No one is forcing you to be there. The door is unlocked and unguarded. You could just leave. But you don't. You can't look away.
Basically what I'm saying is "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" is a load of universe destroying fan wank. Basically what I'm saying is "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" makes Vishu tremble in his preservation pants. Basically what I'm saying is J. Robert Oppenheimer spent the last years of his life trying to persuade the United States to use atomic power responsibly when he should've spent the time inventing time travel so he could come into the future and persuade the United States to ban this story. Basically what I'm saying is "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" is a Hindi god; not bound by the universe, but watching it bend. Basically what I'm saying is you can stop reading "A Secret Thrice Unconnected" but it never stops reading you.
Read it. Some will see only nothingness and others will see the very face of God.
4678044
... I'm a little scared
4680491
4678044
You, sir, are completely off the mark when it
cumscomes to the analogies...This was, in fact, the ponified (and somewhat amplified) incarnation of the ending of an episode of Scooby Doo.
4721161
Aw, thanks!
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