Soil Tiller has had no luck in selling her produce anywhere else in Equestria, and is hoping for better fortune at Ponyville’s farmers' market, despite the odd looks she's gotten and strange stories she’s heard about the town. But they all can't be true, right?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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God bless you, Masem.
This is the best thing I've seen.
'ello, chap!
Yes, yes. This is much better from the first version I read. I just have one comment:
>Only a few of the temporary stalls, like hers, were still drawing in customers.
This implies that Tilly was having customers coming to her tent, but the story suggest that nopony came at all. You might want to take a look at that.
2197724
Got it, and thanks again for the read!
KUMQUATS!
This was awesooooome. Kumquats!
Mmmm.. kumquats. Much like most of your work, good but unappreciated.
2253571 I'm presently waiting to see if EQD will take this. Likely chugging slowly through it...
2253581 I've gotten a positive response for posting to EQD, but there's a few scenes that the pre-reader's asked me to consider, plus some general copyedits. Nothing that will change the story drastically overall.
Any copyedit/problem catches would be great to hear about now.
Just got confirmation this will be at EQD RSN.
I couldn't figure out what the fruit was from my list of possibilities for certain until I realized Pinkie hadn't shown up. Then it dawned on me.
Other possibilities I'd pondered with small size and pale orange color:
Quince
Apricots
Persimmons (American species)
Sea Buckthorn
Mountain Ash
A variety of mango
A species of passion fruit
I like trying weird fruits.
EQD'd!
And I could tell that the identity of the fruit was important. (I thought that this was going to be a 'Nopony in Ponyville eats pears because the Apple Cartel has a monopoly on fruit' story, though. Oh well!)
It's a really cute idea but it just didn't appeal to me. Rarity felt totally OOC until the end appeared and I really feel that even a single line from her saying she would repay her would've made a huge difference. The idea that a new pony is in town for an entire day and Pinkie not only doesn't notice but doesn't care also felt really off. Other than that every other pony mostly treats her like crap. It felt really unfair.
2365999 Well, all Tilly gave Rarity was a few scraps of fabric, of no value, so I don't think anyone would consider payment there. I would agree that Rarity would have paid then and there if there something of value (and if she didn't have money, pay back immediately).
Pinkie's never been presented as having to meet everypony new in town - if there is one, she'll try to be friendly (resorting to a random song if she has to) but that's if she encounters that pony.
And I was careful that no pony treated her meanly - (In fact this was an aspect caught prior to EQD posting where a few scenes went a tad towards that) - everypony is friendly to her, and it's only Tilly's charity/generosity that gets to her at the end. As one of the copyediters put it, she's her own worst enemy, just that to an outsider, she feels like she's on the wrong end of a bunch of pratfalls.
lol when I first read it I thought it said 'death of a salepony'
2366155 To me the issue was more that Rarity is the Element of Generosity and so to that end if someone is generous and gives her something that inspires her so, I feel she would then want to try and repay them. Since while it is a small thing it has huge results.
I'll agree on the Pinkie thing. That was more my headcanon getting in the way for which I'm really sorry.
Pinkie has been shown to be excited if someone new comes to town though and in this case it felt that she didn't really care and that was more what grated on me.
The CMC are rude and eat all her samples and only AB actually says thanks. Rarity insults her produce and her selflessness to me felt really overwrought and more like selfabuse than charity. I guess it was the idea that she could give away so much despite knowing she couldn't afford it made her feel like a terrible salespony and I couldn't imagine why she was considered the best for the job.
I won't deny the idea that she was a unicorn that was better at earth pony magic than most earth ponies also got on my nerves.
Based on your comments I don't think it's needed but I want to stress it's still a good fic, even though it's not for me. I'll still recommend it to friends who I think might enjoy it and I definitely plan on checking out your other works.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for recognizing my comments for what they are too. Simply comments and an opinion. I'm happy to agree to disagree since other folks seem to really love this piece. Also grats on making EQD.
2368015 Oh, yea, I'm not taking issue, just pointing out a few things.
Rarity does actually reciprocate in spades at the end via the bonnet gift - just not in person (in pony?); I felt that was important to avoid her seemingly being selfish. And I wouldn't call what she said about Tilly's product insulting - just that it was a bad color for fashion.
Also to note that we don't have a lot of world building on exactly the magic of earth ponies, beyond them being attuned to nature and generally stronger than the other races. And given that we can have a unicorn controlling the weather (if badly, per Magical Mystery Cure), there's nothing to say that a unicorn can't have magic related to nature. I wouldn't call what Tilly's magic to be "better" than an earth pony, but just a different class of magic that happens to align well with being an earth pony.
2368058 My issue was that Rarity seems selfish and flippant until the end where she gives her the bonnet. That made it feel like her making the bonnet for Tilly was an afterthought. I felt that was OOC because Rarity is supposed to be generous, so I pictured her coming back and getting all these ideas and making the bonnet first to show her gratitude.
As well Tilly gives the impression of taking it rather personally which is why I felt it was somewhat insulting.
Was the specific line that I'm referring to.
2368230 Gotcha on that. Neither case I was trying to imply those conclusions. With Rarity, it could have been that she put the bonnet together earlier in the day but got wrapped in her work. It's just not a detail expanded on. And with the earth pony stuff, we're just exactly not sure from canon what their magic does, so that's sorta speculation, as well as a summation by Tilly herself.
But these are points to consider for another work to avoid/clarify to avoid confusion.
You magnificent bastard. I had to look up dearth. Very, very well done.
Good story!
Btw, my old regiment prides itself for defeating Tilly...
I liked this oh Pinkie you so silly!
I just finished reading "Death of a Salesman" for English class, so I expected a long, tear jerking story of a mare who never realizes her true destiny while projecting herself onto her children, and after a lifetime of mediocrity, ends her life with the mistaken belief it would allow his family to live better.
Instead I got this story.
...Most hilarious story I've read this week! I forget how odd life in Ponyville is, and how it's filled with comedic gold at every turn.
You know, I'd been WONDERING why the fruit's name was never mentioned; and then we got Pinkie Pie, and kumquats!
"That's sounds great" should probably be just "that sounds great".
2658136
Yup, you're right, thanks!
I really like this story. I mean, it just showcases the elements of the show so well.
I also like how you hid the fruit she was selling until the last minute. I was worried I missed it, but I now realize you we're saving it for the big reveal. I see what you did there!
Kumquats yay!
Nice work hiding the kumquats, I should have seen it coming from a mile away, but I didn't, and it worked great at the end. Great dialogue and characterization, and some very nice usage of the Mane 6 and Ponyville as a whole. I really like those fics that show the city from an outsiders perspective, and you wrote it well.
Tilly only fail? Not meet Pinkie before
Really great slice of life. Captures that early season comfiness perfectly.