I've been under observation for almost three days after checking myself into the ER here locally, and now I am finally back home again.

Upshot is that I'm going to be starting the ECT treatments immediately (next Wednesday or Friday).

This is probably closer to accurate than you'd expect.

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Time to hit those keys and stopping moaping around. It does no one good. (unless your fluttershy then everyone hugs her, I know you do it for the hugs fluttershy!)

Too.. cute.. hrrg!

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I'm currently booked solid by life.

Not quite as scary as Flutterrape.

The ketamine treatments and work are draining all my free time. This will change in a couple of weeks, so hold tight!

Let's make this post an AMA. Because why not. Come at me.

anyway this is definitely supposed to be a fun season, and that means I'll need to start getting some fun stuff done now that my life has settled a little. Last month, on this day, I told you guys a bunch of the stuff I've been planning. Well, now I have a better idea of how all those plans are doing. Let's take a look at that dumb little list I made last month of my things to do, and see what the progress is....

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If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,-
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.

If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee

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IN WHICH LOUD NOISES
Yesterday was a bittersweet day. First the sweet: Babymetal's newest music video.

Immediately after came the news that Yui Mizuno, who had been ill for a year, was leaving. More past the jump.

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So this is gonna seem like I'm seeking attention, which was not my intention, I just need to get this out. Ignore this or not, idc, I just want to write this down.

I'm so fucking tired.

I'm tired of dealing with the state of the world, I'm tired of this fucking lockdown, I'm tired of everything.

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Too busy feeling dead inside to be bothered to acknowledge anything. Everything feels insignificant, things I once loved and cared about, hobbies, interests, emotions, reactions...they all feel equally as meaningless. Laughing and trying to remember what having a sense of humour is like is like taking an ice bath. Self-expression gets harder and near to difficult the longer the negativity is present, and it slowly consumes what is left of the person it holds as a host. It swallows feelings,

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It’s been a while since I last did this kind of post, hasn’t it?

*sighs*

Yay, I thought so.

Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to let you guys know about a little something different I did recently. Something that I’m hoping could benefit my time on this site more.

You see, not too long ago, I looked back on some of the blog posts I made on here. As I looked at them more, I decided to delete them because I felt that they were no longer worth keeping. 

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Adagio Dazzle has 'the gloomies'.

That's what Sonata called the crippling depression and anxiety that had consumed her older sister since their failure at the Battle of the Bands.

The gloomies hit Adagio hard. The Battle of the Bands was her gamble, her play. It was her mistake, loss, her failure to live with.

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I watched it all in dutch but I can't bring myself to watch it in english, I'll start crying if I do. Not happening. That song is depressing. I watched it when it was leaked onto YouTube.

It amazes me how blind I can be on some of my posts. Sure, I'm not the only one who fails to read the rules on groups, but I did some that were so tasteless, especially on the Anti-Depression group, which I can't believe I even put up. Dear god, me of all people should know better.

"We're here to encourage each other and help deal with our real problems."

"Read this! I'm a dick!"

-.-

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Reposted from Brain Pickings, Bloom by Emily Johnstone

I feel better. I think I can be productive again today. I'm going to take care of some things that have piled up now, then see about getting some writing done. I'll be at a con all weekend, so I have to write a complete chapter of "A Storm on the Horizon of the Arcane World" for Sunday.

CW’s for the story heavy depression themes, self harm and self harm scars and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I don’t really know how to start, but I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for reading Beyond The Frayed Threads and thank you guys for all the support for it.

When the contest and the prompts were announced, I only had one thought for a story; Moondancer going to a spa.

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So for those of you that care, I basically haven't updated ASAG in a year. This is a combination of real-life kicking my ass, me losing interest in MLP, and my original storyboard getting fucking nuked from my PC. I've been working overtime at my job thanks to the labor shortage in the US, so I barely have time to even try and salvage my planned plot points for the story, I just broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 3 years and I caught at the start of December.

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If you don't know or haven't read my last blog, I stopped actively writing stories on Fimfiction. I'm still logged in and always check my noticaticions every day, but of course I'm not writing so I'm not really expecting any comments on stories, though I have seen a few people add a few of my stories to bookshelves and my immediate thought was "why" why would they want to add ME to their shelf?

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Aside from a single post on a single story, and my page header, this will be the first thing that I write, for FIMFiction. So where to begin...

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[polite rant]

Hi, I can't do anything anymore. RIP me.

If you say this, you are lying. You just either said, typed, or morse coded this great message to me, so therefore you did something. If you are this depressed and forget that even small things in life actually matter and affect the world around you, then seek help. Doctors don't get paid in six digits because they put fingers up peoples asses every day!

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