Status Update · 4:58am May 5th, 2021
It’s been a while since I last did this kind of post, hasn’t it?
*sighs*
Yay, I thought so.
Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to let you guys know about a little something different I did recently. Something that I’m hoping could benefit my time on this site more.
You see, not too long ago, I looked back on some of the blog posts I made on here. As I looked at them more, I decided to delete them because I felt that they were no longer worth keeping.
One reason was because some became outdated with the times. Examples are that there were some that I expressed my thoughts on regarding MLP characters long before the series ended, and I expressed brief thoughts on some episodes, which...ironically changed over time. In this case, my opinions on some episodes changed over the years, like with “The Last Crusade”.
The other reason is because there were other posts...that have done nothing but bring up painful and depressing memories from my past, which has been taking a toll on me mentally. I used my blogging to create posts that I’ve regretted making later on, because they showed various friendships between me and other people here either being strained or collapsing. That, or they’ve showcased my temper-fueled comments, as well as conversations between me and other people that would be taken in ridiculous turns, mostly by me now that I think about it.
All in all, seeing those latter posts has caused me to go into a depressed funk due to seeing them, so I deleted them so that I’d never have to see or think about them again.
To tell you the truth, I’m honestly at a loss.
I thought I’d overcome my emotional problems somehow, but they nevertheless keep coming back with a vengeance.
Lately, I’ve been having trouble controlling the anger within me again. I get upset over some of the smallest of things, and my rage comes onto the internet like a charging bull. There have been a few recent occurrences of this happening, but I’d rather not go into what the causes of them were.
Along with that, my anxiety issues have pretty much been skyrocketing, and that’s in part because my addictions to spamming have been a bigger struggle than I thought they’d be. The biggest reason, though, is because there have been times where I’ve spent time in groups that would later become...atmospheric to me. In this case, a lot of tension seems to spark between me and other users in certain groups.
Another problem I’ve been having is that I’ve grown depressed. My old friends, Jade Dawn and BradyBunch, haven’t been making as much contact with me as they used to. Whenever I try to strike up a conversation with either of them and ask questions via PM, they never respond. The worst part of it all is that I don’t know whether it’s because they’re each either too busy with other things or just refusing to talk to me and giving me the cold shoulder. It has not been the most settling for my nerves, that’s for sure. Another reason I’m feeling depressed is because I’ve been wanting to make a comeback in writing stories, but yet...I’d find myself unable to get back to them due to other commitments despite how much I want to work on the creative writing section of my life.
Overall...I’m honestly at a very big loss.
I’m anxious. I’m depressed. I feel angry inside for reasons that I’d rather not share. And I’m ashamed of myself because of the many mistakes I made in the past.
I want the emotional pains inside of me to end so badly, but I can’t seem to shake them off. I feel like a loser with the weight of the world crashing down on him, and it's all because of these problems I'm having.
We've all made mistakes. What matters (after the mistake is made) is how we move on from it.
May God go with you in this time of depression and trial. I will pray for you.
You do not have to let your past define your present. Have the humility to forgive yourself my friend.
Here for you bud, let me know if you want to talk.
Prayers for you!
If you ever need someone to talk to, people like us are here. We've all made past mistakes.
Brady, last I checked, is preparing to leave the site. Jade is still active, but I get the impression the community is a bit divided.
I'm staying though, and to echo the other comments here, I'll be around if you need a shoulder to lean on.
Apologies for the poor quality, this was ripped from an old VHS.
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I know that it’s been days since you all last commented, but...thank you. Thank you all for your support.
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Np.
You're a child of God, man. As long as you are better tomorrow than you are today, God will be by your side. If you want to talk, I'm always on Instagram. Don't feel like I'm avoiding you. You're my friend.
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Thank you, Brady. That means a lot to me.
Obsessing over conspiracy theories is confirmed to have effect of your emotional and mental health. Best leave those behind and start focusing on what’s real. Take care of yourself.