Fic recs, March 11th: Beanis edition · 8:00pm Mar 11th, 2019
Yeah, there's no exclamation point up there because I am not enthused. D: Weird blog to put news on, but here it is:
Scribbler's newest reading is Obselescence's Familiarity, with Agent0Fluffy and Flame Lionheart!
This month's Flash Fiction Online includes mopping away the Devil and trying to bury music.
So, yeah. The Beanis Cinematic Universe. Majin's been hounding me to read it for months now. At this very moment, I am filled with regret, though I have to admit I read a couple very funny stories.
It's just... such a weird thing for people to start writing stories about! And Syeekoh has come up with some weird ideas, let me tell you. Well, anyway, I'm using the reading order listed here, just starting with Phase 1. I'm skipping Pinkie Loves Bacon Bits because it's incomplete and a prequel, and the EQG tag is assumed for all stories. Here we go.
H: 0 R: 2 C: 9 V: 1 N: 0
Beware of Beanis by Majin Syeekoh
Mature: Sex
Genre: Random Sexual Comedy
Okay, but why?
I'm starting with this story, for all that it's meant to be fourth in the series, because it's the starting point for the whole damn thing, and I figure perspective will come easier this way. Or something. And, uh… Well, this is something. Can't help but side with Sunset throughout the whole thing. But I will say, it's short, punchy, brings things to their inevitable conclusion only after a well-crafted tease, and the final line is actually really funny for all that it's unrelated to the main joke of the story. It's a thing!
Recommended for Laughs
Burnonomics by Majin Syeekoh
Genre: Dark/Random Comedy
Ergonomics is really getting Aria down.
The first prequel, and it hardly seems related to Beanis at all. Okay, but the fucked-up thing about this story is there's a side plot — and a thousand-word random comedy shouldn't be able to have side plots — about Sonata being suicidal because she's unable to feel emotion, and also unable to die. WHAT. I will at least say the scene break is perfect, as comedic timing goes.
Recommended If You Don't Mind Really Dark Stuff in Your Comedy
Before Beanis by MagnetBolt
Mature: Sex
Genre: Comedy
Rainbow Dash a penis, and she's not afraid to use it.
This was marvelous. It's one joke — but the joke is actually that Rainbow Dash is really, really dumb — and it is lovingly stretched to two thousand glorious words. It's honestly one of the funniest things I've ever read. It's funny enough that the slightly-less-funny setting-up-Beanis scene was still really goddamn funny. I am floored. Highly Recommended for Terrible People.
Recommended
You Learn Something New Every Day by Majin Syeekoh
Sequel to Beware of Beanis
Mature: Sex
Genre: Random Sexual Comedy
Sunset really shouldn't have asked why Rainbow wanted it.
I guess I'm seeing the 'cinematic universe' in action here. I mean, either the previous story expands on Rainbow Dash's monologue from this story, or this story was inspired by the former. Either way, going through the official reading order, I know what's going on already, and the execution didn't really grab me. Dash has one big outburst, and while her excuse for it is funny, this is basically just a scene, barely qualifying for a story, with a punchline I'm very eh about.
Vaguely Recommended
Beanis 2718 by Ebola-chan Ganbatte
Genre: Random Comedy
Twilight's Kickstarter promo shoot is interrupted by a familiar time traveler.
This is how you escalate a comedy. After setting up the scenario of "Sunset comes back in time from the far future to stop Beanis", things quickly spiral out of control into pure, unfiltered ridiculousness. You may be forced to ask "Literally what?" numerous times, but this was funny. And weird.
Recommended
The Power of Beanis Compels You by Fuzzyfurvert
Sequel to You Learn Something New Every Day
Mature: Sex
Genre: What
Twilight woke Sunset up at 2 AM for this.
So this story moves the beanis from "thing Twilight made" to "things Twilight is planning on making", and otherwise… There's background Sundagio, there's a ghostly pony living in Sunset's underwear drawer (apparently a reference to the skipped Pinkie Loves Bacon Bits), and apparently this whole series is just an extended joke about Rainbow Dash's dick and teen pregnancy. c.c I don't even.
What
I've already reviewed Ethical Quandaries!
Of Beanies and Beanises by Fuzzyfurvert
Sequel to Ethical Quandaries
Genre: Sexual Comedy
Sunset is determined to prove the human world is not just a simulation.
So, as a sequel, this is really good. It takes the main joke of Ethical Quandaries and runs with it to good effect, bumping into the Beanis Cinematic Universe. As an entry to the BCU, though… Suffice to say, if these were all chapters of a single story, it would be an incredibly frustrating story to read, as it plodded along while making very little headway. This basically just brings Starlight into the universe, and nothing more. It still made me laugh a lot, though, so there's that.
Recommended for Laughs
Homework Is a Real Kick in the Dick by Majin Syeekoh
Sequel to You Learn Something New Every Day
Mature: Sex
Genre: Random Sexual Comedy
Lemon Zest has a very specific fantasy that needs fulfilling.
Can you tell I'm starting to run out of things to say about these stories? For all that they're centered around the same joke, they aren't exactly the same, but they're still all of a kind. In this case, we've got four girls sitting around, technobabbling about marital aids and the downfall of education. I usually try to avoid ad hominem, but I think Syeekoh is the one with the specific unfulfilled fantasy. <.<
Recommended If You Like Weird Shit
Like Groceries by DwarvishPony
Mature: Sex
Genre: Sexual Comedy
Pinkie's new cupcakes have Sunset on edge.
This maybe should have been the point where someone stood up and went "Beanis has gone too far!" But our brave hero was asleep that morn, and such never came to pass. So here we are. Just look at the chapter title and you'll know your reaction to this.
Oh God Why
The Beanis Between Us by Fuzzyfurvert
Sequel to Homework Is a Real Kick in the Dick
Genre: Sexual Comedy
Twilight gets some late-night marketing advice from Sunset.
This is really pushing the boundaries of what you can include in a T-rated fic, if you ask me. <.< I don't even know anymore.
Recommended If You Like Sexual Comedy
Bean Banditos by MagnetBolt
Mature: Sex
Genre: Sexual Comedy
Facing competition, Twilight and Sunset perform market research.
Oh god. Make it stop. Please, no more. This had a funny as hell referential joke.
Recommended If You Like Sexual Comedy
Stuck in the Middle of You by Majin Syeekoh
Mature: Sex, Fetish
Genre: Random Sexual Comedy
Rainbow Dash is stuck where no girl should be stuck.
I definitely should not have read more than two of these in one go. The weird thing about this is that the weird thing about it isn't the weird thing about it. I really can't explain more than that without spoilers. Do I care about spoiling this story? I don't know. It's probably Syeekoh's best entry into his own 'verse, for all that it's yet another really strange sexual comedy with everyone getting over the strangeness right quick so they can talk about what's going on. It's just a very odd form of comedy I kind of don't get. But hey, I'll take just about anything that ends in "Rainbow Dash is really dumb".
Recommended for Laughs
So what did we learn?
...God, I have no idea. Rushing through this was definitely a mistake, though. I had no plans to continue on in earnest, and I keep those plans now. Which is to say, I may read other Beanis fics in the (far) future, but I'm not going to make a habit of it.
pls oh god why more stories
Yeah, you need to pace yourself with the BCU, though you clearly know that now.
It looks like my policy of "Ew, beanis" is justified.
It just seems so self serving at this point.
I certainly appreciate you putting in the effort, and won't hound you any more.
Although the real meat comes in the next phase. :B
Sometimes you try to read the beanis.
Sometimes you become the bean.
send help im a bean now
5026604
Really, a little Beanis goes a long way.
I'm sorry
5026616
You, sir, are a monster.
...
...
...
5026634
Only the best.
Seeing these reviews fills me with the determination I need to pick up the Bean Ball once more and move the goddamn plot along to the glorious finally.
one of the best highlights of beanis is Number's Small Beanis Owners. Where Numbers puts in way too much effort into a stupid comedy and forces us to raise the bar.
Why did I even click on this blog?
5026667
Internalized self-hatred? Or maybe that human thing where we just have to gawk at trainwrecks?
5026667
Is that a Trick Question?
Literally what?
So now that you've dipped your toes into Mature: Sex territory...
5026865
I've been writing sex fics for years, so...? :B
5026881
[redacted]
I meant reviewing-wise. I recalled that you had said thatCome Out and Play(and laterStarlight Fixes Everything) was one of the few stories of mine that you could review due to the rest of them beingMature Sex. Although that was some time ago, so I didn't know if that had since changed.5026887
???
this does not ring bells nor make sense c.c
5026922
Ah. My mistake then.
I don't know if I'm relieved or not that my own contribution's been lost to the annals of history