• Member Since 4th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Emeris Moonglade


Jan
26th
2014

What do you guys think?? · 9:23pm Jan 26th, 2014

(I haven't been writing in a long while. So either I subconciously got my skill to improve, or they need improving. Either way I was wondering if you'd read this short scene and comment on how my writing is. Thanks. :)

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I am watched O_O

Bloodbane?

BLOOD 4 TEH BLOOD GOD!

Thank you for fav'ing Trail of a Shooting Star. :twilightsmile:

Many thanks for your favorite on Shadows of Sins Past.

thanks for faving Time Ticks on! tell me what you liked and don't forget to comment!! :pinkiehappy:

also, i noticed your little blog post, off to the right. i'd like to give my input, but you can ignore it if you want.

use the comma more often. your paragraphs are very choppy, but with a few commas here and there, it'll be perfect! :pinkiehappy: for example:

original: In the center of the room was none other than Princess Celestia herself. But she didn't look like herself. Her mane and tail were ragged, her perfect white coat a few shades darker, and her cheeks soaked with salty tears.

revised: In the center of the room was none other than Princess Celestia herself, but she didn't look like herself; her mane and tail were ragged, her perfect white coat a few shades darker, and her cheeks soaked with salty tears.

of course, don't go crazy with them, but use them more often than you are now, and you'll be golden. :twilightsmile:

if you want any more help, i'd be more than happy to talk. PM me, if you want, or drop a comment somewhere that i'll get it. :pinkiehappy:

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