• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 5th, 2019



There is an old human adage which says ‘Only the powerful can afford kindness,’ and the Ponies of Equestria are very kind.

Imagine a world (or a crackfic) where everything you know of the ponies is true. Now imagine the ponies living in the universe of Mass effect where magic is just another name for biotics.

The Reapers are coming, but they have never faced anything like the Ponies.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 41 )

Still can't determine what my opinion of this story is. On the one hand - atrocious grammar, as well as crimes against physics and common sense are frequent occurence in the story. On the other hand - the story still manages to be interesting and even somewhat funny.
Since I don't want to think about it anymore, I decided to click on the 'like' button and provide everyone reading this comment with means to waste at least an hour of their lives.
Have a good day.

Crimes against grammar requires a Proof readers. Unfortunately at this point my eyes are just skipping over grammatical errors.

Crimes against physics.... one has to blame Mass Effect Magic. Once you can violate mass, you can do magic.

A good start, a prereader would do it some good though, littered with little spelling and wording mistakes that come from your mind reading what you think instead of exactly what you wrote.

Hm... I'm not a native english speaker, so my attempts could end up in pathetic results, but I'll try to list here possible mistakes. At least some of them)

The pressure continued to increase, atomic bonds shattered and a new form a matter formed… plasma.

This 'a' certainly doesn't belong here. Most likely "and a new form of matter was formed" was intended.

Each fusion event converted ever more mass into energy.... until final iron!

Maybe this comes from being somewhat unfamiliar with language, but the phrase "final iron" seriously grates on my nerves. Maybe "until the final element of the reaction was produced - iron" would be better than that. In the current state the sentence feels unfinished. Oh, and more likely "even" than "ever". Though here I could be mistaken.

Now pleased with her work, the field fell away, and roaring flamed of primordial energy was released.

Maybe "flames" and "were" ? ) Or "flame" and "was".

Almost instantly the surface of this boiling caldron of plasma shot out into space

The funny thing is - it is the first time I saw this variation of the world "cauldron". But only one(out of three I checked) dictionary included it. Although not a mistake per se, still reads strange.

Once again the cast off debris was re-heated and re-ionized, throwing off another cascade of photons.

Most likely "cast-off". Otherwise it is a verb.

Two light minute away, Princess Luna opened her eyes with a pleased smile on her midnight blue snout.

Most likely "light-minutes"

What does thou think of the red flares of min new star?

At least 95% of authors that use "thou" and the likes in Luna's speech also use "dost", "doest" or variation of it. After getting used to the mangled 'ye olde englishe' "does" looks kinda awkward here in my opinion. ) And it certainly should be "mine new star" here)

Master Astronomer Star Fire beaconed to the balcony

I understand that it can be played as a variant of slang for teleportation, but most likely you meant "beckoned"

It was awfully dull work and although the cushion under the royal rump was as soft as a Pegasus downing feathers, it was starting to get uncomfortable.

Unless you mean "pegasus feathers that continuously go downward" you most likely should use "Pegasus down feathers" or simply "Pegasus down".

Celestia was about to turn the page when the gold and platinum white double doors of her private office flew opened to admit her younger sister.

Most likely "flew open".

‘Ah the royal ‘We’, Princess Celestia put down there report she was reading.

Where "there"? ) Into the royal 'We'? )) Most likely "put down the report"

However using the Elements of Harmony to throw ponies to the moon is something I cannot in good conscience ask my student Twilight Sparkle to do a regular basis.

Most likely "do on a regular basis"

And what says thee, min sister

Most likely "mine".

And after looking through about one third of the chapter, I must go to the university. In eight to nine hours I'll try to continue this endeavour)

And yes, mass effect covers crimes against physics. Crimes against common sense - aka "What the **** are these ponies made from" still go unanswered. My current pet theory is that each pony is 95% eezo and 5% inhuman logic. Solidified inhuman logic.

Well, hello again. Since there weren't any requests to stop or continue, let's continue killing time and looking for possible mistakes)

We choose to go to the moon in this month

Most likely imply "go to the moon this month". "in" is unneeded.

Ponies on the ground stomped their hooves on the ground in applause.

Department Of Redundancy Department Although tautology is the correct term here. Not strictly a mistake, but it would look much better if you remove the second "on the ground", leaving only "Ponies on the ground stomped their hooves in applause." Or you can modify the sentence like this: "Ponies in the audience stomped their hooves on the ground in applause".

The air gets pretty thinner the higher up you go,” Raindow Dash explained.

It looks really, really awkward in this sentence. And you can't really go higher down so "up" is unneeded. Well, at least as far as I know. Most likely was meant "The air gets thinner the higher you go" or "The air gets pretty thin when you go high enough".

While Earth pony magic is the opposite and can any objects heavier.”

Most likely, "can make any objects heavier"

What we get girls is motion.

I admit that I have almost no idea about rules of punctuation in foreign languages. But this sentence should look like this: "What we get, girls, is motion."

Rarity was nonplus and actually rather glad

While my brain doesn't break trying to imagine Rarity as a living minus or emotional state of confusion, I can't guarantee that for somebody else. ) Most likely it should be "Rarity was nonplussed and actually rather glad"

that filled the Canterlot’s south-eastern park, Luna's Parks as it was now named.

Most likely "Luna's Park".

Start the count down

"count down" is a verb. "Countdown" is a noun. The second should be used, I think)

Don’t worry about not being exactly step with each other,

Most likely, "in step"

Twilight pointed with her hoof and sure enough there was her mentor’s symbol in the distant.

Most likely "in the distance".

All three ponies watched in awe as the tinny warm jewel orbited their home world

Most likely "tiny". Of course, it could be made from tin, but I doubt it)

The forces within Alicorn One peaked at nearly 3642 Gs.

While impressive, at 0,5% light speed it would take them at least 40 seconds to stop at this rate of deceleration. If we use our G. This is the point of origin for my pet theory(ponies consist of 95% eezo and 5% solidified inhuman logic). Logical(somewhat) conclusions:
1. Ponies are indestructible.
2. Pinkie Pie is one of the fundamental forces of the universe.

There wasn’t much fun fair and Princess Luna was not there to greet them as they were an hour early.

Unless they planned a fair on the moon, you most likely meant "fanfare".

Behind her, Rainbow Dash could hear Twilight closed the inner door of the airlock.

Most likely, "Twilight closing". Or "how Twilight closed".

The taste was one she instantly recognised as it was identical to the desert that had become wildly popular all over Equestria in the last month.

Most likely, "dessert". I doubt that ponies eat entire deserts.

No, and so Princess Celestia steadfast refused to use Equestrian taxes to pay for a Space programme.

Most likely "steadfastly"

Thus the bake sales of Moon Pie continued throughout Equestrian

Most likely "Moon Pies" and "Equestria".

and the tower did become full with visitors admiring Luna’s artwork

Most likely, "became". Or "was filled".

In her hooves was her brass telescope which she immediate set before the midnight blue Alicorn.

Most likely, "immediately"

Princess Luna peered down the proffered telescope

Most likely "offered". Slightly different meanings.

Now the mass relay found itself in the grips of a mass effect fields that was only an order of a magnitude less powerful than the field could generate.

Most likely "were" and "the field the device could generate" or "the field it could generate".

Well, I can't find anything else not related to punctuation. Here's to hope that the next chapter will be somewhat soon and not worse in quality.

And if any of the ME races catch wind of what serves as the engine in equestrian spacecraft - even the fact that they are used to the ways eezo tells physics to bend over won't help them. I already anticipate the wave of suicides from salarian/asari/turian scientists trying to make sense of this eldritch abomination)) Human scientists in my opinion will simply go drown their understanding of universe in booze.

If I had to choose a potential scientific explanation for pony magic I prefer morphic resonance manipulation.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah :rainbowlaugh:

So Magic is Element Zero? :twilightsmile:
Thats gonna be funny "peaceful" first contact when asari find out about Magic :pinkiehappy:

i think the ponies are the only race which look at the mass relays and say "How primitive"

Oh sweet Celestia... I love the way you write this thing. CUPCAKES?!? On Lyra's carriage?! I DON'T THINK SO BUSTER! Eagerly awating seeing how the peace talks go.

Kick ass dude, and this may have comedic elements to it given the situations and events happening but, I'd like this to be fledged out into a more epic but structured universe and all that stuff, I love this idea and have never read anything like it!

Pinkie approves! :pinkiehappy:

More please. For the love of Luna, M O A R

Nice, some good humorous moments, should run it through an editor or pre-reader though several instances of misused past or present tense

Two things just registered in my mind
1) Even if the princesses just have around the same amount of magic as the other Pony-races, they would own at every food fight:rainbowkiss:
2) the things the ponies throw at Starships (and utterly destroy them with that), they throw at each other:twilightoops:

When you are an element zero based species, everybody else is made of cardboard.

Very nice fic. I would love to see it continued.
Quite a few errors and typos though - you could at least fix those mentioned in comments by helpful readers.
One that made me cringe was

he would have cared less about the rich history

It's "wouldn't / couldn't care less"

Comment posted by omegadude1 deleted Jul 10th, 2013


When you say that ponies are based on element zero, do yiu mean in the same way humans are carbon based? Cause that's the feeling I got.

In addition, at what point during the timeline does this take place?

I look forward to your next update!

not enough. never enough. it needs more. More.

But don't rush things on my account.

This is the best fanfic ever.... Of all time.

the krogun are gonna love these guys. update soon.

Hoof, horn, or wings? What are the rules to this game? What beats what? Unless you have an answer, I'll never know.

This is hilarious. I love fics about pony superiority over long established space faring species. Just as long as it doesn't become "BLAM BLAM reapers dead, ponies win."

this is beautiful pls update

I hope you haven't lost the spark for this story. I really want to see the first contact scenario. And of course, the ending.

2852181 I think thats what they ment

Well dang, the ponies are going to feel guilty when they realize they killed 78% of people who were basically space police because the two sides couldn't communicate.

You know... I wouldn't trust those three idiots to run a bath, let alone the Council. I'd send the Normandy out there with an order to fire only if fired upon.


Awesome. Thus Equestrian gravity shall hence forth be 4g.

You know the more time that I spend reading this story, the less I like it. The ponies having advantages is okay. The ponies being "rofl stomp galaxy" is not. And the ponies being scared of the aliens at the end and certain there was going to be a dangerous battle while the aliens were going "oh shit let's flee" was funny at first, but when you consider the fact that they think 90% of the ship is just decoration and they outnumber the aliens by a huge ratio, that fear is totally unjustified.

The more I think about the story, the less it holds up. That is not a good sign.

Well I like it. I don't usually read such curb stomp fics, but short fun ones are still fun:pinkiehappy:. Looking forward to more.

This... is ... AWESOME! :D Although how are you going to explain how Twilight was able to turn apples and stuff into oranges?

Read this two years ago been waiting for an update ever since really hope its not dead despite the spelling errors this is a awesome story with a fleet like that the Reapers wouldn't stand a chance!

oh man, I'm not sure why exactly but I'm enjoying this despite it having gutted my suspension of disbelief and left it to die in a pool of it's own blood and wondering what just happened lol.

..That was probably weird and dark, my apologies. I really do enjoy this fic so far though and look forward to more!

Don't care if this story is dead its getting a like and fave I hope the author dose update it eventually

I know you probably abandoned this, what with the years span since the last update, but still loved it!
The absurdity of Pony 'Technology' was utterly hilarious but still made an wacky kind of sense.
Great work! :pinkiehappy:


I'm not sure its a roflstomp, actually. It's more like 'Reapers, but friendly'. Ponies are eezo-based lifeforms, so they are absurdly strong comparing to others, that's the premise of fanfic, okay. What's interesting is how it'll turn out in Mass Effect universe.

Gotta agree. though, if it goes 'ponies stomp every time, lawl' story will get boring quickly.

Why does this make me think of the MLP Time Loops version of Sea Ponies?

I would love for this to continue on. Nicely done.

Food fights... food fights never change. :rainbowlaugh:

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