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R&B and Hip-Hop don't mesh together. At least that's what Swing said when two ponies asked him to compose music for them. He never thought a small collaboration could turn into a whole new genre that would take all of Equestria by storm: New Jack Swing
This fic is loosely based on the late years Golden Age of Hip-Hop and the rise of the New Jack Swing era (1987-1995) And takes place sometime prior to the Season 3 finale.
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Swing couldn't help but feel bad for them, but he had to admit, they got off easier than most people who tried doing that.
You the picture of love in my heart
You and me, mare, holding hands
They're waaayyyyy than those Griffon Feeble wannabes that were on earlier." (Waaaaaay what?)
Flaws aside, I did enjoy what i read. Few critiques though: Ponies with human names and the CMC's entrance and introduction into the story.
I wish I could better explain my gripe with the CMC, perhaps it was that they literally came out of nowhere to win.
Regardless, I award you a thumbs up to help scale back that red bar of dislikes.
3292233 What?? I swear I fixed those mistakes back when I first put chapter one out! -__- Either way, thanks for pointing them out, and I'll fix them as soon as possible. As far as the human names go... well, I ran out of puns to use. :P
So. Much. CLIFFHANGER.
I need more chapter!
3292897 Ahaha, it's being written right now! You'll get it soon!
Not bad for the first chapter. Sets up our protagonists, has it's charm, and tries to expand the world they live in. (I guess the CMCs finally figured out who the better singer was in the group, and who was the better choreographer...)
Just a couple things though. You seem to have dropped more than a few capital letters at the beginning of sentences. I suggest going back and fixing that. While it's not hard to read, it is a bit distracting. Most of the people who read stories on this site more than likely write them too, and a constant error like that could end up taking them out of the stories world. The other thing is, as a metalhead, I'm not the most experienced when it comes to the genres of rap, R&B, or dubstep. So, one would have to forgive me if I'm not terribly interested in music selection itself.
Oh yeah, and like Final Draft below me already mentioned, make sure that you get the pony terminology right. Hooves = feet and hands (perhaps even in measurement), and pony/ponies = people/person (and sometimes body/bodies).
With everything said, this is a good start. See you at chapter 2.
Decent chapter two. Again, some grammer problems, but they are a fair bit more minor than last chapter. Comb through and find them, i suggest. Also, again, there are some slight terminology issues. Mostly when Swing was rhyming to save his life.
I will be watching this now...
3346938>>3347015 I actually tried to fix some of those errors, as you said. However, FiMFiction's editor sometimes doesn't like to save any changes I make properly...
As for the accidental human terminology, some of it was fixed, like before, though I may have missed some if you still see 'em.
As for the errors during the rap scene in chapter 2, I did take a few liberties in terms of terminology, mostly to subvert the problems I was having for terminology.
As for the music, it's not going to be limited to just hip-hop and R&B. I plan on adding grunge and metal to the list of genres, as well as blues, funk, and Mowtown. Regardless, I appreciate the constructive criticism, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far :)
3348615 Fimfiction giving you trouble? damn, that sucks dude... well, i hope you get it rectified someday...
As for termenology, well, there is just one glaring word you used. Hands. So, "Get your hands off me" should become "get your hooves off me". It makes sense any way you slice it, so really there shouldn't be any liberty taking when it comes to that. No?
Also, glad you'll be looking at other genres too.
3349453 FFs. See, that above mistake is why I hate the editor right now... I'll have to fix it tomorrow though, cause I need sleep. :P
3349547 It's not entirely a mistake. As human beings, we are basically hardwired to accept certain terminology in our language, using certain words like hands or feet to help describe actions and etc. Replacing key words like that with more "pony terms" such as "hooves" isn't exactly the easiest thing to do, just BECAUSE we are so used to saying hands or feet.