//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2: Jailhouse Freestyle 
// Story: Express Yourself! 
// by EStatic 
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Jail.

An evil place that had swallowed up may ponies for the crimes they committed. A place where you had to watch your flank every second, otherwise one wrong move could spell the end for a pony.... Or worse. Three guesses as to what the "worse" represents.

Some ponies said it was morally wrong to keep ponies caged up in an hostile environment without proper rehabilitation. Others say that the jails were necessary in order to to weed out the lawbreakers from the good, wholesome, and upstanding citizens of Equestria (or so they liked to think of themselves as such), And it served as a glaring warning to any juvenile delinquents who dared to cross the line.

One particular Zebra-pony unfortunately found himself across that fine line, and thrown face-first into a cell with several stallions staring at him, with malicious intent in their eyes.

Gulping, he quickly made his way to the cell's payphone, which was set up next to a large table. The zebra was grateful that the police hadn't confiscated all his bits when they arrested him. Inserting the amount of bits needed to make his call, he dialed a number and waited nervously for his friend to pick up. 

He stole a quick glance back at the other detainees, who were staring and drooling at the sight of his flank. He shuddered at the thought of what they could do to him, and silently prayed that his friend would pick up his phone.

Thankfully, his prayers were answered, as he heard a smooth voice speak through the receiver.

"Swing, is that you?"

"How'd you know it was me calling, Redhead?"

"Because you normally don't call from the county jail's payphone." The zebra could almost taste the sarcasm coming through the receiver. "But seriously, why the hell are you even in there?!"

Swing rubbed his left temple, groaning silently. "Well, the condensed version is that two jackasses decided to pick a fight with me. Unfortunately, Officer Ten Pennies was on patrol tonight..."

"Holy crap... He didn't pull out the billy bat on you, did he?" Redhead's voice suddenly went soprano. Swing, despite his amusement, forced himself to hold back a laugh.

"He may as well have. He arrested me, but let the other two horn suckers go,"

"Were they unicorns?"

"Nah, Pegasus, like you."

Swing heard Redhead mutter something that vaguely sounded like "mother bucker". "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Ten Pennies hardly likes anyone that isn't a true-blood pony. Did you bail yourself out yet?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that on top of arresting me and not reading me my rights, he stripped me of virtually all the bits that I had on me. So now I got no bail money; just chump change. And that's not even the best part: He's locked me up with Sodomites!"

"Oh, Celestia!" Redhead's voice went soprano again. "They didn't--"

"Nah man, I'm fine.... Well considering what happened, anyway. But I need that bail money quick; otherwise, I'm screwed. Literally." Now Swing's voice was starting to go soprano from fear.

"Dammit! ....I'ma try to get up there as fast as I possibly can, bro! I'm gonna go scrape up the bail money right now; just stay calm.... And try not to pick up the soap!"

"Thank you for the advice, captain obvious!" Swing snarked. He hung up the phone, and rested his head against the whitewashed concrete wall. The police precinct wasn't too far away from the Bed-Stuy neighborhood where he and Redhead lived, but Swing knew it was very likely that Ten Pennies would try to delay him as much as possible from bailing him out.

This is nice.... Swing thought. It really is. Everything was going well: I was in talks to produce an album, had a great time at Club P0N-3, and even got a date after hours! Then all of that crumbled when those two pegasi showed up.... On top of that, they started the fight, not me! stupid, cloud-buckin', ozone breathing....

Swing sighed and rubbed his temples, frustrated at his current situation. Seriously, I thought we Equestrians were all supposed to "love and tolerate," "friendship is magic," and all that jazz. But when you have self-loathing pricks like Ten Pennies, I wonder if those philosophies only apply to pure-blood Equine ponies....

"Hey! Young blood!" A raspy voice shouted out.

Swing looked toward the left side of the sell, and spotted an old, but in shape, unicorn sitting on a folding chair against the cell wall, holding a harmonica with his hooves. His rainbow mane was sprawled everywhere, and he had a bemused look on his face. Swing raised an eyebrow at the old stallion's appearance. 

"And here I thought I was the odd one out..." Swing said to himself.

The old stallion smiled and beckoned Swing to come over, but the zebra-pony quickly shook his head, and backed up a step. This caused the old stallion to let out a hearty laugh.

"I won't hurt ya, young blood," he said. "I may be a crook, but even evil ponies have their own standards... Well some of 'em, anyway." He played a quick, funky tune on his harmonica, using his hooves to hold the instrument instead of his magic. He looked back up at Swing. "The guys you should really be worried about are over there." He pointed his hoof in the direction of the other detainees, who were huddled in a corner.

"It happens every time they get 'fresh meat,'" the unicorn continued. "They all draw straws to see who gets the jailbait for the night, No offence to you, of course. Though sometimes, if they don't agree on the results, they simply just go after the unfortunate sucka."

As if on cue, the inmates started arguing over how the straws were pulled unfairly, with some going as far as to even buck some of the other participants. Swing looked at the scene in horror, silently praying Princess Luna would swoop in and save him from this injustice.

"What's your special talent, young blood?"

Swing turned his head back towards the unicorn, puzzled by the sudden question. "Excuse me?"

"What's your special talent? Judging from your cutie mark, it's obviously something music-based." Noticing Swing's perplexed expression, he added, "Your slacks are torn up. That's why I can see your cutie mark."

Swing looked down at his hind legs, and saw that the old man was right: the right side of his slacks were ripped wide open, exposing his cutie mark: A treble music staff with a drum pattern. Swing made a mental note to shoot both of the stallions who beat him up.

"I'm a hip-hop musician. But what does that have to do with my situation?"

The unicorn played a few more notes on his harmonica before answering. "I had a friend named Blazing Saddle who told jokes to other inmates to keep them off his flank while he was in prison. He managed to survive there a full year in there until he was released just by telling jokes. He even got his cutie mark while he was in there."

"A late bloomer?" Swing asked.

"Quite."

Swing noticed that the inmates were starting to come toward him, and started inching towards the unicorn's side of the cell, fearing for his life.

"So you're saying if I freestyle rap to these nut jobs, they'll leave me alone?"

"Eeyup."

"What if I can't?"

"Light's out, party's over, cake's on the griddle, and you're already greased."

"Great."

The inmates were now closing in on Swing, who at this point, was now backed up against the wall. One of them, a mint-green unicorn, started to pull Swing's jacket off with his magic while the others grabbed his legs to keep him from moving.

Ah, crap...

"Yo, I call first dibs!" shouted a sky-blue pegasus who was holding one of Swing's legs.

"Buck that!" Shouted the unicorn. "I drew the longest straw, I get him first!"

"If anything, the one who should be first is me," a zebra interjected. "Because once I get my hands on you boy, I'm gonna make you scream!" He casted a dark smile at Swing, who was sweating profusely. He took another glance at the old unicorn on the chair, who had gone back to playing his harmonica.

I may as well take his advice, Swing thought. What else do I have to lose?

"Hey, uh, yeah! Won't ya'll gather around?" Swing started nervously. "l, uh, got something to say."

"What, you a comedian or somethin'?" Another detainee asked. "You gonna tell us some jokes?"

"Naw, I'm just a stallion who looks at things differently.... The way things are aren't how they're meant to be!" Swing managed to get loose from the detainees' grip. "With all the big stallions here, in the bullpen, I don't want my knees to take a full bend!"

Swing maneuvered past the detainees, and galloped toward the center of the cell. The detainees quickly followed suit, and surrounded him once again. The old unicorn started playing his harmonica at a faster pace. Swing took note of this and began speeding up his rhymes as well.

"H-hey now, step back, ask yourself 'Can it wait?'" he continued. "Or do you want to become a RAIDS candidate?
Take yo' hooves off me, don't touch me, ya dig? Or you'll go out just like Liberace did!"

At that, the detainees exchanged confused looks. "Who's Liberace?" One of them said.

"Wasn't he that famous pianist or somethin'?," another answered. "You know, the one everyone thought was a coltcuddler, but really wasn't?"

"Do you know just how many of those there are?!" yet anotheer detainee interjected. Swing took advantage of the momentary confusion and leaped onto the cell bars, and began to crawl across them. Unfortunately for him, the mint unicorn saw what he was trying to do, and quickly stopped him with his magic.

"Dammit!" Swing shouted as he tried to fight his way out of the unicorn's magical grasp. "Don't you get the point? I don't wanna get whipped in here! I ain't the only male you can stick your dicks in here!"

The blue pegasus flew up to Swing and tried to pry his hooves off the cell bars, only to be on the receiving end of a headbutt, sending him to the floor with a thud. 

"How ya like me now, punk!" Swing snarked at the pegasus. "Tomorrow morning, yo' head's gonna be full of lumps and bumps!"

Swing's momentary burst of confidence didn't last long, however, as he felt his hooves sliding off the bars.The inmates surrounded him, waiting for him to fall down. Using all of his strength, Swing reached out for another bar, attempting to forcefully disrupt the mint unicorn's magic. 

Suddenly, there was a flash of bright red light, nearly causing Swing to lose his grip, and blinding everyone who was in direct view of it. After a few seconds, Swing's vision returned. He looked up, and sighed in relief when he saw the he managed to keep his grip. What he saw below him, however, was a shock.

The mint unicorn that had been trying to pull him down with his magic was lying down on the floor, writhing in pain. All of the inmates, even the old stallion, looked at the scene in shock. Swing noticed a faint red glow emitting from the unicorn's horn, which he assumed was the resulting effect of the red light.

Holy sugar honey iced tea! Swing thought, speechless. Did I do that? But... That would be impossible, I'm not a unicorn... Though I've heard that zebras can channel a different kind of magic....

Wait, why in hell am I even contemplating this?! I need to get away from these clowns while I still got a ghost of a chance! 

Without a further thought on the subject, Swing once again began climbing across the cell bars. The detainees quickly followed after him, wanting to avenge their fallen comrade, but Swing was quicker than they were, and managed to keep a fair distance away from them. Swing continued to rhyme, despite knowing he was on the losing end of the battle.

"Yo, this is a no-go," he said as he climbed across the cell. "I'm gonna call the the C.O. Me, a homo? Nah man, that's a no-no! But if you back off now, that might save you time off your sentence for good behavior. I'm speakin' from the heart, straight from the center. My flank has a sign that says 'Do Not Enter!'"

"Keep on rhyming, chump," the pegasus Swing headbutted earlier snarled at him. "As soon as we get you, we're gonna cut that annoying tongue of yours out your mouth!"

Swing hopped down onto a table to avoid being pinned down further by the detainees. "I can't help but rock a rhyme. I'm a zebra. It runs in my family. I can either do them normally, or I can subvert 'em and invert 'em. Where the hell is Redhead at? I'mma kill him!"

The entire group of detainees surrounded the table. Swing, knowing he wouldn't be able to escape his fate, closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable to occur.....

.....Which was mercifully averted with the arrival of two police officers.

"Hey!" one of the police officers shouted "Break it up in there! Unless you want us to pull out the pepper spray on you lot again!" No sooner than the cop finished his sentence, the mob quickly dispersed in various directions. The officers went inside and helped Swing off the table, who still had his eyes closed, off the table.

"It looks like you hit the right notes, songbird," said one of the officers. "You just made bail."

Swing's cautiously opened up one eye to look at the officer. It almost sounded too good to be true. "For real?"

"Yep. You're a free stallion now." The officer said.

"Ha ha! Thank Luna!" Swing dashed out of the cell cheering, earning glares from the detainees he escaped. He took notice immediately, and decided to end his time in lock-up with a bang.

"Hey y'all, No need for the long faces!" Swing said mockingly. "Just think of all the fun we had, a'ight? I wanna thank all of you for making me feel welcome, it really did the trick, know what I'm sayin'? Oh, and by the way...."

Clank!

"Suck my dick!"

The detainees galloped up to the bars and shouted several X-rated obscenities at Swing, who continued to mock them outside of the cell.

"Thank you, thank you!" Swing said, hamming his attitude up to further antagonize the detainees. "You're all too kind! I'm always available for birthday parties, concerts, and prison riots!"

"I'm gonna bust you up when I get out here!" One of the detainees shouted.

"Thank you, I love you too." With that, Swing trotted towards the main foyer, holding his head high, and dancing slightly as he walked, knowing it would piss of the detainees even further.

He was right. They got so riled up that the cops escorting him had to go into the cell and start beating some of the inmates. Swing laughed at the sight, and continued on his way.

As he left, he mouthed the word "Thanks" to the old stallion, who was still sitting in his chair. The old stallion simply chuckled, and waved goodbye to the departing musician. When Swing was out of sight, the old man only had one thought in his mind as he played his harmonica:

I wonder how his father would've reacted if he were alive to see this?





Swing quickly made his way to the main foyer of the police precinct, grateful to be away from the living nightmare that was the lockup. To him, the only place that would likely be scarier than jail would be sitting in a room next to an angry Princess Celestia.

Actually, now that I think about it, I likely wouldn't last long in a room with Celestia before getting blasted to the moon... I do tend to get a bit annoying sometimes...

Shaking his head, Swing looked around for Redhead in the lobby. He had been expecting him to be waiting for him near the hallway, but he was nowhere to be seen. Confused, Swing trotted to the other end of the lobby. He described Redhead's appearance to a female officer in the lobby, and asked if she had seen him, but she said she hadn't, leaving Swing perplexed.

This makes no sense. I CALLED him, and he said he'd be here with the money. Now, if that cop is right and he never showed up, then who in the hell paid my bail?

"Swing? What happened to you?

The musician, at this point, was utterly confused. His best friend didn't show up, yet he was somehow bailed out, and now not only was he hearing a voice he didn't recognize calling his name, it was female. Turning around, Swing expected to see someone from his neighborhood here getting ready to be put in lockup.

What he got instead was a gorgeous white-coated unicorn mare standing in front of him. Her spiky, neon-blue mane was sprawled all over the place, some of it obscuring one of her eyes, which shone a bright red. She wore a dark blue jacket that was emblazoned with  a white double eighth note on the sleeve. Swing recognized her immediately.

"DJ P0n.... I mean Vinyl Scratch? What're you doing here?" Swing asked aloud. In his mind he was really saying, Keep ya head  straight.... Don't start drooling now, bro! Freedom first, romance later!

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "Bailing you out," she said. "I was there when you got arrested, remember? Those two pegasus you tried to keep from hitting on me?"

Swing scratched his head sheepishly. "Yeah, true... But I'm still confused, 'cause when I was in lock-up, the only person I called to bail me out was--"

"Homeboy! You're okay!"

Swing and Vinyl looked towards the main doors to see Redhead and another zebra-pony coming down towards them. As soon as they got to Swing, they tackled and hugged him, overjoyed that Swing was safe. Before Swing could properly respond, they started asking him a barrage of questions. Vinyl could only chuckle at the scene unfolding in front of her. Eventually, Swing managed to pry both stallions off him.

"Okay, okay!" Swing finally managed to get out. "Chill out! I'll answer all the questions you guys got for me one at a time, just calm down!"

"Okay then, who's the pretty mare you got over here, and does she have a sister?" The zebra-pony asked, gesturing towards Vinyl. Swing rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but chuckle. He was expecting him to ask that question.

"That's Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ P0n-3. The DJ and owner of Club P0n-3 in Marehattan," he answered. "She bailed me out just before you got here."

At that revelation, the zebra-pony's eyes widened. "The DJ P0n-3?" He looked at Vinyl in disbelief.

"The one and only," Vinyl confirmed. She smiled, and extended her hoof to the zebra-pony. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." He shook Vinyl's hoof. "The name's Wildstyle by the way. I'm Swing's cousin."

Vinyl nodded. "I kinda figured that. You two look a lot alike."

"We get that lot, actually," Swing stated. "People who don't know us personally will always mistake us for twins... Speaking of which, why are you even here? Don't you live up in the upper east side of Marehattan now?"

"Yeah, I do. But Redhead called me, and told me what happened. He didn't have enough bits on him to get you out on his own, so he flew over my place and we pooled our money together to bail you out."

"That's.... Actually quite generous of you," Swing admitted. A small frown formed on his face. "I'm still a little pissed at you though, Red. 'Cause you almost left me to my doom."

"Wait, what?" Now it was Vinyl's time to be confused. "'left you to your doom'? Would you mind elaborating on that statement?"

"Please do," Redhead agreed.

"Sure... Once were out of this hellhole, that is."





About fifteen minutes later, the four ponies were seated inside a booth at a local diner a few blocks from the police precinct. On the way there, Swing had told them about the old stallion, and how he managed to outwit the detainees while in lockup. By the time they were seated inside and had taken their orders, Swing was nearly finished his story.

"...And once the cops had shut the cell door, I shouted 'Suck my dick!' And boy was it worth it. those idiots got so riled up, the cops had to go inside and beat all of em!" Swing laughed heartily.

"Sweet Celestia," Vinyl said, shaking her head. "With that kind of motivation, you probably coulda kept rapping all night long!"

"I'm impressed," Wildstyle interjected. "I'm not much of a rapper like you or Red, but it takes massive skill and balls to be able to hold off an entire cell of thugs with only rhymes. But really, you said 'go out like Liberace did,' and none of them knew who Liberace was?"

"Surprising, isn't it?" Swing said. He sighed and turned to Vinyl, who was next to him. "I'm just glad you came around Vinyl. Otherwise, I dunno what would've happened."

"let's not try to think about that, shall we?" Redhead said with a chuckle. "Let's just celebrate the fact that you survived lock-up."

"Redhead's right," Vinyl agreed. "It's best not to focus on the worst-case scenario right now."

"Well, while we're on that topic..." Wildstyle began. "what exactly happened that would get you from a date with DJ P0n-3, to getting your narrow flank arrested?"

The snark managed to get a chuckle out of Vinyl, while Swing simply glared at him. Before he could answer, a waitress came over and served them their food. Swing, who had ordered nachos, devoured his food in less than a minute.

"Take it easy, bro!" Redhead said in surprise. "We ain't in no rush to go home just yet!"

"Sorry, just that I haven't eaten since earlier this night... Or, more accurately, morning." A belch escaped Swing's mouth, causing him to blush.

"Eheh... 'Scuse me..." He said abashedly.

"Now Swing, you know that's no way to act around a lady," Wildstyle said with a smirk. The look Swing gave Wildstyle told him what he thought about that remark.

All of a sudden, there was a loud belch that nearly made all three stallions jump completely out their seats. In unison, all eyes turned toward Vinyl, who was wiping her mouth off, though it did nothing to hide the smirk on her face.

"Quite sorry about that, ol' chap," she said in a fake British accent, all the while trying not to laugh at the looks on her friends' faces. "Sometimes I tend to forget about my table manners."

For about ten seconds, there was dead silence at the table. Finally, Vinyl, unable to hold it in anymore, burst out laughing. Wildstyle soon followed, and soon enough, the entire table was in hysterics, unable to control their laughter.

"Oh, damn...." Redhead managed to say after the laughter began to die down. "I don't think I've laughed so hard in a  long time."

"Me either," Swing agreed. "Not since the time Moe Dee tried to do that valedictorian speech a couple years back when he was graduating..."

"...And then he accidentally swallowed a pasprite that flew in his mouth, and he started cusssin' up a storm on stage!" Redhead finished, and they both broke down laughing again.

"Wow... A pasprite?" Vinyl asked. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Wildstyle answered. "I was there too. Front row. Moe was doing good on the speech, he was almost finished too, then out of nowhere, the pasprite flew into his mouth, and he accidentally swallowed it. and it all went downhill from there!" Now all three stallions were laughing.

"Wow...." Vinyl was at a loss. "That's actually pretty bad, messing up your valedictorian speech like that."

"Yeah, true," Swing agreed. "But everyone was too busy laughing their flanks off to actually think about that."

"Heh... Those were good times," Wildstyle said. His expression suddenly got serious. "You still didn't answer my question, Swing."

Swing, who was still trying to get over his giggle fit, sat up straight, and stretched his legs. "Alright," He began. "Since you wanna know so bad about what happened, I'm gonna tell you everything that happened that led up to my arrest. Is that enough to quench your curiosity?"

Wildstyle smirked. "I'm all ears, cuz."

"This should be an interesting story," Vinyl said, winking at Swing.

"I agree," Redhead interjected, wanting to hear how Swing had gotten a date with Vinyl. "Let's hear it."

Swing took a sip of his soda, and leaned back in his seat. "Okay. It all started earlier today. Me and Red were set to help these 3 ponies produce an album..."