After Celestia decides to go to war for the first time in 200 years, Twilight decides to join the military to show her support. After experiencing the full horrors of trench warfare up close, she'll be forced to reexamine everything she believes about Equestria.
O peace! How many wars were waged in thy name? -Alexander Pope
It is always easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. -Alfred Adler
*Thanks to Luminary, solocitizen, and Gostwriter17 for prereading.*
*The artwork is owned by Nos-talgia and Nos-talgia only. It is only used with her express permission*
Chapters (4)
Oh, I like where this is going. I'll keep an eye on this.
Great story! Has tons of potential, can't wait to see more!
2237826>>2238879 I'm glad you two like it!
From what I can tell, the likes are barely staying ahead of the dislikes, though this story has gotten more views in one day than my other one did in one week. Maybe it isn't as bad as I had feared it would turn out to be. 
While I was reading this, I thought it was some sort of satire, but after reading the description again, I guess it's not. So anyway, what I'm getting at is: why did you make Twilight so Stupid? I would think for most people, the consequences of war would be the first thing they would think about, yet you portray a world where at one speech from the princess, ponies break down into tears with patriotism. I suppose you could make the argument that because of the lack of wars in recent history, ponies aren't aware of this, but it's still a really thin building point.
If the whole story is a character perspective, and the character is not willing to reason intelligently, it becomes hard to bond with them. All the things I want to know about the story are the things Twilight doesn't want to ask. If Twilight is just going to be shallow until reality forces itself on her, what's the intrigue? Everyone reading the story knows that war causes damage.
The journal/letter format is not a good way to convey a story like this. It would work if Twilight was undecided about the war and Celestia was pushing her into it, but without internal conflict, there's no interest. If there is an army, then surely somepony has war experience, and if that's true why aren't there records of it that Twilight could read? Why does no one think?
I just can't continue this.
2241917 Since they haven't actually had a war in over 200 years, I was trying to convey a sense of innocence towards war, much like World War I. Having not fought a war in several generations, they don't really know what it's really like, and since the feeling I got from the show was one of enthusiastic and unquestioning obedience to the Princesses, that's what I chose to portray. I'm sorry if you didn't like it, maybe I'll have better luck with later stories.
The WWI mentality towards an upcoming war is an interesting approach for the pony opinion of war. I think it's a reasonable take on things, if executed right. Not 100% sure you captured the feelings of the time perfectly, though.
Twilight's patriotism is a little grating considering we know she's very smart and big on reasoning. I can accept that she trusts in the Princess and believes in the cause... but since the "cause" is really very vague (war typically has more to it than just "diamond dogs are being oppressed") it's hard to keep reminding myself that. Since you seem to be going down the route of WWI style war (Twilight's reference to artillery advances implies this might be heading towards Trench Warfare), which is a very harsh reality, I really want to see her having a crisis of faith if the reality conflicts with idealism.
The letter format is blah (in my opinion). It's not terrible or unworkable, but it detaches the reader from things and removes details. We didn't see an actual patriotic speech by Celestia, instead we see Twilight inspired by something we expect isn't exactly realistic. We don't see Twilight working hard to prepare, or buoyed by her naivete, we just read about it; if you kill Cherry Blossom for effect later, it's not going to hit the reader quite as hard because we didn't actually meet her. If Twilight finds her first or second battle to be a hellish nightmare and we only read about it then it won't have nearly the impact that it would if we got raw details as it happened to her.
2242655 Perhaps major changes to this are required after all. If the readers are not getting emotionally involved, that means I'm not doing it right. I'll have to completely overhaul the story, but if that's what it takes, I don't mind. Perhaps a letter serving as every other chapter would work?
2243923
I wouldn't constrain yourself to a specific pattern in which chapters are letters and which aren't. Just think about what you want to do with each chapter. If you want the reader to be in the trenches with Twilight then a letter probably isn't a great idea, but if you want them to learn that she's finding the march somewhere tedious (she'd probably get restless and complain to Celestia that few of her superiors seem interested in her organization ideas or in using some obscure spell to improve things) or that she is suddenly having a few private doubts with a battle looming close then a letter is just fine.
Sometimes you can use the detachment of letters to great effect. For example, a chapter starts with the reader with Twilight as her regiment (or whatever) is ordered to storm a trench (or something similarly awful). The reader gets the awful details up until a certain point (and it's important to know when to let up) and then the second half of the battle is conveyed by letters. In letters you can (and should) omit details; make things more awful by having the reader imagine what it was that Twilight doesn't even want to open up to the Princess about it right away. A crisp military report about Twilight Sparkle having a magic surge resulting in X casualties for both sides and her being recommended for a medal, and then following with a letter from Twilight to Celestia (or maybe Rainbow Dash or her other friends) that just says something like, "I'm not a good pony anymore" would capture the detachment of a large military alongside the trauma of the individual.
Either way, I think you should make sure you know exactly how/when/where these letters are being written. They're not just this separate storytelling method; consider when Twilight actually writes them, and possibly when she receives them. A little thing like "I'm sorry I didn't write one yesterday, but we had to march all day long, and when we finally stopped I just collapsed into bed" makes it feel like these letters solidly exist in the story somewhere, and also happens to give some information about what Twilight did yesterday. I'm not 100% certain how letters work for the military, but I think they get sent/received in waves; Twilight getting a huge cluster of letters from her friends all at once would probably be a big, noticeable morale boost to her (or make her suddenly miss home fiercely), and the timing of when she gets it could be key to the story in terms of how she feels about everything.
2244934 You are probably right, as always. It might be awhile, but the story will have much more added to it. I actually did have a similar idea, but being sick, making up schoolwork, having five major projects to to at once... you see where this is going. I'm much less busy now, so I will add much more exposition to each chapter. Thank you for the input
, I really do appreciate it, I can't fix anything if no one tells me what is wrong, you know?
2245109
Yes, I am always probably right.
Probably.
I can almost see Celestia's face while she reads this letter. "War is not a thing to stroll in and out of", she would say. In an ideal world, she would just send word to whatever recruitment office Twi would go to and tell them to deny her request, but what kind of a story would this be with that happening?
They don't care if your a medic they will kill you any way.
2621683 Yes, I know that. You know that. Do ponies who haven't been to war in generations know that?
"After all, what better way to assist the war effort than to make sure our wounded soldiers can get back up and fight on?"
...Alright, you all know the drill:
2753402 That's the song that inspired me to write this in the first place, actually.
2753411
Really?
Thanks!
Tracking for potential.
I feel this song fits as well:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aSNJ00iAZ7I