Castle of Glass
Chapter Five: Castle of Glass
I reeled back from the overwhelming memories, my paw clamped tightly over my mouth as I attempted vehemently not to vomit. My head was swimming in itself, and drowning in the twinkling smoke still billowing from the book's enchanted pages. I fell back against the wall of Twilight's tree-based library, doubling over as my stomach roiled in disgust.
“Yikes!” I heard Pinkie Pie exclaim, “Discord used to be a super-duper meany pants!”
“That's an understatement, dear.” Rarity replied to her with a tired voice, as if Pinkie were too slow to really grasp the concept of what she'd just witnessed.
“Well, I have a few better words for it, but they're even meaner than that book, so I was trying not to use them.” Pinkie Pie retorted rather seriously, pouting. “After all, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all, right?”
Twilight had already dropped the book and backed away from it quite a bit, her violet eyes wide with horror. The details of that book were horrifically overwhelming. Her eyes darted up to me, and I could clearly see the disgust and shame in those bright orbs.
Rainbow Dash, who up until now had been silent, stepped forward to take the book off the floor and close the cover.
“Twilight?” Rainbow said in a small, awkward voice, “Can I give back all those Daring Do novels now? I don't think I like reading anymore.”
Twilight was silent, but gave Rainbow Dash a withering glance that immediately sent the colorful pony staring at her hooves in shame, cheeks blazing red. Twilight turned back to me.
“Twilight, I--”
She held up a hoof to silence me, then put the book back on the shelf she got it from.
“Well, it's clear that book isn't going to help us pinpoint the source of your flashbacks.” She said simply.
“I remember all of that. I remember doing all of that. I remember the terror I wrought, and the things I did, and I'm sickened by it.” I tried to explain. “I'm not that monster anymore!”
“Discord...” I heard a tiny voice from my left. “Discord, how... how could you? I read stories about Queen Faust in school... how beautiful she was and how kind and compassionate she was... She was an artist and an author. Prints of her work are on display at the museum in Cloudsdale. Books and screenplays she'd written are in libraries around Equestria. We saw pictures of her from all those centuries ago, artist's renditions, things like that. Her red mane flowing in the soft wind over her coat, white as snow... but we never learned how she died.”
Tears sprung to my eyes and I fell to my knees in front of my trembling Fluttershy. I clung to her coat desperately, as if she would turn to sand and drift away in the breeze if I let go for even a moment. “Fluttershy, I... There are no excuses for the things I did as ruler of Equestria. There are no excuses, no explanations. I was a wretched and evil monster, and at the time all I knew was chaos and death. Murdering the King and Queen was nothing to me then. Back then, I had no soul, no friendship, no love to guide me. I had been scorned, broken, and martyred my entire life. All I wanted was revenge and chaos. But I'm not that.... thing, anymore. Not ever. Now that I have you, my sweetest, dearest Fluttershy, and now that I have light in my heart... I know I'll never be that monster again. I read that book, same as you did, and saw the things I did play back behind my eyes, and it sickened me. It felt like watching something else doing those things, like I couldn't believe I could have ever been that horrible. I deserve much worse than imprisonment in stone, and yet that was what I got. I know that 'sorry' will not help me now....but it's all I've got.”
Another silence fell across the library, all eyes on Fluttershy, waiting for her reaction. I finally let go of Fluttershy, realizing that my grip on her shoulders was either hurting or annoying her, judging by the trembling of her front legs.
“I... Oh...! I....” She stammered, her eyes watering. She was close to tears with anxiety and fear. She sniffled and sat down, hiding her beautiful eyes behind her soft pink mane.
Her silence struck my heart like the cold steel of a dagger. Backing away from her, I could feel my vision swim just like it had before, except now, there was this blue haze of anguish around the edges of my peripheral vision, and it seemed to me that everything and everypony around me were melting into this blue-tinted, soupy fog.
'You've wrought terror on our fair land for too long, Discord!'
'Terror....? My glorious Chaos, you call 'terror'? How droll. You arrogant Alicorns... you believe your own point of view is supreme! What you deem 'terror', I deem glory! What you call 'fair', I call 'ugly'. You hold no power here, Princess! I am the supreme ruler of Equestria now, and it is I who deem the definition of 'terror' in this land.'
'Who is the more arrogant here, Discord? I am trying to save my land! My subjects!'
'Your subjects? I believe they call me Master now.'
'What is this really about, Discord? Is this really about revenge?'
'...Revenge? No! You stupid Princess, it was never about revenge! It's about Chaos! Glorious, beautiful, mortal chaos! It's about giving to you everything I have to offer, one way or another.'
'Are you really doing all this just because I rejected you?'
'No, Princess. This isn't about my misguided youthful feelings for you!'
'You're a bad liar, Discord.'
'Silence! Enough prattle! I refuse to be spoken to in such a manner in my own castle.'
'Then it's settled, then. You simply won't listen to reason. You just won't make sense of things, will you, Discord?'
'Make sense? Oh, sweet, silly little Princess Celestia.... what fun is there in making sense?'
“Making sense...” I mumbled out loud, my eyes glazed over. “What fun is there in making sense?”
“Discord?” I vaguely heard somepony ask, though it sounded at the time like they were underwater, and quite far away. The sound was like a dream, or memories intertwining. It didn't feel... real.
“Discord? You're scaring me!”
Her voice shot through the haze like a bullet. My head snapped towards her, and immediately my eyes cleared up. “I.... Oh. I....” My mouth stumbled over words. “I.... oh. Oh, dear. I'm.... I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I didn't mean to frighten you. I didn't hurt you, did I?”
“Um... I... no.... but.... you were just staring and mumbling.... it was kind of scary...” She replied softly, casting her eyes downward.
“I'm sorry.” I said sincerely. “Twilight, please give me that book. I want to hide it away where nopony has to read the awful things I did back then.” I held my paw out to accept it, but Twilight balked.
“I—I think I should research the magical properties of the book more thoroughly... I'm sorry, Discord, but it's not you I mistrust, it's the book. I just don't trust that thing out of my sight until I'm sure of the magical properties it holds and the effect they could have on Equestria.”
I shook my head. “No, Twilight. I know the kind of magic that book holds. It holds dark magic, evil magic... Magic I thought I'd never have to see again. I assure you, Twilight Sparkle, that book is in better hooves with me. I know how to contain its power.” I stressed, my paw trembling in anticipation to receive the cursed tome.
Fluttershy shook herself out of her softness for a moment to flutter up beside me and drape herself over my shoulder like the softest, sweetest parrot. “Twilight, I'll watch over Discord, if that's what you're worried about. I can keep him, and the book, here in Ponyville with me. That way, you can research all you like, but the book will still be under Discord's protection.” She suggested.
“Celestia will never allow me away from the castle like that, my dearest. It has to come back with me to Canterlot.” I replied sadly. Fluttershy looked defeated for a moment, but relented with a soft, sad,
“...oh.... okay....” as she floated off my shoulder and back down.
“Fine, it can go with you. But you need to swear to me that this book will never be used in any sort of horrible chaotic act.” Twilight said, taking the book back down off the shelf.
“You have my word.” I said, and Twilight gave me the book. It felt like hot ice in my hands, burning and freezing and solid and terrible all at once. It pulsed with something dark, something that made the fur on the back of my neck stand on end. I clutched it tightly, mentally telling the book to behave itself. I wasn't going to let this evil thing hurt anypony else.
“I'm going to take this straight to Celestia. She at least needs to know that I have it.” I announced, and spread my wings.
“Wait, Discord! Let me go with you!” Fluttershy begged. She floated up and desperately tried to cling to my serpentine neck. It killed me inside, but I held her off with my paw. I gently pushed her back down to the ground.
“No, Fluttershy. I can't.” I pleaded. “I can't risk this book's magic hurting you in some way. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you. I must go alone.”
“Discord...” Fluttershy's eyes welled with tears, and I felt my heart break. I quickly took to the sky before I could change my mind.
“I'm sorry, Fluttershy!” I called back to her as I took off faster than she could keep up.
As I flew at top speed back to Canterlot, with the two Pegasus guards struggling to keep up with me, I could faintly hear Twilight Sparkle consoling Fluttershy.
“He cares about you, Fluttershy, that's why he didn't let you come with him. He's trying to protect you.”
“I don't need protecting, Twilight! When I'm with Discord, I feel... safe. I feel safe and happy and... I love him.”
I landed in Canterlot Castle's courtyard and galloped back to the throne room. “Celestia, Celestia!” I cried.
She seemed taken aback, and actually jumped a little when I burst into the room. It seemed like I'd interrupted her in the middle of some boring royal paperwork. “What is it, Discord?” She asked.
“I've discovered an artifact, a book, that may help pinpoint the origins of my flashbacks... unfortunately, the book is possessed by a nasty dark magic and trying to read it is... uncomfortable, to say the least. Well, more like tortuous. Vile magic. I apologize for bursting in so suddenly, but I needed to make you aware of the artifact and the dark magic that binds it.” I explained all in one breath, gesticulating wildly. My vision was blurred, but not by my headaches. It was the tears welling up in my eyes from having to leave my beloved Fluttershy behind.
Celestia took a painfully awkward moment to absorb the rapid-fire information I'd just bombarded her with. Finally, her expression softened. “Yes, I know.”
“So, I... You... what?” I asked rather stupidly.
“You forget, Discord, that it was I who provided to Twilight Sparkle almost every book in her library, save a few she already possessed. I knew that book you hold was amongst them. I will admit that I didn't --and really, I still don't-- fully understand the true nature of the dark magic that it holds, but I knew it was enchanted. Please, Discord, enlighten me. Exactly what does the book do upon being opened?”
“It provides a first-hand image of exactly what vile and horrific things I did whilst ruling over Equestria.” I growled through gritted teeth. She knew. She knew, and she had kept the information from me. That royal whelp. I should have slew her where she sat on her fluffy, cushy velvet throne. But I didn't. But if a glare could kill, Celestia would have been dead, buried, with unicorns still firing nasty spells at her grave.
“Ah, I see.” Celestia's expression turned almost sad. “All of it? From beginning to end?”
“From the height of my rule to the day I was defeated.” I answered tersely. “And I think you and I both know exactly where the height of my rule began.” I snarled.
“With my father's wings and skull used as interior decoration and my mother's desiccated corpse crucified and violated on your front lawn, yes.” Celestia replied just as tersely, her spine gone stiff. It seemed I'd struck a nerve.
“And here I thought I'd done well, bringing you this book and the information within it. I see I've only disappointed you once more. Perhaps I'm useful for nothing more than giving others a smug sense of schadenfreude. If I've sufficiently made you feel better about yourself by being such a failure, I'll be going now.” I snapped, and turned to leave.
“Discord, wait.” Celestia ordered. I stopped.
“What, haven't I done enough damage?” I growled.
“I wanted to tell you that I forgive you your past transgressions. Yes, my dear mother and father are gone, and their deaths will be in my heart forever, but you are a different stallion now. I can see it in your eyes. Keep the book and do with it what you will. If the book possesses the powers you claim it does... then I want no part of it. Thank you for telling me you have it, Discord, but knowing what's inside it is more than I needed, or ever wanted, to know.”
“Well, thanks for your forgiveness, Princess,” I spat the word Princess as venomously as I could, “...but if you'll excuse me, I have some nasty hexwork to undo.” Without further word, I spun around (my tail almost taking out one of the hapless guards lining the throne room's walls) and slithered out, the book held neatly in the coils of said tail.
When I got back to my bedroom, I was surprised to find Fluttershy sitting on my bed, apparently awaiting my return.
“Gah! I... Flutter-- I mean--”
“Shh, Discord. It's okay. I know why you had to leave me behind.”
“I'm sorry. I was afraid for you.” I replied, using my tail to push the cursed book on the very top of the bookcase, away from the average pony's prying eyes. “I love you.” I finally admitted in words. “I love you, Fluttershy, and I would do anything to keep you safe. I would die for you.”
“Maybe I don't want you to die for me.” She replied, and though her voice was timid and soft, it sounded as though she were trying very hard to be brave.
“What?” I retorted, perhaps more harshly than was warranted.
“I don't want you to die for me, Discord! I want you to live for me. Live for us, Discord. Don't die foolishly for me, but let us fight together! If we should fall, it should be together.”
“Oh. I understand.” I answered more softly. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. The Princess and I still don't get along very well, and--”
“I heard it all. The walls in this castle are thin, and you were kind of yelling at her.” Fluttershy half-whispered.
“I... I know. I'm sorry.” I said. Fluttershy ushered me over to her, and I obeyed. She hovered inches from my muzzle and pressed her lips to mine.
“I forgive you...” She muttered into the kiss. My heart swelled and I took her tiny form in my arms, holding her close as we kissed.
Fluttershy had to break the kiss to breathe, and she finally looked me up and down. “Goodness, Discord, I keep forgetting how much bigger you are than me. I'm barely the size of your head!” She giggled.
“Oh, dear, does it bother you?” I asked jokingly. “Here, let me fix it.” Turning my chaotic magic outward, I shrunk myself down to an average stallion's size, maybe a smidge larger. Fluttershy squeaked.
“I forgot you can do that.” She giggled again, and her laughter was contagious. Somehow, we both ended up laughing and rolling about on the bed. My arms shot out and suddenly I was tickling her sides, and she giggled even harder. She snorted too, and for some reason it was so cute I couldn't help tickling her more. The thought struck me that, Dear Celestia, what have I become? We're that gooey, disgusting couple I swore to myself I hated. Why don't I hate this?
The thought vanished when Fluttershy nuzzled into my side and sighed in bliss. “How... did you get here, Fluttershy?” I finally asked after a long period of sweet silence.
“Rainbow Dash flew up and positioned a cloud closer to Canterlot. Twilight teleported me up to the cloud, and then I flew the rest of the way from there.” She explained simply. “They were willing to help me because they know how much I care about you. Personally, I don't think they approve. Part of them still wants to believe that you're evil and that you're going to hurt me, but I don't care what they think. I love you, and that's not going to change. I know who and what you really are, and I trust you with my heart.”
I froze. “No... No, Fluttershy, don't trust me with that. I'm too clumsy, too oblivious... Don't trust me with something so pure and full of light. I couldn't forgive myself if I were to break such a beautiful and fragile gift as your wonderful heart.”
“You won't.”
“But I could--”
“You won't.” Fluttershy stressed. “It's time you stopped doubting yourself, Discord. Do you think that I would give you my heart and my love with the expectation that you would break it? Do you really believe that I am so naïve as to give away my soul without full knowledge of your feelings? I am young, Discord, but I am not stupid.” Fluttershy regarded me with a serious eye. “I know you will not break my heart, because I trust you so fully with everything I am. I love you, Discord, and I know you love me. A relationship like ours is going to require work and we may have disagreements. But know that no matter what happens, I love you.”
“...I've never been given such a gift before. Such a gift as love... it's so strange and yet, so warm. I've never felt so good being the bearer of such a simple and ordered thing like love.”
“What makes you say that?”
“What? That love is simple and full of order? It is. You love somepony. Somepony loves you. It's as predictable as the rising of the sun.”
“See, I disagree. I believe that nothing is more chaotic than love. You do not just love somepony. It is not a choice you can make. Love strikes you when you least expect it, and when it does, you hardly ever know what to do. I didn't choose to love you, Discord. I just do, and I can't explain logically why. Love isn't logical. It's completely unpredictable.”
“So... you wouldn't have chosen me.” I sighed sadly. I understood her reasoning, but it didn't sting any less.
“I didn't say that. I just said that I didn't choose you. I never said I wouldn't if I could.”
“But it's true, isn't it? If you had the choice, Fluttershy, tell the truth. You wouldn't have chosen me, would you have?”
“I can't answer that, Discord, because I don't know. Like I said, nopony has a choice in the matter. Maybe I would have, maybe not. I can't be sure. But all I do know is, I do love you Discord, so much, and I know I can't stop it, whether I wanted to or not. My body and my heart cries out for you, Discord, and so here I am. It's as simple as that.”
“So you do agree then, that love is a thing of Order and not of Chaos.”
“Maybe it's both?” Fluttershy postulated.
That got me thinking. “Yes... yes, I believe you're right. It's both Order and Chaos, and that, in itself, makes it the most chaotic, yet most balanced thing in the world. It is the best of both worlds, and that makes it perfect. Love doesn't need to be Ordered or Chaotic. It simply is, and it's simply wonderful.”
I kissed my dear Fluttershy again, and in my smaller form, I pressed against her. She responded by wrapping her hooves around me, and I held her close. My claw began to wander down her front...
Knock knock knock!
“Oh, Celestia dammit!” I snapped, and grew to my normal size as I clambered off of the panting pale-yellow pony beneath me. With a flick of my wrist, my magic smashed the door clean off its hinges, and the wood and stone splintered into smithereens against the floor behind me. It was a more violent reaction than what I was going for, but hey, I'm the God of Chaos.
“Can I help you?!” I snarled to the pony who dared interrupt this powerful moment.
“We apologize. Did We interrupt something?” Princess Luna, in her overly-formal archaic tone, not as loud as she used to be but still louder than socially acceptable at somepony's doorway in the middle of the night, stood in the wreckage of the doorway, one eyebrow cocked in a 'wow, really?' expression.
“Just a bit, yes!” I snapped again. “Is there something I can help you with, Princess?”
“Our sister hath requested that We take possession of the artefact thou hast acquired. She inquired if We may be capable of unlocking its shadowy enchantment.”
“Oh, for Celestia's sake, nopony talks like that anymore-- Yes, fine, here, take it.” I grabbed the book from the top of the bookshelf and held it out for Luna to take. Luna's telekinetic magic took it from my grasp in a deep blue aura.
“Thanketh thee. We shall retire until the morrow. May thy dreams be calm this night.” Luna said with almost a smirk as she regarded Fluttershy nestled in the heap of mangled sheets, “.... If thou even experiences the realm of dreaming tonight.”
“Don't think I don't understand what you're getting at, Luna. Just try to walk in my dreams tonight. I dare you. Either you won't get in or you're not going to like what you see. There's really only two possible outcomes, here.”
I heard her mumble something rude in Old Equestrian under her breath. “I heard that, missy. Don't make me tattle to Tia. Now goodbye, and good night.” I retorted. Summoning forth my magic again, I put the door back together (albeit upside-down) and reattached it to the frame, shutting the door in the Moon Princess' smug little face. I heard her clip-clop away into the night, chuckling under her breath.
“I'm sorry you had to see that, Fluttershy.” I said, and Fluttershy giggled.
“You're funny when you get frustrated.” She said cutely, and her eyes cast themselves down in a come hither expression.
“I've been frustrated for a very long time, you see.” I replied, trying to make every word sound as filthy as possible as I hovered back over my love's lithe frame, shrinking myself back down to a size her pony body could more easily handle, if you catch my drift.
“Well, that's what I'm here for. After all, a true, true friend helps a friend in need.” How could such an innocent, timid pony like my Fluttershy make the concept of friendship sound so... dirty?
“Mmm... hmmhmmhmm...” I rumbled in laughter through closed lips as I pressed them against her body once more.
Now this... this made sense. And for once, I figured, there was finally some fun in making sense.
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Great job, yet again
2829220
Well, thank you. I appreciate the comment. :)
Good chapter! Was glad to see the update.
2830086
So sorry it was so late! SO many issues come with being all grow'd up. I'm doing my best, though! Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it. :)
THOU SHALT EARNEST MOE FAME SOON, WE AQUIRE THEE WILL!
2855631
I'm pretty sure you didn't do any of that correctly. I believe the phrase you're looking for is, "Thou shalst earnest the fame thou desirest most sooneth. We acquire thine will, and thy will be done."
2855685 I SHALL NOT CARE, LET ME JUST SWITCH OVER TO MODERN DAY CAPSNYVILLE. I INDEED FAILED MISERABILLY.
2855814
WOO FOR FAILURE! I GUESS.
2855924 WOOOZOOH FOR- wait, what are you doing still up this late? Lay off the cafeinne and higher grades of sugar son.
(in case you ain't catchin' my drift yet:)
2856017
"Up this late"? It's only 8PM. I'm 21, I think I can stay up past 8PM and not be affec--
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
2856059 the magical 8PM. We are obviously in different time zones. It was 3 after zeh moon reached it's higest peak in the sky where I live.
2859661
VERY different time zones. I live on the East Coast. You must live in like, Europe or something. Or the West Coast. But that would put you three hours behind me, wouldn't it? 8PM my time is like, 5PM California time.
2859700
Only something going on? I thought I made it quite obvious. WARNING NOW: Chapter 4 is pretty grimdark. The author's note system puts my chapter warnings automatically on the bottom, AFTER you've already read the chapter. I got a few complaints about that....
2859731 Thanks! I'm working on it but it'll be a while.
2859739
Haha, the fact the king is King Solaris just proves I'm unoriginal and boring.
THANK YOU RULE 63
2881733
I love that song, which is why I used the title.
No, I'm not English, but I often use English colloquialisms and phrases in my work. Maybe it's a self-conscious "oh snap I'm from Boston I better use British words to make myself look better" thing, or maybe it's just fun, but I do it a lot.
Castle of Glass
Are all your chapters named after songs?
2886004
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. It's awful, really.
To answer your question: Yes.
3106394
3109432
I have a tendency to start other fanfics while I'm trying to finish one. This one's taking so much longer because I'm in the middle of a Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic that's currently nearing 200 pages of material and counting.
And it's also a slight Mario and MLP crossover. So there's SO MUCH STUFF INVOLVED.
Good story.
Not the best story ever, nor is it bad either, but t sits firmly in the category of being good.
I am interted to see what happens next plesea up data
Oh god, the last 4 paragraphs. Just images, fucking images, literally.
Wow. Crazy good great job
When the next update? This is really good!
One year later...
please finish this
Of course love is chaotic! Every romantic comedy ever made is proof of that.