Enraged About Everfree
Twilight's most recent theory resulted in looks of doubt and disbelief from every Apple (and dragon) in the room. It was as if she had just said Celestia had been replaced as Princess by Derpy Hooves, who planned on having every day be Muffin Day. Twilight continued to smile at them as if they would understand any second now, but none of them let up.
"Umm, Sugarcube?" Applejack looked at her with an extremely painful smile. "What didja just say?" All the others in the room knew she was just trying to be polite to Twilight...
Except for the aforementioned pony.
"Snow Apple, your sister, might still be alive!" Twilight said brightly, oblivious to the awkwardness. "Did I not just say that clearly?"
"Yer fine, Twi." Applejack looked at her empty plate, avoiding Twilight’s gaze. "Completely fine."
"Yeah, uhh..." Spike trailed off, now staring at the woodwork of the dining table. "That's great, Twilight. How did you, uh, get that idea?"
Twilight scrutinized the occupants of the room, who were trying immensely hard not to look at her. Her expression of delight then changed to one of annoyance.
"Alright," she huffed, "Spit it out."
"Tha' idea is plum ridiculous!" Shouted Granny Smith, who then covered her mouth with her hooves in shame.
Big Mac looked at Twilight sympathetically and said, "Eeyup."
"Sorry Twilight," Applejack tore her gaze away from the plate, "It just ain't that realistic of an idea. Yer sayin' that that little filly, no bigger than Winona, was able to get past cockatrices, manticores, timberwolves, and Celestia knows what else, and survived? Spike wasn't in there for two seconds without runnin' into trouble!"
"She's right Twilight," Spike chimed in, looking gratefully at the country mare, "As much as I hate to admit it, I was pretty much Timberwolf meat if she hadn't shown up."
"What!?" The unicorn gaped at the others in the room. "Seriously, all I'm saying is that if you never found a body or any evidence-"
"There could be a million reasons why we never found nothin' Miss Twilight." Big Macintosh raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. "She could have drowned, fallen off a cliff, a Timberwolf coulda gotten her and dragged her ta a cave, or tons of other things! It just don't make no sense."
Applejack glanced at her brother, then her friend. She agreed wholeheartedly with him, but part of her longed to believe in Twilight's crazy theory. She wanted Snow Apple alive more than any of them. She took a shaky breath, then said nervously to her brother,
"Big Mac? It still couldn' hurt, ta, ya know, take a peek around there, now would it?"
The stallion gave his sister a hard, stony look. "Don' you start talkin' nonsense too."
"Hey!" Twilight said, offended.
"Applejack," Big Macintosh used a very serious tone, "If y'all think that there's somethin' in that forest, if Snow is alive- and Ah'm not sayin' she is." He added abruptly, "Then there's nothin' y'all can go lookin' for. And if she's dead, her remains would be long gone. Ah'm sorry Sis."
"Who says Ah can't go look?" Applejack shot back, "What's the harm in lookin', Mac!?”
"Ah don' want my lil' sis gettin' hurt! Yer the one who said earlier all the dangerous stuff out there! An' Ah wouldn' want ya gettin' eaten by a Manticore now would Ah?"
"For Pete's Sake, Macintosh!" The earth pony shouted, "Ah'm a full grown mare! Ah can take perfectly good care of mahself!"
"Y'all need ta settle down!" Said Granny, flustered.
"Ah'm supposed ta protect this family!" He slammed a hoof on the table. "Even if ya been in there before- fer the Elements o’ Harmony an' all that, those were pretty close calls!"
"Well," Applejack grit her teeth, "If yer so brave, why doncha go in there yerself? Ah'm sure after ya meet a timberwolf-"
"Don' ya dare talk to me-"
"Y'all?" Came a quiet voice from the door, "What’s goin' on?"
There, in the door, stood Apple Bloom, obviously back from crusading. Her face was scrunched up, like she was very close to tears.
"Why were y'all arguing?" She sniffled some, "Apples don' argue like that. Ever."
The demeanor in the room instantly changed as Apple Bloom stood there, expecting an explanation. Big Macintosh, who was closest to Apple Bloom, dropped to his knees in front of the filly.
"Apple Bloom," He said quietly, "We're, Ah'm- it's just- Ah'm so sorry, Ah'm so sorry. We didn' mean ta start arguing like that."
The small yellow pony's tears started to subside. "What were y'all arguing about? I've never seen ya look that angry Mac."
Everyone in the room gave each other a very nervous look. Finally, Granny Smith smiled kindly at the filly and said,
"Have a seat darlin'. Ah reckon we've got some explainin' ta do."
"Wow," Apple Bloom said about ten minutes later, "So, Ah've got another big sister? And she's twins with Applejack?"
Big Macintosh swallowed hard and gave his sister a smile, "Eeyup."
"That's so cool!" She squealed, a huge grin on her face, " Ah can' wait ta tell Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle!"
"Actually AB," Applejack said nervously, "Why don't ya just keep it ta yerself for right now okay? Ah mean, she's probably not even alive."
At this, Twilight shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "Um, yeah."
"Oh," The filly looked crestfallen, "Alright Applejack. Ah understand."
An awkward silence followed, but was relieved when Twilight stood up from the table.
"Well, this has been a fantastic lunch," she paused, slipping on her saddlebags, "but Spike and I better get going. Thanks for letting us stay, Granny Smith."
Granny Smith waved a hoof at her modestly, "Anytime darlin’. Our house is yer house."
Spike spoke up, "But Twilight-"
"Spike," the lavender mare said sternly, "We have things to do."
"Oh," Spike looked very confused,"Okay then?" He hopped down from his chair.
"Thanks for stayin', Twi!" Applejack said brightly, in a good mood again.
"Eeyup," Big Macintosh nodded politely, all traces of the earlier argument were gone.
Spike was already out the door. Twilight turned, about to follow him, when suddenly she heard Applejack from the dining room.
"I forgot ta tell her something 'bout cider season, Ah'll be right back."
The dragon glanced at the librarian expectantly, to which she replied, "You go on ahead, I'll catch up."
He shrugged and continued down the Apples’ road.
Meanwhile, the unicorn frowned thoughtfully as the country mare came into view.
"Listen Twilight, can ya do me a favor?" She looked oddly uncomfortable.
"Sure, I guess, but if it's about cider season then-"
"Gosh darn it Sugarcube!" Applejack hissed, frustrated at her friend. Her expression softened as she saw Twilight’s reaction. "Ah mean," she cleared her throat. "It's about Snow."
"Oh, what about her?"
"Couldja do a little pokin' around in Everfree?"
"What!? But your brother, if he knew he'd-"
"Flip out, Ah know," The earth pony glanced back toward the kitchen, "that's why Ah'm askin' ya now. I just would feel a whole lot better if Ah knew fer sure what happened ta her." Her expression was one of concern, "You understand, doncha?"
Twilight stood there, pondering the subject. She'd be more than willing to go to The Everfree Forest for her friend. But after the way Big Mac reacted to the situation, she wasn't sure the stallion would take kindly to the adventure. He was, after all, certain Snow Apple was dead. But if it was just Twilight going in there...
"I'll do it AJ."
Applejack beamed at her, "Thanks a bunch Twi! Ah owe ya one. When ya do, just lemme know whatcha find out, okay?"
"Spike and I have some cleaning to do at the library today, but I'll probably be able to check it out tomorrow morning. I'll look through some of my books to see if I can find anything I can use that would be helpful."
Applejack gave her friend a warm hug, "Be careful out there."
"I will. This time I'll be well prepared." She chuckled to herself, "No more getting turned to stone by cockatrices. And I'll leave Spike at home, I don't think he wants to see any more timberwolves for a while." She stepped out the door, "Bye, Applejack. Tell Granny thanks again for me."
"No problem Twilight. Hopefully ya manage to find somethin' in Everfree."
The two ponies waved goodbye and Twilight rushed to catch up to Spike. She was panting by the time she reached the baby dragon. He looked at her skeptically.
"Sheesh, what took you so long? I thought you'd never catch up."
"Applejack- wanted- a favor." The unicorn panted, dragging her hooves.
"What kind of favor?" Spike asked casually.
"I have to go to The Everfree Forest."
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I forgot about this fic.
4365691 Well, it's back
4365741
I'm glad. AJ needs more love.
4365754 Tis agreed.
4365793 Our little Twi has been known to make mistakes before
How can a story with no dislikes be so underrated?
I admit, I'm curious as to how you're gonna play this. Will Snow Apple be a wild mare, living in the Everfree with barely a hint of ponyity (rather than humanity)? Or is she Zecora's secret apprentice, too scared to come out into the open whenever Zecora has visitors? So many possibilities...
Seems a little out of character for Big Mac to insist that A.J. not go into the Everfree Forest... even though she already does so on a regular basis...
We'll see where this leads.
Ohhhhhdanggggg! So the search starts!
okay, I have to admit, this is surprisingly good. though the question is if the filly somehow survived, does that mean someone or something protected her? and I do admit if something had gotten to her she would have bled so..... mayber?
if she encounterd a cockatrice she might have fallen into a hole after or something, and been frozen for years in a stony coma.
This infuriating slice of drivel started out with a good premise. A long lost sister of a relatively well known character. The same sort of idea was used in Pinkie's backstory, with the sudden arrival of Maud Pie causing an explosive reaction by fans. I'm certain this had a developed enough premise that if executed properly would have resulted in a 'Grade: A', (as if it were a slab of meat), story. Unfortunately this is not true.
Each progressive chapter entertains the pace of a level in 'Sonic: The Hedgehog' without any of the villain sequences or backtracking. It gets progressively faster and faster in a story with an emotional premise and result. So while it should be getting slower and slower with each progressive chapter, it instead glosses over sentimental scenes, and simplifies excessively the word usage that would have made this a cutting drama. Combine these facts with a hammy over-the-top-ness that the show uses on occasion and you get a massive clusterfuck that's about as comfortable to read as shoving a spiked anal probe that grows with moisture up your ass is a pleasure.
It's ridiculously short, most chapters barely exceeding a 2k wordcount. It's awkward, like asking someone out with your genitals exposed. It's even infuriatingly simple-minded.
But it's also technically accurate...or as close as you can be. The characters are spot-on and the pacing is very similar to what you'd expect from the show. The problem is that this doesn't work in the environment you're setting up. Death? Reunion? Lies? All are backers of the genre of drama.
So it's got it's ups and downs, and it could definitely be better. Try deepening the emotional settings provided in chapters 3-5, and lengthen out the pacing for every chapter after 1. The first chapter is your best one so far. Keep up the good work.
Huh, you know, the description really has me intrigued, but I'm afraid I just can't bring myself to read something that will obviously never be finished or, at least, not within any acceptable amount of time. Just over 10,000 words in 14-15 months? How can anyone read something with such shoddy history? I've written more than that in a week for finals in school. Heck, the length of the most recent chapter is just sad for how long the author kept people waiting for it (which he probably just played off with a snarky author's note like he didn't just spit in the face of his readers).
Any worth this story has is drained away by the author's poor dedication and work-ethic. Sad to, it really does sound good. Hopefully a writer with more gumption can pull a story like this off in a timely fashion so I can see how things play out.
You sir, have my attention. Please continue
4366237 When I started this story, I didn't know it was going to be as popular as it is now. I was on summer vacation and putting out chapters every day. Then I found myself wrapped up in the black hole of deviantART, and I took (a very very long) break. I wanted to return to this story to see if I have writing potential. I have other commitments, and I'm sure you do too. Now I realize that since it has become as popular as it is I have to keep it going. I certainly won't have a chapter out every day, but I'll try to get out one more often. I'm young, I'm learning.
4366184 This is something I've noticed about my writing for awhile, and what you say makes a ton of sense. I need to kick it up a notch, and I'm going to try to make the next chapter longer. Heck, what I should have done was combined the most recent chapter with the next one.
Well, amidst a bunch of negativity, I say welcome back and happy to see this updated!
4367405 Thank you! I appreciate it
4365887 I vote she was turned to stone by a cockatrice and will have to be raised by Applejack, being the newest cutie-mark crusader at the same time
4366869 Yes, this can yet be made good. The chapters need to be longer for pacing and development, and going into the Everfree is a perfect place to start that. The premise is good and here's hoping you can capitalize on it.
Please update within 2 weeks.
I like this story.
150th Like.
Pretty good story so far! yes- the lacing could be a little better- maybe take some things slower- but it looks like you're doing a decent show-canon pace. I think -some- people don't understand that authors have lives. And judging by the comments AND story it's safe to assume you're in high school?
Overall- there's formatting and grammar errors (editor aside) but I expected such. A good story, though! Interesting plot. Just make sure to slow down, and smell the flowers of your own creation.
I'm disappounted that this story's been canceled. it was really interested to see where it was going
This is pretty good! There are definitely some grammatical errors here and there, but nothing serious. The story is very interesting and it would be nice to have some kind of conclusion. Guess I'll just have to put it in "Tracking" for now and hope.