An epic adventure...
Chapters (1)
Yofigfu
Joined 29th Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Golden Flare · 27k words · 189 11 · 16k views
- The-DerpSide · 22k words · 116 10 · 6.1k views
- Stratocaster · 20k words · 188 4 · 4.4k views
- Pentrath · 11k words · 44 7 · 3.6k views
- Bucking Nonsense · 14k words · 115 4 · 2.2k views
- Rainbow Sparkle · 21k words · 53 1 · 1.4k views
- zeusdemigod131 · 402k words · 2,531 171 · 42k views
- Wolfgang · 59k words · 223 13 · 14k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.12 seconds
Total duration
1,076 users online
1,641,655 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I head hurts from all the different character names and the fact thats this is all ONE PARAGRAPH
EDIT: Excuse me, its not one paragraph, its just a pile of horribly formated paragraphs and ponies talking.... everything's fine
2194400 I wrote this when I was new to FIM fiction, sorry. I just published it today. And how can you get a headache from the names?
2194400 Whoa what's with all the hate?
Great concept, not-so-great execution. The most noticeable problem is that you need a new paragraph every time a pony speaks. You should know that.
Also, this seems very rushed. Everypony just accepts everything with little to no information, which is very unlike them.
If you really want this story to fly, I suggest completely rewritting it with an editor and proofreaders to help you along the way.
Hope I helped!
Final verdict: I'd like it, but the grammar and pacing issues were just too much. I'll have to stay neutral on this one
2194449 I don't have time to rewrite it.... and how the hay would I get an editor? And I like doing these things on my own. I don't expect this story to become as famous as My Little Dashie or something. And no, I didn't know that just because a pony speaks doesn't mean it needs it's own one sentence paragraph, sorry.
2194467 What's wrong with the grammar?
2194473
It is actually really easy to find a kind soul willing to edit on this site.
2194473
Well, lucky for you, FimFiction has loads of groups to get editors and proofreaders for stories! Editors Dreamland, Overly-Extensive Authors, Looking for Editors, and Authors Helping Authors are just a small handful of them!
And erm, yes, no matter how small a paragraph would be, you still need to make a new paragraph. There are rules to abide
2194479
Well, that's the whole paragraphing thing mostly, but I think there were some other little problems in there also
2194509 Lol, if they were rules how come they accepted the sumbmission of the story? I had two other stories they didn't accept because two others because of different reasons.
2194521 Look, if you don't like it simply click the dislike button.
2194533
I think he/she means grammar rules. People don't enjoy reading blocks of text. It's one of the easiest things to fix though
2194533It's not a rule. It's just something that is expected to be followed if you want your work to be taken seriously, or be seen as professional. The admins accepted it because, on this site, there is almost no such thing as professional writing. It's fanfiction; everybody gets a chance to write what they want. Grammar is not necessary for fanfiction, but it is necessary for real life.
2194538
But I said that I didn't hate it! The story would be intriguing if it was executed better, or at the very least had proper formatting.
And contrary to what you may believe, I'm trying to help you grow and blossom as a writer. Twilight wants that of you. You're making it hard for her, though
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/1/13/S2E03_Twilight_upset.png
Oh, on the subject of grammar it tends to be more correct to spell out the number.
For a correct example you would put four. For the incorrect example you would put 4. It's a rule that is a little less known, I was never taught it in school, but it will improve the appearence to at just a glance.
2194586 She looks more upset at Spike than me.
2194596
i1088.photobucket.com/albums/i327/va_wanderer/youknowwhatimean.jpg
Holy crap, that may be the biggest wall of text I have ever seen.
Okay, I couldn't read the whole thing. When you write a block of text like that, it makes it hard for the reader to focus. Their eyes will naturally jump around and start to read other parts of the paragraph. That is why you need to actually space out your writing. Whenever a character speaks who wasn't already speaking, start a new paragraph. Whenever there is a natural pause in a conversation or thought, make a new paragraph. Whenever a new idea is presented, make a new paragraph.
Get the picture?
And even if you don't have time to rewrite the whole thing, just curing its Wall o' Text syndrome shouldn't take more than a half hour. Doing so would also make people more likely to read your story, rather than see it and just bail out.
Maybe if you fix it, I'll give it another chance.
-RisingOne
2194603 No, I don't.
2194609
I'm starting to think you are just being willfully stubborn. You should at least try it, it shouldn't take more then a few minutes.
I don't hate the story nor you, there isn't really much hate in the whole community either. Anyways seeing all the comments after me, you can get what i felt (Hopefully). Also....i'm a grammar nazi myself soooo.....
cdn2.planetminecraft.com/files/resource_media/screenshot/1212/Grammar_Nazi_1749359.jpg
2194926
I love that picture.