One is a former host club employee down on his luck, taking any odd job to get back the money he once had.
One is a former royal guard out of her element, having been forced into early retirement for her violent tendencies.
One is a former letter carrier, whose claims of narcolepsy are jotted down as her simply being unbelievably lazy.
One is a narrator, trying to make some sense out of their antics and build a comprehensible story.
Together they intend to get rich: it all goes downhill from there.
Chapters (8)
i was hopping this was a sponge bob fic oh well ill read it any way
Not sure if innuendo or just extortion. Probably both.
Also, make ALL the references. This was a pretty good start, but you really need to start putting really dated references and memes in EVERY SINGLE LINE or else this will never succeed.
2011284
Though I must admit, my love for stupid puns and references might have gotten somewhat out of hand...
Not sure if sarcasm or not.
Pretty meta, random, and all around spastic. A story full of OCs at that.
And I'd honestly read another chapter of that Short Fused kid and her love of dramas and the lazy gryphon and their misadventures with that idiot Fools Gold any day. Great story for one that didn't rely on a background pony or mane cast. I really enjoyed this one and it's nice use of awareness/fourth-wallness and banter. /fav
2013216 Funny, that randomness came in a few times as I ended up getting a few of those old jokes xD
Fool's Gold sounded pretty brit with some australian in'em, Short Fuse sounded very manehatten, and Ambra was very apathetically adorable lazy exterior was rather cute. She's totally your average american teenage girl who worked one too many different jobs.
2013421
And I'm glad you liked it! There'll be definitely more chapters coming in the future.
There's nothing wrong with old references, is there? In fact, those are the best types, since if people get them, it's because they're famous things.
Also, pretty good eye there. Short Fuse is, indeed, modeled after a typical Manhattan delinquent. Fool's Gold and Ambra, too, are modeled after various stereotypical character-types.
2013216 It is a lot of references, but the part about cramming references into every single line was actually a reference in itself to Dan Green's guide to making an Abridged Series.
2014692
Ironic, in a way.
Ah, I see. As shameful as it is to admit, I didn't catch that reference.
Well after such a suspenseful chapter I expect we will be getting into the real plot any moment now.
Still no real story though.
2040423
No "real story"?
So... Crossdressing or was there actually some surgical/magical procedure at some point?
2071316
Cross-dressing, in this case. He is a very feminine stallion from the get-go, so simply putting on cute clothes and tying up his mane makes him pass for an equally cute mare. But as the characters mention in the chapter, his gender is hardly the issue at hand.
2072621
That's good, I like crossdressing but there's not a whole lot of it going on when most characters don't wear clothes anyway. I hope Maccha becomes a recurring character, I need my sexy trap action!
2073265
Oh, Maccha will be a recurring character. He works in the building next door, after all. Plus, considering the badass boast Fool's Gold made knocking out High Hopes, somepony might have developed a little crush on him...
It turns out I'm evil.
2165064
That's not being evil, that's simply being sadistic.
That's one way to *puts on shades* 'skirt' an issue!
YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH~
Ok, so not really skirting so much as trying to divert attention from it. This seems a bit racey but, I personally have no issues with the whole crossdressing or transgender parts. The one issue I always had with those kind of people though are the ones who 'brag about how they tricked' or 'how many they turned over' bs like being pretty enough to pass as a female gives them some excuse to ignore the fact they are fucking around with people's actual feelings here.
Maccha wasn't probably expecting to fall in love with the guy, as past chapter mentions I believe, and you never know when or where you'll meet that someone that ignites that spark within you. She tried even being honest with him when things started to get really personal and she felt safe to share the secret. That last part is me trying to fill in the gaps, unless High Hopes only learned that *after* going down back on Maccha.
I don't blame or dislike people like Maccha, it's what they believe is really them. What I will say is Macccha and a lot of other transgenders tend to do is try to hide that fact for so long that by the time it comes out, it's always almost when they have to come to terms they will be finding out if their lover gets anymore intimate with them. Rather than finding out sooner, being open a bit down the road but before the other invests too much time in teh relationship, they should be honest and respectful that love will not form from a lie. Rare exceptions perhaps, but mostly it breeds hate and distrust, and worst of all prejudice towards them.
High Hopes felt betrayed, used, lied to. That the one he fell in love with was just some 'sick' stallion that wanted to get all over his meat. I can't say I like what High Hopes did to Maccha... that was pretty fucking evil... but depending on how long that relationship went on, how genuine that love became from what High Hopes mentions him actually having felt true about his feelings for Maccha, it's hard to say anything other than High Hopes went to extremes and lashed out on Maccha who also loved him. HH was more angry at himself probably and filled his broken heart with bitterness and hate.
There was no clear winner here, but this is a true reality that transgenders that toy around with people's hearts face. It's all fun and games until they break someone and put themselves in high jeopardy. And not even Trebek be able to save your ass with a daily double. Being a crossdresser and or wanting to go all the way to be the you you believe yourself to be is fine, but any form of deceit just to make your fantasy to be seen as a woman in your potential partners eyes and only wanting him to believe its real just to satisfy your own wants is the only thing I feel High Hopes would be correct in thinking as being sick and unfair.
I'm gender neutral. I personally have no issues with what anyone's life style is. But, having been around enough of the bad and disgusting parts of the transgender world, and a lot can be found in the U.S. touhou fandom for example, are rather sick in the head who don't care what the 'victim' feels like and that everyone hates on transgenders because they just like to hate on things they don't understand. Well, that is a load of BS because from the threads and RL experience with friends, I can assure you that it's the deceitful nature that some of them and tehir friends take upon the masses that gives transgenders and cross-dressers a bad name.
****
Well, that got lengthy. Now shit that actually has to do with the story!
Short Fuse: Needless to say, the chapter was ok. But, I'm finding that Short Fuse seems to be losing some of her accent. She seemed to have devolved a bit in personality. Yet, that Ambrio and Fusiji bit was cute. She sort of regained some of her accent there. I liked what you had going in Ch.1 and 2 was nice, but here she seems to be getting OOC in tone.
Ambra: I keep forgetting she's just a kid xD her playful antics and dismissive personality with her heavily lazed mannerisms is still charming. While the chapter was rather draggy, she kept it going for me.
Fool's Gold: He... I can't quite put my finger on it but, he really seemed one-dimensional? He's been getting quite boring. I think he just suffers from lack of someone to play off of as well as he did in chapter 1. Had a couple good scenes, but for a main character Fuse and Ambra steal the spotlight quite a bit here.
Narrator: Damn it you made me laugh hard at one scene in particular... I think it was something about impressions or what was being said about the cloaked figure... Point is narrator needs more snarkiness xD maybe he actually had plenty of coffee during this chapter and wasn't as moody?
Maccha: If I was High Hopes I'd a shagged ya so bucking hard. But, responsibilities and all that would take precedence over my own happiness. She's such a cute character— it's disrespectful to call them anything but the gender they see themselves as btw, gotta work on keeping Maccha SHE unless a character brings up his gender or refuses to acknowledge it —it's a shame that things turned out so bad, but from the ending and Fuse's 'Gold don't care long as it's pretty, he'll help them out" line might suggest that he might have a cute groupie with how things ended. Overall, Maccha was a nice character, sort of the shy character that isn't all too over the top like the Fuse and Gold or as childish as Ambra.
Overall, the few jokes before the latter half leading to the climax was alright. Dragged a bit and Fuse's lines felt devoid of character here and there. Fool's lines were not all that interesting but he's just a follow his ideals/heart sort of guy. The confrontation when you did the reveal lead me to believe that perhaps he *did* want Maccha to reveal the secret and maybe run off with her or something because he knew the Mafia was going to try and control the senate or whatever he was supposed to be, and wanted to foil their plans some how.... but then I realized a lot of things wouldn't of made sense and I learned to mentally shut up and kept reading!
That whole thing before he tried to get the 'Yak'uza to turn on Maccha, I could of sworn he felt some form of concern for Maccha knowing she'd never be able to pay teh Yakuza back and probably end up dead anyways. BOY did you fool me! That could of lead to a whole spiral of the gang getting mixed with the mafia that was set out to use High Hope for political control over sections of Canterlot and a big ol'messy mess of flank kickery that could put the lot of them in even bigger perils!
The latter half and the decision to go with the way you went worked out well in any case, I enjoyed it a lot. Could of turned into a bigger shit storm and Maccha somehow convincing the dofus to see that her feelings and despite what she is were still real. I can't wait to read the next one.
P.S. I promise I won't type this much next time :P Just some of the way you wrote a scene almost too dismissively despite the complexity within it felt like it needed addressing.
Oh wow. Not even a full page in and I'm laughing mirthfully over these two and their sensors and Popsicle lol
Fool's Gold is such an ass. Great chapter already! XD
EDIT3: That was indeed a magnificent throw. You had to be there I guess. (well played, I am already regretting I claimed Fool's Gold to be too one dimensional >< he's a glorious unapologetic opportunistic asshole! Never change.)
Bless his heart that Fool's Gold. A stallion after me own heart. I think I just fell in love with this group all over again.
Oi! It's lines like that FG that usually ends in a girl lashing out into a massive Dragon Slave spell you insensitive twat you!
Ok, seriously, what got you so uppity with this chapter? I'm starting to think Fool's Gold should be named Pure Gold after all the stuff he's said and done in such a short amount of time! This chapter alone deserves a bucking feature box! xD
Making bits out of a base metal, and passing them off as real gold would be counterfeiting, not money-laundering.
2182100
Boy, that was a lot of text!
I admit at that some points the characters might have not been at their best. Mostly due to the fact that I'm still trying to get hang of writing them. Fool's Gold is a bit slippery one, since he tends to steer into extremes in his interactions, and I need to find some sort of middle-road to keep the story going. And as for Fuse's accent... yeah, it might slip here and there.
I still haven't found an editor for this, and Brooklyn accent has lot of rules that need remembering...
As for 'writing a scene too dismissively', there is a reason for that. At the end of the day, this fic is still focused on comedy. There might be more serious bits, but that's what I'm still aiming at. Not to mention that my decision of keeping the chapters at certain length forces me to make some decisions on how deeply to delve in some subjects.
2182147
Uppity? Well, Gold's questionable way of acting is explained by his hangover. He isn't that nice during that. Not that he tends to be nice even without a hangover. But, at the end of the day, his heart is in the right place, so it balances it out.
2183088
I'll be sure to fix that.
Really? Thanks for that correction!
another good chapter, want me to send you a message in the normal fashion?
2453627
And yeah, go ahead, that would be helpful.
Ah, gah, I had completely forgotten to send this to you before I posted it!
2455107
it will be a little later today, will have to get around to it.
An interesting fic. I only found it because of a picture on EQD, which drew my eye.
Because there was a pony with a tetsubo. Wearing a kimono in the classic Bad Ass style.
You put up a picture like that, I'm going to have to read it.
2606016
The awesome pic you mean was drawn by equally awesome JackJacko-Eponymous. Hopefully you'll enjoy the story as much as the picture.
2183088 They never claim it's money laundering
Very cute goofy fun. I freely admit I followed the link on the gorgeous cover art and i'm glad I did. I can't wait to catch up and then eagerly whine for more
2610345
I actually edited that bit after he mentioned it, along with many other typos and such.
But I'm glad to hear you like it. Guess this means I have to finish up the next chapter soon.
*Grins* Good fun. I find your distinction between cabaret and hostess really neat. In north america (Canadaland) Cabaret would be a nightclub, maybe some burlesque, singers etc. A hostess club(Inasmuch as they exist over here) would be more that you come in a host sits with you drinks, flirts etc. helps you spend your money. Dates outside the club would fall under escort work and some may lead to sex but pretty much all the things listed are assumed to be nonsexual in nature. You want sex you find the prostitutes or the call girls who'll do that.
Where are your definitions coming from? I'm guessing Japan but is it a specific era?
*Grins and shakes head* Very nice stuff, Is Fuse deliberately starting to drop her accent more? Also small typo prtinting
That is just so perfectly and hysterical. Bravo.
Edit: this just keeps getting better, everytime I think I can't laugh any harder something happens and I do. Ow my sides XD
2615542
There is no specific era, but since Yoshiwara Street is modeled after Japan, they come from there. Just like with lot of modern eastern terms, they are adapted from English, yet have their own distinct meaning.
And regarding Fuse's accent... well, I did not mean for her to start dropping it gradually.
It is, however, harder to write than I initially expected...
Another goofy and strangely perfect chapter XD
Smrgh bwahaha
Like many of the stories I had put on my read-later list, this quirky fic has not disappointed :D
Hope it stays awesome in the future
2884332
Good to know you're enjoying it. I hope that I'll manage to keep it interesting in the future, too
Haha, this fic is like a western reading of an anime, and I love it :D
.. so is fool's gold bi-sexual or pan-sexual? straight or gay? cause i really can't tell at this point (chapter 3).
3860357
While Fool's Gold himself prefers women (his preferred type is "loose women" since he is, well... a scoundrel by nature), he is also the type to hit on anything pretty enough... at least when he has had enough to drink. Of course, his only true love is money, or so he claims.
Oh my goodness! AN UPDATE!
God, I feel so bad that I've lost so much track of this story. Glad I didn't forget to fav this one. Now I have the pleasure of reading THREE chapters! <3
Nice to see you still kicking!
You have my instant attention. That was a great hook.
Pleasure to see this has returned n___n
*Grins* This has been missed.
4502480
Summer's not been kind to me when it comes to time left for writing, but knowing that the update was waited for makes it all worth it.
Glad to know that
yeah they are truly evil.
I cant believe I forgot about this beautifull pearl until now. *wipes away a tear from laughing* My sides will be so sore tomorow but thats worth it.