• Member Since 7th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 29th, 2019

Dubious


I like games, and ponies, but mostly games, and mostly ponies, but Definitely cookies!

T

Bassicus has been the companion of many a hero on their quests to rid the world of evil and return it to it former glory, and maybe scavenge a bit of tech here and there. One day after discovering the alien space ship that abducted him in 2074. He naturally goes on a looting spree to collect more stuff for his experiments and to pawn off onto traders in the wastes. Then he decides to buy some whiskey to celebrate, and does some drunk science. Because that always ends well.

(This story is set in the fallout verse and draws most of its backstory from Fallout, Fallout 2, Fallout: Tactics (Coz I liked it), Fallout 3 and fallout: New Vegas.)

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 12 )

This is...

"So what you're saying is that we don't cross the phase streams?"

"Precisely Bassicus. Doing so could end all of creation as we know it." Monotoned Dr. Klein.

"Or turn everything into giant teddy bears." Dr. Dala giddily replied.

"No it will just destroy all of creation."

"I crossed the phase beams." Bassicus smartly replied.

"You've doomed us all!" Shouted Dr. Klein.

"And you haven't noticed something odd yet?" Queried Bassicus.

"*Unintelligible White Noise*"

...hilarious.

Okay, I'm going to indulge in shouting the bleeding obvious and saying this is some decent parody material. First, the worn-out nostalgic allusion to Ghostbusters. Then, the brevity with which you introduce an existential threat and resolve it is naught but indication of the characters joking around or making light of it.

"Forget it. Lets continue with science."

"Excellent idea, Borous."

After that little side adventure they finally got back to the task at hand. After several hours the courier came down to see what all the fuss was about and to say hello to her only non-ghoul or brain-in-a-jar immortal friend.

Okay, good. I'm more certain now that you're sincerely writing a parody fic that's not meant to be taken seriously. The banality of the term "science" and casualness of "let's continue" makes the tone very nonchalant. This is compounded by "after that little side adventure" which implies there was an "adventure" to begin with. It is a humorous overstatement.

"Get your stinking penises off our new invention!"

"For the last time, Klein. They're called fingers and it's rightfully mine as I supplied the idea and the parts behind its construction."

"DAMN YOU AND YOUR LOGIC!" D. Klein bellowed before retreating to his room.

The second line of dialogue here could use just a bit of tightening (less verbiage). I think it would sound better if it were more concise.

> Long info-dump paragraph of the weapons Bassicus is packing his bags with...
..."and a shit ton of chems in a pear tree"

...

[size=20Equestria, Canterlot, 1001, Saturday the 18th
Because, you know, it's gotta be HUGE

> Cloudsdayle
I think... Cloudsdale. Unless this is intentional, in which case, keep it.

This story is just... so silly... It's like I'm reading a skin growth that was scraped off the back of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, mutated by an accidental spill of Thorium while in the cloning tank, dropped on its head and then forced to watch reruns of GI Joe until it was "mature enough" to be forced to play Fallout. I laughed out loud. Thank you.

I think, the one thing to make it stronger: cut back on the technical infodumps and menial introductions, OR find a way to make those parts more effectively parodize the incredibly over-done human-meets-pony theme.

1988454 That whole Ghost Busters thing was an accident. I am now seriously pondering either recruiting either you or the guy who PMed me as proofreaders. Depends on who's better at applejack dialogue.

1988554
I hate to say this, but I really just randomly picked your story as a once-in-a-while thing where I take stories off the front page that don't look like they've gotten enough attention and give them some attention. So I'll be honest: I don't intend to devote more time to the improvement of this story, but I do hope you keep writing.

1988617 you sorely underestimate just how wonky writing at 3 am can be.

1988629
Sleep deprivation is like drunkenness, both of which I know well.

A grate author named Ernest P. Worrel once said "Write drunk. Edit sober."

i.imgur.com/mPwkACns.jpg

1988646 I'm generally on an an insomniacs worst enemy at night: a caffeine high. Makes for great ideas and/or loos of hand eye coordination.

So, I'm suddenly deciding to be in the market for some cover art for this story. To any and all artists who can be bothered, make me some cover art and get my eternal gratitude in the form of a cameo in my next fic.

More! This is awesome! You play the OP character card perfectly, and it is HILARIOUS!

blueblood...BLUEBLOOD!!!!! HES A PRICK IN THE SHOW!

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