Two thousand years imprisoned in Tartarus for the near genocide of an entire species. One has to ask, how such a being wasn't taken out by the elements of harmony. The short answer? They dodged it. The long answer? They dodged it like a ninja. Now awakened and free, they shall bring forth a thousand years of darkness and ruin, or get drunk and pass out at the nearest pub. Either/or really.
Note: Need more suitable coverart. Also this is a LoHAV, so leave if you're gonna hate for just the premise.
Chapters (4)
Is this a crossover with anything?
4778757 Nope. I learnt my lesson with Crossovers: Don't do them. On another note: Think I sword change the coverart to a picture of a sword, on account of the current coverart might make people assume it is a crossover?
Hm, this story is good so far, despite the occasional spelling error. I await more.
4778880 Not edited, and I may be a masochist as I am eating salt and vinegar chips with a sizeable ulcer inside my lip.
4778883
Ah. Wait, an ulcer? Ouch. Good luck with that.
4778885 I'm doing rather well. Also, how does one turn off favourites notifications? They are a might annoying.
4778887
I don't think you can. Don't quote me on that, because there MIGHT be a way, and I just don't know what it is. I really wouldn't know, because the only story I've ever submitted to a site is on fanfiction.net, and is not an example of a story worth favoriting. So yeah.
4778869
it wasn't the cover image, which is fine how it is (as long as that's generally what she looks like), it's the fact that she has so much power. a sword that contains power, a person that contains power, several hundred meters per second, punched a 500 YO dragon and it's scales fell off. these things sound like Gilgamesh, but put in a little goth girl that can't drink. i was just wondering if she came from a show or game or something. there's just a few too many powers in her. makes her a bit OP. maybe if you gave her pretty obvious weaknesses, it would balance her out. and no, i'm not talking about alcohol.
4778887
the way to make them go away is to hit your notifications button, then hit it again. they'll be marked as "read" or whatever. that's all I got, anyway.
Ooh! Is it going to be one involving the whole multiverse thing? You know, where other stories will crossover?
4779528 Well there is one heavily obvious weakness you'll find out about later, also the sword doesn't have power, it is literally her soul manifested in a physical form... That probably hints at her glaringly obvious weakness a bit doesn't it? Also, I got notified twice about both your comments.
wait... the guard mistook her for a dude when she was NAKED? how's that?
4779712 No boobs plus muscular chest identification as woman on first look does not make. Also really long hair making it impossible to discern major body features from behind.
4779617
one notification was saying "someone commented on your story" the other said "Golden Script responded to your comment". it's just a thing the site does. also a good way to tell if someone responded to a comment, posted a comment, or faved your story. 1 means either of the laters, 2 means it's a response to your comment.
this one will get 2 alerts.
4779728 Fair enough. But now I get back to writing the third chapter.
4779724
1. how long: i'm just wondering because i imagined it down to her ankles.
2. this may just be me, but the first places a man would look on anyone, i think, would be "chest" the "crotch". or at least, "not see dick in pereferal, must be girl" and about the behind thing, how exactly did that scene play out? i imagined her breaking free from him and standing in front of him facing him. some more description might be needed to prevent confusion... of course, that's just me, so you don't have to change anything, really.
4779743
please do that.
4779746 Generally when one breaking free from a hold, they stay just out of arms reach so as to deliver a strong blow to the aggressor should they try and perform any more aggressive actions to knock them over so the face stomping can commence. Or that's what I'd do if the person didn't have a knife. Also, the hair is just long enough to scrape the ground. Being comatose doesn't mean your hair won't grow.
4779765
true, true. and usually, in hospitals, the hair is cut every once in a while.
sadly, she was in tarterus, not a hospital. so this makes sense.
and i also agree with the "just out of arms reach" thing, but i just imagined her turning around to face her assailant.
4779872 I just had an awesome idea for the guard: Why not make him incapable of discerning genders? Does away with pesky things like plot holes.
Dude, loving the story. Can't wait for more and..... Wait.... Golden Script? Holy shit. You have him reading this thing? Good job. I'm reading one I his stories as well. Keep up the good work!
4779883
well, i guess that would work... but not sure how that'd be inserted into the story...
4779960
(yer makin' me blush!)
firstly, it's a prety good story, though the character is a bit OP. there's nothing wrong with this.
secondly, it's awesome to see that people are reading my story and recognize me as an accomplishment. though, i would like to say that i'm just another writer.
thirdly, EVERYONE ASSUMES I'M A DUDE!! what's up with that?
4780342 I saw Dude as a generalization of online person I don't know but have at least a little respect for
4780342 say not saw *facepalm*
4780454
i understand that, because it makes sense.
4780456
this, i don't understand. was this meant for someone else?
4780539 nope. I was fixing my mess up at writing.
4780586
i see it now. ok.
oh!
4780342 I'd go with the fifty to one male to female gender ratio in the fandom.
4782486
are we talkin' all ages? because, you've gotta admit that a majority would be little girls... i think.
may have to look that up...
4782619 How many girls actively partake in the fandom? The majority of this sites users are male, so thus there is a higher probability for a random member to be male than female, which is where the automatic gender assumption comes from.
4782702
i guess.
Great story so far
why she no kill ???????
4911513 Because then the pony people would fear her even more. That and the fact that killing off the entire mane six in the second chapter many likes does not make.
Audrey: Look at you! So proud! Yet you're crying like a woman!
Snowflake: I AM A WOMAN!
...
Audrey: What...
Snowflake: I said I AM a woman!
Audrey:... WHAT?!
*30 min later*
Snowflake: And that's how I was voted the most beautiful, and fertile, women in my home town... Before you blew it up
Audrey: Yeah, I tend to do that, also Uuuuaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Snowflake: So now you know the truth
Audrey: yes, and now I'm gong to start suppressing the truth... starting with killing you
Bye bye Ponyville.
5018752 Because I had a cold. I'll write chapter four later.
5016978 I KNOW I've seen that somewhere before. But where?
Good story.
As Nappa from the DBZ abbrided would probably say "I'm WATCHING (HAUNTING) YOU (THIS STORY)."
5019401
so she still isn't herself, since only a Snickers bar can fill you up?
whaaaat a multiple personality disorder i was hoping thats what she was really like not switch back and forth for some reason or another oh well i like this idea too much for me to stop reading it
WHAT!!! Multiple personality disorder?NOOO!!!!! Why couldn't you just leave her the way she was? Now I have to read about a superpowered japanese school girl? At least give her some other trigger. Maybe sneezing like Maron, the other blue haired/blonde girl from dragon ball.
5079361 All will be explained soon.
5080461 That sounds like there's going to be more exposition and less badass that makes assholes look good... That sounds dirty. Not as dirty as gum gum pistol but still dirty.
I shall wait for this "explaination" but I still would like to see more mass murdering with enough prejudice to make an example of genocide I'm afraid to put up because it may offend someone seem like a police shoot out.
5080508 Mmmmm magical fuckery.
5080510 I actually perfer mind fuckery but it's more of an acquired taste, like a fine wine in a glass crying tears as it's wife, the wine bottle, is poured in front of it's eyes before thrown off the face of the earth.
Ah mmmmm mind fuckery.
Java Bean Coffee Shop and Cyanide Store.
Its a good store, they hardly EVER mix up their stock!