A Newfoal Nöel

by Dafaddah

Prequel: The Hug

The Hug
by Dafaddah

Note: This was a quick submission to Flashfic Prompt Tag posted by 'bats'. I added it here because it really belonged with A Newfoal Noel.

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There were days when she could not understand what was going on. People would dance around her in a mad whirlwind, like the leaves blowing across the orphanage yard on a windy day. Faces would come and go before she had a chance to gather the clues that let her know what they wanted. A brief smile would flash, and then they’d be gone. No signs of greeting, no expressions in their eyes, not even a finger pointing at an object or person. Those days left her feeling confused and alone, and then the tears would come.

Sometimes though, when that happened, someone would pick her up in their arms and hold her close. She would feel the warmth of their bodies against hers. She would smell them, and taste their skins. Sometimes she could even feel the beat of their heart, and that was the best of all, because then she knew with a certainty that none of her other senses provided, that she was not alone.

Today, all she had to hold onto was the hand of one of the big girls. Even that was dropped all the time when the big girl made signs that she hadn’t learned yet, or made them so fast that she couldn’t understand. Then the big girl would pull her left and right as they followed the other children, and she tried hard not to fall down. It was all very confusing, and more than a little bit scary.

They had gone by bus to a new place. It was bright, and there were ponies there! At the entrance she saw a pink pony with one of the teachers. They exchanged pieces of paper, like the grownups did all the time, only this time the paper floated in the air in front of the pony, glowing a bit while she looked at it. She thought it was so funny to see the paper just floating there with no wind. The sight made her smile. The pink pony noticed and smiled back.

There was another tug and she struggled to stay up and follow the big girl, sad that she had been taken away from the pink pony. She and the other children were brought into a room. There were grownups in white dresses, just like the nurses and doctors who visited the children at the orphanage. She crept back behind the big girl. Sometimes the people in the white dresses poked and squeezed her. Sometimes it hurt. They always spent a lot of time looking in her mouth and ears, which also scared her.

One of the grownups approached. The big girl suddenly pulled on her arm, and led her to a table just like the ones the doctors made her sit on when they poked and squeezed her. She tried to pull away, but the big girl just pulled back even harder. Resigned, she quit struggling. It was no use, and sometimes when she did struggle she’d get a whack from one of the big kids. The person in the white dress put her on the table. The big girl lay down on another table next to hers. There were some other kids on other tables in the room. The grownups touched her head and moved it. She felt cold and alone and scared. She started to cry.

Then the pink pony came in. She had a tray on her back with little cups. Each of the grownups in white dresses took a cup and brought it to one of the kids, who each drank it, then lay down.

She was afraid. When the person held the cup to her she shied away. Hands grabbed her and pulled her head back. She started to breathe hard and her tears fell. She kicked out with her little feet and tried to push away the huge hands with her little ones, but they were so strong, and so she shut her mouth and her eyes and...

The hands went away. She felt something hard and something soft touch her cheek. She smelled something different, and opened an eye just a crack. In front of her was the pink pony! She was smiling and touching her cheek with a pink pony arm. It had something hard at the end, but it was still a pretty pink color. She grabbed the pony’s arm. Her hand was too little to go all the way around, but the pony didn’t pull it away.

The little paper cup hovered in the air in front of her face. The pony smiled at her. She took the paper cup in her other hand and looked inside. It had grape juice. She liked grape juice! She brought the cup to her lips and drank it down. Then she felt really tired, and fell asleep, and dreamed of ponies and pony princesses.

---

Mary was used to everyone and everything being bigger than she was. The only ones smaller than her were the babies who crawled around on all fours. They were too little to make signs, but she wasn’t. She could stand and sign all she wanted, although the big kids knew a lot more signs she did. And there were a lot more big kids than small kids in the home. Sometimes that made her feel really lonely. So she was surprised and so happy when she saw the ponies. They were little! Just like her.

She woke up in the middle a beautiful green park. At first she was alone, but then the little ponies began to arrive. She watched in fascination as they came to play in the park. They were so small she thought that maybe they were babies, but they didn’t crawl around like babies. They must be little kid ponies she concluded, a bit bigger than babies, just like Mary was. She signed “Hello” at them. They looked and smiled, and some came close and nibbled at her fingers. It was then that she understood. Ponies didn’t have hands, so how could they sign? Most signs required fingers, and ponies had none!

The little ponies jumped and ran and played around her. Soon, she joined in, first chasing a pony, and then running away as the pony chased her. It was so much fun! Even when she fell down, the green floor of the park was much softer than the usual carpet. She rubbed it with her hands and her face. It was cool, and clean, and smelled so much better! A pony came running at her and she jumped upright. The little pony was so surprised it sprang really high into the air! When it came down it stuck out its tongue at Mary, grinned and then ran away. Laughing, Mary gave chase.

She played with the ponies for a while. Then the ponies started playing a new game: a few would run together, first one way and then another. She ran as well and waved her hands in delight as several ponies ran with her. Soon, they were all running together. She held her arms out like wings behind her as she ran as fast as she could: she felt like she was flying!

She ran with the ponies until she noticed something she hadn’t seen before: a big white tent. All the little ponies slowed down and then waited as she came closer. Some began to nibble at the grass, others lay down for a nap. Some just smiled at her and tossed their heads in the direction of the tent's opening. She knew that she was supposed to go inside, and this time she wasn’t afraid. With a last glance at the happy ponies she entered the tent.

There were two big ponies inside, a white one and a dark blue one. They lay on the grass and smiled at her.

Hello Mary...

Somehow the words were in her head, even though the ponies hadn't made any signs. How could they without hands! She lifted her tiny hands and signed "Hello pony." She was very proud to do the signs for pony as she had just learned them from one of the big girls at the home.

Come closer, child, asked the white pony. Her eyes were purple, and very kind. Mary had only seen a few people with eyes like that. When they visited the home they were always very kind, and sometimes they were also very sad. She approached and sat down before the white pony.

Do you know why you're here, Mary? From this close, it seemed as if her lips moved with the signs. Mary had a strange feeling in her head. There was a buzzing in her ears, but she didn’t scratch them because she needed her hands to sign.

“Big girls say go live with ponies,” she signed. “True?” she asked.

Yes, Mary, it’s true. Do you want to come live with us? The white pony and dark pony looked at each other. Their expressions were very serious. Mary saw their lips move and the itching in her ears grew worse.

Mary thought about it. She really didn’t know. Nobody had ever asked her if she wanted to go anywhere. She thought of how much fun she’d had with the little ponies.

“Live with you, can play little ponies more?” This was very complicated for Mary to sign. The big ponies waited as her fingers haltingly made the signs.

Yes, Mary. You can play with the foals again. And you will be a foal, too. Would you like that, Mary?

Mary smiled at the thought, but then a realisation came, and she felt herself tearing up. Haltingly she signed. “Mary pony no fingers. Mary pony no sign. Mary pony sad.”

The two big ponies again looked at each other, their lips moving just like many of the big kids and grownups did when they didn’t sign at other. The buzzing returned, even worse than before.

From now on you will be able to sign even to people and ponies who don’t know how, or don’t have fingers. Would that make you happy, Mary?

Mary knew that sometimes people could make signs without using fingers. They stood face to face and their lips moved, but their fingers didn’t. It was all very mysterious, but a big girl had said this was ‘talk’. She wondered if it was the same thing. She had a thought. If she could still sign with the little ponies without fingers then they could all play together. Even those games that needed signs to be fun. The idea made her smile. If she could do that she wouldn’t be so lonely. She might even have lots of friends to play with!

Her fingers trembled in excitement. “Mary happy. Mary pony happy.”

The white pony smiled, and then so did the dark coloured one.

“Then Mary,” Suddenly she understood the buzzing. Somehow it had become like signs in her head. “Welcome to our family.” It came from the lips of the white pony! “When you wake up you will be a pony too. And you will have a new way to sign. It will take you awhile to become good at it, but don’t be afraid, child. And remember that from now on you will never be alone.”

Mary thought about that for a moment. It was hard to imagine not being alone. She wanted that badly. So badly it made her feel like crying again. The white pony lifted an arm. She scootched in for a hug and felt herself wrapped in the fur and warmth and smell of the white pony. She lay her head against the pony’s chest. A feeling of peace washed over her, and she fell asleep to the beat of the pony’s heart.

“It was a great risk, offering the choice to one so young,” said Princess Luna. “Tia, what would you have done if she had refused?”

Princess Celestia took a breath. “She was old enough to ask for the truth, Luna, which she’s been denied too often during her short life. Also, her deafness makes her seem more simple than she really is. She deserved better from the adults at the orphanage, and I did not have the heart to add one more betrayal to the burden she already carries.” She looked away. “And no, I don’t know what I would have done if she had refused, but this time I felt I had to ask. She was ready for the question, Luna. She deserved no less.”

“You are most likely correct, sister. But I do not deny that my heart did skip a beat.”

There was a sound and the two sisters looked to the entrance of the tent. Another mute orphan child had arrived.

Hello, Thomas...

---

There was something that felt... different. Like a touch, but it wasn’t on her skin, and it was everywhere! She didn’t know what it was. Even when she turned her head it was still there, but sometimes stronger sometimes weaker. It frightened her and she whimpered. Then, she felt something warm around her whole body. She was being held! She felt happier now, almost as happy as she had felt in the dream. She remembered it now. The pony princesses had moved their mouths and something new had come out, something that was like touching, but was everywhere. And she had understood!

She opened her eye a crack, and saw that she was in the arms of the pink pony. The pink pony looked at her and moved her mouth. “Mary.” Up close, she could tell that the new sensation seemed to come from the pink pony’s mouth. The pink pony touched her own chest with the pink hard thing at the end of her arm and her mouth moved again: “Rosy”. The pony poked her in the chest again. “Mary.” It was just like when they taught her to sign her name with her fingers. Suddenly she understood. She was Mary!

On the table next to hers, a little yellow pony raised its head and looked in her direction. It moved its mouth. “Mary!” This pony meant her. She pointed her arm at the pony, and noticed that she didn’t have a hand anymore. She had a blue arm, and just like the pony it had a hard thing at the end. She wondered how she could make signs without fingers.

Mary saw the other pony laugh. “Tee, hee, hee!” came from her mouth. And now she knew that those new sensations all around her came from people’s and pony’s mouths. This is what they did when they moved their mouths at each other. Maybe now she could understand better what they wanted. She grinned at the little yellow pony and waved her blue arm.

She turned back to look at the pink pony that was still holding her in her arms. She... Mary! ...was so happy. Mary placed her arms around the pink pony’s neck, and hugged her as hard as she could. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the sensations that came from all around her. She buried her face in the pony’s chest. It was so warm, and smelled so different from people. But it also smelled really good, and the fur tickled her nose.

And then, something caught her attention. Despite all the new and confusing sensations, one stood out. It beat a steady thump-thump, thump-thump. Mary smiled and knew that she was not alone, at least for now, because she felt, and for the very first time heard, the beating of the pink pony’s heart.

Author's Note:

I wrote the conversion dream sequence as part of the TCB event June 2013. It was added into the original version of this chapter.

Comments

[Lord Chit Chat]

"Sometimes she could even feel the beat of their heart, and that was the best of all, because then she knew with a certainty that none of her other senses provided, that she was not alone."
I would personally rephrase this, as I needed to read it a few times before it sounded right. It is entirely up to you, however.
"Sometimes she could even feel the beat of their heart, and that was the best feeling of them all, because then she knew with absolute certainty, which none of her other senses could provide, that she was not alone."

"She started to breath hard and her tears fell."
My English is not perfect, far from it, but I never heard the phrase "Breath Hard". So I'll just ask if it's breathe hard?

"Up close, she could tell that the new sensation seemed to come from the ponk pony’s mouth."
Pink, I'm guessing.

Otherwise, this story is so...inspiring and beautiful. A manly tear was shed. Jolly good job, sir. jolly good job.

[Dafaddah]

2265545

Thanks! Edits done

[Dafaddah]

2265715

Thanks again (and mightily) for the edits. Even more thanks for the kind words!

Dafaddah

[MrAlbum321]

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.

Story Title: A Newfoal Noel

Author: Dafaddah

Reviewed by: MrAlbum321

Summary: What happens when you take a standard, charming Christmas story and infuse a surprisingly original element into it? You get a conflicted story, where the original element fights to burst from the trappings of the standard Christmas story format, which it eventually does in the Prequel chapter. However, the execution of this strange mingling of originality and familiarity leaves a lot to be desired, which is a shame in more ways than one. And yet, the classic Christmas cheer manages to shine through, and for many readers, that's all that matters in a Christmas story. Then again, that original element is far more interesting than most any wholesome Christmas story, which leaves readers hungering for some expanding on that idea.

Full Review

Score: 6.5/10

Reviewer Recommendations: Clean up your dialogue paragraphs, work on incorporating descriptions of the surroundings of the characters, and make sure that the reader has a clear vision on what the characters do and why they do what they do, without resorting to saying "This is what X character does" within the story.

Also: Expand upon this "Newfoal" concept, maybe not in this story, but in future stories. The storytelling potential of this idea is VERY powerful, as seen in the Prequel chapter. Don't let that potential go to waste!

[Dafaddah]

2391925

Thank you for your quite comprehensive review. The reason I started writing stories on FIMfiction was to get exactly this type of coaching, which I hope will help me grow as a writer. So, again, thank you!

From your comments I can see that you're not familiar with the Conversion Bureau storyline, which is always the risk of setting a story in a fan-generated setting. You are quite right that the Christmas aspect in the first story is not actually the central theme of the story. In fact it's merely a device that provides both an excuse to expose the protagonists inner conflict (their sense of a loss of identity) and the mechanism to resolve it (the family albums and certificates allowing them to keep their names).

This story was inspired by historical accounts of what Irish orphans experienced during the Great Potato Famine.

The prequel was an experiment to see if I could write a story from a three year old's PoV. I've have two kids and so I felt I had a reasonable chance at portraying the inner life of such a young person.

Both stories are about what really matters to people. I'm glad you like the basic idea, but these stories tend to take a lot out of me emotionally. Still I do intend to write more stories in this series. And maybe do some reworking of the first chapter based on your excellent advice!

Thanks again.

Dafaddah

[jaramat]

So you wanted to know what did I like about this story?
Well, first of all, it's well written. I didn't see much mistakes.
Second, it's heart-warming. At first, I was reluctant to read it because of that "Sad" category tag, but then I said to myself "screw it, let's get it over with". And I'm not regretting my decision now. You have received a star on my personal fanfics list!
...and third, it's about TCB newfoals. I'm kinda into this...uh...stuff. Yeah.

So once again, good work with this story and thank you!

[Dafaddah]

2671417

Thanks for the feedback. This is one of those stories on a knife's edge between tragedy and hope. I'm very glad you liked it.