Aaron Jacobson is a Flight Engineer aboard the MIRV-03, a vessel launched in last-ditch attempt to continue Humanity's legacy after its inevitable doom.
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash watch from the Library and the sky as a shooting star becomes a burning ball of plasma headed straight for the Everfree Forest.
Will the crew of the starship survive the crash? How will the ponies react to the new species?
Warning: Contains some violence (thus the Teen content rating); and more importantly is my first story (thus the probably trashy quality).
Criticisms are appreciated.
Chapters (4)
This is interesting so far, keep writing, I'll follow it.
1808318
Will do, and thanks for the comment. I already have the next few chapters written in essence, I'm just polishing them up for publishing.
Hm I am wondering how this will continue.
Also it seems their mission is a failure as there are no more females alive.
Unless they have something stored that can replace a female womb.
1808930 agreed, also i can only imagine what they will think when they find them in cryo. Or will you have them wake up on impact or near it? maybe kill off the other guy?
1809136 Hm I dunno. Firstly the only one that has been in the story so far is our engineer, but the other one is a scientist and that may make things interesting. So wether he lives or dies is up to how RayneBowDash wants the story to go.
Also are they going to speak the same language or a different one? Here it would be a bit strange for them to speak the same language as they have traveled 10000 years away from earth.
If he does make them speak different languages, he could take the long road and make them learn it from Twilight or use a shortcut and use some sort of language machine or make twilight use a language spell.
As for the fact wether they find em in cryo or they find em defrosted. I think it would be more fun if they found em in cryo and then accidentally wake them up.
1809160 You make a good point i think they SHOULD accidentally wake them up from cryo but personally the different language thing although realistic tends to annoy me a bit.
1809160
1809282
I love the technical discussion that's going on here; it's given me a few ideas for the far future of the story (mostly in the form of how to think about different species meeting, the topics you're discussing I already decided on). I'll incorporate the realism factors into a couple of the more questionable plot devices I had been contemplating, but I think some things have to be a little unrealistic just to keep the story going without making use of cheap gimmicks (language spell, anyone?).
1810952 Hey don't laugh. Twilight's talent is magic so of course she could do a translate spell.
1811044 Legit
1810952 can you give us a spoiler are they going to accidentally wake him up? PLOX! that's all i really want to know .... well that and the language thing. OH! and is the new chapter almost out? although it might be cause i have an un-read update i haven't checked yet.
1811087
Almost done editing the next chapter, it should come out today. But be warned, it doesn't answer a couple of the questions you have, and the next update will probably be in a week or so.
1811430
In hoof, perhaps?
Hooves, not hoofs.
A couple of random caps here and there too, but only a couple. Other than that, I've liking this so far.
Are we going to see the glorious military power of the human race? Don't you dare tell me that they don't have weapons on board.
1812257
Thanks for the feedback, I'll see about making those corrections.
1812264
I do believe I mentioned an armory somewhere in the first chapter? Don't worry, my friend, your entertainment is safe with me.
1812275
Yes, but you said those weapons weren't for killing, but merely displaying humanities technological strength. Also, what level of technology where the humans at before this? Laser guns? Plasma? Power Armour? Force Fields? Fusion Reactors?
Chapter 1:
with awesome sauce.
Chapter 2: Woosh should not be capitalized. Sorry, OCD. Even so, great!
1812305
Because I think this is a necessary point to flesh out, I don't consider this a spoiler. Humanity is still using projectile weaponry, although think more along the lines of handheld gauss rifles and rail-guns. Older technology such as bullet-based assault rifles and slug/buckshot-based shotguns also exist, although they are improved upon in ways that you would expect over the course of a hundred or so years (computerized sights, etc.). Primitive power armor, live HUD's, portable thermal scopes, and others are all there. Plasma weaponry exists, and there is a weapon that utilizes such technology on the ship, but it is rather inefficient and meant more for display than anything. Human technology has not advanced enough to allow Fusion Reactors or Force Fields, and as you can see the ship runs on old Oxygen and Hydrogen fuel technology. Essentially; Humanity has advanced itself in the fields of robotics and engineering, as well as information technology (see: holo-display), but such technologies as shields and invisibility cloaking have eluded them.
On the subject of how the weaponry is meant for display rather than killing: it is all very much active, and can easily kill, but it was never put in the ship with the intent to be used. That's all I'm going to give you for now.
Nice chapter, bro. I have but one gripe.
Y U NO MAKE LONGER CHAPTERS!
Seriously. It was over too quick.
1812390
But we're working on invisibility cloaks right now, in real life, how can we not have them in the story? Anyway, pretty sexy story, fav'd and thumbed up.
**EDIT**
Shouldn't they at least be using Thorium reactors?
And like, favorite, watch.
1812331
Fix'd, thanks for the feedback
1812399
The first few chapters are short and to the point to get the story started. Later, I might start writing some longer chapters, but be prepared for longer waits.
1812404
Both your original and edited points are very good. On the invisibility point, you're correct, we are already getting close... But the options currently are limited to usage underwater and on very small objects. The best anyone's done thus far (IRL) is to cloak a small object from microwaves, and don't get started on radar cloaking. This story runs on the assumption that humanity just never really figures out the whole practical invisibility thing. As for the Thorium reactors, I anticipated your question and tell you only to be patient.
I must read later.
Moar!
More
1812515
Google: quantum invisibility
I have no idea if it is a hoax, but apparently several armies have seen, and are interested in it.
Hm it does seem like they aren't really friendly to aliens in Equestria.
They didn't even attack them and yet they immediately restrain and put them to sleep.
Nice first contact on their hand.
So far first contact looks great. *sarcasm*
Awesome story though.
Not bad I will follow
1821854
Um... I fail to see what's so wrong with it? It helps to separate out the computer's dialogue from the rest of the story. If you're worried about it being associated with greentext (4chan) or meme arrows (not sure who came up with this, but it's the same thing with a worse name), don't, it's a reference to old computer terminals and text-only UI's, from a time before GUI's existed. Although, my version takes a sort of "meta" approach to the concept; the format is normally "diskname">: text, but I'm going >>, which implies that the computer is granted complete root access to everything (as it would be in the case of a custom OS made for the upkeep of an manned intersolar craft).
1821877 Censoring.
He doesn't like that you censored shit.
I seriously hope that the humans don't get massively butt raped in this story. I also hope their technology doesn't get compromised way too easy. That irks me to no end.
Is this the end?
1911558
No sir, I just had a bit of a family issue for a while. Next chapter is still in production.
Maybe some dialogue would help, and what all the characters are thinking.
For Example:
Fleeing, he dashed toward the exit, opened it with a grunt, and dived out, hitting the floor 20 feet below and dissipating the impact with a forward roll. It was either this and hope that the atmosphere was breathable, or the aliens with hacksaws.
Then maybe curse something as he flies through the air and hits the ground.
Also this part, it would seem more interactive if it was a dialogue, not just a thought.
Celestia, thought Runner, this is creepy as all Tartarus. --> "Celestia, this is as creepy as Tartarus." Runner said as he explored the interior of the metal corridors.
Just some suggestions. Can't wait to read more! :)
Moar! Moar! MOAR!
I'm pretty sure that the earths population will max out at ~10 billion, as that's already twice what it can sustain. At least not without magical food vats.
1811430 4 weeks later....
Anyway, I would like to point out that anything that is rated to withstand micro meteors (which a starship that survived 10k+ years would have to be) is not going to be opened with anything short of an industrial strength metal saw, or cutting laser.
Anyway, When's the next chapter coming out?
Ponies are douches in most stories on fim. why?
I would just like to point out that twilight doesn't own spike...
WRITE MORE PLZZZ
1992955
Xenophobia. See: Zecora episode.
Comments were posted nine weeks ago, new chapter soon?
2009348
Second.
Dude you said you'd update over eleven weeks ago.Sorry to be predictable and complain about the lack of updates, but...
bitch asshole ponies
no offense, but that's what I got from this.
2455546
Better than big bad evil humanity V.S. perfect goody-goody two-shoes ponies.
To those complaining/otherwise (deservedly) angry about my extremely long, unannounced hiatus, I will tell you why the aforementioned gap occurred and give this story a much-needed update in a little while. Seriously, this time.
2458111 c:
to be fair, I would probably act the same way if aliens came crashing down and I was sent into the spaceship to like, look at stuff. . .
I like the story but just one thing.
With all the smoke, a gasmask would be mostly worthless. An SCBA (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus) would be better. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-contained_breathing_apparatus
If the ponies had something similar anyways. (Though with SCUBA gear, they should)
I have a strange feeling that you are dead. There hasn't been an update in five month.