With a side of sisterly love.
Confessions and Hash Browns for Breakfast
Celestia quietly stepped into the audience chamber. Luna was holding her court, and she did not want to interrupt. She proudly smiled at the improvements that Luna had made in adapting to the changes of Equestria.
She remembered the conversation she and Luna had when she feared that Luna was pushing too hard:
*****
Celestia had found Luna half-hidden behind a pile of books in their private study. Despite telling Luna not to push too hard, she constantly found her sister buried in her studies in various nooks in the castles.
Luna looked up from her latest text, as Celestia stepped in. Celestia reminded her that she was supposed to be resting, but Luna would nothing of it. “Sister, I am not going to languish around the castle doing nothing. I need to educate myself on what has transpired. I cannot do that properly without study.”
Celestia kindly shook her head. “You and Twilight sound like echoes of each other. You should not be pushing yourself this hard; I can handle the affairs of the court. Take your time, I want you to fully recover before having to delve back into the world of politics and kingdom management.”
Luna waived a hoof in dismissal of Celestia’s words. “You have handled the affairs of our ponies, on your own, long enough. I promise that when I weary I will retire to bed.” Luna looked cross at herself for a moment. “What I meant to say is, when I get tired I will go lie down.”
*****
Celestia's attention returned to the present, as Luna's court began to wind up. Celestia had watched over the months as Luna regained her physical strength and her powers. She knew that the Luna that she loved had come back. Yet, there was a question that she needed answered. It was a question she feared to ask.
Luna’s court concluded, and the assembled ponies began to file out. Each pony bowed to Celestia as they left the audience chamber. Celestia’s doubts about her own rule began to surface in her mind, as she cordially responded to her ponies' displays of deference.
After the last of the ponies left, Luna stepped down from the dais. She smiled up at her sister, as she asked,“How did I do this evening?”
Celestia smiled back, and answered, “You did very well. It appears you have taken your studies to heart.”
Luna's face showed her pleasure at receiving such a complement from her sister. “While I do not miss the pomp and circumstance of the old court, the change in rhythm of the proceedings threw me off at first. I think I am adjusting well enough.”
“You are doing an admirable job.” Celestia paused. This was the logical time to change her mind about her plan, if she wanted. She considered it for a moment, but Luna forced her hoof with her next words.
Luna tilted her head in concern, before asking, “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”
“I would like to talk to you, but you have to be tired. Get some rest, and we’ll talk over breakfast.”
Luna's wings started to spread in happiness at the though. “I have not had breakfast with you in days. I’m looking forward to it.”
*****
Luna walked into the royal dining room, while trying to stifle a yawn with her hoof. She greeted her sister, and sat down. Celestia sat at the head of the table, with Luna on her right. They both found the arrangement comfortable, and it allowed them to be close together.
Celestia smiled, noting her sister was still suffering from bed mane. “I hope you got some sleep. I know how taxing holding court can be.”
Luna took a sip of her coffee, before responding, “It’s funny, I do not find the proceedings as dull as I used to. Holding court again has given me the opportunity to learn more about what has transpired since I was gone. Getting facts from books is one thing, being part of what is going on is something else entirely.”
Luna anointed her hash browns with a generous amount of ketchup and devoured a forkful.
Celestia sighed, then addressed Luna in a regretful tone, “I wish I could take more time to help you with your transition. Everything has been so busy lately.”
Luna stopped mid-chew at her sister’s words. “Tia, you’ve helped me so much already. I did not even use the royal Canterlot voice last night. I hate to admit it though; I did slip and used ‘thou’ and ‘thy’ a couple of times.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Dear sister, not with your mouth full.”
Luna swallowed, before continuing, “After participating in the festivities of Nightmare Night, I thought that our ponies would be too scared to come to my court. I am glad to see that I was mistaken. Now that I have recovered, it has been wonderful to be a part of our ponies’ lives again.”
Celestia winced. “I’m afraid their fear was partially my doing. I hope that you don’t think too ill of me for doing what I did.”
Luna’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
Celestia looked down at the white table cloth in embarrassment. “I knew that there was a possibility that you would return without being in control. The festival started out as a remembrance for you. I subtly began to change it over time, and molded it to be a warning about Nightmare Moon.”
Luna thought about Celestia's actions, then nodded in admiration. “Very clever, our ponies certainly had not forgotten me. You should have seen their reactions, when Twilight Sparkle named me Nightmare Moon. They looked as if a hydra had suddenly descended upon them.”
Celestia was stunned. “You’re not angry?”
Luna grinned. “Not at all, I think it was a most ingenious plan.”
Celestia decided it was time to tackle the issue that she had put off for far too long. She made a point of looking around the room, before stating, “Luna, I asked that we be left alone this morning so that we could talk.”
Luna glanced around the room, and noticed that the royal guards were not at their stations. They were typically so quiet and still that she had not noted their absence. “I feel horrible. Our guards do so much for us and I didn’t even notice their absence. I will have to do something for them to make up for my lapse.”
Celestia nodded, in full agreement. “They do quite a lot for us, and deserve more recognition than what they typically receive. We can both do something for them later, but right now I want us to address a question that I have put off for too long.” Celestia slipped into her royal persona, before adding, “I have to ask you something and I want you to answer truthfully.”
Celestia’s tone worried Luna. Celestia only acted in such a way when discussing something of the deepest importance with her. In her concern, Luna slipped back into her old speech patterns as she replied, “I give you my most solemn oath to be forthright.”
Fully bracing herself, Celestia asked the dreaded question, “Were you aware all that time you were gone? Did you know that you were trapped during your time in the moon?”
Luna braced herself, in turn, knowing her answer would hurt her sister. She calmly replied, “Yes.”
Celestia trembled and dropped her head. “I waited over a year to ask you that question, for fear of that answer. I did not want to know that I had locked my sister in a fate that I would not wish on Discord himself.” Celestia maintained control of her voice, but it held a great deal of anguish. “How did you not go insane? How can you sit here with the beast that did such a thing to you? How can you be so forgiv...?”
Celestia stopped as Luna took her face in her hooves, and gently shushed her. Luna smiled at Celestia, before telling her, “Sister, you and our little ponies were the ones that kept me from going mad during that time.”
Celestia's face showed her doubt and regret, more than her voice revealed. “I could have kept you from changing if I had given you more help.”
Luna slowly shook her head, trying to reassure her sibling. “You know that is not true. You saw the signs, and did your best to warn me. I alone am to blame. I did nothing to leave the path that I was headed down, and I paid the price for my stubbornness.”
Celestia still would not be comforted. “I could have done more.”
Luna looked at her incredulously. “What could you have done? Would you have physically dragged me before our ponies? What a sight that would have been.” Luna turned to the empty room, and gestured grandly, as she addressed a phantom audience: “Citizens of Equestria I have hog-tied my sister and now cast her among you. I have advised her that she is suffering under the delusion that she is not loved. She will not believe my sage words, so it falls to you to bring her to her senses. You may use tickle torture to extract results, if you deem fit to do so.”
Celestia pleaded, “Please, do not mock yourself like that.”
Luna’s calm demeanor returned, as she retook her seat. “I should mock myself. One of the reasons that I fell into darkness was that I held myself as something far more important than I am. I thought I was not getting the attention that I deserved. I am hundreds of years old, and yet I acted no better than a young, spoiled foal.”
Luna’s face showed her inner turmoil. “With my powers, I could have caused irreparable harm to our ponies. I could have destroyed Equestria itself. Knowing this, I still allowed myself to give into petty emotions and baseless fears.”
Celestia looked at her sister reassuringly. “You did not harm anypony, and you did not end Equestria.”
Luna's eyes brimmed with tears, as she retorted. “I did harm somepony. By forcing you to banish me, I hurt you so traumatically that the elements will not respond to you. While I cannot see them, I know my actions left scars on you. I feel ill every time I think about how much pain I caused you.”
Luna began to softly beat her chest with a hoof as she spoke, in rhythm to her words, “I am the one that stayed aloof from our ponies. I am the one who locked herself way in dusty work rooms filled with tomes, and did not perform her royal duties. I am the one who did not listen to my sister. ”
Celestia's gaze fell to the floor. “I should have stopped you, not just as the ruler of Equestria, but as your sister.” Agonized tears flowed down Celestia’s face, as she continued, “I could not do anything for you as you suffered. I failed you completely, then banished you to a horror that you did not deserve.”
In Luna’s long life she had never seen Celestia so despondent. Her own tears forgotten, she put her hooves upon Celestia's shoulders, and shook her as she begged, “Stop this! You are stronger than this!”
Celestia’s next words were barely a whisper, “Not when it comes to my little sister.”
Luna pulled Celestia to her, and wrapped her wings around her in a comforting, enveloping hug. “You did more for me that you will ever know. I swear to you that it was you and our ponies that saved me.”
Celestia's voice trembled, as she asked, “How could I have? Every attempt I made to speed the process failed.”
Luna gently stroked Celestia's mane, as she explained, “You know of my ability to enter dreams. While I could not fully use my powers and enter them while on the moon, I could watch. I saw dreams of ponies enjoying the stars, romancing in the evenings, enjoying moonlit meals outside, and countless other things that affirmed their affection for my work. Our ponies’ dreams allowed me to fight back the deep fears and uncertainties that Nightmare Moon fed on.”
Celestia’s tears flowed. It took time for her to compose herself enough to speak again. “I feared that you were locked in some eternal darkness without sound, light, or sensation at all. I am so glad that you were able to reach our ponies dreams.” Knowing that her sister had not been completely isolated and sense deprived granted her a good deal of relief.
Luna gently nuzzled her sister’s mane. “There was something else that I saw during that time. I saw the dreams of a sister who loved me. I know you had nightmares about sending me to a fate worse than death. The thought of you suffering made me fight with more zeal. I also know that your happiest dreams were those where you had me back. Without your dreams, I would not have been able to push back the darkness that had taken me. I would have been completely lost.”
Celestia pulled away from Luna’s embrace and wiped the tears from her face. “Thank you for telling me that. Knowing that I helped you, even indirectly, has lifted a burden from me.”
Luna tenderly smiled, her own emotions still raw. “I had a very long time to ponder why I lost myself to darkness. I think the answer lies in the difference of our natures. My powers influence the seas, the beasts, and causes darkness to fall across the land. I can leap through the untamed realms of dreams, and shift those fleeting realities at whim. The moon itself changes with each night, waxing in waning in its cycle. I am much closer to being a thing of chaos and fear, so am more susceptible to their influence. I should have known this, and prevented such a thing from occurring.”
Luna put a hoof on Celestia’s chest. “You are the light that illuminates the world, and provide steadfastness and certainty. Your powers allow growth and progress. You cultivate knowledge, and share it with our ponies. Compared to you, it is little wonder that I fell.”
Celestia gave Luna a fragile smile. “You flatter me. I wonder if our ponies think so highly of me.”
Luna’s face showed her confusion at her sister’s words. “What do you mean?”
Celestia's seemed to wither, as she explained, “They seem to fear me. My own student even convinced Fluttershy that I would banish her over a prank that Philomena pulled. Perhaps, having them fear me is the price that I pay for your banishment.”
Luna found the notion completely ludicrous, and began to laugh uncontrollably.
Celestia looked at her sister in shock. “Why in the world are you laughing?”
Luna tried to composed herself, but an occasional giggle would make its way through, as she explained, “They do not fear you! I have seen their dreams, our ponies love you. Twilight Sparkle also thought that you were going to send her back to magical kindergarten, for missing her own self-imposed deadline. You cannot allow that one incident to shake you.”
Celestia agreed with her sister's words, but still was not convinced. “But, our ponies always seem so tense when I am near. Even in the most casual of settings they cannot treat me as just another pony.”
Luna smiled, glad her unique viewpoint would allow her to help her sister. “What you are seeing is the same kind of trepidation that foals have when they think that their actions might disappoint a beloved parent. They only want to be perfect for the pony that matters so much in their lives.” Luna’s face fell, as she reflected on her past. “I know what is like to be feared by our ponies. I will never forget the faces of our ponies when I first appeared to them as Nightmare Moon and tried to force my madness on the world. That is why attending Nightmare Night was so important to me. I wanted to be accepted by our ponies again, and not be thought of as the creature that I let myself become.”
Celestia solemnly stated, “I would have done anything to trade our places.”
Luna lightly bopped her sister on the nose. “I would have stopped you had you tried. It was not an experience I want to have again, but it was not the torment that you fear it was. I was able to learn about myself, our ponies, and you in ways that would not have been possible without my banishment. I am a better pony thanks to what happened, and I would not change it.”
Celestia's winsome smile returned at her sister's words. “You truly are something precious Luna. I am so glad to have you back safe and at home.”
“I am glad to be back.”
Luna picked up her fork again. She made a face as she found that her breakfast had gone cold.
With a quick spell, Celestia warmed up both of their meals.
Celestia levitated a bottle from the table and sprinkled its contents over her hash browns.
Luna wrinkled her nose. “I cannot fathom how you can eat that. It kills the taste of the food.”
Celestia glanced over at Luna, amused. “I have learned that I like hot and spicy food.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “If you want hot and spicy, you should see some of the dreams that some ponies have of you.”
Celestia almost choked on her mouthful of food. “I do not need to hear of such things.”
Luna cheekily continued, “You should be flattered that ponies admire your beauty. It is interesting to see the variety of situations that you are cast in. You name it, I have seen it. Mares and stallions both find you quite desirable.”
Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Do not make me use my trump card.”
Luna grinned. “Do your best sister.”
Celestia raised her head slightly and grinned, before saying, “Fields of over-sized jars of jelly.”
Luna recoiled and shuddered. “You win! I should have never told you about that pony’s dreams. I feel unclean just thinking about it, ugh.”
Celestia serenely went back to eating her breakfast, feeling much better for the talk. But what made her truly happy was that she had her sister back to share such moments.
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Very well done, just like before. You captured the dynamics between Celestia and Luna very well, and the moment of weakness from Celestia. You showed an important point, they are Sisters through and through.
I haven't read the original, but I really liked this story. Luna and Celestia were both rendered perfectly, and the way you present their relationship is just fantastic. Now I really need to check out the story that inspired this.
The ever-graceful Celestia seems a little too quick to tears in this story, but it's a believable conversation and a good exploration of some fanon. Works like this shape the way people think about ponies.
1798347 Thank you. I was held captive by the story until I got it written, I did not aim to make a piece that would reshape anyone's thoughts. It just sort of shaped itself.
1776416 Thanks! I have made some drastic changes to the story that inspired this one. Now, it's a lot more readable. I thought I had it polished, boy was I wrong.
1776385 Thank you again! It is very nice to see that you enjoy my stories enough to read more than one of them. As a starting author that means a lot.
1804433
I take pleasure in helping new writers, remember we've all been there.
Very sweet. Bravo!
Hi Random User, I'm from Authors helping Authors and I'm here to review your story.
Title: Catharsis and Hash Browns
Grammar: 6/10
Pros:
You have the right idea exploring an what Luna and Celestia are like behind closed doors
Good idea starting with the regal court and becoming more personal as the story progresses.
Cons:
1. Tell: You need to work on show over tell. For example:
You're telling the reader how Celestia feels rather than showing it. Body language is a good way show rather than tell. Does she smile? Is there a glimmer in her eyes?
How does she stifle her yawn? Did she raise a hoof to her mouth?
How does it worry her? Does she bite her lip? Sink into her chair?
2. Transitions
In your first part of the story it's hard to distinguish between when Celestia is at court and when she's flashing back to the library a simple divider like you used later would be very useful here. However, I would also suggest expanding upon the first part of the story where Celestia walks into the court in order to deal with issue #1
3. Double Spacing: You do this after almost every sentence that leads into another sentence. (This might just be an upload issue though)
Notes:
Here's some other things I noticed
If she's exasperated then why does she says she's adjusting well? Did you mean to say exhaustion? The paragraph works if you meant that. Otherwise, Luna is having a massive case of mood whiplash.
This is a really big line from Celestia, add something more than dialogue to show it. It can't be easy for her to say this and that's got to show in some way.
Add a "go" here.
Just a personal preference here, but I treat Royal Canterlot Voice as a proper now and capitalize all three parts of it.
This can be one paragraph since Luna (I'm assuming) is the one speaking.
You can replace the ellipses here with an EM dash (—)
I hope these suggestions can be of use to you. Moving on, I don't have a story in the actual group right now since I prefer to use google docs in reviews. If you're up for it here's I Don't Feel the Same
Sincerely,
Fullmetal Pony
1983144 Thank you for your review. I am a starting writer, and it's always helpful to get feedback from a more experienced author. You're suggestions will not only improve this story, but allow me to improve as a writer overall, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me.
Had a chance to flip through it, so here's my Authors Helping Authors review
Name: Catharsis and Hash Browns for Breakfast
Grammar score out of 10: 7
Pros:
-Nice depiction of sisterly love
-The idea that Luna could still visit dreams whilst exiled to the moon was interesting. Don't think I've seen a fic that's explored that at all.
-The bit where Luna addresses her phantom audience was a nice touch.
Cons:
-Pretty telly (though Fullmetal Pony already mentioned this)
-At times it felt like Celestia and Luna were little more than talking heads (this is called Talking Head Syndrome). Try adding more actions and such to break up the dialogue.
-Again, like Fullmetal Pony mentioned, scene transitions were rough and kinda detracted from the story.
Notes:
Just a few things that jumped out at me:
Not even when Celestia banished her to the moon? I'd be pretty despondent if I had to banish my sister to the moon.
Also, Celestia seemed to burst into tears a little too suddenly. Maybe have her fighting them off? Your fic, your choice.
Anyway, this is a nice little fic that could be much better if you touch it up in regards to what's been brought up.
Cheers!
1987075 Thank you for the feedback! I have wrestled with how to make the story a little less of the "talking head" variety. I have slowly been making improvements to this story, and thanks to reviews like yours, it has vastly improved.
Your take on Luna is similar to my own; no wonder you liked my story.
2546409 Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The story is one of my earlier ones, and it shows. However, it's one of my most heartfelt stories due to my relationship with my own sibling. I cannot see Luna as a helpless child. She is hundreds of years old and is a mare in her own right. She would not have instantaneously fallen to darkness. There had to be some friction between the two sisters some time before Luna's transformation. This was my way of looking at that, and an opportunity to explore what I thought their relationship would really be like. I may be completely wrong, but from my own experiences this seemed a very real possibility.
I am looking forward to taking a look at "Wonderbolt." Everything you have written has been great, and I want to see what you do with such a wonderful premise. The only thing that even makes me a little sad is that I know that your writing this story is taking time away from "Curse of Coltinado, which has become one of my all time favorites. I have a feeling, once I read this story, I won't worry about it all and I will have another favorite to look forward to.
Nice bit of character exploration going on here. Liked it immensely
Nice take on the theme of guilt between the two monarchs.
It is quite heart warming to be honest. It is soft, calm, doing over with most of the dramatics with a blade that cuts right to the point.
An admirable trait, even for a one shot such as this story here.
If only I were able to channel similar emotions and the like for my own stories through my writing like your own.
Oh well, one can be wishful I suppose.