11/10
Would read again.

I read the first part.
"rain starts pouring harder. t's not" < it's
"Friend. Huh." < all thoughts should be in italic, it is just easier.
Go into a little more detail I would say.

I am sorry but I am going to dislike it because you hurt Fluttershy. You bitch.

1718356
Sorry. New to this place. All of this was converted from greentext, so I'm not used to having all these extra options.
And if it makes you feel better, Fluttershy was my favorite pony at the time this was written.

1718360
Use google docs to do your work. Get some proof reader to help you with your work to.
I would say steer clear of sex and rape.

Plus don't make the character if a second person or first person blow his load in a paragraph this small
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You need SOME realism ;)

1718369
The rape was just to see if I could elicit feelings from people, without killing the ponies. That seemed too easy, and I generally have a "no killing" rule for mane characters. (lolpunz) I actually only wanted to write the first part, Bird Watching, and end it, but the rest was from constant requests.

As for the guy climaxing so fast, I wasn't trying to focus on the sex itself, since none of this was meant to be sexy. So I didn't drag it out.

Lastly, the quality is poor because I'm not a great writer, but also because this is my earlier stuff and I hadn't written anything for years prior. Bird Watching is probably the worst in terms of syntax, but if you read the rest, I DO get better.

Thank you for the helpful input.

1718513
It's the motherfucking Lulzies

Ah, this one. This is among the more touching AiE stories I've read, mainly because of the ending. Possession might seem kind of a cop out at first, but we've had 'corrupting alicorn amulet' just now, so screw that.

It's actually a little difficult to keep track of all the good AiE on Pastebin, honestly, since some writers up and vanish, and the new guys one never hears about!

And so it begins. Excellent...

Story in itself was fucking awful. The ending had a nice twist though. Well written, but rape fics are still awful. Would have been 8/10 but imma have to give it 7/10 just because Anon starved himself to death at the end. Story was enjoyable and I might even read it again.

Good job all around.

1721031
I just delete unhelpful comments like that.

I don't care if you don't like the story. I don't really EXPECT people to "enjoy" it. Just downvote and be on your way. If you feel the need to TELL me you don't like my story, give me a real reason why.

Great to see you're stuff has migrated from just the threads. Hopefully you'll be writing more often.

1721058 I actually upvoted it, I meant awful as in "rape stories are awful". I said the story was well written and I might read it again. Read the whole comment before assuming something.

1721668
I'm assuming? I wasn't even talking about your posts, seeing as I left all of them on here.
I was speaking generally, about the people who just posted one word of spam, or a picture complaining about the content and nothing more.

1721698 Ok sorry bout' that. You replied to the guy that replied to my comment, thats why I thought you were directly referring to me.

this was funny.

1723459
It gets that reaction sometimes.

1723478 Don't most rape fics?

Funny and silly but the ending was way too obvious. Still liked it.

They are much more forgiving, in our world it wouldn't matter if you were being directly mind controlled, the punishments still exist

At first I was like, WHAT THE HELL MAN! Regardless, I could not stop reading. Faved and up-voted

1724775
Because she was drunk.
Also, I TRIED to make it clear that Derpy liked him, too, but I guess I didn't.

Too simplistic for me to call it a good story. It also seems to very strongly escalate the further it went, if that was because of the "possesion" or someone getting used to what he was writing, I was unsure. I didnt downvote the story because I barly ever see a reason to, but I do well any story with a chapter below 1k words should be rethought and writen.(There also was not much of a plot, or characters, the ending was unimplied(for all but the escalation) and felt like a copout. Not terrible, but ambitionless.

And no, I am not saying this because it is a rape story. I am probably one of the few people who legmiatly enjoys reading well writen and executed rape stories, but this just felt like an unguided first effort.(though you got me to comment on it.. just because these are rather rare stories to see)

1731342
It actually WAS an unguided first effort. I really didn't put a lot of thought into them and just wrote them as I went along. Not the best thing to do, I know, but hey, this was some of the first things I wrote.
And yeah, I wrote this over the course of about a month, so in my opinion, my skills grew a little as I went on.
Sorry you didn't like it more, but I'm glad you didn't hate it.

1731360 The fact that you didn't rage makes me have more faith in you then some writers I have seen. Considering you admit to it being a first effort and without plan I don't hold the story against you. If I seemed harsh or sounded like I wanted you to stop writing I am sorry. I do think you should continue writing more(I saw you already have a 2nd story up, good) and shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwhise, but still keep up to reading feedback and critique, it certainly helps with becoming better.

(Personally I also think that if you are able to find some proofreader or just someone you know who is willing to read your story and give some heartfelt and honest feedback before posting a story up that could also go a long way to improving.)

Goodluck

I honestly never get tired of reading this.

1737321
Oh hey. Didn't know you were on here! Small world.

1778769
Who is best pony?
I say Scootaloo, but out of the mane 6, Twilight.

1778769
Mad. All the mads.

1851847
It's not for everyone.
And, yeah, I know what you mean. Writing that Derpy chapter made me feel terrible.

1896491
It's not a troll fic and it's not a clop fic. Clop is supposed to be sexy; none of this is meant to be sexy.

1909501
Good thing this story does not involve tape in any way, shape, or form, nor was it a troll fic.
Funny how that works out.

2307554
Yeah, this was kind of a failed experiment. I want to make people feel bad, but also wanted to explore the mind of someone doing bad things, but feels guilty about it.

You know, I would love to see a sequel to this. Perhaps anon actively trying to make amends to Fluttershy. He must still have feelings for her, as her initial rejection is what caused him to be possessed in the first place.

Or perhaps as an act to cease his depression, he attempts to recreate the feelings he had while possessed, assaulting other ponies, and maybe revisiting old ones.

Personally I was a little disappointed that only one of the princesses were violated. I'd like to see Celestia get put in her place for once... Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen a rape fic where Celestia was a victim.

2598629
I KIND of have an idea for a sequel where he tries to talk to Fluttershy. I have bits and pieces of it written. Right now I'm stuck between writing it and just letting this story die.

As for the Celestia thing, I considered it, but all of these characters were suggested by other people, and shockingly, nobody suggested Celestia. Funny, that.

2769036
I won't lie, writing that part was hard.

2781955
I ask people to help. But nobody ever helps.

2782007

well if you still need help, I'm always up for some pre reading.

2782057
Well, I don't write greentext anymore, so that shouldn't be the problem.

2972246
Yeah, some people think it's funny.

awesome chapters can't wait for the squeal

4434412 I'm glad you liked it, but I highly doubt there will ever be a sequel.

4444765 Well... Um... I have actually been writing my own unofficial sequel that is ongoing. I thought that seeing what happened after the ending would be interesting so I started writing my own little idea of what I thought could happen. I just thought a continuation of the ending could have such potential.

I feel like such an a-hole... It didn't even occur to me to write to you about this until now. I am such an idiot... I hope you're not too mad...
I have two chapters written (and I'm working on the third) if you want to look at it. I have given you credit for the original story (as well as a link to it) and made it clear it is just my unofficial spin on it.
And again... I am very sorry mate... My brain just seriously crapped out...

Story

4477551 I don't mind if you make more. Thank you for crediting me.

......Meh, it's not a big deal.

4684513 Beg pardon?

4686514 It's not as big of a deal as the others were making it out to be, I've seen worse things on this site anyway.

4686873 Ah. I didn't know people were making a deal out of it.

4689603 Well reading the comments it seemed that way. Anywho, no one gives a shit about Trixie

This was a nice read but why did you just end it like that!?

4791143 Two main reasons.
Reason 1: I feel that not a lot of stories have "bad" endings, so that may stay with the reader longer. Also, I tried to build Anon up as a sympathetic character, and having everyone just suddenly forgive him would have ruined that. This way the reader is left wondering what happens. Unsatisfying, maybe, but as a lot of people have told me, it sticks with you.

Reason 2: I'm a hack writer who takes the path of least resistance and it was easier to stop short than to come up with a real ending.