Bonus Chapter- Aren't We Forgetting Something..?
“…and that’s how it all happened, from start to finish. It all sounds a bit far-fetched when I say it out loud like that, I must admit,” Rarity set her chopsticks down at the top of her plate before turning and smiling at the pony who sat next to her, “but it couldn’t have worked out more perfectly for the two of us.”
Octavia nodded, her eyes sparkling in the low light of the White Lily as her own chopsticks stirred her noodles idly. “I could not agree more,” she said softly before turning her gaze to the pony who sat across the table from the couple. “After that night, Rarity made the decision to spend an extra week or two here in Canterlot so that we could see more of one another. She told me that to leave when she was supposed to would not feel right and I told her that I agreed. We–” the earth pony’s cheeks flushed demurely as she stole a glance at the unicorn next to her once more and Rarity felt her own cheeks grow warm at the adoration in the other mare’s eyes, “–we needed more time together before we had time apart.” Octavia finished finally, her soft words carrying easily in the quiet of the empty restaurant as she reached up with her free hoof and touched the amethyst that hung at her throat.
Rarity’s smile grew as she turned back to Silver Blossom, the third pony at their table. “We wanted to figure a few things out before we parted ways, the most important of which being how we were going to go about this long-distance relationship and then how long we may have to do it.” The unicorn gave her mane a gentle toss and, not for the first time, she was happy that the restaurant was deserted. It can be a bit awkward to spill ones innermost feelings with strangers listening. “Since we confessed our feelings a week ago, Octavia and I have spent almost every waking moment together. She took time away from the quartet to be with me and, since my business here in Canterlot is complete, I didn’t have anything to do but be with her.”
“We have spoken on many things,” said Octavia, taking up the lead once more. “How often we should see one another, how long each of our visits should be.” She gave Rarity another smile. “Rarity has been very insistent that we take things slowly because we still need to be our own mares, as she so rightly put it, and I learned enough from Vinyl to know better than to move in with a pony too quickly.”
“Quite right,” said Rarity. “And besides, you have the Grand Galloping Gala to rehearse for now! That must not be sacrificed for time with me,” she reached out with a hoof and touched Octavia’s softly and, at her touch, Octavia brought her gaze back to Rarity’s, “because I am going to be here for you no matter what.” Rarity finished breathlessly, her heart pounding in her chest at the love that she could feel coming from the other mare. No matter what we realized about making a pony into an idealized version of who they are, she is perfect and there is nothing that can make me believe otherwise.
Silence settled comfortably between the pair as they proceeded to gaze lovingly at one another, but before Rarity could get hopelessly lost in Octavia’s eyes once more, the pony sitting across from them spoke.
“Well it certainly took the two of you long enough,” said Silver Blossom as she lifted another bite of rice with her own chopsticks, her eyes bright as they darted from Octavia to Rarity and back again. “I was beginning to wonder if Octavia-chan would ever gather the courage to confess her feelings to you.” The silver mare popped the rice into her mouth nonchalantly as her words sank in, and in a heartbeat, Octavia tore her eyes away from Rarity to level a flustered glare at her cousin, her cheeks coloring even brighter than before.
“S-Silver Blossom, urusai yo!” she hissed, her ears folding back towards her mane. Silver Blossom arched an eyebrow at Octavia as she chewed, and in return, Octavia’s eyes narrowed as her muzzle scrunched indignantly. Rarity felt her lips quirk into a smile and she had to bring a hoof to her mouth to stifle the giggle that was trying its best to wiggle its way out of her throat. I may not know much Neighponese yet, but you don’t have to be an expert to know ‘shut up’ when it’s said, she thought.
Blossom swallowed her bite and rolled her eyes at her cousin. “Gomen, Octavia-chan… but it’s true.” She sighed softly and gave Octavia a small, repentant smile before turning her deep brown eyes to Rarity. “Rarity, you are getting to know Octavia-chan very well, yes?”
The unicorn grinned behind her hoof and the giggle that had threatened her earlier slipped through her lips. “I’d like to think so, yes,” she said, her smile growing.
“And you wish to continue getting to know her, yes?”
Rarity’s eyes went to Octavia once more and, without hesitation, she reached her hoof out and looped it around Octavia’s. “Until there is nothing more to know,” she said softly.
Blossom nodded sagely, her chopsticks still held firmly with her forelegs despite the fact that she had eaten the last morsel of food from her plate. “Then as a pony who cares for Octavia-chan very much, I will do something for you: I will tell you her deepest, darkest secret.” Octavia’s eyes widened, and, as one, she and Rarity turned their gaze to Blossom. Before either of them could say anything, however, the dark haired earth pony nodded and spoke again. “Her deepest secret is… that she always puts other ponies above herself. Her dreams, her goals, her happiness – they have always come second to somepony else’s dreams, goals, and happiness.” Blossom’s eyes softened as she offered her cousin a gentle smile. “She is my sister, no matter our birth parents, and it brings me great joy to see her happy.”
“Silver Blossom…” Octavia whispered, and Rarity glanced at her just in time to see a tear start its way down her cheek.
“However,” Silver Blossom’s voice suddenly became very calm and, when Rarity turned back to her, the other mare’s expression was cool and emotionless. “This also means that Octavia can and will sacrifice her happiness to make you happy, Rarity.” The earth pony finally lowered her chopsticks to the table and, as Rarity watched, she pressed them firmly against the table top with their tips pointing directly at the unicorn. “You must promise me that you will do whatever it takes to ensure that this does not happen.” Blossom arched an eyebrow at Rarity. “Do you promise?”
Next to her, Rarity heard Octavia let out a sort of strangled half-gasp that bespoke surprise and shock. Rarity blinked in confusion, but finally she nodded and gave Blossom a strong smile.
“Of course I do,” she answered confidently. “I would never allow the mare that I love to sacrifice for me while I do nothing to help her.” She squeezed Octavia’s hoof with her foreleg. “If we are in this we are in this together, and if there’s one thing my friends in Ponyville have taught me, it’s that if one part of a team suffers, the whole team suffers.” Her smile became a grin. “Is that enough of a promise for you, Silver Blossom?”
The earth pony’s eyes searched her own for several long seconds and, just when Rarity was beginning to feel a creeping sense of discomfort in her chest, Silver Blossom’s lips curved into a soft, satisfied smile.
“More than enough,” she said quietly. Her hoof suddenly moved her chopsticks to the top of her plate and Rarity felt more than saw Octavia relax next to her. “But that brings up another important subject,” Silver Blossom continued, withdrawing her hoof to her lap. “When will you be meeting each other’s friends and families? Certainly before a marriage proposal, I would hope.” She leveled a pointed gaze at Octavia and, in spite of the look not being directed at her, Rarity blushed right along with the other mare.
“M-marriage!” breathed Rarity with a giggle. “S-Silver Blossom, give us a little bit of time! I… I love Octavia, to be certain, but marriage–”
“–is something that we both must be ready for,” Octavia finished for her. Rarity nodded briskly, but when her eyes met Octavia’s, she saw glowing eagerness and desire that mirrored her own and, somewhere deep inside her, Rarity felt that perhaps things may not move quite as slowly as she thought they might. “But you are right about one thing, Blossom,” Octavia continued after a moment. “We will most certainly have to meet with our families before anything permanently and legally binding happens.” Her hoof squeezed Rarity’s firmly and the unicorn felt another thrill race up her back.
“So, you will be traveling back to Neighpon to visit your home, then?” Blossom asked quietly, her eyes full of concern. “To have Rarity meet your father, Lilac Shimmer, Maple and… her?”
“Of course,” Octavia said with a nod, “though, it will have to be after the Gala is complete. I’m certain Frederick would die if I tried to leave before that.” She turned a smile to Rarity. “But perhaps I can meet your family sooner than that? I would love to come to Ponyville and see your home.”
The unicorn grinned broadly. “And to meet my friends, of course – they’re practically my sisters now, after all!” To her delight, Octavia’s cheeks colored and she smiled happily.
“Nothing would make me happier.”
“Soon, then?” asked Rarity with a wink.
“Very soon,” replied Octavia with a giggle.
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Are there any plans for a sequel?
I was half expecting for the rest of the Mane Six to pop out of nowhere in an attempt to "save" Rarity from Canterlot. That would have been awkward
So that's what you're doing next, huh? I totally look forward to it.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4hshlnpxV1r3zat8.gif
5435632
Hey! I'm glad you liked it, Morfonious! And I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a very productive year for me, so I hope I'll continue to see you around! :3
5466125
Thank you very much. It was kind of hard finishing this story; it's been such a big part of my life in the past 2 years and has seen me improve my writing so much that it was hard to write the ending... but it was worth it, and I wouldn't trade the time I used to write this for anything. Thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you enjoyed it. ^-^
5478679
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyybbbbbbbeeeeeeeee...
...okay yes, there are definitely plans for a sequel. Part of me doesn't think I should do any more with them because this story ended PERFECTLY and I'd hate to be that author who worked with an idea so much it started to suck... but the rest of me says "YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY STOP WRITING THESE TWO THEY ARE PERFECT TOGETHER AND YOU MUST SHOW THE WORLD THE DEPTHS OF THEIR PERFECTION".
I'm still not sure who's winning, but there are plans in the works for a sequel. XD
5479449
O_O
...DAMMIT that would have been HILARIOUS!! XD Maybe I'll make a little addendum to the bonus chapter...
5481800
I'm definitely playing around with the idea. I don't really know if I can stop myself from doing it, though- I've totally fallen in love with this pairing and I'm not sure I could keep from writing more with them.
I do have other projects that beg my attention now that WMHL is done, but I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of this particular pair. X3
I think I've said this before, but I'll say it again because it's relevant.
I LOVE how you treat Japanese culture in this fic. It never reaches that "weeaboo" level of fangirling over a culture. It's just... there. In a good way. It's meant to be another culture, and nothing else. It informs us of Octy's character, helps us understand where she comes from, and gives her something to set her apart from Rarity, even if only slightly. It's not there to drool over a culture.
My grandfather was a major Japanophile (he did some service there in WWII) so it's really great to see someone with your talent having that same, healthy appreciation for a culture that, lets be real, gets way too much tongue bathing nowadays.
5555510
That whole line was the entire reason this story was written, as a matter of fact. XD I think in each one of my stories I have one line or one scene that was the wellspring of the entire idea, and for WMHL the line "that is where my heart lives, and that is where my home shall be" was that line. ^_^
I'm so glad that you stuck through to the end, and I'm even more glad that you enjoyed the end! As I got closer to it I started to get a little nervous because I wasn't certain that I'd be able to get everything in that I wanted to, and in fact the end of the scene at the concert (where Rarity runs to the stage) was originally going to be much, much longer and involve her sneaking around backstage looking for Octavia while Octy looked for her, but really it ended up breaking the mood too much so I had to improvise. XD I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out, but I'm beyond happy with how it DID turn out. :3
It was quite a journey, but it was one well worth the time. Thank you for reading! ^_^
5555531
This whole bonus chapter was another scene that I had in my head that I just couldn't let slip through my fingers. While I was researching Japanese etiquette I came across a whole section on just chopstick etiquette- whether you should share them, how to use them if you have to dip out of a communal serving dish, etc.- and one that stuck out to me was the fact that it is incredibly impolite to set them on the table pointing at someone, specifically because it indicates that you are threatening them.
Needless to say, I couldn't get the idea of a pony threatening somepony else with chopsticks out of my head, so this had to happen. XD
It's amazing to get validation for the effort and research that I put into making Octavia a believable Japanese character, as I was very uncertain as to how it would be received. After all, the accepted canon, as we've discussed before, is the Octavia with the British accent who is uptight for no discernible reason other than she simply is, and I wasn't certain that I could pull off a change to her that would feel as natural. Now that I've written WMHL I can't see Octavia any other way, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know that at least one other person feels the same.
I also did my level best to ensure that I did give a very realistic feel to Octavia as opposed to giving her "weeaboo" traits, and every second of research, sweating over her dialogue and agonizing over her reactions is absolutely worth it to hear that she feels natural. Thank you so much- it really means the world to me to get comments like this. ^-^
Well, that was quite a good story. The way you built up the attraction between Rarity and Octavia was almost flawless and you had an interesting twist on the usual way that Octavia is portrayed to make her into an interesting character.
There were some issues though, I know that with the number I list it will sound like I didn't like the story but for me to find ones like this it takes a story I did like. Anyway, you accidentally coded Rarity male in a few of the scenes, like when shes listening to Octavia play jazz in the magic hat club and she thinks "I have to talk to her… I have to make her feel better, somehow… I have to. I have to!" That is a very male thing for someone to think, on top of it being rather out of place to think about a performance. You also do the 'I have to fix her' thing again later after the fight, plus another overly male thing is wanting to make her a special gift, I think it would have worked a bit better if Rarity thought of it more as adding something special to Octavia's dress, rather than a means of professing her love.
The fight was the other big issue I had, I just can't see it playing out like that, having Octavia suddenly getting worried about her privacy makes sense, but Rarity's reaction to it feels really out of place. Pretty much this whole paragraph "Rarity felt the insult like a physical blow, and that angered her even more. “Oh is that so?” she hissed in return. “Well perhaps if you weren’t so concerned with keeping your life PRIVATE you could actually have FRIENDS!” She took an aggressive step towards Octavia. “PERHAPS if you weren’t so tight-lipped about information about yourself you could actually SEE WHEN PONIES ARE TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!” She took a final step towards the earth pony, her eyes blazing with furious anger. “AND PERHAPS if you were more like your sister Snow Blossom YOUR FATHER WOULD LOVE YOU MORE!!!”" is whats wrong with the fight. I just can't see Rarity saying anything in it, on top of the fact that both of her attacks don't seem to have any basis. I don't remember Octavia telling her that she didn't have many friends or that she was jealous of her sister getting all her fathers attention or really anything related to this.
I get that you wanted both sides to contribute to the fight, but it probably would have worked better if it was mostly just Octavia having a sudden fear reaction to someone trying to look her up, especially since at the end its mostly Octavia who apologizes anyway.
Really the only other thing I can think of that I had an issue with was the music and how it was practically orgasmic, but I think that's mostly because pretty much every story with Octavia and/or Vinyl Scratch have this element. If this had been the first time I saw it I think it would have been fine.
Anyway, as I said, I really enjoyed the story and I hope my critique can help with some of the minor issues.
5728713
I'd say it would be hard to write a story involving either Vinyl or Octavia and NOT have a decent portion of it be focused around music, since both of them are highly musical ponies. You COULD, certainly, but as someone who fell in love with music at a very early age I really wanted to push the power and beauty of music when played by someone with incredible talent and emotion. That's the big reason I did it that way and I'm glad that I didn't execute it poorly, at the very least.
The fight scene was a little hectic, I'll grant you, but while Rarity DID jump to several conclusions in what she said she had a grounded basis for each of them. In her conversation with Beauty Brass near the beginning, Beauty mentioned that none of their quartet had ever seen Octavia's home or really done much socially with her, and Rarity jumped to the conclusion that Octavia doesn't have friends. Whether it's correct or not that's where Rarity's thoughts went and it was the first thing she could think of that was hurtful to say. As for the part with Snow Blossom, Rarity pieced together parts of the conversations she had with Octavia in the White Lily and used it against her. It's all there, trust me. XD It might seem to come from out of the blue, but understand that if Rarity was having an emotional day then so was Octavia, and the wrong tonality (i.e. Octavia finding out that Rarity was asking all and sundry about her) turned all of those swirling emotions into anger and they both responded in kind. It's a mess, it's chaotic, it's a huge fight and there's often very little logic that goes into it.
The only thing in your comment that bothers me is saying I "accidentally coded Rarity male". I did no such thing- I wrote a pony who is the Element of Generosity and as such she would be more likely than any other pony to give a gift to show her affections. She is also a little bit of a busy-body and as such it is completely plausible that she would want to help fix the problems of a pony she felt especially attached to, as evinced in the show several times. None of these traits are "male", they are the very specific traits of a very specific pony in a very specific mindset and gender really doesn't have anything to do with it. A girl is allowed to give gifts to display affection, and in fact if you'd like to go back into history it used to be the way that they officially expressed their interest in anyone, at least as far as nobility went.
The "I have to fix her" bit might have been out of place, true, but it certainly was not a "male" thing to think and certainly is not out of place for Rarity, so while I will respect the rest of your critique as your own opinion I have to disagree with those particular points.
Thank you for reading- your comments always make me check to see if my t's are crossed and my i's are dotted.
5728713
I'm sorry, I have to disagree with you about "fixing" being a predominately male trait because, psychologically, it doesn't matter. That trait crops up JUST AS MUCH in women as it does men. So I call bullshit on all you said about Rarity being "coded male". Side note- what does that even mean in the context of the rest of what you said? That a woman can't want to give a gift as part of a profession of their love? That only men can give gifts to a partner- even in a LESBIAN relationship? Or are you asking "who's the man?" in this relationship because that's just silly.
Rarity is a pony of passions- we see that clearly in the show and Daft CLEARLY wrote about it just before the scene at the night club and AGAIN in the scene after when she's having breakfast with Fleur and Fancy Pants. She does say that she tries to be in control of said emotions most of the time, but rather than casting doubt onto her outburst, rather it makes more sense because she's also ADMITTING that she KNOWS she has strong emotions that NEED to be kept in check. Rarity was also on an emotional high after really accepting that she was in love with Octavia and it's very easy for an emotional high to turn to something just as passionately powerful- both in anger or sadness. That in mind- is what she said rational? Of course not. Is what she said sensible? Not in the slightest. Was it dramatic and shocking? Yes and yes. As someone who has a similar emotional state to Daft's Rarity, I understand why she acted that way. She had this perfect idea of how the night would go, but when that illusion shattered in front of her, with Octavia (in Rarity's mind) illogically angry at her for a slight she hadn't even realized she'd committed (and she hates being accused of impropriety, even in the show), Rarity snapped back. She was mean and used areas of Octavia's life to inflict the same kind of shocking pain Octy had just thrust onto her. It's irrational in the most dramatic way, but in the moment it feels so right.
As for the basis of the attacks- go reread all the scenes of Rarity and Octy at the White Lily restaurant. Octy says at least once that she feels inadequate when compared to her sister and that she worries that she's not good enough for her very Neighponese father (or at the very least, this was implied. I can't remember exact dialogue off the top of my head) Jumping to the conclusion that Octy's father would love her more if she was more like Snow Blossom was probably a greater leap to come to, given the information Rarity had, granted, but it was a conclusion that COULD have been drawn. And if I might go so far as to say, it was probably accurate considering Octavia's violent reaction.
The one about friends is difficult to say, but Octy's anger was directed at Rarity BECAUSE she had gone looking for more about Octy through the Equestrian channels- by talking to other ponies- but even they couldn't grant her much insight into Octavia's life, except for Vinyl who had been Octavia's previous marefriend. Octavia was very shut in by Equestrian standards, so it was a conclusion that Rarity drew that she didn't have friends, at least not by Equestrian standards.
But Equestria is vastly different from Neighpon and, seeing as how Daft is focusing the crux of his story on the differences between Equestrian and Neighponese cultures, this is where I'll focus my final conclusion: In Neighpon asking about another pony's life without their permission is a taboo, something Rarity couldn't have known- either during the fight or when she was looking for the information previously- so Octavia was JUST as illogically angry at Rarity for what she had done. Given these events, I'd say that while, yes, Rarity's outbursts were illogical (and frankly ignorantly conflicting, but that's because Rarity does not know very much at all about Neighpon and their culture, so I can't count it against her) and mean, but so were Octy's accusations. And with tempers flaring as they were, what Rarity said was just to get a rise out of Octavia and wouldn't necessarily be based on what we would call logic.
As for the music... well, that's your opinion. Personally I love the way that Daft writes his music into writing, it's very fluid and atmospheric. Very rarely does it take away from the story at all, and rather enhances the experience. Especially when the music is something he probably made up (granted I'm not terribly versed in music, so the lyrics could have come from already established songs.) since he has to make you hear it all through his writing because he can't just LINK the song in the description for people to listen to. Either way, it's your opinion verses mine on this and I won't try to sway you.
5728937
True and as I said, you did a good job of it, the only issue is that its become such a trope of any story with them that its dull to read. Plus, having Octavia being too skilled seems like it might clash with her desire to remain anonymous since enough skill doing anything in the public eye like play music will attract attention. In other words, I would expect stalkers, which actually could be used as a reason for her to value her privacy as much as she does.
It's the sort of thing that Rarity could probably infer, but we don't see her do that before the fact. So really all we have to go on would be her doing it during the argument which seems like a bit of a stretch to suddenly make that connection in the heat of the moment with the intention of hurting Octavia back.
There is a difference between how men and women react to things like this. If a man hears someone complaining about something then he is more likely to try and think of a solution to the problem, a woman is more likely to think that the person just needs a sympathetic ear and to vent. I still think the gift thing is rather male too, but considering Rarity is a creator I can see her doing it. Really its the fix thing that just reads totally wrong to me, especially during the performance. I can see Rarity wanting to make things right after the fight, even though the wording of it bugged me. But, having her bring up the fix thing during a concert, that just really took my attention and seemed really out of place.
I do what I can. I try not to come across as just doing a tear down of a story even though I certainly focus more on the negative. I'm really just trying to give the sort of feed back I always wanted to get to my stories.
5729180
While I'm not necessarily going to disagree with this, I think it's clear that I've known some very different women from you in my life. XD As a generality you might be correct, but the women I've known are much more likely to look at you and think "Oh, you poor thing! I'll help you so you'll stop feeling so terrible!" as opposed to the sit and listen then do nothing about your problems way of doing things. Hence, Rarity's reaction. I personally feel like it's less of a gender-specific trait and more of a product of your upbringing, and since Rarity is very much a "helper" by nature she's less likely to sit idly by while a pony she loves struggles. But again, that was just my view of it and of her. XD
5838019
Yeah, the chopsticks thing is a little hard to visualize... and truth be told it only really works because of the magical pseudo-magnetic vortex that ponies use to "grab" things with their hooves. XD Pony science- 80% of the time, it works every time.
And yes, non-fish sushi. They have tofu or vegetable sushi.
5839334
This question actually made me think an awful lot, and while the answer involves a significant amount of world-building which I won't go into here I WILL give you an answer at least. The answer is no- the Neighponese ponies name their foals in the traditional Equestrian way. However, they will often have abbreviated names or nicknames that they call one another in Neighponese so that they can maintain their separation from Equestrian traditionalism.
As I said before there ARE story reasons for it, but the simplest reason I can give you is this: Japanese is a very particular language, and accurately translating the names how I want them might be next to impossible. NICKNAMES, however, are not only easier to find and use, but combined with the system of Japanese honorifics it can and will give a much more accurate gauge to how one pony feels about another.
I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story! I hope that you continue to do so as you read. ^_^
5842625
I worked very hard to convey the emotions of the characters in this story and it's good to hear that it paid off- it certainly wasn't an easy task, but it was worth it. It also makes me very happy to hear that Octavia was a so well received; I'm a huge fan of Octavia myself and changing her so drastically away from the fandom norm seemed to be asking for trouble, but so far I've only had positive things said about her and that makes me happy. ^_^
Thank you so much for reading, Scorpia, and thank you for the comment as well! I'm glad that the story had such a dramatic effect on you, even if it made you hate me for a few hours.
I'm also glad to hear that my story challenged the OctaScratch norm. I don't really have a problem with that ship, but the fact that it is kind of Octavia's OTP OMG makes me sad because there are better ships for her out there, ships that make more sense... liiiiiiiiiiiike RarTavia, for instance!
But really, I'm pleased that I could present their relationship in a way that feels so natural and so good for both of them that it could challenge an established ship.
And thank you for the compliment on my writing. I've never heard it called soothing before, but I like it. :D
I understand what you mean about feeling like your writing is lacking something. I often feel that way STILL, despite having done this kind of thing for a very long time. I don't think it's something that will go away, but that's not a bad thing. The feeling that your writing lacks something can drive you to discover what it's missing, and once you know what's missing you can start learning to add it in. I know it's not much of a consolation, but that's what I had to do. When I started, I wrote very basic stuff and I wasn't bad, but I always felt like it was missing something. Everything went too fast, there wasn't enough setup, I couldn't build a story quite the way I wanted to... it was frustrating because I could see it in my head but I couldn't get it out onto paper. It was actually a pony story that helped me turn that around- a story that made me FEEL the emotion of the character, to see, smell, taste, touch what she was and to think like she was thinking. It showed me that to write the way I wanted to I had to truly dig into a character's head and write things as they were seeing them, hearing them, tasting them... it's arduous and can be emotionally draining, but well, I really can't argue with the results.
My biggest advice would simply be to never stop. If your writing lacks something, keep reading and writing until you find that thing that it lacks, then practice it over and over until it blends into your style. Practice, practice, practice is the key to being good at ANYTHING, and if you think I'm just naturally this good at writing... I've got years and years of crap that prove otherwise. XD
I can give you a few tips as to how I do things, but I often hesitate to do that because what works for me might not work the same way for you. I will, however, share what I can with you if you'd like.
Aaaand done...
Wow, I'm surprised by how few upvotes this has. I mean, sure, it was a bit corny in some places and had a few cliches here and there (raining at sad moment, foreshadowed or not, is still cliche after all), and, yeah, I think the amount of times Rarity and Octavia ended up blushing in some of those middle chapters started to get pretty ridiculous, but overall, these are only a few nitpicks and I'd have thought this story would have at least 250 to 300 upvotes upon completion.
It was well-written in it's descriptions, the word chose and sentence structure was generally appealing, and the plot and progression itself was above average, so it really is a shame this is not being recognized as a higher rated piece. Oh well, I guess I'll just give my upvote and leave it at that.
Good luck with any real sequel you try; hopefully it will help this one get more attention.
P.S.
Really need to see the rest of the Mane6 react to Rarity's new marefriend.
P.P.S.
Found it funny that Rarity called Twilight wise and said she'd point out the other unicorn's level-headed decision making skills when questioned why she was the leader in this story, because, you know... Lesson Zero... and many other instances from the show were Twilight was both not wise, and displayed horrible composure under stress.
But it's a kids' show so... yeah.
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Yes I've heard of stalkers, but the key word there is "with". You can love someone without them reciprocating, but the whole phraseology was to imply that to be in love WITH someone is to include them in the love equation.
There are a lot of versions of Equestria floating around out there in fanfiction, but in this story I wrote it as a fairly innocent place where things like rape, murder and the like are extremely rare if they happen at all. The kind of place that a comment meant to motivate a friend into not giving up wouldn't be used as an excuse for raping someone. Y'know, a better place than we live in. ^-^
Wow that was a great read. This seriously needs more views its under appreciated.
I like how subtle alot of the stuff was mostly about ear directions and smiles. Interesting take on Octavia being Neighponese. I was expecting the rest of the main six to visit Rarity at least once during her stay, but considering they were tagged not to surprised. Was that Luna at the club?
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I'm really happy that you liked it, Forge! It's always nice to hear that people enjoy my rendition of Octavia, and I hope that she will continue to win over the hearts of all Octavia fans! X3
I worked really hard on the subtlety in this story, so it makes me happy to hear that it all paid off- it was a process that took a lot more time than I had expected. ^^;
And yes, you're absolutely correct about Luna being in the club. You're the first person to mention it, as a matter of fact, so congratulations! ^-^
To nearly quote Granny Smith, "I should've been to bed three hours ago!"
But there was no way I was putting this down with only a few chapters left to go. I wasn't sure where this was going at first, but by the time I reached the end, a beautiful romance had been put together, and with characters that almost leaped off the page at me. An absolutely enjoyable read, and with a great sense of balance that kept the entire ship angle from ever feeling forced or 'too perfect'.
Thank you so much for pointing me to this! Bravo for a job (very) well done!
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Thank you very much for reading! I worked very hard to make their relationship feel real, and while it was hard work it was totally worth it to hear people like yourself say that it felt balanced -- and it means a LOT to hear it come from another writer that I respect for their skill. ^_^
Was there anything that you liked in particular? Anything that stood out to you that you enjoyed or disliked?
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it's possible as far as I remember, thank you for the different view of things, my own thoughts usually go into a certain direction if I read this or that and it might comes off as the same thing again,
Is she saying this because she fears how her family would react or something? I kind of felt like this wasn'T her business and there was something about that sentence I didn't liked, maybe because it was voiced like a demand?
"Her" was her slutty sister right? or a different Mare that his father marriaged?
I wil have to think about making this a favourite, but it was really good. I think I might make it a favourite when I notice that the sequel continues.
Excellent read! I stayed immersed in the story start to finish.