The earth spun through space. Basking in the light of the sun on one side, and of the moon on the other. The eternal dance playing out as it had for untold years. The sun roaring and bright, the moon cold and aloof, while the earth sat in between, bustling with life and growth. Below on the expansive surface of the world, in a country, in a village, in a house by the forest a yellow pegasus walked out the door to check on her animals. She was not particularly brash, nor brave, or all that strong of will. And the day was not of particular importance. Still, on that unimportant day, the unassuming pony would uncover a long held secret.
Comments and stars appreciated.
Chapters (6)
Okay, I have to say, this is honestly one of the most interesting openings I've seen. Can't wait to see where you go with this.
and its great stuff like this that makes me want to scrap my stories cause they just cant stand up
.
REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!
i mean it! i am already gonna follow this, i am hooked thats a great opening. if i had to give a little critisizem it'd be that the first few scene paragraphs could still be polished a bit, but they're really good either way.
Ok, I'm interested. You gotta continue this.
I'm glad to see this up. Flower and Fluttershy are a double team of d'aww.
A story promising a heartwarming interaction with a backdrop of something malevolent on the move adding tension and excitement?
Yes, please. Knowing who wrote this, Gaia shall be tracked!
Oh shit, demon OOZE
?
Shits getting real!
i dont always ooze but when i do, i assimilate
lol
good story so far!
well, this story was great, but i feel the need to troll so i'm going to spam this thread:
however, i am a fair troll (if it exists) and will allow you guys to talk me out of it. thats right, all you have to do is give me good reasons not to spam this..... thread i guess.
I'm looking forward to a reply
I like the new chapter! Spike is used well, there is the promise of building tension, Flower and Flutters are still a tag-team of massive d'aww, and the ooze is many times creepier than anything should be able to in the FiM universe.
We'll keep this story tracked for more.
3639
Because Fluttershy does't like spam?
3644
Thank you! Yes, the tension is indeed building. The Ooze is oozing, the Princesses are coming, Twilight is going over for a visit, and the air is getting colder. What shall it all lead to? Find out next time on...Gaia.
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Thank you, glad you liked it, even though Mr.Breezy probably didn't....
3012
It's the best kind of late.
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Yeah boy!
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Glad you like it! I am indeed continuing!
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Wow thanks! But don't give up your stories, every time you write, you get a little better! Thanks for the advice, I'm polishing them up a bit before it heads off to EqD.
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Hope I'm keeping it up, and keeping you interested!
stop. spam tim- in fact no, i liked this story and there's not enough people commenting to spam
3646
*yay*
Glad you liked it.
just finished the new chapter! its good as ever, please keep up the good work.
i'm loving Flower by the way, she reminds me a lot of a character i used in one of my stories. the character i used was an alicorn named Everfree, who obviously lives in the everfree forest, but i cant describe her because i'm keeping a lot about the character secret due to the fact that i'm gonna write a sequal at some point.
anyway sorry for rambleing like that, i just really love this story!
Interesting so far. I cant wait to read more
This story is great, although my curious mind can't help but wonder why Gaia is in Equestria. Isn't she one of the first gods in Greek mythology?
Any chance this might be continued? The pacing is a bit too slow for my taste, and the character development could get a bit deeper into what your OCs are thinking, but the story is getting intriguing. It reminds me of Princess Mononoke in a good way. :3
Also… In chapter 2 there seems to be an unintentional paragraph break in the end of the squirrel section. In chapter 3 there's an "answer answer".
OH SHIT
GAH! BUCKING TELEPORT TWILIGHT!!
Why does she never remember to teleport!?!? No one ever has her remember to use it. She did it like 4 times in applebucking season so it cant be that hard!
Aaaany way, I really hope she's not all dead, just, ya know, mostly dead, absorbed or something. I want to see Flowers reaction to meeting "the thing that's not _____" and what angel knows. good work keep going!
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I bet now this thing will try to control celestia
then Gaia (i guess) will stop it and either get everyone back or.... well....
Was totally not expecting Twilight to get.....possessed? Assimilated? Copied? Whatevered.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Nitpicking GO!
"But Mr.Breezy reached forward and touched his hoof to side."
Needs space between "Mr." and "Breezy"
and I'm pretty sure the word "her" needs to be added after "to".
3646 Looking for spam? Net newb to the rescue!
oliverthring.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/spam.jpg
Mmkay. This story... Can't believe what a good beginning that was! good job!
Oh, deer god...
This story is really good I mean really good! So keep up the good work. I like to know what happens next. Does Death try to take over Gaia the living earth?
DUDE! Did you just off Twilight?!
Not cool, man. Not cool.
You do know how to make things ominous!!! Holy Celestia!
MOAR MOAR!
Also, a few seemingly unintentional paragraph breaks:
“Yes, it does look beautiful doesn’t it?...it’s very strange though, I’ll have to check the
Mr.Breezy’s face smiled at the thought. It had been too long since it could move freely, far
progressed, even Spike began to stir on her back.
chittering animals. “A....horn?”
Wow, that would have been great. However, it was pretty much ruined by the fact that Twilight could easily have teleported.
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To everyone yelling Teleport it says in the story she tried to gather the magic for a spell, but couldn't. So she was unable to teleport away from the danger, even if she wanted to.
Well, we're boned.
Great story so far, excellent blend of humor, foreshadowing and suspense. I eagerly look forward to more.
And seriously, guys. As the fellow above me notes, it explicitly said "She tried to cast spells to free herself, but found she could do nothing." Read the actual story, ya mooks.
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If you read the lines before, after, and during that part, you'll see she only tried to use magic after the thing was already on her.
So no, that's still doesn't really excuse it.
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Well, her first thought was probably "This guy's acting strange, I'd best think of an excuse to get away." and by the time she knows she's in enough danger to warrant magic, he's got her. Her first reaction wouldn't "Oh Crap Teleporting Time!". It still makes perfect sense within the context of the story.
You've got a good, interesting opening! Flower seems to be an interesting character... as well as the ball and the darkness in the forest.
So what, the thing that isn't _______ is a Cyberman? I know that it's not really, but that's the closest approximation I can come up with.
Come on guys, if you looked at the tags for the story's post on EqD, you'd know exactly what the ooze is. On that note, somepony should really call in the Flutterponies.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GIVE TWILIGHT BACK.
You know you got a good story when you can make the reader sympathize wit the characters and
Feel anger towards the enemy.
There are no words for how much I love this.
MOAR
Oh ho ho! Now this is getting interesting. I hope Twilight is going to be okay :(
Haha, I love Flower ^_^. Poor Spike though XD *poke* *poke* "Lizard!"
Have a good one.
I demand more Gaia its too epic to stop, you must continue !!!!!
More Gaia pls....
MOAR
Only four chapters?
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MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE
Nooooooooooo twilight nooooooooooo........they are so boned
Damn, now you got me worried. I hope our librarian can get out of this one or Celestia might immolate the whole area in anger.
I like Flower and how she relates to others. (surprised she is not an alicorn but it fits). Her fear of fire gives me the thought that it reminds her stay at the core of the planet and thus her loneliness or that fire awakes a subconscious memory (perhaps in the past she was corrupted and fought our dear sun avatar).
I also appreciate the introduction of the first chapter, it gives a feel of myth and magic which complements this fic quite nicely.
I wonder about the antagonist, it obviously weakens life with his presence but it may not necessarily kill his host to take over it's body (what happened to the squirrel it previously occupied?).
Detected no errors in spelling or grammar.
Overall: you have captured my interest and I hope you continue this story.
Good Luck.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.... please?
A nice setup by the book, I'm enjoying it very much so far! And honestly, now I'm beginning to truly fear for our heroes, after what the ooze did...
Keep up the good work, man! I know I'd like to read the next chapters of this ^^
That's it.
I gotta follow this.
Excellent story man. LOVE IT.
....... poor Twilight. If anything she's not dead, although she might be for all I know. But im hopeful.
Great story though man, seriously enjoyed reading up to this point.
Particularly the part about Flower poking Spike and calling him "Lizard", that part cracked me up.
So I heard you abandoned this story ??
is it true??