• Published 16th Oct 2012
  • 16,859 Views, 1,592 Comments

Day One - Miniscule Literary

A man surviving in a cartoon world. Its not as easy as one might think.

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Page 6: Anomalies and You

I am David P. Ulrec. I am a male human being of above average height, slim build, and dark brown hair. I am currently residing in the land of Equestria, specifically in the town of Ponyville. I don't know how I got here, or why. This world is not like the world I knew, and there are dangers to its very structure. This is my documentation of these anomalies, which I have spent the last few days locating and studying.

First, I must explain. Equestria is a land where the dominant lifeform appears to be a grouping of three different species, generally referred to as "ponies". Earth ponies, which usually possess above-average strength compared to the other species, are the first. They are typically found as shopkeepers, farmers, and manual laborers.

The second are the unicorns, the only pony species capable of magic, which they channel through their horns. They appear to be a sort of nobility, and usually take authority positions, though it is not uncommon to find them working simpler trades.

The final species are the pegasi. They are ponies capable of flight through the use of a single set of (oddly small) wings. I am not entirely sure how these wings actually achieve flight, due to their small size in comparison to the bodies of the equines themselves. This species typically takes either militaristic roles, such as guards or soldiers, or jobs involving manipulation of the weather, which does not occur naturally. As with all of the species, their choice in jobs vary between individuals, but what I have written is a general standard of expectation.

There is another type of pony, one that is extremely rare, and always involved in royalty. Alicorns, large equines that have both a pegasus' wings and a unicorn's horn. I have heard rumors of their strength being comparable to that of a deity. The way the ponies regard them in an almost worship-like fashion seems to confirm this. Two of these ponies, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, are responsible for the rising and setting of the sun. It appears celestial bodies do not move as they do in my world. I am unsure if space even exists in Equestria.

Back on topic. The anomalies appear as holes in reality, simply put. Ponies are unable to recall information that should be readily known. As well, certain paradoxal information can result in a critical failure of some sort. In my experience, it returns me to my bed, seemingly a day after the event is encountered. I theorize this is the universe protecting itself. I also theorize that this is due to the unique nature of the universe itself. I will not speak of said nature in this text, not directly, as I fear that some day this text may fall into the hands (or hooves) of the natives.

They cannot know.

The first anomaly I encountered was not by intention. During an interview with one of the scholarly ponies (Twilight Sparkle, as she calls herself), I asked a few questions about Equestrian history. Twilight, easily the most well versed pony in the town about such things, was at a complete loss of words. She could not provide any information to any of my questions, of which there were few. Eventually I asked about pony reproduction. Her response implied that they reproduce (or believe they do) in the same fashion as any ordinary mammal. I pointed out why this would not work, citing their lack of apparent "equipment".

That is when the critical failure occurred, and I found myself waking up in my room, with no knowledge of the time between my last statement and the present. Inquiring around, the ponies acted as if the anomaly had never occurred, though Twilight remembered the interview itself, up until the information that caused the failure.

My next discovery involved the subject of injury. I had taken quite the beating since I arrived in Equestria (for a multitude of reasons) and have yet to suffer from any serious injuries. Jumping out of a two story building only knocked the wind out of me. In my world, it would have been a lethal drop, or at very least a crippling one. Spurred by this knowledge, I set out to find the Ponyville hospital, the mere existence of which should indicate some form of injury was possible.

Indeed it was, but in a very different way than I have encountered. There seemed to be two types of patients in the hospital: ponies with broken bones, and ponies with various illnesses. The illnesses seemed to resemble chicken pox and the flu in my world, things that only require a week of bed rest to cure at most.

The broken bones were equally as strange; some ponies were confined in full body casts. Yet in the next hour, they were released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. Asking around, I found that one of these patients had been in the hospital for a single day before being released. Fifty different bone fractures had healed during his stay. I am unsure if this is a result of magic, or an actual anomaly. From my observations there, however, I did not encounter any medical staff performing magic on any of the patients with the intent to heal.

Another anomaly was the foal ward; the problem being that there actually was one. By all means, these ponies should not be able to procreate. I have never seen a pregnant mare in the hospital or in town, yet there are dozens of newborn foals with loving parents to watch over them during their stay in the ward.

Marriage and parenthood are anomalies themselves. Weddings do occur, but it is rare to see two ponies showing any sort of affection for each other. One day, they will spontaneously celebrate a wedding and no one asks why. Interviewing some of the participants (carefully, to avoid causing another failure), I found that they were at a lack of words on the subject too. No one seemed to know why pony X married pony Y, or even when they first met each other.

Parenthood occurred in the same way. As I have said, pregnancy is non-existent in Equestria. One day a couple will suddenly have a foal, and again no questions are asked. The mare could be seen completely normal one day, and the proud mother of two in the next. Interviewing parties close to the parents, the answers seem to be the same cluelessness. I will not interview the parents themselves, as I fear any questions referring to the subject will result in another critical failure.

Bodily functions are yet another anomaly, though one that doesn't seem to function as consistently as others. There are restroom facilities in some public settings, but never in any of the homes. As well, there have only been a handful of times I have seen ponies go into them. I myself have yet to experience a need to relieve myself in such a way. It seems the need only arises as the subject of a joke or gag.

"Excuse me!" the desperate pony squeaks, having held in their bodily functions for hours, as they zip off in the direction of the bathroom! That seems to be the only case on the subject I've encountered.

Foul odor most certainly exists in Equestria, but body odor does not. Perspiration seems to operate like restroom needs; inconsistently. I've seen a pony pull a hay bale weighing several hundred pounds with a lot of strain and effort, without ever breaking a sweat. I've also seen a pony wipe their brow of it after performing the same feat as the first.

Ponies do not normally wear clothes. This makes sense, as they have nothing private to cover up. Yet, I have seen ponies stumble in on other ponies in the process of getting dressed, and are regarded as they would be in my world: with anger. Some standards of human decency exist in Equestria, yet many do not. I have seen ponies throw off their clothes in public for one reason or another, and those around them do not bat an eye.

Eating and drinking are still a must in Equestria, from what I've experienced. Hunger and thirst are definitely a factor I have had to contend with since my arrival, but they seem much more relaxed. I have gone days without liquid before becoming thirsty, and even longer without food before getting hungry. This brings me to my final point:


I'm not sure if it truly exists in Equestria. I have seen two funerals since my arrival, and both can easily be classified as anomalies. The parties involved are sad, but when asked about the identity of the deceased, they grow confused and frustrated. How did they die? Same response. These funerals appear, yet no one knows who died or why, and no ponies go missing from the population.

Of course, there is no way to test if it is actually possible without putting myself or others at extreme risk. Starvation or other gruesome demise does not exactly seem like a pleasant path to pursue, science or no science. For now, this is all I know about death in Equestria. Ponies work to prevent their demise, like eating when hungry and fleeing from dangerous creatures. Yet deaths by starvation or maulings are never seen.

I will continue to document what I find as best I can. This journal will serve as a record of my stay in many regards, as I don't trust myself to remember it all, should I ever return. If you are reading this and are human, please tell my family I am not dead, and that I love them. If you are reading this and you are a pony, forget everything you've seen here, for the sake of all your kind. There are some doors better left unopened.