• Published 16th Oct 2012
  • 16,859 Views, 1,592 Comments

Day One - Miniscule Literary

A man surviving in a cartoon world. Its not as easy as one might think.

  • ...

Poultry Interrogations

If one assumes a series of narrow escapes means an immunity to danger, their destruction is assured.

David had spent much of the last few days studying the various anomalies and inconsistencies present in the Equestrian universe. Those he could determine immediately, anyway. Questions regarding pony maturity and the like would have to wait, as it would require a much longer period of the study to be studied.

By the fifth day, however, David concluded his work for the time being. Page six of the journal held very dangerous knowledge, should any Equestrians get their hooves on it. The very fact it was located on page six rather than page one was an intended defense; should any curious ponies look through the initial few pages of the journal, they would find only innocent observations. Plastering a word of warning on the very first page would only incite curiosity. He hoped to bore them before they reached the dangerous bits.

David had maintained some contact with his "friends" in Equestria during his time of study, though such encounters were brief. He didn't really know if "friend" was the right term to describe them, though. Pinkie was surely his ally, and perhaps Twilight too (though he suspected she regarded him more as a lab rat than a friend), but the others were mere acquaintances at best. Fluttershy still seemed wary of him, Rarity would at least greet him readily enough when they encountered one another, Rainbow Dash couldn't care less, and Applejack was probably the most elusive pony in Ponyville.

Now that his quest for knowledge was temporarily suspended, he figured it a good a time as any to try and reach out to one of the ponies again. Applejack and Fluttershy were easy to find, Rainbow Dash not so much. Even Rarity was difficult to locate, as she seemed to come and go from Caurosel Boutique at all hours of the day. After careful consideration, he felt it best to try and locate Applejack, in the hope of repairing his relationship with the earth pony.

After returning the journal to Sugarcube Corner (and making sure it will well hidden), David set off down the road toward Sweet Apple Acres, enjoying the warm sun as he did. As always, the route was very scenic. Ponyville wasn't exactly an urban jungle, but the rural nature of the farm did offer a unique experience of its own. He thought back to his time in the field, enjoying the calm comforts of nature...

David suddenly found himself falling forward into the dirt. Landing hard on his stomach, the air was forced from his lungs with a loud "oomph". This was no result of his own clumsiness, however. He felt his feet collide with something hard before he fell, though he had no hope of catching himself in time to prevent it. Before he could realize he was under siege, a web of rope fell upon him, just as he attempted to roll onto his back. This action only cemented his fate, as he became tangled in the surprisingly large net. As he struggled to free himself, he saw a few colorful shapes moving not far away, running around him in circles.


"We got him!"

"Do ya'll see anythin' yet?!"

A pause. A sigh.


"Maybe its not over? Maybe we won't get our cutie marks until we turn him in!"

"Or maybe we need to interrogate him!"

"Interrogate a monster?"

"I'm not a monster," David chimed in. He had ceased his futile struggling a few moments after the talking began.

"See! He can talk!"

"Maybe Scootaloo is right."

"Ok, ok! We can interrogate him. Let's just drag him back to the farm, we can stick 'em in the empty barn."

David wanted to argue. He wanted to explain, or even struggle to break free. He knew both were a waste of time until they got to their destination. Perhaps when they were "interrogating" him, they might actually listen to what he had to say. Applebloom and Scootaloo grabbed onto one end of the net and began to drag it further down the road. Sweetie Belle seemed to be running alongside him as they worked, chatting idly. He was amazed that these two small ponies were moving him so quickly. With their mouths.

In no time at all, he was pulled into the old barn he had seen on his last visit to Sweet Apple Acres. Applebloom and Scootaloo didn't seem too worse for wear from the ordeal, much to his continued amazement.

"Can I get out of this thing now?"

"Only if you cooperate!" Scootaloo replied, stamping a hoof.

"...Ok?" David responded. He hadn't exactly been the most difficult captive. Applebloom and Scootaloo assisted him in untangling himself from the net. Both ponies retreated back to the sides of the barn immediately when he stood up. All three looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"Now sit down!" Scootaloo commanded, pointing to a small wooden chair at the center of the empty barn, directly beneath an overhead light. Of course.

"...Yeah I'm just ganna go," David replied casually, pointing to the door. As he walked over to it, Applebloom threw a large board over the length of the door, barring any who may enter. David looked from Applebloom to the door for several moments before casually lifting the board out of the way. The Crusaders' smug determination turned into panic as he pushed one of the barn doors open. Applebloom and Scootaloo desperately flung themselves at his legs, wrapping their hooves around his ankles in an effort to slow him down.

"You...can't...leave...!" Scootaloo yelled as he slowly marched out of the barn, lifting one foot after another with some effort, despite the ponies clinging to him. Sweetie Belle had moved in front of him, trying to block his path at every chance. He merely stepped around the small unicorn and continued his labored trek back toward the road.

"I don't feel like being kidnapped, sorry," he responded with some frustration. Applebloom begun digging her back hooves into the ground, making one leg even more labored than the other. "Will you get off!" he snarled, flicking his leg hard enough to jar the small pony. She refused to release him.

"You...must...be... interrogated!" Applebloom yelled as she was repeatedly whipped around. Eventually David ceased the futile effort to rid himself of the pony. "Ah think I'm ganna be sick..."

"Aright, fine. I'll cooperate," David said at last, breathing a sigh of resignation. Even if he somehow managed to rid himself of the Crusaders, they would find him again in time. The only way out of this, for good, was to let them do whatever the hell they were going to do, realize it won't give them their cutie marks, and go home.

The Crusaders did not seem to believe him. Applebloom and Scootaloo remained clinging to his ankles, and Sweetie Belle stood in the direction of the road. To prove he would do as he said, he began the arduous task of walking to the barn. Half way there, the two little ponies released him, though they remained right next to his feet as he walked back inside. The door to barn was once again shut behind him as he entered. All three Crusaders stood guarding the door, narrowed eyes locked on him.

With a sigh, David sat on the tiny chair, which was clearly built for a (small) pony and not for a human. Have you ever tried to sit in one of those little plastic chairs they have for kid's tables? Its a bit like that. He was certain it would be attached to his hindquarters, should he try to stand.

"Tie him up!" Applebloom commanded. The other two ponies did not move. Instead, they stared at her with considerable agitation.

"Who made you the boss?" Scootaloo asked, her tiny wings spread out in a display of aggression.

"Ah did!" Applebloom replied hotly. Before he knew it, Applebloom and Scootaloo were practically nose to nose, staring angrily into each other's eyes.

"Hey, what about me!" Sweetie Belle whined, darting around the two as if trying to find a means to join in. At this, all three of them broke into an incomprehensible argument David had no hope of trying to follow.

David slowly leaned to the side to grab the coil of rope himself. He wrapped it around himself a few times with some difficulty, binding himself to the tiny chair around his waist. As he finished, he slipped his hands beneath the binding and pushed it a little further up his body, to appear as though his arms were bound, before clearing his throat loudly, catching the Crusaders' attention.

"Can we get on with it now?"

The three were confused at first, but quickly got over it. They surrounded him on all sides, staring at him through narrowed eyes.

"Why are you here?!" Scootaloo demanded, bringing her face closer to his.

"You dragged me here." This earned him a snicker from Applebloom and Sweetie Belle.

"I mean in Ponyville!" she corrected, her furious gaze turning on her companions for a moment, who once again resumed their serious demeanor.

"I don't have a reason. I don't know how I ended up here. I just sorta did."

"What are you anyway?" Applebloom asked, her tone more of curiosity than aggression.

"I'm a human. A distant relative of apes."

"I thought he looked kinda like a monkey," Scootaloo chimed in. She, too, seemed to have lost her aggressive attitude.

"Why were you sneaking around Ponyville at night?"

"Because he's a monster and that's what they do!" Scootaloo argued, turning to face Sweetie Belle.

"He doesn't look very much like a monster to me!" the young unicorn argued back. And the ridiculousness begins anew!

"Who ever heard of a monster monkey?" Applebloom added.

"I have, lots of times!" Scootaloo retorted with some hesitation. She wasn't convincing anyone.

"Name one!"

"I don't have to!"

At this point the three had collapsed into a small circle in the corner of the barn behind him. As the arguing grew more and more incomprehensible, he decided it was time he took his leave.

"Goodbye girls," he said, his voice drowned out by the heated argument. He stood slowly, the chair hanging off his rear, which forced him into a hunched posture. He slowly made his way over to the door, pushing it open with his side easily enough. As he made his way toward the road, he spotted Applejack bringing a cart full of apples toward the farmhouse.

"Evening," David said with a short nod as he hobbled past. It took a moment for the earth pony to realize what she was seeing, though she did not reply. She merely watched him jog down the road back toward Ponyville with a very confused expression.

"Pinkie helped me free myself from the chair when I got back. If I thought I got weird looks before, they were nothing compared to the ones I got walking through town today."