• Published 24th Nov 2023
  • 587 Views, 30 Comments

Reward Prefers Risk - AltruistArtist



Stygian struggles to see Modern Equestria as a world he can live in. Sunburst aspires to help change that.

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Del Weorld Ama Prijen Ouser Luvji (The World Will Liberate Our Love)

The next years were kind.

A long line trailed from the entrance of the small Canterlot bookshop. Ponies held books under wings and clutched covers between hooves, swaying with eager jitters or standing tranquil. All of them waited to meet the visiting author on his release tour throughout Equestria.

From across the bookshop, Sunburst watched Stygian with a swell of loving admiration. Stygian signed the thousandth dedication page of Reward Prefers Risk with a plumy black quill and handed the copy back to a chartreuse-colored pegasus colt with a curly blond mane who clapped his hooves tight on the hard covers, pulling it to his chest.

“Thank you so much,” the colt said, his stuttery voice just past the edge of puberty. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to come today.” He rocked subtly, as though the motion could coax the words. “My parents are really strict.”

Stygian listened with patient attention, his eyes squinting behind his thin-framed glasses. “I’m sorry to hear that. I can imagine how difficult your journey must have been.” He smiled. “I’m grateful you’re here, nonetheless.”

“I am, too. Guess I really took the title’s advice.” He laughed, Stygian along with him. “Because, I had to meet you. I just want to tell you — your book really inspired me. I like stallions, but my parents don’t know yet. I think they’ll accept me after a while, but I'm nervous to finally tell them.”

Stygian’s hoof reached to rest on the table. “You’re very brave to hold off until you feel safe. That takes so much courage.”

Behind the yellow-green colt, those standing in line leaned forward, their attention rapt on Stygian’s words.

“The not-knowing will be difficult, but it won’t break you. And when you get your answer, whatever it may be, I hope it brings relief.” He paused, smile growing. “And no matter what, know that out in the world, a sentimental old author wants you to live and to love. Nopony can take that away.”

As the signing event drew to a close, Sunburst approached the table. His golden aura wrapped around the few remaining unsold copies of Reward Prefers Risk, boxing them for their return to the store shelves.

“I’m so proud of you,” Sunburst said as Stygian crossed out from behind the table, stretching his legs, stiff from the hours of sitting.

He chuckled, the untuned instrument of his laugh hitting a clean pitch more often than not these days. “You always say that at the end of these.”

“Well, it hasn’t stopped being true!”

They met, closing into an embrace. Stygian’s coat was bare, save for a tan sweater wrapping his forelegs against the chill of the winter season. His old cloak hung in his closet, untouched for a long time. He was soft under Sunburst’s touch, having put a little weight on his lithe figure after enjoying a steady diet of the meals they shared, a consistent trade off between his own expert cooking and Sunburst’s burgeoning acumen as a chef still-in-training. In their home, they always ate well.

As they walked the streets of Canterlot, headed to the train station, Stygian suppressed a yawn. “I hope I make it to Starlight and Trixie’s Hearth’s Warming party.” He rubbed his chest. “If I start nodding off tonight, promise you’ll wake me up before Trixie can draw anything embarrassing on my face.”

“Like I wouldn’t be right there by her side,” Sunburst laughed, bopping the end of Stygian’s pointed nose. “You’d look good with a mustache. Maybe a second pair of glasses?”

“I would not!” Stygian chuckled, batting his hoof away. For good measure, he snatched Sunburst’s glasses and layered them over his own. He blinked, his eyes huge under the double lenses. “What do you think? Do I look good?”

Sunburst squinted at the doubtlessly handsome gray blur in front of him. “That is not a question I can answer in confidence right now.”

Stygian returned his glasses, stroking his cheek. “Then we better not risk finding out at the party tonight.”

The train ride home was Stygian’s saving grace. He napped on Sunburst’s lap, lulled by the shifting rumble of the wheels over the tracks. Sunburst watched the horizon from the window, the low sun reflecting in his glasses, the world sweetened by its honey-gold glare — and the gentle weight of his husband.

Their first anniversary was approaching. In a few months, they would be wedded for a full year, that time stretching longer than any thousand.

Stygian still teared up when he used the word husband to introduce Sunburst, a word he never imagined uttering with ownership. At the wedding, he’d been beside himself. The event was kept to a small, close circle. Ironic, considering its party consisted of celebrated heroes. Starlight had been Sunburst’s best mare; the Pillars stood behind Stygian at the altar. And as the reception rose into full swing – Somnambula tying on her blindfold in preparation for Sunburst’s bouquet toss, Rockhoof softening his giddy steps on the dance floor – Star Swirl had found his way to Stygian.

Their conversation was brief, but amicable. Star Swirl was the only Pillar who stood not at the altar, but in the crowd, watching in humble solidarity. When he met Stygian on the reception floor, an elderly tan stallion with a combed back pale pink mane was by his side. Star Swirl introduced him as his date and Stygian had smiled, shaking the old stallion’s hoof.

As Sunburst watched from across the room, he rubbed his beard, trying to tease out his stirring of recollection. Leaning to Maud, he asked, “Isn’t that your old rockology professor he’s with?”

Maud’s expression hadn’t budged an inch when she said, “This is the funniest moment of my life.”

“Okay, my secret gifter is clearly Mudbriar,” Trixie said, indulgently holding up the opened box to reveal a chocolate frosted yule log, dusted with powdered sugar. “Very clever. You know, since it’s wood-themed.”

“Technically,” he announced, “no cleverness was needed. It is a very common dessert for the holiday.”

“Uh-huh — anyway! Starlight!” Trixie gestured grandly to her wife, teeth bared in a smile. “Let’s see yours!”

Starlight giggled, standing to look over the pile of gifts in the center of the chair circle they had pulled together in her and Trixie’s living room. A festive clip resembling a holly sprig was pinned in her mane, Sunburst’s secret gift to her last winter. He and Stygian were side by side, two warm mugs of elderflower tea between them.

“Aha!” In her magic, Starlight lifted a neatly wrapped box with her name on it. She unwrapped it to reveal — “A Neighponese desk sand garden! That’s so lovely.”

Rotating the box, her brow furrowed in thought. “Is this from… Maud? You know, ‘cause… rocks?” She grinned, pointing at the stones pictured on the lid. But, Maud shook her head.

“It’s actually from me.”

Starlight turned to Stygian, beaming in pleasant surprise.

“My old therapist had one in his office,” he said. “I know it’s been a long time since you were the School of Friendship counselor, but I’m sure your students may still appreciate it on your desk. It’s very soothing.” He smiled, raising his mug to take a diffident sip of tea.

“I love it, Stygian. And so will the students.” She held it to her chest.

Sunburst turned to Stygian, smiling as he nuzzled his ear. “I told you she would like it.” He nodded to the remaining gifts. “Your turn?”

Stygian moved to get up, but Starlight raised her hoof in pause. “Actually, I’m going to break tradition.”

Stygian and Sunburst shared a glance as Starlight reached among the pile of gifts and pulled out a box with a curled red bow spilling over the edges. “Funny enough, we were each other’s secret gifter. I know, I’m no fun for ruining the surprise. But this one’s special.” Her face grew sentimental. “Too special to guess about.”

Stygian’s eyes were wide as the parcel levitated to his lap. Gently, he pulled free the ribbon, peeling back the taped wrapping. Inside was a delicate journal. Its pages were yellowed, torn at the edges. Stygian rested a light hoof on the cover, sensing its age.

“It took a long time to find. And a lot of cross referencing for accuracy. Twilight was a huge help with the entire process.” Starlight chuckled knowingly. “But, this is it. I found her.”

Stygian looked between her and Sunburst, realization dawning. “Did you know about this?”

Sunburst shook his head, equally amazed. “Starlight, you really did it. You found Turning Page?”

She nodded, her smile reaching up into her shining eyes. “Open it. She’s the dedication.”

Stygian turned the cover, translating as he read, “My beloved, Turning Page. May these cantos sing for you where my voice cannot.” His hoof grasped his mouth.

“The author’s name is Lavender Belle,” Starlight explained in gentle tones. “We traced her family line. She would have been alive at the same time as Turning.”

“I’m also very sure they went to the same school together,” Trixie said with an insinuating giggle.

Starlight nodded rapidly. “And, it gets better.”

“It’s… already more than I could have hoped.” Stygian’s hoof reached below his glasses, wiping his eyes. Sunburst’s hoof was around his shoulder, equally tearful.

Down from her wall, Starlight levitated a small frame. Inside was a sheet of paper that was printed with the Old Ponish phrase, ‘Inne alt naertrin, del weorld ama prijen ouser luvji,’ recreated to match the original text by an expert calligrapher. It had been Sunburst’s wedding gift to her and Trixie.

“The hoofwriting is so similar to Lavender Belle’s,” she said. “I don’t know if it can be fully confirmed, but…”

Her voice faded as Stygian choked on a sob. Sunburst pulled him close, sniffling along with him. Their embrace was joined by Starlight, then Trixie, Maud and Mudbriar following shortly thereafter. At the center of their bowed heads, Stygian’s face rose with a beatific smile.

“You did it, Turning,” he cried. “You won.”

The hearth crackled, keeping Stygian and Sunburst warm.

Lavender Belle’s journal was held light in Stygian’s magic, each page turned with the utmost delicacy. Sunburst leaned into his shoulder as they rested together in their home, reading alongside him with matched fluency.

“She was so loved,” Stygian’s awed voice said.

Sunburst nodded. “More, I’m sure, than even these poems suggest.”

He kissed Stygian’s cheek, his lips coming away wet with tears. He brushed Stygian’s mane. “Are you okay?”

Stygian sniffed, closing the journal and setting it on the coffee table. “This has probably been my most tearful Hearth’s Warming yet.” He laughed, his eyes glittering in the firelight. The bags under them were faint. “But that’s to be expected, I suppose. I’ve never been this happy.”

He touched his nose to Sunburst. “Thank you,” he breathed. “I’ll never stop thanking you.”

Sunburst caressed his cheek, slowly shaking his head. “You should thank you.”

Still bleary, Stygian asked with a little smile, “What do you mean, love?”

“I don’t ever want you to forget the kindness you showed yourself,” Sunburst said. “All your choices that brought you here, I’m so glad you made them. Just knowing they would bring you to this moment, sitting on this couch by the fire — with me.”

Stygian’s smile warmed Sunburst more than the hearth ever could. “How about another good choice?” he said, easing Sunburst in for a slow kiss.

As they embraced in the wide warm dark of their bedroom – Stygian’s ear turned to Sunburst’s heartbeat – Sunburst’s drowsy, sleep-ferrying thoughts were on the wonderful mystery of the Old Ponish phrase hung high in his office, and the beauty of its connections across time.

Sunburst wondered often about the future ponies who would read Reward Prefers Risk long after it was out of print, only able to be discovered in secondhoof bookshops or dusty blind-buy barrels. He wondered how many hearts would go on to be touched by the words of long departed author, Stygian Flare.

But most important were the words that touched his own, arriving on the novel’s final page.

…When I was pulled free from the Shadow, I was saved in more ways than one. The torment of my greatest shame had been defeated. I had fallen into a world made anew. And I had landed at the hooves of a pony who would one day show me love I never expected — or believed I deserved.

Sunburst, you didn’t know it then, but in the future, you and I make the world a kinder place for one another. We meet in the present in a shop where one glimpses stories of the past. And you return to me an ancient dagger I once believed necessary for my story to end.

But it was not my end. Because I have chosen to live.

A long time ago, I believed my life was over. That to die would be the bravest thing I could do. I was so, so wrong.

Don’t fear the future. You’ll never know how it might reward you.

I am rewarded every day in new ways I never thought possible. I am rewarded by long nights of reading, by sunlight on my coat, by learning new recipes, and even by washing dishes, because my husband is beside me. I am rewarded by his smile, and the smiles of my friends, never to be shaken by adversity. There is gentle power in that. The world is not so large that it cannot be changed.

Sunburst, you insist you didn’t save me. That I overcame that battle myself through living, and being. Let’s agree to a compromise, then. You must love and be loved to win the future.

And when I am no longer a part of that future, I will miss it and hope I am missed in turn. You were right, Sunburst. It is a sad thing to be gone from this world. I cherish that now. Because the love remains, even when you are not there to see it.

But my bones will rest easy one day. For in another age, they will rest beside yours.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading!

I've added some bonus drawings I made after completing this story and hope you all enjoy them. Thinking about these two has continued to bring me joy ♡




Comments ( 13 )
TCC56 #1 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · · 1 ·

Oh, that was just so damn cute. Absolutely wonderful. Well done.

Mix-up #2 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · · 1 ·

Well this was a very good read, top quality too. I really loved how you developed it and mix it in with some literature and history mingled with the Romance. Great work dude, keep it up.

Jog
Jog #3 · Dec 5th, 2023 · · 1 ·

Loved this story, the writing was immaculate as well.

im actually crying rn its so beautiful and i see so much of myself in stygian and my boyfriend in sunburst

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Thank you for your exceptionally sweet comments. I'm so happy to know this story really resonated with you!

This may be my favorite love story ever told in fanfic. If not, it's certainly the best I've read in quite a while. I can't recall a fic that has brought so many earnest tears to my face when the outcome was never in question. I want to rave about so much that I loved: the slow revealing of emotion, the dedication to language and translation - how one word can mean many things, the callback phrases used in contrasting situations, the racing interiority of Sunburst's thoughts, the well-paced struggle to reveal their true emotions. Not to mention an outstanding ship cameo in chapter 4!
Thank you, truly, for this well-crafted work. I treasure it and expect I will return for a re-read when I need another few happy cries.

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I am overjoyed more than I could express to know how much this story moved you. This is an incredible compliment to receive and truly embodies what I hoped for those who read this story to feel as I was typing it all out!

I'm also grateful to know the little details I worked to weave into this story were appreciated. I absolutely love stories with recurring motifs and recontextualized passages and try to incorporate them into my own writing when I can.

Thank you so much.

From across the bookshop, Sunburst watched Stygian with a swell of loving admiration. Stygian signed the thousandth dedication page of Reward Prefers Risk with a plumy black quill and handed the copy back to a chartreuse-colored pegasus colt with a curly blond mane who clapped his hooves tight on the hard covers, pulling it to his chest.

love that the story Stygian writes is the same title as this very story

“I am, too. Guess I really took the title’s advice.” He laughed, Stygian along with him. “Because, I had to meet you. I just want to tell you — your book really inspired me. I like stallions, but my parents don’t know yet. I think they’ll accept me after a while, but I'm nervous to finally tell them.”

Stygian’s hoof reached to rest on the table. “You’re very brave to hold off until you feel safe. That takes so much courage.”

and augh, this is just so full circle in the most beautiful of ways

Sunburst squinted at the doubtlessly handsome gray blur in front of him. “That is not a question I can answer in confidence right now.”

ahahaha i love this

Stygian still teared up when he used the word husband to introduce Sunburst, a word he never imagined uttering with ownership.

so relatable damn

As Sunburst watched from across the room, he rubbed his beard, trying to tease out his stirring of recollection. Leaning to Maud, he asked, “Isn’t that your old rockology professor he’s with?”

Maud’s expression hadn’t budged an inch when she said, “This is the funniest moment of my life.”

oh this is just perfect. you do not miss with any single one of these characters

“Okay, my secret gifter is clearly Mudbriar,” Trixie said, indulgently holding up the opened box to reveal a chocolate frosted yule log, dusted with powdered sugar. “Very clever. You know, since it’s wood-themed.”

gottem

Stygian turned the cover, translating as he read, “My beloved, Turning Page. May these cantos sing for you where my voice cannot.” His hoof grasped his mouth.

“The author’s name is Lavender Belle,” Starlight explained in gentle tones. “We traced her family line. She would have been alive at the same time as Turning.”

aaaaaa

“The hoofwriting is so similar to Lavender Belle’s,” she said. “I don’t know if it can be fully confirmed, but…”

so as i was reading this story, i wrote on Discord that, regarding the foreshadowing of Stygian being the one to have written those words,
it's foreshadowed so much i hope that's not what happens and the reveal kills me
and this? this is the reveal killing me. i literally do not know how you do it

He wondered how many hearts would go on to be touched by the words of long departed author, Stygian Flare.

augh the last name. also augh the metafiction

But my bones will rest easy one day. For in another age, they will rest beside yours.

and a wonderful way to end it, with the last words of the book-within-a-book being the last words of the book, Stygian speaking to Sunburst and through Sunburst to all the rest of us, all the layers wherein, wow


this was one of the best stories i have ever read on this site. i wish so very much that i could write like this. all i can say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for writing this

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Thank you, Bike, from the bottom of my heart for these incredible comments! I had the biggest smile on my face reading through each one and know I’ll be back to read through them again from time to time when I need a boost of good feelings.

Also, these two in particular made me laugh out loud, thank you:

hehe somehow just imagine Sunburst brandishing a gun here

i imagine sunglasses falling from the sky and onto Stygian’s face right after he says this

In regard to the epilogue and tying together the refrain of the Old Ponish phrase in Sunburst’s office, I’m so glad to know how much it worked to bring you through the story and that its payoff was just as emotionally meaningful as I hoped it would be! (And it’s also very exciting to know this story was generating so much robust discussion among you and the other judges, haha).

As a “thank you” of sorts, I’ll offer a little bit of “behind the scenes” in my writing process in terms of how these narrative developments came to be:

The phrase “In another age, the world will liberate our love” took direct inspiration from the fragment of Sappho’s poetry that translates to: “I say, someone in another time will remember us.” This historical quote has reached across time to mean so many things to so many modern-day gay people and very much embodies the heart of how I rendered its analog in Reward Prefers Risk: if not now, then in the future, there will be a place for us. Gay love has always existed and will always exist. But, I know this needs no explanation from me.

I anticipated those who read this story might predict Stygian to have been the one who wrote that line (and recall considering it somewhere in development), but felt that was a little too on the nose, as lovely as it may have been. Instead, like its inspiration, the credit goes to the lesbians! Turning Page’s unknown fate sat at the center of Stygian’s guilt for all of his life because while he believed he was able to escape the systemic oppression of his hometown — she didn’t. But while things weren’t easy for her, they weren’t hopeless. She was still loved, and that was powerful. Once again, I know it needs no explanation from me for how this resonates within the story’s themes.

I could easily write thousands of words on this big heartfelt story that’s occupied so many of my thoughts and feelings and just hope I’ve expressed my gratitude enough! Seeing your response to it and those of the other judges has made all the work I put into it feel all the more worthwhile ♡

Hello! I'm one of the heads of the Old Ponish project. I had no idea this was getting used this way! This is wonderful! I'm sharing it with the group. Feel free to share any thoughts with me or on the Discord https://discord.com/invite/NxerkEy :twilightsmile:

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Hello! Thank you so much for your incredible work in developing the Old Ponish Project dictionary! I'm so glad you found this story and am very appreciative you've shared it with the rest of the group. Discovering the Old Ponish Project as a resource was instrumental in bringing in a lot of life to this story and was incredibly comprehensive and easy to use.

As an example of how I worked with it: the longer passages of Old Ponish that appear in the letters Sunburst and Stygian write to one another were written first in English (or diegetically, New Ponish), and then retroactively "translated" to Old Ponish. (The process therein involved me using the PDF version of the dictionary and the search function to find the equivalent word I was looking for, haha). This allowed me to play around with how modern translation might come across differently based on the writer, with the Old Ponish passages being written rather objectively, and the New Ponish passages containing a unique sense of tone and voice.

There were also a few instances where I couldn't find an exact Old Ponish equivalent to an English word I wanted to use and was able to essentially "make up" an Old Ponish word using a similar root and an appropriate suffix or prefix -- which all credit goes to the incredible detail in the Old Ponish Project that I was able to do that! I also especially appreciated how many words had multiple meanings and connotations as any language does and had a great time playing with that in the context of the story.

I'm genuinely surprised that I haven't seen much Old Ponish used in other fics when the Old Ponish Project exists. I hope I contributed in my own way to inspiring other authors to incorporate it into their writing. I think so much can be done with it to add that extra bit of life to characters who are fluent in the language!

Alright, coming here from Miller's blog post and before even opening the first chapter you have two exceptional high points:
- Reward Prefers Risk is a fantastic title. Taking an old turn of phrase and turning it into something new and fresh is a huge win in my book.
- This line from the long description, "However, the rewards of acceptance can only come at the risk of being known." is equally exhilarating. Wraps up the need for connection and the fear of vulnerability in a much more poetic package than "The Hedgehog's Dilemma."

I'm legitimately stoked at how good these two things are by themselves. I'll chow down on the rest as soon as I can manage.

Finally getting around to reading this one and I must say as one of the fellow writers in the MxM contest that I am glad to have lost to such an earnest love story. I wish I was in a better state of mind reading this as my current, medicine-addled brain probably missed details here and there, but even in my haze I could tell the quality was off the charts for a fan fiction.

The characterization here is superb and found myself relating to both Sunburst and Stygian with their kindness and self-worth issues respectively. Bike mentioned how much you mined the source material for this one, and it was great to see what canon bits you were able to take and craft to give deeper meanings to. I love it when writers like you take characters I barely remember because I didn't care to remember it and give me a desire to go back and watch the show to see how you expanded what was presented in that two-part season finale. And the way these two slowly came together? So lovely. I love it when there is a spark of attraction that grows from places other than the physical, but that's my ace-ness showing. Coming together over healing and becoming a better you who feels worthy of love hits me right in the feels.

Thank you very much for sharing this story with us. It's worth every like, favorite, and watch. Speaking of, let me hit those buttons. I look forward to reading more from you when everything's not so fuzzy.

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