Footnotes & Author's Notes
Footnotes:
[1] He was, after all, a mere corporal. Full control of the autonomous nervous system isn't attained until the rank of sergeant, just after you gain the ability to sleep with your eyes open, but just before you learn to speak without moving any part of your face.
[2] A fool's errand even when the benighted and spoiled little foal mistakenly thrust into the body of a full-grown unicorn was trying to behave. These days Spinning Top, bless her, had an entire office just for dealing with him.
[3] Musicians can be so difficult to work with.
[4] Chiefly, they were unprintable.
[5] Or so that they may never be found again. It is amazing how many hare-brained schemes by eager cabinet ministers end up with the files 'lost', the transcripts 'mislaid' and the copies 'tragically flung into the moat and set on fire'.
[6] They didn't really have a proper name. One reporter dubbed them the Shadow Council which was preposterous, entirely too dramatic and cast a blameless group of selfless public servants in an unfairly negative light. Or so Spinning wrote in the relevant press statement. The reporter, incidentally, was reassigned just two days after penning the article. To report on the weather in the San Palomino desert. This gave him a good deal of time to ponder his situation. The words 'sunny' and 'hot' are, after all, quite easy to spell.
[7] The rooms were named by the Princess who was, in that century, in something of a puckish mood. Other rooms include the 'Salon of Desperate Yellows' and the 'Irritatingly Long Gallery'. Luckily for school tour guides in the subsequent centuries, the name "Hall of Phallic Pillars" was vetoed, with as much tact as possible, by the then Cabinet Secretary. Sadly this act of heroism remained unrecorded by pony history.
[8] A number of ponies would take one good look at his scruffy mane and dispute the point.
[9] A place such as this did not employ 'bouncers'. Perish the thought. However, sufficiently annoyed, the magnificently liveried guardsponies would demonstrate a facility with bouncing, and, indeed, splatting, that'd be the envy of any salt-lick on the wrong side of the tracks.
[10] Well, more magical, anyway.
Acknowledgements, special thanks, and image credits
This story has been pre-read by Bad Horse, a noted scholar of pony words and the author of a great many lovely stories, and Dagger Tongue who is the proud co-author of On Wings of Change. A little bird tells me that he's also going to write a story of his own, so do be on the lookout for that. Varanus, who I feel needs no introduction, was also of great help with certain grammatical problems and, also, caught that I had forgotten my own character's name at one point.
Bad Horse's profile.
Dagger Tongue's profile.
On Wings of Change
Varanus' profile
The cover image is by the inestimable KP-ShadowSquirrel who has kindly agreed to let me use it here. The original image can be found on the artist's DA profile, or by following the link below.
KP-ShadowSquirrel's DA profile.
Original image..
I hope you enjoy the story, and thank you for reading!
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You included footnotes in the story. This is very good indeed. Mmmyesss.
1393590
Gosh. Making me blush here, Koba.
1394381
Mmm. I've a special arrangement with the Lords Of Creation that allows the fic to coexist with, you know, the material universe.
I'm happy you liked it.
1394543
I'm on record as shipping GhostOfHeraclitus/Footnotes. Strictly speaking, though, these are endnotes. But that's okay. I'm very modern about that sort of thing.
1394597
And then, as if by magic, the typo[1] was fixed. Can I be your deity now? I'm very easy on the smiting, light on fasting and acts of penance and I have a very liberal set of commandments.
Glad you are enjoying yourself!
[1] A typo that survived three pre-readers and and four "final editing sweeps." Resilient bastard.
1394610
Light on smiting eh? Hmmm, I don't know, I can't respect a god who doesn't smite.
1394614
Well, here at GhostOfHeraclitus Divinity Services Inc. we aim for customer satisfaction above all other things. As a result we are industry leaders in tailoring our divinity towards the individual needs of prospective worshipers, you may be interested in our Flexible Godhood(TM) program and, especially, our Give Me That Old Time Religion(TM) package: for just a few prayers extra, you can have upwards of six major smiting instances a month and with our new pray-as-you-go contract you can even tailor the smiting to your own needs: locusts, pillars of salt, rains of blood, spongecake massacre, and more!
GOH Divinity Services: Who Do You Want To Pray To Today?
1394628
Spongecake massacre? SCORE! Sign me UP! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
1394774
Now that's high praise, indeed.
Regarding Overtyrants, I can reveal that one of the many many theories mentioned in the fic is correct, at least in the universe of my story.
1394628
Oh high holy hell. I came for the story (Dagg sent me), but I'm staying for the Ghost. "Give Me That Old Time Religion" You sir, are a god amongst men... and whatever Koba is. Also, GhostOfHeraclitus/Footnotes, hm? Ghostnotes: OTP.
EDIT: Pray-as-you-go OHHHHHHHHMYGOD
1394852
Ah, another candidate for the "Things Said About Me" quotes field. With your kind permission?
Our love is a forbidden one, but all the more passionate. What kind of a world is it where a man can't stand up, proud, and say "Yes, yes I am in love with an abstract typographical convention? Is that so wrong?"
Brilliant! It was very reminiscent of reading Pratchett, and not just because of the footnotes.
It's unusual to see a story which centers around OCs be so engaging, but I would happily read more about the Civil Service ponies and their endless struggle against generalized idiocy. In the meantime, I would offer feedback to help you improve as a writer if I could, but you're working well over my skill level. Instead I'll point out all of your typos like a total jerk.
Yes, all three of them! And in all seriousness, I really only noticed these little things because this is one of the most technically perfect fics (as far as my American public school abilities can detect) that I've ever come across on this site. Here are the three I found, listed for your editing convenience...
1. "That she has come, Dotted? That's what we fear. We can only hope for the latter." said Lady Cloudsdale, her tone suggestive. [The period before the quotation mark should be a comma.]
2. And one, a certain Ivory Abacus, was too occupied watching the cabinet secretary pivot trough the air to get any distance in. [Through]
3. The moment he saw her he knew—the princess was here, and nothing can go wrong anymore. As long, of course, the princess is happy. [There is a missing 'as' in the second sentence. Also, and this one I'm not sure of, should the 'can' in the first sentence be 'could' because of the earlier 'was'? As in: '- the princess was here, and nothing could go wrong anymore.']
Tl;dr: Wonderful! Nitpicking! More please!
1395524
I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of other ways to erode Dotted's dwindling reserves of sanity. So I won't. Because lying is wrong.
Ah, the wonders of not relying on dead trees as a publishing medium. The typos are all gone. I'm just amazed they survived the scrutiny this thing was put through. Then again, real honest-to-goodness published books have typos, so I shouldn't be surprised.
Lwjf;dr[1]: Glad! Thanks! Working on it.
[1] Length was just fine;did read
1395578
Blackmail! Such an ugly word. No no no, Dotted is just expressing how sad, nay, despondent he would be if details about the Cypress Hall project were to leak (the cabinet is like a sieve these days, it really is, makes you wonder what the world's coming to, it really does) to certain papers leading to the Honorable Member being unseated. Honest.
In seriousness, a) politics is a dirty business, here or in Equestria, b) the views of the characters aren't necessarily those of the author c) Sky Slicer had it coming.
1395037
My kind permission? You can have all of my permission. Take it all, I don't need it.
1394610
I really did. It had me going:
2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO4qcGPBLbs/Twyx68HezFI/AAAAAAAAak0/_o7mHmjgaiU/s1600/110087+-+artist+zlack3r+artist+zlacker+book+crying+filly+sad+twilight_sparkle.png
Although, I think that for the idea behind the story, it was pretty much the perfect length. Not too short and feeling rushed and not too long and starting to strain the concept. It of course did what all good stories do and left me wanting more material to feed my insatiable addiction.
The humour was top notch, and as others have said, reminiscent of such masters as Pratchett and Adams. The best part for me was how you seamlessly inserted the reader into the heads of characters and let their natural reactions to the situations drive the humour. The smidgen of eldritch abominations and weaponized spreads and desserts certainly didn't hurt either.
The harshest criticism I can give is that the footnotes (endnotes? Who cares for technicalities? THIS IS PONIES!) seemed to dry up towards the end. The longest chapter, chapter three, only had two and chapter four had none at all! Clearly this heinous act on the behalf of the author cannot go unpunished.
In conclusion, really really good. If this doesn't make the featured box / EQD then there is something terribly wrong with this reality.
P.S. Any chance of borrowing some writing skills and focus from GOH Divinity Services (I sure there are some livestock nearby that I can sacrifice to the gods [1]).
[1] Although, knowing Australian fauna, the gods might decide I was trying to kill them instead of worship them.
1397535
I remember first figuring out that books do, inevitably, end when I was a child. I've never felt so betrayed.
I'm going to blame Scrivener. I love that program to pieces, I really do, but its support for footnotes is of the devil. Ugh. Clearly, if I ever write something else, I'll need to make sure that I put in more footnotes. I just gotta have more
cowbellfootnotes.You know what with you and Koba proclaiming my imminent triumph I feel this is going to end up like on of _those_ sentences. You know. This ship is unsinkable. Iceberg? Pfffft.
We are always there to serve prospective worshipers. Please state the nature of the religious emergency?
GOH: APPROACH SUPPLICANT AND LET US SEE THY SACRIFICE!
SL: Well uh, I have this. Uh. Damn. *stabbity*
GOH: YES. GOOD. THY GOD IS A GRACIOUS GOD AND THY SACRIFICE WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN LET US SEE IT IS...aaargh...it's biting my....OH ME IT BURNS IT BURNS OH ME WHY IS IT POISONOUS AND VENOMOUS TWICE...aghhaaragha...EATING MY FACE....
SL: Perhaps I shouldn't have sacrificed the rare and endangering[1] Blue Ringed Dropbear.
[1] It was supposed to be 'endangered' but it ate the ecologists who were doing the population survey.
1397975 I remember first figuring out that books do, inevitably, end when I was a child. I've never felt so betrayed.
We at Bad Horse Industries have come up with a solution to this problem:
imageshack.us/a/img339/2874/shutterstock43821175inf.png
1400927
Fascinating. I'm partial to the old Borges 1000 model (they don't make 'em like they used to) but I'm seriously considering switching. It works fine enough, but it keeps eating bookmarks. Very frustrating.
You've got a feature slot easily
And you completely deserve it.
1394836
My money is on the good ship USS Twilestia.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3392-1330765432418_1.jpg
The story is very clever and written in delightfully overwrought prose of a sort of vaguely British flavor (flavour?). I learned that some folks call a zucchini a "courgette," and I also learned that some folks have yet to realize that zucchini-flavored baked goods are delicious, which is terrible. Also, I must protest your characterization of poor Rarity, for I firmly believe that she would not be so easily taken by the popularization of an eldritch brain leech as adornment for one's head. But anyway, this was a real treat.
Ah, a GOH story! Can't read now, but will definitely do so later. I've been eagerly awaiting your first work, as you are one of very few internet dwellers to cling to my memory through comments alone. That's no small feat, considering my memory is kind of like a sieve someone has shot repeatedly.
And then fed into a blender.
And then shot again.
That story was magnificent. Magnificent!
I truly wish FIM:FIC would implement the feature that you had to leave a comment before you down-voted something. If you find something is bad about a fic, please tell us why so we can fix it. {Or tell you why you're an idiot.}
Anyways, I can only assume that this hasn't passed moderation yet, as I've yet to see it in the feature box.
Hope to see you there soon,
-Dagg
PS: The Titanic was sunk by poorly smelted iron rivets. True story.
Bravo! Bravo! Encore! I would favorite this twice, if I could. Three times, even.
If this is the sort of damage control the ECS deals with when Twilight is just visiting, just imagine what it must have been like when Twilight was still living in Canterlot!
The problem with zucchini is this. Once you plant zucchini they will spawn so abundantly that you have to give some to your neighbors just to have room in your garden for anything else. Zucchini delivery is considered a social crime in many countries :D
All this story needs now is a trope page.
1419757
Already there. Final slot, but the one just before it is on it's way out. Of course, I fully expect this to make it to the first slot before the end of tomorrow.
well this story is tied with Slice of Life for my top comedy slot, SoL has slapstick and whole lot of references going for it, while this story is more in the subtle-yet-obvious category, like as people have mentioned Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, I will also add The Bartimeaus Trilogy, by Jonathan Stround, to the list of comparative works just because of the funny footnotes
Hope you write more like this
Congratulations on being featured on EqD and making the feature box as well!
1419111
The Equestrian Civil Service can neither confirm nor deny such scurrilous rumors impugning the immaculate character of Her Highness, Princess Celestia and the Lady Sparkle, Hero of Equestria.
1419401
Ah, English is not my first language, so my vocabulary is a mishmash of British and American usage. As a result, I call them courgettes. You'll be pleased to know that Pinkie did eventually crack the problem. The solution, it turns out, was hot sauce. A lot of hot sauce.
1419401
Oh, I agree. Rarity isn't a fashion follower -- she's a fashion setter. But she needs to keep a close eye on trends, be they leechlike or not, so she can stay at the top of her game. Mind, those decorative leeches are very attractive.
1419985
Oh when she was living there the chaos was less focused but more sustained. So sustained, in fact, that Dotted got his current job early. His predecessor now lives, retired, in a cottage on the foothills of the Unicorn Range where she refuses to see any newspapers and refuses to deal with any unit of time shorter than a season.
I am in love with you.
1420169
Lessee, Beleaguered Bureaucrat. Bothering by the Book, Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word, Government Procedural, Incredibly Lame Pun, Manipulative Bastard, Our Prime Ministers Are Different, Reassigned to Antarctica, Servile Snarker, Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness, Sleazy Politician...that's a decent start, surely.
I'd link to the relevant pages on TvTropes, of course, but I like my readers and I haven't the heart to throw them into that particular black hole.
Jeffina. Oh lordy I howled at that one.
1421323
"BYCELESTIA'SSUNANDALLTHATISBRIGHTANDHOLY!SHEDIDIT!SHEACTUALLYDIDIT!WE'REDOOMED!"
"Slow down so we can understand you, Dotted Line! Take a few deep breaths."
"DOOMED, I TELL YOU! DOOMED! — gasp —"
"In… Out… In… Out… That's it. Now, who's done what that's doomed us all?"
"It's — gasp — Twilight Sparkle, ma'am. SHE'S — gasp — LEARNED TO TELEPORT!"
"Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure? No unicorn since
Clover the CleverSunset Shimmer has successfully cast that spell!""She materialized in the bloody throne room before Celestia, myself, and the ENTIRE BLOODY COURT! GIGGLING! YES, MA'AM, I'M BLOODY WELL SURE!"
"Right, then. I hoped that this day would never come. Inform the Royal Guard that we are going to TWICON 1. I repeat, TWICON 1. And may Celestia have mercy on our souls."
Is that you Pratchett? You can say if it is. No one will disparage you for writing ponies. Not when it's this good. (Even if this isn't PTerry, you must must must keep writing. I will pay to read this stuff.)
Great story, but I have to wonder, does Dotted come from Vanhoover island?
Well now I have to create a list of "just re-read it" fics. Stellar. Put me somewhat in mind of "Yes, Minister" and "Yes, Prime Minister" and that was no bad thing.
I rather like this. :D Very well done. An interesting look into the political side of Canterlot.
I read it and I'm still confused as to what happened.
Hello. Reviewed your story: [Link]
Dear heavens that was one of the most amusing things I have read in an age. I'm still clearing out the tears from my laughter and checking to make sure I didn't wake anyone with it. The word choice helped sell the whole story given the kind of ponies it contained. I'm going to favorite this so I can pull it up when I need a good lark in the insanity that is the daily life.
so great!
1421628
First of all, the 'Met' is short for the Canterlot Metropolitan Police Force. It's no secret that I've based my Equestria a bit on the UK and the nickname they give to the Metropolitan Police Service (that's responsible for Greater London minus the City of London) is 'the Met'. Sorry, didn't think it would cause confusion.
Now, the Silverwing situation is meant to be a bit confusing, after all, it's a slice of the daily issues the Service deals with and it is meant to be a bit fuzzy on the details. But since you ask: The nobles in Equestria have a number of privileges (a word, itself, that derives from 'private law' interestingly enough) and special rights that are guaranteed by ancient agreements and such. Society has moved on beyond this, and there is growing discontent with the situation, but all the relevant laws are on the books and still, technically, valid. By those laws young Silverwing ought to have advantages in the trial process because it demands that the jury be filled with fellow nobles (most of whom he's, of course, related to) and privileging his words over the accuser's, considering it is, after all, a common pony (Juniper Leaf, an Earth Pony mare who was only attending the social function where the assault took place because her family did the catering). Further, the investigation has been hindered monstrously by noble society who closed ranks and refused any sort of cooperation. When sufficient damning evidence has been acquired through some deft police work (and the testimony of one Velvet Masque, a major in the 143rd Scout Battalion. She had been the one to stop matters before they escalated.) Dotted in his capacity as Wrangler of The Nobility for Her Highnesses (suprisingly not an official title) managed to parlay these investigative results into an agreement that the matter can progress through the normal courts, and that it would not be fought, as long as there is no publicity and none of the other members of the nobility are charged with obstruction of justice.
As you can see I worked the details out beforehand, but my story was already exposition-heavy and I didn't feel an infodump like the one above would help the narrative move along snappily.
Scootaloo was, again, supposed to come over from nowhere illustrating the bewildered state of Spinning Top. But, since you asked, they had all donned balaclavas and had their slogans all nicely memorized but weren't sure about how you go about protesting. Sweetie Belle had, from cursory examination of her sister's newspapers, a notion that protestors just sort of...stood around. Scootaloo considered this approach insufficiently awesome and, thus, found a pleasantly inclined bit of marble statuary (the cloak of some pony hero or another) and, guided by her principle of WWRDD, decided to take this protesting thing airborne.
Hope the answers at least amused you.
1421693
Hey! No upstaging the author with the funny!
But yes. Something like that.
1421895
Well, if you look at that map of Equestria that's been floating around, you'll see a pair of islands northwest of Vanhoover. Dotted is supposed to be from the more northerly one. But, given that I've based my Equestria a bit on the UK, it is also, I hope, clear that Dotted is supposed to be a bit Scottish. In fact, I described him as low, wide and of shaggy coat -- in other words a Shetland Pony.
1422085
Yes! It's very much supposed to put you in mind of those very shows. In fact, there used to be a bit where a Sir Apple-Pie (scion of two great families, even!) is mentioned as having the Minister for Administrative Affairs well in hoof, but I cut it out for being too self-indulgent.
1422175
I'm glad someone caught that one. Actually each title is supposed to reference something. Stygium is from Terry Pratchett's Making Money and Soapstone Statue is meant to be a Lovecraft pastiche. The statue of Cthulhu recovered from the Louisiana ritual is described as greenish soapy stone.
1422348
Possibly. I did think about that, but in the end I decided that I wasn't narrating anymore, as such, but was instead describing the general situation as if from her point of view. So I went present-tense. Could be wrong, I grant you, but I liked the sound of it.
1422417
I see. Read the review. 'Didn't like it' is the vibe I'm getting from it.
Featured~!
I'm going to be frank here... I didn't get a lot of the humor in this story, up until the final chapter.
This story was recommended to me by several people, and i now understand why. This story's already thrown me from my chair once in laughter. Also the sheer humor of it all going wrong for Dotted really speaks to all of us, well me, at least. We've had those days, and we cherish the little victories in them.
But seriously, decorative leeches? That's completely ingenious. I would say photo finish might be a little pissed at being the target of that lie, but she might actually thank him later for it. Now, where does one acquire a 'decorative leech' to wear?
I believe i can say Congratulations on making it to EQD as well, from what the people who recommended it to me said.
+1 fave, watch, and thumb. You deserve em.
Random question time:
What is this a reference to? I swear i know a similar version of this from somewhere.
1422729
Now that would be a clash of wills. Or, as the show itself points out, a clash of the political will and the administrative won't.
As for the (unholy) fusion of MLP and Yes, Minister I propose that we name it. My suggestion is: My Little Minister: Bureaucracy is Magic.
1422737
Well, though the story is full of little references (nobody got the Deus Ex:Human Revolution one--understandable considering how deep I buried it) that bit is, to the best of my knowledge, all mine. I just riffed on the notion of the rooms being named things like "The Yellow Drawing Room" and added just a soupçon of Trollestia and there you go.
GhostOfHeraclitus
oh my sweet grandmother Faust THAT WAS BUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!! i haven't laughed so hard in all my days, i am STILL laughing this is the the funniest fic i have ever read *raises 20 forelegs* you get 20 hooves up sir, well done
1422781
That's the thing. That quote isn't the reference, word for word. What i meant is having silly names for rooms or buildings from a ruler just on a whim. I know i've read (or seen, not sure) something like that somewhere before this. I will admit your names are funnier than i recall the 'original sighting's' to be.
Then again, i
could beam totally completely insane. I remember the weirdest things that seemingly never happened, so there's that.Wordy and crunchy, this story is like delicious peanut brittle for the brain. Not a swift read, despite its length, but worthwhile, and like the aforementioned candy, it leaves you picking tasty bits of it out of your teeth for hours to come. You've drawn your (largely) OC cast with impeccable warmth and solidity, and while the narrative occasionally gets lost in the language's mechanical cleverness, I really should expect nothing less from your pen. I am shocked, shocked to find footnotes here, I should add.
There were a few niggly points where I would disagree with the verb tense usage, but otherwise, a very quality execution. Grade A, will read again. Congrats on a most impressive debut.
1422821
1422988
It is quite a sight, I assure you, to see a grown[1] man squee. I wasn't, up until quite recently, aware I was even rigged for squee, but there you go.
[1] Humor me.