• Member Since 20th Dec, 2020
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Klaifferon


Comments ( 51 )

Neat story, curious to see were it goes.

Comment posted by KjDubya deleted Apr 14th, 2023

I'll keep am eye on ya 👉

Premise is nice, just wish the long description was more....descriptive.

I'm putting this in my read it later slot. I like the idea of a guy slowly falling for a sisters friend. I hope this pony is really nice to him and sweet.

If this stays true to the original, you’d better rate this mature, dude.

I read this late last night on my phone. Now that it's morning and I have access to a device with a proper keyboard, I can comment on this. Just repeating what I've learnt so far, so I might as well spoiler this.
Seems cute on the surface, but with potentially dark undertones. Artificially created ponies being sold as pets. Yet they have been released before any have truly reached adulthood. The specimen here seems quite intelligent and has the capability of learning and repeating words. Since none of them have lived to their full lifespan, we can reasonably assume that their intelligence may be under-estimated and she may be capable of full speech as she gets older. The ethical implications of keeping such a creature as a pet are […]

They have also been created with with horns and wings. It is unclear whether all of them are pegacorns or whether they have been made in a variety of combinations. This one has wings and a horn, although the horn is very well hidden and may not have been noticed. It's also been stated that this one was different from the others in that she had blue eyes where the rest all had purple. Since none have been in existence long enough to reach their projected maximum lifespan, it is reasonable to assume that not all behaviours have been documented. Those little horns and wings might just have some unexpected functionality as the ponies mature.

Pretty good so far. The parents are jerks though

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I'm kind of struggling to continue from the part where it gets less E rated. I moved on a bit since that and I actually consider leaving it as it is but I don't like abandoing stories either. We'll see. I need some time to decide.
I'll either flag it as "finished" or "Mature" after this chapter.

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I was hoping to think of something later on 😅

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Thanks guys! <3

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You're onto a lot 😅🤣
However, I wrote this piece as a side story to a much bigger one,.. which I never really finished. Everything was supposed to be explained in detail there but since it's nonexistent, it will have to be mentioned or hinted here. That is, if I manage to finish the next chapter lol. Things will get less wholesome from here and I'm not sure if it still resonates with me.

I like the premise. Artificial pet ponies with a potential dark twist if they happen to be sapient. Also… yes, as it is I would rate this teen at least. I get the feeling I know where this is going, but… If you ignore that, this has potential for a good long story. The interactions are adorable.

"Yes! Fuck yes! Finally got ya, ya niggerrr!!"
Yeah, na, get that racist shit out of here.

I haven't yet read this chapter, the sudden change from E to M content caught me off guard and I had to stop reading half way through this. I'm not sure whether I'm going to come back to this. I might, but you really should have had it M rated from the start if you knew it was going to go into this kind of content. If you do write any more chapters like this, would you keep them clearly marked so they can be skipped by those who were only reading this for the wholesome E rated content? Or if you are going to maintain this M content as the core storyline, then I might just stop reading.

Personally, I try to stick to E and T, but will read mild M so long as the NSFW content is not the main focus. What kind of content do you expect this story to contain going forward? I am unfamiliar with 'the original' that was mentioned in another comment.

Rereading the author's note, yes I am somewhat annoyed, but largely only because the rating was changed suddenly and the sudden focus on NSFW content caught me off guard. I would have been less turned off from the story if I actually knew this was going to be in it and the relevant content ratings were on display right from the start, and I'd like to know if this is going to continue this route.

Also note that M content is hidden by default and some readers will have noticed this story just disappear into nowhere and not know what happened.

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There was going to be only one NSFW chapter and it's the one mentioned. The others should be SFW.
The original greentext was written for 4chan. I had to deliver some clop because of the everhorny audience. Also, back then I kind of wanted to shock people with the story taking such a turn but ehh, it might have been too shocking for some. Especially for people who wanted a wholesome cute story.
I couldn't just skip it entirely in the revision though because it was kind of crucial for the story to progress, otherwise it would probably just end with the third chapter.
Also, I had no idea that "M" content was hidden by default but I guess it makes sense. At the start, I wasn't sure whether to end it with ch.3 or continue so it began as "E" in case I wouldn't deliver further. It kind of backfired but all I can do now is hope and post more...
...Thanks for the concern though!

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Already changed the rating :))
And thanks guys!

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If this is the only NSFW chapter, then I'm fine with it. M rated content is locked behind an 18+ banner in which you must say you're 18 to access. If you want to keep the T rating, but also have the NSFW content, one option would be to post the NSFW chapter as a separate story as an optional extra. Not sure if you'd want to do that now since it's already been up a while, but it is an option. I'm not sure what kind of NSFW stuff could be important to the plot, and I'm still not entirely sure that I will read this chapter; although I noticed that the authors note mentions that you rewrote it. Has the content of the chapter been toned down or is it about the same? If the rest of the story is SFW, then I'll be sure to keep reading the rest.

You’ve changed a lot of this from the original and it’s all for the better. Suzanne’s personality and intelligence is a lot more developed here, there’s a depth that was lacking before. Well done.

‘What would she do with it if I showed her? …Would she actually lick it?’ flashed through my head.

Being a teenager sucks lol.

I like this a lot. Hope this didn't get dropped.

It’s almost like she was lacking proper nutrition, mainly the sugar ponies need, to remain intelligent.

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Thanks! I forgot to reply the last time I was here but I did read the comment and I want you to know that I appreciate it :)

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NOW :O

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Not dropped, just really really postponed. I always finish my stuff but it can take forever.

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That is actually an interesting idea lol. I wish I thought of that.

"Yes! Fuck yes! Finally got ya, ya niggerrr!!" I stood up laughing and spontaneously hugging Suzanne on my right "Saw that?! Shinobi execution! A flawless one."

wow just fuckin BAM outta nowhere huh? that's wild lmao

Hey, new chapter! Nice.

I have only one thing to say tho.
One wrong move and she would become Salsa, she lucked out.

SQUEE 💘💘💘

I'm fine with this premise. I mean, shoot, wouldn't we all love to own a pony irl, especially one based on those from the show? I could just see it now: the two most popular models would be Rainbow Dash and Luna. And, given her own popularity, Luna could be sold in different versions, including Nightmare Moon, or perhaps even young Woona.

My only problem stems from the main character's timeline. You state he is seventeen, yet he's still going through puberty? Huh? I could see him being twelve, not seventeen.

It took me a few minutes of reflection to come u with a comment, so here goes (and I'll keep it brief):
I have not a single problem with this chapter at all. Sure, there are those who will judge the content under the premise of "bestiality". And certainly, they have every right to say such. However, I dismiss their reaction as being silly. There are those of us adults who wish to belong there in Equestria and interact with the ponies on an adult level. While you tale is not set in Equestria, but the Human world, it is still fairly like the former enough. Sure, some of us would love to be closer to many of the pony characters, even to sexual relations; it only natural. I mean, why else would there be such an imaginary character as green-faced Anon? Through that character, we can experience our own feeling of pony relationships, and often in a sexual manner. I mean, shoot, I'd probably myself indulge in some such relationship with numerous ponies (I won't say who, however; you could probably guess which).
In other words, do not feel bad about writing such a scene as this. To me, I'm adult enough to realize your MC's conflicted emotions, which is an obvious springboard for the following drama, looking at it in a literary sense. I am fine with this; I see nothing wrong here. It is but a tale of fiction, that is all.
I am enjoying this story thus far; I hope that you will continue it beyond these few chapters! I still have two more to go...

This is so far a great read. The fact that Suzie is such an intelligent pony is really a treat.

Please keep up with the updates, 'cause I really want to see ow this will end. :raritywink:

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Yeah... It's a reference to the times when kids playing shooter games would casually call you like that without actually thinking about what it means. Back then it wasn't considered as outrageous as it is now.
I began doing the re-writing just for fun, without the clear intention of posting it here and only later after publishing it did I realise that I did include the joke as well. To be specific, when someone pointed it out, lol.
I probably could replace it but I hope that people do realise that it's not to be taken seriously.

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It's her cartoon horse DNA that gets her out of trouble. ;)

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In this specific universe, the MLP as we know it doesn't really exist. Maybe some previous gens but not the G4 as that would cause a massive shitstorm if they were suddenly real.
As for the puberty question, a 17 year old teenager is still pretty much in puberty to me. I think at least I was, not sure what exactly is the criteria though.
Anon definitely isn't 12 here though, that would be reeeally messed up lol.

This how I imagine what would happen if he got caught and his parents called the police.

Anon:Police I swear to god, not sleeping with a mare

You have really expanded this and given it depth way beyond the original story. Color me impressed, dude.

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Very glad to hear it!
It is what I was aiming for because the original indeed felt kinda shallow and unfinished at times. :)

Woah twist… will he and his pony end up in Equestria? Or maybe that shady company will turn him into a pony? The twist possibilities. :pinkiegasp:

It’s nuts how much you’ve expanded and dipped deeper into this from the original. Loving it.

To the people un-liking the story after the latest chapter: this isn't the end of it lmao.

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<3

Hospital arc was shorter than expected, but we get to see Suzzane again. Hopefully Suzanne will be able to blow his parent's minds with her own mind soon.

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Most tend to end at around 17 some will last as long as the early 20s.

In men mainly in female's it only takes 4 year's

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Oh, I don't doubt you. Mine happened to end when I was thirteen when I lost my innocence then. Part of the reason why I took to enjoying MLP when I did. I'm now in my late sixties, and as such that is all water under a long forgotten bridge.

Thnx for the reply. :moustache:

Honestly sounds like a company trying to make a all powerful alicorn and making money of the side selling the failures

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There not parents of the year but there not bad as far as parents go. I'd say at or just below average. My best friend had parents like that but they still care about each other.

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I amend my previous statement. The parents are about average,but the story is a lot more gross than I thought it would be. 😵

Honestly surprised this is the first time I've not seen ponys be used as simple pet's. Animal's tend to make ther lair where they feel the safest. Still seeing a dog, cat, or any other animal dragging there bed around the house never stops being amusing

Well that went from 11 to 100 really quick. Can't read this story anywhere but home that's for sure. The morale question is just how intelligent is are little pony here? Clearly more then a simple animal but close is it to ares?

I guess I'll have to forge onwards to find out. Not the most deprived thing I've read. Either way this is something man has done for centuries

So is this a crossover with Pokemon, Digimon or both?

(One thing that she believes till now though, is that there are spirits and fairies out there in natural forests, claiming she saw them numerous times. Either she has a very vivid imagination or she can see something that I can’t and I decided not to argue with her about that.) - Maybe leave this line for later, once she will have unlimited access to actual forests.

I think you left an author note we arent supposed to see :P

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Oh yeah, I just realised it, damn.

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Sort of neither, merely a resemblance I guess. The name sort of stops being so relevant as the story progresses and the characters develop but while writing it the original greentext, it felt like a good idea.
Too late to rename it now though.

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It was sort of supposed to be controversial, that was the intention. Back then, I used to think that to shock people was the only way to be original, heh.

It is not the kind of stuff I'd write about today if I started a new story...

I might still pick this story up again. The initial jump from [E] to [M] was very jarring. Usually I tolerate [M] and it probably wouldn't have put me off so much if the Mature content was properly disclosed (content warnings).
I still check the new chapters on occasion.

Also, I'm curious as to how old Suzanne might be in this story.

Not my dad, not my mom and not even my little sister who was essentially the reason why Suzanne was with us in the first place. It was me.

WAS THAT A JOJO REFERENCE!?!?!??

I have a question , if i'm not wrong , ponies live as long as a human would live , Buuut this "pony" is Artificial
Soooo? (I know that no one is gonna answer)

“Clever girl.” I chuckled in amusement, petting her one more time.

WHY DO I KEEP SEEING REFERENCES!?!?

This fic is wholesome in every bucking good way

I just hope this change of story's direction doesn't upset many people who wanted something innocent. To my defense, this was planned out from the beggining if that helps anything. I wanted to write something shocking back then and it's just what I did.

So My suspicions were true
Still gonna read it and enjoy it

I might be the lawyer of the devil by now
its just…just
This fic clouded My mind , i don't know whats good and whats Bad
But what the hell , it's just a fic
i barely lived after hearing a "fanfic reading" of "withe wine" , i was literally panting and i just listened tho
Soooo

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