> Ponymon
>  by Klaifferon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> It's nice in your snowstorm
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





I used to hate this pony I really did. Trust me.

My name’s Anon. I was 17 back then, almost 18 - and yes, it does matter, but we’ll get to why a lot later. 

You could say I was a pretty basic teenager, spending way too much time on my PC, occasionally hanging out with my (few) friends, fighting with my parents… Speaking of family, I also have a little sister. She isn’t little anymore, but she used to be and it’s she who played a key role in what I’m about to tell you. It was she who made my dad and mom spend so much money on a thing presented as “The pet of the future!”

“They’re smart! They’re cuddly! They are clean and they can even carry small kids on their backs!” said the commercial.

I think it was that last line that must have “sold” my little sister. It was ironic that it was the only thing listed that Suzzanne, our new family pet couldn’t do. She was way too small for that and never really grew past the height of my waist. It didn’t matter though, because everyone loved Suzzanne; also known as “Miss Preeny”. Everyone except me…

I was going through puberty. Don’t judge me too harshly for hating a colorful pony that could have been a brand new gaming PC instead. But my parents decided Suzzanne would be a better investment, so I despised her for it; at least at the beginning.

I had completely ignored her attempts to share her joy of living with me, I wouldn’t take her for walkies, I refused to give her scritches. I didn’t even want to look at her.

It might have been what made her so curious about me though, and why she decided to visit my room of that fateful evening. When the door creaked, I turned around thinking it was my mom, trying to make me watch the TV with the rest of the family.

"Sorry mom, I don't really like the TV shows you're--"

I didn’t even finish the sentence when I saw the creature at my doorstep. I knew she learned how to open doors within the first day of her stay but her audacity to enter my lair was outrageous to me.

“You?!” I paused my game to shoo her away. “Hush, go away! I don’t like you!”

It was hostile enough of a reaction to make the poor thing turn around and run back into the dark hallway. She didn’t close the door after herself though. She didn’t know how to do that yet, so I had to get my ass off my chair and go do it myself. I was cursing the colorful menace on the way but as I was about to close the door, I noticed her shiny eyes, reflecting the light of my screen in the dark. She was still there, lurking.

However, I didn’t care. I just slammed the door closed and went back to my game. It was when I eventually got all settled back in, and her interruption persisted that I had had enough.

“What is it you don’t understand?! Go away!!” I yelled harshly enough for Suzzanne to eep as if someone pinched her flank and in panic, run straight into the door that had partially closed behind her. I could hear a thud as she banged her head over the solid wood before finding her way out of my room in a clattering of hoofs sliding and clopping on the hard wood floor.

When I finally found myself alone, I actually felt a little bit bad about myself because from what it sounded like, it probably hurt. After a few seconds of thinking I got up from my chair to check on the pony to see if she was okay.

The hallway was empty though. I continued to the living room where the rest of my family was watching TV. There I found Suzzanne, disinterestedly laying next to their feet. None of them noticed me entering the room, except for our new pet that attentively raised her head in my direction. 

I thought I had finally left a bad enough impression for her to completely start avoiding me, which might have been my intention at first, but I didn’t expect it would hurt me too. I went back to my room, feeling a little confused. I sat alone with my thoughts until a few minutes later when the door opened again…

I certainly didn’t expect Suzzane to give it another shot after the last time, so I was surprised to see her again so soon. Something inside me wanted to shoo her away again but at the same time, something else wanted me to come to her and apologize for being a jerk. 

You can guess which part of me won. That’s right, I slapped the fuck out of— Oh I’m just kidding, of course I went to apologize. 

The creature was still hesitantly standing in the doorframe, waiting for my reaction, so I crouched down to even our heights:

“It’s okay, come here.”

Suzanne quickly understood what it meant and made a few steps towards me but kept safe distance nonetheless. She couldn’t possibly tell if it isn’t one of my dirty human tricks, yet something inside her really wanted to find out.

When I reached my hand towards the pony, she flinched away like a cat, cautiously sniffing my palm before letting me even touch her. After a few seconds of analyzing me, she must have deemed I’m okay because she nudged my hand with her muzzle, almost guiding it on her head. 

If I didn’t mention it before, Suzanne was (and still is) a total cuddlebug. I found out very quickly because as soon after I laid my hand on her, she craved me to use the other one as well. 

Before we get further though, I gotta tell you about how it felt to touch her mane for the first time. It was a life changing experience for the young me... Okay, maybe not completely life changing but I was really surprised just how soft she is. As if she didn’t even belong to this world. I buried my fingers into those silky hair and Suzanne closed her eyes, indulging in the head massage. In less than half a minute she even began pulling herself closer, using her front hooves, dragging her rump on the ground behind her, to get even more from where all those scritches came from.

It wasn't a love at first sight but at this point, my heart definitely melted enough for me to accept the little pony. 

“Heh, I guess you’re okay…” I chuckled with Suzanne’s head already resting on my lap “...But don’t tell anyone of this, okay?”

She didn’t really answer with words of course. The quiet whinny she made felt pretty affirmative though. She surely must have known she’s being addressed; if nothing else.

I kept caressing the pony’s head for a while longer, just exploring her strange features, getting to know her fluffy ears and squishy cheeks… Pretty much what would anyone do in my place, I think. However, what kinda surprised me, was the fact that above her forehead, there was a tiny horn, hidden in the thick mane. So tiny, it didn’t even stick out. Back then I thought that the company, artificially breeding these creatures, wanted to make an ultimate little girl’s fantasy come to life through their work. - That’s why they tried to feature them with both uselessly small wings, as well as with a miniature unicorn horn, so it didn’t really shock me that much. I wasn’t even that far from the truth, however, it wasn’t a full truth.

Back then it just made me feel a little sorry for Suzanne because she probably didn’t choose to be born into this body. One that felt to me like a one big marketing trophy. It wasn’t her fault that instead of a gaming PC or a car, there was her. I wouldn’t admit my thoughts to anyone else though.

I cuddled the pony for a good quarter hour before I finally let her head go. It almost fell out of my hands before she realized she had to keep it up herself again. Then she glanced at me, as if waiting for some kind of explanation why I stopped, so I announced:

“Okay Suzanne, I’m gonna go play some vydia now but I guess we’re cool now. I might have judged you too harshly before…”

With one last grin and one last headpat, I stood up to go sit in my gaming chair again. 

It didn’t take long for me to get immersed in the 3d rendered fiction enough to stop caring about the world around me. That’s why it took a while for me to realize that Suzanne didn’t exactly leave to join the rest of my family, as I expected her to. Instead she was sitting right next to me. I almost yanked when I noticed.

Looking at the pony, I paused the game I was playing:

“What is it? Are you like, hungry or something? ...Or do you just don’t like watching soap operas with mom and dad?”

The creature didn’t say anything, again, just whined a quiet high pitched noise and very sneakily pulled her front hooves on my desk, watching me eye to eye from almost uncomfortably close distance. Then she poked her tongue out as if she wanted to lick me but she freezed right before doing that.

Despite how much she’d clearly like to, my father already taught her not to lick anyone’s face and Suzanne was always a really quick learner.

Now she was just staring at me, her orange tongue still hanging out of her mouth, before she licked her lips and slid it back in.

"You're this much from actually speaking, you know that?" I snickered "...But I still have no idea what you want. Is it really just someone’s attention? Is my sister already neglecting you so much? That doesn’t sound like her."

However, Suzanne just smiled at me, her eyes sparkling with the reflection of my screen. It was a really human looking kind of smile she could don. Human enough to make me feel a bit weird, thanks to my social awkwardness. 

It was just Suzanne though, so I overcame that momentary feeling and gently squished her cheeks with my palms:

“So it’s the attention you want? Guess I can spare a few more minutes then…”

I gave the pony a few thorough scritches on her neck, running my fingers up and down, all the way towards fluffy ears and back to her withers. She really liked that, judging by her delighted faces and noises.

I couldn’t keep it up forever though and eventually I let her go again, returning to my game. Suzanne still stood there for a while, as if expecting more to come but then the screen with my videogame caught her attention. Couldn’t blame her, “Sekiro: Shadows die twice” was in 2019 dope as hell. However, when she tried to reach her hoof towards the screen to catch the shinobi, I shooed her away:

“Hey! No touching the screen.”

Suzanne’s hoof immediately retracted and she even slid back down on the ground, eyeing up at me with a visible guilt. 

‘Either she’s just too pure for this world or she’s just too good of an actor.’ I thought. Nonetheless, it made me feel a bit bad about myself.

“Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound that harsh. It’s okay… You can watch if you want to, but no touching the screen, alright? I just died because of it." I pulled my old chair next to the one I was using now, so that Suzanne could sit with me  "Come on up." I  patted the cushion "This one's for you."

Somewhat hesitantly, the pony just touched the chair, patting it the same way I did, as if she wasn’t sure what to do with it. My parents wouldn’t let her on the couch or any other “human surfaces”, so that there’s less hair to clean and Suzanne didn’t even expect this one to be an exception. It was though, and apart from her own little mattress in the living room, the little pony now had her first cushioned okay-to-sit-on spot. She didn’t know it yet though.

"Of course you can sit here.” I grinned, glancing straight into her big eyes when I saw her still hesitating “This is my chair and my parents have no power over here.”

As if she could somehow understand me, she smiled again; this time even showing me her teeth, and began pulling herself up. Her attempts started out pretty elegantly too, that is until the swiveling chair turned out to be a real struggle to climb on. It didn’t discourage the pony from her tries though. 

With a lot of leg kicking and wing flapping, Suzanne eventually managed to get there even without my help. I could see on her face how proud she was of making it.

“Good job.” I clapped twice for her with a grin, even though she didn’t know what the gesture meant. In response, she tried to clap back using her hooves, almost falling down from the chair. 

Then she victoriously made herself comfortable there, laying her head on the armrest and leaning her cheek on my elbow. Her eyes were following the screen, occasionally glancing at me, judging me for dying to the same boss over and over again. That is, until I finally beat him:

"Yes! Fuck yes! Finally got ya, ya niggerrr!!" I stood up laughing and spontaneously hugging Suzanne on my right "Saw that?! Shinobi execution! A flawless one."

Needless to say that the pony had no clue what was I so happy about but she was quick to join my celebration, swishing her tail and giggling with me. It was the last part that actually surprised me because I only knew back then that she can smile but I certainly had no idea she knew how to laugh like a human too. That was new.

"Wait... you can laugh? Am I hearing right?" I slowly let go from the hug, glancing at the grinning pone. "Oh wow, just what exactly did my parents really buy? Is that why you were so expensive?"

"Ni-ggaaaahhh." Suzanne suddenly answered with a voice of a deaf, adolescent girl.

"Uh,... what?"

"Niggaaah!" she chirped excitedly, this time articulating a lot better.

I was utterly unable to comprehend what just happened and what to make of it, so I just stared at her as she went on and on:

"Nigga! Nigga!"

...

"Uhhh, mom?! Dad?!" I finally yelled, loudly enough for my parents to hear me two rooms away.

"Yes dear?!" my mom yelled back.

“Is that creature you bought supposed to be talking?”

"Oh yes! She should be able to learn some words and even phrases, like a parrot!”

"Did you teach her anything yet?" I heard my dad’s voice as well now.

"No! I mean, maybe..?" I answered.

"We’ll come and check once the show ends!” he replied.

I knew I fucked up.

If only Suzanne knew too. However, she didn’t. She was just watching me with a big smile on her face, excited about her word causing such a massive reaction:

"Nig--"

"Stop." I closed her muzzle before she could finish it and I looked her dead in the eyes "We don't say that in public, okay?... Do you understand me?"

As a matter of fact, she didn’t understand or she did not want to:

"Ni--" the mare started as soon as I let her muzzle go.

"Don't." I stopped her again, this time only putting my index finger in front of her mouth.

Judging by the grin on her face, I felt that she might understand that I don’t want her to repeat that word. The question was, whether or not was she going to abuse it to get reactions from people.

"...You're horrible, you know it?" I chuckled eventually at the mischievous pony.

"Haw! Eeble!" she wagged her tail, spreading her tiny wings.

"Yes, that's you..." I chuckled somewhat painfully.

I couldn’t really hold a grudge against her at this point because I found it totally hilarious too. It was hard to pretend that I didn't. Sure, my dad would probably tell me not to encourage her when she misbehaves and maybe even slap her each time she does but I just didn’t want to. Plus, I was kind of proud that it was me who taught her to speak. 

Not my dad, not my mom and not even my little sister who was essentially the reason why Suzanne was with us in the first place. It was me. 

I think by that time the mare must have already understood that around me, she can get away with a little bit more than around others. It must have been the reason why she sneakily began climbing on my shoulders with her hooves to suddenly give me a big, wet, lengthy lick over the whole left side of my face.

I didn’t know her intentions at first of course, so I didn’t really struggle when she put her hooves on me until it was too late:

“Jeez…” I laughed, wiping her slobber off my face “Gross!”

It was the first one of many more to come in the future because by not being mad at Suzanne after that, I must have just sealed the deal to be the “cool guy” for her. One that lets her do stuff. And surprisingly for me, I was pretty much okay with that.

It felt good to be someone’s favorite, even if that someone was basically just a family pet. At least back then.

"Haweeble!" Suzanne chirped again, after I finally got her off me, seating herself back into the chair I gave her. 

"You sure are…” I chuckled then, trying to get her full attention “...but try to say: ‘Suzanne’. Suz-anne! ...Can you say it?"

You can imagine the excited little mare was happy to test out her speaking ability and I wish you could hear her failed attempts. Despite that though, she actually got it somewhat right pretty quick:

"Sooz.... Soozaine!" her tiny wings victoriously sprang open.

"Great! That's your name!" I pointed at her, "You're Suzzanne."

"Soozan!.. Soozzan!" She repeated the word proudly.

"I guess that will have to do. You're just like a pokemon now.” The sight of her made me grin. “...Can you do a high five too?"

However, that was too much for the officially titled ponymon. She was cluelessly smiling at the raised hand but she had no idea what I wanted from her. 

"...Yeah, that's stupid, but how about a fist bump?" I made a fist in front of her. And, she actually bumped it. It was with her nose though, so it was technically a boop. “Hey, good try.” I giggled.

Before I could react, I received an answer too. Suzanne sprang up towards me to vigorously lick my face like an excited dog.

I didn’t exactly fight her, I mean, I did tell her to stop it and I tried to push her away in between my laughs but I wasn’t very firm. It actually must have even encouraged her because she thought it was a game. 

Eventually I had to use a bit of force to get her away from my face, otherwise I’d probably drown in her saliva or choke on her tongue. I grabbed the pony’s barrel and I steadily pushed her away just enough for her to not be able to reach me.

My intention was to show her that it was enough games but since I had the upper hand on her, I suddenly felt like I should use it. So, I laid the creature on her back, exposing her belly.

“Got you now!” I laughed as I buried my fingers into the fluff on Suzzanne's chest. And she laughed too and also kicked, but just out of fun and not with a lot of force. 

I messed with her for a good while and I’d probably continue even longer if I didn’t suddenly hear my parents, who were about to enter my room; I had an ear for that.

Just as fast as I’d usually pull my pants up and close all tabs, I laid Suzanne back down on the ground and pretended as if I didn't even know her. I had to keep my ‘hater pose’. 

Even though I liked Suzanne already, I couldn’t openly admit it to my parents. If you went through puberty, which I’m guessing you did, I’m sure you understand. A pubescent has gotta keep his edginess.

My parents walked into a sight of me, carelessly staring into the PC screen and the pony sitting next to me; still excited from all the fun she had just a few seconds ago.

"Hey son, I take it you two have finally become friends now?" Dad laughed, seeing Suzanne was all about me. However, I tried to ignore her:

"Yeah, as if. She just keeps following me, I dunno what's her deal.”

“Then how or why did you teach her to speak?” He inquired.

“That’s the thing I--...”

Unsure what to say, I awkwardly glanced at the smiling creature, sitting on the ground between me and my parents, hoping she could anyhow get me out of this situation. As if she could do telepathy, Suzanne straightened herself up and when all the human eyes were fixed onto her, she announced with utmost importance in her girly voice:

"SoOoOozzainne."

"So it's her name you've taught her?" my dad laughed, patting my shoulder "I knew you two would get along in the end."

"But I-- Yeah,.. I mean no!! She’s not my friend, I don’t even care about her! All I wanted was you to come pick her up so that she would stop opening my damn door!” I got into my act so deeply that for a while, I actually believed my own words. With unpretended anger I pointed at the pony, commanding: “Get away, you stupid animal!”

In that second, Suzanne’s smile fainted away from her face as she slowly walked out of my room with a visible disappointment in her posture. She wasn’t the only disappointed one though. My mom frowned and my dad made a very fake smile that couldn’t really hide his real emotions: 

"Well, alright champ,.. maybe later."

Only after all of them were gone, I snapped back, realizing what I had said and done. I might have made my point but I didn’t really feel good about it. The cost was too high. Suzanne looked really hurt.

As much as my ego wanted to justify being such a jerk, I couldn’t really stop thinking about it before falling asleep that night. One part of me wanted to think that Suzanne really is just a stupid animal and she won’t even know about it tomorrow. The other part didn’t need me to think at all because I knew the truth already: What I did wasn’t right and Suzanne certainly didn’t deserve such treatment. 

The struggle in my head kept me up for a long time and I only fell asleep after promising my conscience to make it up somehow tomorrow. I didn’t know how yet but I definitely wanted to...
> It's too late to be hateful
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day I got up a lot later than everybody else; as usual. Back then, the only thing that could get me out of my bed was an empty stomach or a full bladder. Occasionally, both of these reasons combined.

By the time I entered the dining room, mom, dad and even my little sis, who always took forever, were already finished with their breakfast. I sleepily wished them a good morning and headed straight to the fridge in the kitchen to get something I could snack on. However, on my way I walked into Suzanne that was resting on her mattress.

In my morning daze, I almost forgot about the feeling of guilt I felt since yesterday but I was quickly reminded of it when I saw her. It only added to it when she timidly backed away from me as soon as she registered me. I couldn’t just go and apologize now though. There was my dad, sitting in a chair nearby and I had too much pride in me to do it in front of him. I thought it would make me look weak, to openly admit my mistakes like that

So, I just went back to the table, acting as if nothing and waited for everyone else to leave the room. As soon as dad was finished with his morning coffee and mom went into the garden with my little sis, I stood up from my toast with hummus. Sneakily, to make sure she won’t see me coming, I approached Suzanne who was napping again and I slowly put my hand on her head.

At first I could see she was enjoying the scritches but then she opened her eyes and saw it was me; not my sister. The pony immediately flinched away.

"Hey, look, I didn’t really mean it yesterday." I tried to touch her again. Suzanne's mattress was in a corner of the room so she had nowhere to back away. I didn’t really help anything with it though. To show me her disdain for betraying her, Suzanne resisted eye contact and curled herself into a ball.

"...I just wanted to make my point in front of them, so that I wouldn’t look stupid.“ I frowned over myself, shamefully staring at the ground between us “I know that my problems aren’t your fault. I’m really sorry if that hurt, I didn’t mean it."

For a second I felt stupid, talking to an animal like that as if she could understand me. The next moment though, I felt something nuzzling my hand. It surprised me to see that Suzanne, as if she could tell I was honestly sorry, came to me herself.

“Heyy ...So we’re actually good then?” I softly laid my hand on her head to pet her.

She didn’t answer, although judging how she quickly cuddled herself closer to me, I took it as a “yes”.

“Oooh right, we’re good.”  I chuckled as I buried the fingers of my other hand deep into the fluff on the pony chest to give her some thorough scritches. In return, I got my nose nibbled on.

What happened that day made me understand better just how deeply this creature can feel and understand the emotions of others. As I mentioned, it was surprising to me because I always considered animals kind of… dumb. Or shallow.

Suzanne was neither though. That I could tell already.

I cuddled her for a few minutes longer. However, I was still too proud to admit my change of mind because of this discovery to anyone else. So, when I was done with the pettings, about to stand up and finish my breakfast, I told her as if she could understand me:

“...Just please, don’t let my parents know about this, okay?”

“Sooz.” The mare cooed in reply.

“Great! It’s a deal then.” I booped her snoot and shaked her hoof. I knew she couldn’t possibly tell the meaning of my words but I wanted to pretend she does.

Seeing I’m leaving her, Suzanne gave me one last smile and in content that everything is fine again, began preening her wings. ...There was no point for her in doing it though, because her flappers were too tiny for any actual flying. I understood that she does that as her “comfort activity”. -That, or there’s a birb instinct somewhere deep inside her that she can’t overcome. I never actually found that out.

I watched her work on the colorful feathers while eating the rest of my breakfast. It was definitely more interesting than watching the morning news, which I deeply and thoroughly hated.

When she was done, Suzanne returned to finish her nap that I previously interrupted. After breakfast, I went back to my room.




***




Since then, almost two weeks had passed and I still pretended in front of my parents that I didn't even know Suzanne and she didn’t seem to mind. It was as if she understood we get to hang out when there's just the two of us. I didn't spend too much time around my parents anyway back then. 

The miniature mare would sometimes visit me in my room and I was always glad to have her as a companion. She quickly learned that it’s a good way to get some love and attention because mom and dad didn’t really have too much time for her. It was mostly me and my little sister who had to do the job of keeping her entertained.

She’d also often spend evenings with me, while others were watching TV, residing in the chair I gave her. It quickly became one of her most favourite spots for some reason. Sometimes she would just watch me play, or get cuddled while I was watching a movie. Other times I was more active with her: We would practice some words or even play-fight. Suzanne always tried to out-wrestle me and sometimes I even let her win. Overall, I think she grew fond of me very quickly.

As embarrassing as it was to my ego, I grew fond of her just as quick.

Also, unlike anyone else in my life, she actually listened to me. Of course, she wouldn’t understand what exactly I was telling her but I knew she registered very precisely my mood and emotions. It made her somewhat easy to talk to; even though I didn’t always get an answer I was hoping for. (Sometimes I got a better one though.) What mattered to me the most, was the fact that she was 'truly there' with me - actually present with all of her being. Sharing the moments.

That was most important to me.

It was also why I soon found myself talking to her more than my own parents. I’d tell her everything that was on my mind, even the things I could never share with anyone, and she listened. She never judged me for my inability to always find the right words, my grades in school, my weaknesses, or the times I simply failed myself in life. She was the only one to love me unconditionally. 

'Unlike mom and dad.' I thought.

I was a teenager, it was really hard to not see my parents as lowkey enemies. Especially when they threatened to kick me out of the house after turning 18, if I won’t stop being lazy. And man, it was going to be soon. I wasn’t sure if they actually meant it or if it was just meant to scare me into doing something with myself. It didn't work though and it only made things worse.

I felt like I couldn’t possibly survive on the street and telling me such things seemed really cruel to me. I didn't ask to be born and I thought that they shouldn't have had me in the first place if they weren't ready to love me as I was.

Maybe I was a worthless piece of a brat but if I was to ever change into something better, I needed love. Not threats.

So, yeah, in a single week, Suzanne became my favourite of all the residents in our house. There was nothing wrong about my sister of course but she was a little girl in elementary; we didn’t have much in common at those times.

And while a lot of my conversations with Suzanne were monologues, sometimes she spoke too. Mostly it was just repetition of my own words but over a relatively short time she learned to accurately name a few things and later on, she could even name feelings. ...That was a bit more later on though, firstly it was just objects or actions. And while her ability was quite impressive, merely a smile at the right time was often all I needed from her.

Speaking of words though, Suzanne liked her own name the most. It was her way to express almost everything because it was easy to articulate and she must have understood the word was specifically hers. I remember that after a few days, she began announcing herself in the doorframe before entering. A total pokémon.

However, she would never form any sentences. Dad mentioned she can only parrot back, that these creatures don’t possess the intelligence for it. I believed him back then.




***




The only downside of our relationship, which was quickly growing, were Suzanne’s colourful hair on each of her spots in my room. After the first week of befriending her, the chair was covered with them.

...Okay, maybe not “covered” but it was getting noticeable and I still didn't want my parents to know that she was visiting me so often. That's why I intended to vacuum it all that fateful saturday; two weeks later from our first friendly encounter. I was just sneakily taking the hoover into my room when I bumped into my dad:

"There you are! I was looking for you-- Hey, what happened that you actually took the initiative to clean your room, champ?" he laughed, patting my shoulder. 

"Nothing." I chuckled nervously "I-I always clean my room, it's just not as often as ya'll do."

"Sure you do..." dad grinned somewhat mockingly because he knew it was far from the truth "That’s not why I’m here though, I was going to talk to you about:.." He proceeded to give me one of his definitely-not-forced pep talks about going outside. 

He was already about five minutes into his progressively more and more patronising monologue when he brought up that I could take Suzanne for a walk too. That was actually kind of lucky for me because I wanted to do that sometime but I could never ask for that myself in my own pride. However, I could suddenly swat two flies by simply agreeing. So, interrupted my father with pretended annoyance:

“Uhg, fine dad. I’ll take her for a walk then. Would that make you happy then?”

“Well, yeah, it actually would... " My dad stopped, almost surprised it was so easy to convince me to get off my ass. I could bet that he thought it was his: ‘If you keep sitting in your room, you’ll be fat in your 30’ that convinced me. “I knew there's some sense in you." He even smiled and patted my shoulder again "I'll prepare the leash and you'll go after lunch. Your mother has it almost ready."

"Yup, sure..." I kept posing as apathetic in front of him, that is until I found myself alone in the room. Then I victoriously dabbed because I was a total 2000’s zoomer. “Boo yeah, illusion level 100!”

…Looking back, it was pretty cringy. But then again, such were the times.

Just as my dad said, it didn’t take long till I was summoned for lunch. While eating, I brought up Suzanne. Normally, I wouldn’t talk about her with my parents but since I was already supposed to take her for a walk, it felt more congruent than usual.

"...So how long are they even supposed to live?" I glanced at the pony that was laying on her mattress.

"We were told that theoretically around 60 or 70 years. But, since there isn't a live specimen this old, it's hard to say. ...She may probably outlive us, that's why you should hone your relationship with her a bit.”

“Yeah, sure…  How intelligent did you say these things can get though? Will she grow too?"

"God no. She’s already almost as big as that horrible St. Bernard's dog you wanted.” Mom softly chuckled, “As adorable as she is, I wouldn’t allow anything so big here, even if it was a single inch more.”

”And she won’t get any smarter either I'd say. She’s supposed to be adult already.” Dad answered the rest of my question “...But she can learn a lot of things the way she is. I’m planning to teach her how to use a toilet so that we won’t have to let her out each time she has to go.”

”Practical as always…” My mom smirked at my dad. “Do you really think she can do that?”

”If some cats can, I don’t see why not. What do you think, Anon?” he glanced at me.

“Me?.. I uh, guess Suzzanne’s pretty smart…”

Hearing her name, the mentioned pony raised her head and opened her eyes:

"Soozane..?"

”...I think she likes you, Anon.” Mom smiled, then frowned a bit “...Even though you’re not really giving her a lot of reasons for it.”

I put another morsel of my lunch into my mouth to avoid answering that. After a little while, I asked another question:

“...And why did you pick one that’s so colourful? She’s like a parrot in almost every aspect.”

”Because it’s cuuuute!” My sister, who was too busy with her food to speak until then, finally joined the conversation. It made my dad chuckle:

”It’s not like we had too many choices. They were all extremely similar. Almost as if they were cloned from each other. But we liked those bright cyan eyes,- most of the others had purple ones.”

"Huh, really?"

"Yes. I don’t know how they did this but it's interesting."

"It sure is..." I eyed at Suzanne who was resuming in her nap. Then I dug into my lunch again.

…

After everyone was finished eating, I went on to dress myself so I could go for a walk with the pony, just like I promised. Meanwhile, my dad put the collar on her and prepared a leash, just like he promised...

"Soozane! Sooozane!" The mare was already excited by the door when I returned, trotting and jumping around, eager to finally be outside.

It was always a big moment for Suzanne to see more than our garden because my parents didn’t have the time to take her for a walk every day. My sister would, but she was too small for it.

When I opened the door, the mare yanked with me so hard I almost fell. However, as soon as we were outside, she stopped pulling me. There she did what looked like some kind of celebratory dance, jumping in a circle around me. 

“If she misbehaves or if she won’t stop pulling you, just smack her flank properly with the leash. It makes her listen, okay?” Dad told me, watching me from the doorframe.

“Sure…”

“And keep her close to you! Don’t let her run off too far!” My mom added as I was about to leave.

“Sure mom.” I waved without turning around.

It was a relief to finally step behind a corner, out of their sight. By that time, Suzanne calmed herself down enough to stop pulling me, staying mostly in the range of her leash. She knew that getting choked by it isn’t too pleasant for a long period of time.

"Phew..." I glanced at her "... It's hard to stand them sometimes isn't it?"

The mare looked at me too, lightheartedly smiled, and continued walking as if nothing. It still bugged me a bit though. Maybe I just wanted to revolt against my parents because I felt as if I was on an invisible leash too. So, after a few more metres when I saw that Suzanne was behaving, I stopped:

"...What would you say about taking that horrible thing off?"

The pony stopped too, gazing at me, trying to figure out what I wanted from her. To further explain, I reached towards her collar to loosen it up...

That she must have understood. Along with the wide smile rising on the Suzanne’s face, her wings spread open like two tiny umbrellas and she got all excited:

“Soozane, Suuuzane!!”

"But no running off, okay?” I laughed “At least not while we're still on the streets... Once we get to the fields, you can run wherever you want. As long as you return."

In all of that wing flapping and hooves clopping on the ground, it didn’t feel like she really paid me enough attention. I crouched down then, getting face to face.

"No running off, okay?"

It made her calm down a bit, enough to look at me. Something in her expression convinced me that she understood at least a part of it. So, I pulled the leather collar down.

The second I stood up though, she jetted away; straight ahead.

The faces of my angry parents flashed right in front of my mind if I should return back without our new, costly pet. In my fear, I yelled as loud and intimidating as I could:

"Suzanne!!!! Stop!!!" 

...And to my absolute surprise, the mare froze in fear of my harsh tone. As I approached her with the leash in my hand, she looked terrified. She knew she'd get smacked after someone yells so harshly at her. 

I actually considered giving her a smack, but… I just couldn’t. I knew what my dad said, but I didn’t want to be like my parents. I hated their way of disciplining me through fear, so I wanted to prove to myself that it can be done differently too.

I kneeled to Suzanne and gently laid my hand on her shoulder, a habit of my father that I unknowingly took up from him.

“No running off, Suzie. Okay?” I moved my hand up on her neck to stroke her fur.

She wouldn’t even flinch though. The mare almost shivered in fear, still expecting a beating. To make sure she knows that I won’t hit her, I looked around to check if no one could see us, and I hugged her.

“I’m sorry Suzie,.. I was just worried because I swore I won’t lose you…” I whispered to the mare’s fuzzy ear while cuddling her. “I promise I’ll never hit you, don’t worry…”

It must have been enough to convince the mare because she very quickly eased up in my arms; soon to be nuzzling my neck. When I was sure that we’re cool, I got up and tousled her mane. 

Just to be sure, I added one more time:

“No running off, okay?”

“No wunning.” she replied, emphasising on it by softly waving her head; just like I did.

“Clever girl.” I chuckled in amusement, petting her one more time.

After that, she was on her best behaviour and I was glad that I didn’t have to resort to violence. It worked out for both of us. Suzanne kept herself mostly on the grass next to the sidewalk, staying close enough to me so I could call her back if there was some kind of danger. 

Luckily, there wasn’t. Soon enough we found ourselves in front of a back-alley that I was looking for.

The alley was too narrow for a car and not many people were using it either so I considered it safe. It was leading through the last housing estate at the edge of the city. After that, there were just unpaved roads through the fields, a creek around the estate, and even some trees; which are kinda rare in cities. 

I deemed it was finally safe to let Suzanne enjoy some freedom and see some spring. The weather wasn’t exactly pretty, it was quite humid, but my pony girl didn’t seem to mind.

"Hey Suz, you can run free now." I stopped to tell her.

She stopped too, gently shook her head like before and announced with all officiality:

"No wunning."

I snorted. It was surprising to see how well she remembered it. I wanted her to have some fun though, so I told her: "Yes running." while gently slapping her rump, as if giving a tag, and I ran up ahead.

Gotta say, Suzanne understood that well enough. Before I knew it, I felt her wing-slapping my asscheek back and she was already in front of me. She ran through the alley and went around the corner, where I lost sight of her.

I wasn’t worried at first, I knew the path led only one way so I couldn’t lose her. However, when I emerged at the end, she was nowhere to be found.

I looked around: behind me were the estate walls, in front of me was just a tiny bridge over the creek and some trees growing everywhere alongside it. The passage forward, perpendicular to the creek, only led to the fields and I could definitely spot a colourful pony in an open space if she was there. She wasn’t though. There were trees alongside the water too but I assumed that there weren't enough of them for a pony to get lost between.

“Suzanne..?” I called worriedly, trying to remain calm. It wasn’t really working though. I knew that my parents would kill me if I lost her and I definitely didn’t want to lose her even if they wouldn’t. I couldn't ever forgive myself.

“Suzzanne where are you??!” I yelled again.

...

...I’d probably lose it, if I didn’t suddenly hear her answer:

“Suzaaan!”

I turned around to the direction I heard her voice coming from but it was too late. Her plan worked flawlessly. The last thing I saw was a tiny mare pouncing at me like a wildcat from behind a single tree that she was sneakily hiding behind. In less than a second I was on my back, getting my face licked without a slight of mercy. 

I was so shocked that I didn’t even resist her for a while. Only when I processed what happened, I finally managed to push her away from me and sit up.

I was angry because I hit my back, my clothing and my face was dirty, and most of all: I (quite literally) fell for such a simple prank. Once again I considered listening to my dad and giving Suzanne's flank a proper smack, to let her know that it wasn't okay, or funny.

I couldn’t actually hit her though, I promised to never do that. No matter whether she understood that or not, a promise was a promise. 

...Deep down I knew she didn’t have any evil intentions, she just wanted to play. While still angry, I was also kind of relieved that she was back. Nonetheless, it still took a while longer to calm down completely and sigh:

“...You’re horrible, you know that?”

“Haweeble!” Suzanne chirped happily.

“Yeah, you’re no angel that you claim to be. This isn’t what I signed up for.” I chuckled. “And you better work on those “R’s”, young girl.”

Suzanne giggled back, as if she knew...

Then I stood up, cracked my back to make sure every vertebra was in place, and we were on our way.

I led us forward, straight ahead through the fields, via a road that I remembered as “that one dusty trail”. However, the last time I was there, it was summer. Now it was all muddy. Suzanne didn’t mind though. She was running around through the muddy fields, really far away, and then back again. I didn’t need to worry because I could always see her; no matter how far she ran. 

The mare would occasionally slap me with her wing as she ran past me, probably hoping I’d chase her. That was really naive of her though, because there was no way I’d spend all my energy for nothing. I knew I couldn't possibly catch her. Only after she exhausted herself enough to slow down, I finally took the initiative to try it. Needless to say, the waiting was worth the wait and I got my revenge: When she slapped my ass again, I went after her and I easily caught up. Then I jumped at the pony, pulling her down with me.

The ground was wet and Suzanne was sweaty like a racehorse; which I didn’t exactly think of before taking my action. I was already dirty though, so I didn’t stop: I pinned the mare down into the muddy ground and began tickling her. She laughed and squirmed, trying to escape my grasp but in vain.

It was fun, but all those human noises coming from her suddenly made me feel strange for a second while running my hands all around her body. As if I was actually doing something inappropriate. Then again, ‘It’s just Suzzanne.’ I thought. ‘No reason to feel awkward around her of all creatures.’

And I carried on “terrorising” the mare with my rubs and tickles to the point that she just gave up, panting and chuckling. Then I tousled her mane and let her go. She wouldn’t stand up with me though, rather stayed laying where she was; merely closing her legs and grinning at me while resting.

So, I sat back down next to her, watching the fluffy chest move up and down before she regained enough energy to get up. When she did, I deemed it was time to go home. Suzanne was tired and happy, we were pretty far from our house and we already had a lotta fun; It felt like it was about time. 

On the way back, we both went pretty slow. There wasn’t anywhere to hurry. Certainly not to my mom. I knew she would surely not be pleased with the manner we were returning.

Suzanne was keeping herself right next to me the whole time, sometimes brushing herself over my thigh. I couldn’t tell whether it was from affection or exhaustion. Maybe both... I didn’t even bother leashing her because of it. 

Just as I expected, my mom wasn’t exactly happy on our arrival. She was all: “Where have you been so long? Why are you so damn dirty? Who do you think is going to wash all that?”

I wanted to tell her: “You.” but I didn’t have the balls for it. It was obvious anyway. I left my trousers and a jacket by the wash machine while my mother was in the bathroom, washing Suzanne from top to bottom. Then I went to the sink to wash my hands and face too.

Before I’d do that though, I smelled the Suzzanne’s sweat still on my palm. Out of curiosity of course, I expected something nasty. ...You know how you sometimes scratch your balls and smell the hand afterwards? Don’t tell me you’ve never done that. I know you’d be lying. ...Suzanne's scent didn’t smell nasty though. It smelled sweet-ish, a bit like fruit that’s too ripe; about to ferment but not yet.

As much as it surprised me, I washed it off the next second nonetheless. It explained the strange fruity scent in my room, each time I returned from school though.

When my hands and face were clean, I went to the toilet. It took me a little while, so by the time I was done, Suzanne was already all clean again. I found her laying on her mattress, eyes closed and judging by the gentle snores: she was already sleeping.

It meant I did an excellent job with the walkies. Even my mom had to admit that to herself, if not me.

I smiled, just watching the pony breathe for a short while before I’d go to my room. Even if I couldn’t openly admit it, she already had a very special place in my heart... 
> Feels like a head to lean on
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Monday of the next week and I was just returning home from school. However, I had no idea that this time I’d receive such a vigorous welcome from my furry compadre. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I heard a clopping of hooves and there was a dog sized horse charging at me. 

As always, Suzzanne’s entré was fast and sudden and I didn’t have time to react before I’d get pinned to the door behind me. However, this time I didn’t hit myself, so there was no reason to get angry… Well, besides Suzanne’s slobber all over my face but I was almost kinda used to it at that point.

"Oh Jeez, Suzzanne,..!" I laughed, trying to dodge her big orange tongue while squirming away from the pony. There was nowhere to go though, so I just slid down onto the ground where she had even more of an advantage.

Eventually, I managed to hold the mare’s head steady between my palms, far enough from my face to avoid her way-too-wet kisses.

 "I’m happy to see you too, but that was enough, okay?" I chuckled for the last time, glancing directly into her bright blue eyes. It made her giggle and friskily smile before calming down. 

"Good girl..." I whispered into the mare’s ear afterwards. I gave her a few neck scritches too before I wiped my face with my sleeve and got up. Only then I realised that on the other side of the room sat my dad. He must have witnessed most of it, if not all.

"...That's strange, Anon, I thought I already taught her not to lick anyone's face." he said when our eyes met. 

"Yeah, hi dad." I striked my usual nonchalant pose.

"Sorry, hi. …I was just a little surprised that she’d do this. Especially to you, who wouldn’t even let her near you most of the time."

"...I guess it's because of the walk we had. She must have really enjoyed it."

"So you're finally friends now?"

"I didn’t say it was mutual." I tried to lie, faking a frown "It's just that she- isn't that… bad?"

"Way to go Anon!"

“A new car or a better PC for me would still be a better investment though.”

"Can't always compare things like that son.” My dad smiled “Plus, you know your mother and sister. Even if I was against them, I'd get outvoted anyway."

"Yeah,.." I chuckled somewhat relieved that he didn’t poke fun at me about my change of attitude.

“...Are you going to walk her today too?" He broke the short silence.

"Say, what? Do I have to?" I turned at him in pretended emotion.

"Well, no... This time you don't. At least not because of me.” The man glanced at the pony.

Suzzanne was sitting next to me on her rump, preening her wings. When she saw that we’re both looking at her, she smiled; a feather still poking from her teeth.

"I'll... think about it. But even if I’ll go, then not right now. I just got back from school, I need some time for myself." I finally answered. 

"Sure champ." Dad gave me a grin as I walked to my room.

It didn’t take long for me to hear a clopping of hoofsteps, approaching the teenager’s den. The pegasus must have finished the maintenance of her wings, as she was standing in my room merely a few minutes later.

“Soozan?” She held her hoof on the door handle, as if asking whether she can enter. I knew she wouldn’t close the door anyway but it was kinda cute.

“Sure, you can come in.” I just finished changing my pants for comfier ones, sitting in my gaming chair.

Suzanne sat right in front of me, adjusting her rump as if she was preparing for an important speech. Then she glanced straight into my eyes, inhaled through her nose and announced:

“Wunning.”

It made me chuckle. “I take it you’re giving me no choice, eh?”

The mare just wagged her tail and smiled. I couldn’t say no to that face.

“...Okay then, we’ll go, but I need a minute first. Later, okay?”

It wasn’t very clear to Suzanne though. She didn’t know the word “later” yet, so she just softly tilted her head, trying to figure me out. “...Wunning?” she asked again eventually; this time less confidently.

“We’ll go running, but later, Suzie. Alright?”

“Wunning!”

“Yeah, but not now. Later.” I patted her head and turned around in my seat. I was hoping she’d understand somehow but that was kind of foolish of me to think so. The mare climbed into her chair next to mine and watched my every movement, as if expecting us to go any minute.

I didn’t know how to explain what “not now” means, or if she’s even able to comprehend future time, so I decided I’d at least keep her entertained until then. I turned my speakers up and I glanced at Suzanne as I pressed play on a music video. “Hey, do you know this one?” 

It was “Could have been me”, from The Struts, because it played in my head since morning.

“Don't wanna live as an untold story, rather go out in a blaze of glory, I can't hear you, I don't fear you!” I sang out loud.

The pony smiled somewhat cluelessly at first but I could see that she liked the melody. Soon she was bobbing her head and if she knew the words, she would probably be even singing along. 

“Oh, so you like it!” I turned the volume up a little bit more. “This thing here’s called music. Mu-sic.”

“Moosic…” Suzanne repeated after me.

“Yup, music.” her pronunciation made me giggle while I reached closer to fondle her ears in reward for learning another word.

As much as she was enjoying the record, her delight of getting petted was even greater. However, it could have been both of these things combined that made her close her eyes and devotedly fall into my arms. Only when the song ended she eyed at the silent speakers, murmuring: “... No moosic.”

Needless to say, it surprised me greatly. Even though we talked about “yes and no running”, I didn’t realise she fully understood the concept of using positives and negatives in other words  "Hey, you actually know the difference between yes and no!” I stopped. “Who taught you?!"

"...Soozan?"

"Of course." I laughed in amusement, resuming her head massage. "You're way smarter than I ever thought..."

The pony just fondly cooed, sneakily climbing onto my lap, which must have been her plan all along. She was relatively big for that but I didn’t mind at the moment. Sometimes you just gotta appreciate if there’s a warm, furry creature sitting on your thighs; even if she’s quite heavy. Maybe you should embrace her too. - And that’s exactly what I did. 

I did hug Suzanne a few times before this particular hug felt just a little bit different, in a way. As I buried my face into her silky mane, wrapping my arms around her, it felt as if I was lovingly caressing a girl my age. With eyes closed, it was actually really easy to imagine.

For a while I slipped into my imagination, listening to her calm breaths while playing with her hair. It didn’t last very long though because I snapped back as soon as I realised my boner.

I couldn’t change the fact that I was holding our family pet; not a 17 years and 10 months old pubescent girl. I felt a little ashamed about myself when I let Suzanne go, glancing at her pony face. As familiar as a lot of her features were, she was definitely not a human. ‘It would have been cool if she could turn into one though’, I thought.

Anyway, after our little “moment”, I easened the embrace, expecting Suzanne to at least partly regain her posture. However, she didn’t. She stayed exactly in the same position that she was, just slowly sliding down from my lap. I didn’t try to catch her because I knew she was just asking for more attention. Only when she was about to fall, I told her:

“How about that walk Suzie? Wanna go running?”

It made her instantly spring up on my lap. “Wunning!”

“Oh yes, you did it after all Suzie, you managed to make me go.” I chuckled “Are you ready?”

She was. She jetted away from my room like a Honda Civic driven by that one guy who just got his driver’s licence. At first I thought she was rushing for the door but before I could put my jeans back on, she was back with her collar and a leash between her teeth. 

“Hey, where did you even get that? Did my dad give it to you?” I took the slightly wet lead into my hand.

“Suuzzanne!” the miniature mare replied.

“Of course. Who else, right?” I grinned, clipping the collar onto her neck. “Let go then, Suzie.”


...


Just like the last time, I unclipped Suzanne’s collar as soon as we were out of my mom’s sight. I trusted the pony enough to let her go freely and I was rewarded with her best behaviour. She kept herself mostly on the green, next to the sidewalk: inspecting (and occasionally tasting) each different type of grass that grew there.

The weather that day was a lot better than it was yesterday too and we were both enjoying the bright sunlight that was slowly, yet surely, getting warmer each day. The sky was immensely blue, like a spacely sea above our world, and for a minute or two, I even spaced out staring into it, forgetting my duties completely. 

It was only when I noticed one of our neighbours walking his big dog past us, that I realised I was supposed to look after Suzzane. I softly yanked and cringed in expectation of some unpleasant situation emerging because it would be too late to stop it at that point. 

Thankfully though, the dog was friendly enough to merely sniff Suzzane’s butt and carry on, while Suzzane was too busy inspecting an ant procession to even notice him.  

...I knew well just what kind of talk I’d get from my parents if anything happened because of my benevolence or momentary carelessness. More so, I couldn’t deny it would be justified this time.

So, from then on I stayed more vigilant of what’s around us as we progressed further.

Soon we were standing at a familiar place: before the narrow alley between the last two houses after which the residential zone ends. - About the spot where I lost Suzzane the last time. 

I was hoping that the old dusty road on the other side of fences might be actually dusty again today; not muddy like it was yesterday. I wasn’t the only one to remember this place though, Suzzane also realised where she was. When I looked down, she was already sitting right in front of me, waiting for me to say the line:

“Uhh,.. yes running?” I chuckled.

The very moment that word crossed my lips, the pony circled around me, slapping my buttcheek with her wing, and she was off through the back alley.

"Suzanne wait!"I yelled but it was too late.

"WUNNIIIIIIIIING!!!" I only heard her galloping away.

Needless to say, just like yesterday, I went after her. And just like yesterday, I couldn't find her at the end of the alley. 

This time I wasn't going to fall for the same trick though. I knew there wasn't any danger in sight and she's probably hiding behind one of the trees but I pretended to be clueless. Looking around, I even caught a slight glimpse of a colourful tail behind a tree trunk. So, I purposely turned the other way, calling "Suzieeee! Where are youuu? Where could you possibly be?"

Then I heard a rustle and I knew it was my time for revenge. I turned back around, standing firmly, and instead of getting knocked down, I caught the pouncing mare right in her flight; pinning her to the ground. To my surprise though, instead of her usual giggles that I expected, there was a high pitched “Eeep!” as if I was hurting her. 

“Whoa hey, what did I do?” The sudden vocalisation made me quickly let go of the mare and pull away. To my utter shock she stayed on her back, not really moving. ...I knew that I didn’t hit her or anything but I wasn’t 100% sure. “Come on Suzzan, what happened?!” I moved closer in rapidly growing worry.

Before I could touch her though, the mare suddenly sprang up and tumbled me over with all of her weight. “Suzzaaan!”

“God I swear you’ll be the end of me!” I yelled from underneath her, finding myself in the exact same situation as yesterday with slobber all over my face and dirt on my back. “Just you wait!”

I mustered all my strength to break free, grab the colourful mini horse and roll her over to the side so I could get on top of her. It was partly done in anger about getting outsmarted again and I actually wanted to scold Suzzanne for what she had done but when I was face to face with the grinning pone, it made me somewhat melt again. There wasn’t really anything malicious in her expression. I just underestimated her intelligence and a love of games again.

So, instead of yelling at her, I turned all that energy built up inside me into a merciless tickle torture. The mare was squirming underneath me, making all kinds of sounds but I didn’t let her go until I was completely satisfied with the result. When I stood up, she remained on her back again, all exhausted, panting, but still grinning.  

“Had enough?” I grinned back, watching her lazily wag her tail that was quite modestly covering her crotch. As I made a tiny step towards her again though, she was on all four in less than a second. Before I could process that, she ran around me, slapping me with her wing the same way she did before and she was off. This time she didn’t run far though. Less than 10 metres away from me, she took a playful stance, expecting me to chase her.  

“Uh uh.” I shook my head “I’m not doing that. You’re way too fast...”

“SU-zzan!” the mare exclaimed in excitement.

I let her down though.

To avoid her, I continued alongside the creek on my right, instead of going straight ahead into the fields we walked yesterday. Suzzane just stood in her position, ready to take off at my first slight movement towards her; thinking it was just an act from my side. Only after I passed her, did she realise I’m serious.

Then I felt another slap on my buttcheek in an attempt to provoke me, yet the scenario went in the same manner. I just casually walked around her in a safe distance as if she wasn’t even there. 

Suzzane tried to make me chase her a few times more, on each attempt stopping closer to me, but I just carried on, minding my own business. However, I lowkey already took the bait. I was just waiting for her to come close enough for me to actually have a chance. Then, at her fifth attempt to provoke me, I saw the mare letting her guard down for a second. I knew that was my chance.

With a sudden movement I leapt towards her, trying to grab her.

Yet,.. as much as I believed I’d outsmart her, Suzanne’s animalish reflexes were still superior to my long planned element of surprise. She recoiled away and I was on the ground again. Empty handed.

“Soooz! Sooz!” Suzzane excitedly jumped around me.

“God…” I sighed in defeat, not really caring about her tongue on my face anymore. “Why am I like this?”

When the pony was done celebrating her victory, she attempted to help me up, even though she actually made it somewhat harder. I did appreciate the effort though. After that, Suzzanne let me touch her again, knowing we aren’t playing a game anymore and probably to apologise too.

I was just a little mad for not learning from my mistakes but then I chuckled it off and gave the pony a few pets. Looking back, her “lessons” must have helped me a lot to stop taking myself too seriously; which I desperately needed, even though I didn’t know it.

Seeing we’re good again, Suzzanne began minding her own business after a little while. The mare was really frisky that day, more than usual, and it was fun to watch her joy in life. 

The sun was shining as if clouds were just a hazy memory of times long ago. The creek was whispering to nearby trees of the far hills it was born in. The refreshing breeze was gently stroking the young green grass. The crops, planted on the neverending fields that would one day turn into a dry desert of grain, were still just green sprouts. And Suzzanne loved all of it. Just by watching her, I could feel a bit of the happiness that she felt. It was something new but familiar at the same time. A simple joy of life that I lost way too soon in my youth.

Through her, as if I could rediscover that forgotten wisdom. 

The time flew unusually quickly for me and we must have walked more than a mile alongside the creek. A lot more than I planned when I turned that way at the end of the residential zone. We’d probably walk even further without stopping too much, if a peculiar thing didn’t start another of many-to-come Suzanne’s world exploring adventures.

It started with a black little bird flying around the colourful pony’s head, catching her attention as it sat on a nearby shrub. Suzzane froze completely at first, watching him go through some dry wooden sticks. However, after a little while, she made a few hesitant steps towards the little chirpy, flying thing. I expected the bird to scram at Suzzanne’s first movement but to my surprise, he didn’t. ‘It could have been her colours’, I thought. But then an even more strange of a thing happened.

Instead of flying away, the bird jumped straight onto Suzzane’s head, sitting there as if it was his nest. That was really hilarious to watch, because I could visibly see how much Suzzane struggled not to scare him away, while itching to inspect him closely. She always loved everything that flew. This time she didn’t have her way though, because the bird picked up his stick again and moved onto a branch that belonged to a nearby tree. That was where the “peculiar part” stopped and “classic Suzzane” returned.

“Sooz!” Suzzane exclaimed, throwing away all the sneakiness in an attempt to climb the tree after him. Needless to say it scared the bird away. I thought Suzzane would stop but for some reason she kept trying to reach the branch, even though he was already gone.

“Hey Suzzane, it’s not there anymore.” I laughed, watching her attempts.

“Suzzane.” Suzzane announced to me, as if saying “I know.” and she was at it again. ...I somewhat figured that her priorities changed and she just wanted to get up there. The quickly changing focus of attention was, and still is, kind of her thing; which I later learned to love and appreciate.

Each time she’d run up the tree trunk as far as she could and from there she’d bounce away, towards the branch; like a cat. While her attempts looked pretty impressive, they weren’t enough though. However, on the fourth one, she realised she could flap her tiny wings for an extra dash of speed. It was just enough for her to grab onto the branch with her front hooves.

"Woah! Nice work there!" I spontaneously applauded her in amusement and amazement at the same time. I honestly didn’t expect the miniature horse to get that far. On the other hand, it was as far as she could get because she was just hanging there, flapping her wings, unable to lift herself up on the branch. Eventually she had to let go. 

"Hey, that was pretty impressive nonetheless, girl." I walked up to her, patting her back. 

As I stood next to her though, something inside me arose that wanted to try what she did as well. For the record, I haven't climbed any trees since the 5th grade… 

Anyway, filled with determination, I took a step back and leapt towards the branch that Suzanne reached before. And, unlike my lively compadre, I got there on my first attempt. It wasn’t because of a perfect athletic condition of course, the tree simply wasn’t that big. It was Suzzane who was kinda smoll. ...At least on all of her four legs.

When she saw me hanging from the tree, she got all excited, jumping around and making all kinds of encouraging noises while I used all of my strength to successfully lift myself up on the branch.

“Heh, maybe I’m still in shape after all.” I grinned, sitting there like a gargoyle. 

It wasn’t actually that much of a feat (at least not for a 17 year old kid, I bet every grandpa in the neighbourhood would be impressed) but Suzzane’s cheering made me feel pretty good about it. Also, I was glad to show her that even if I wasn’t as fast as her, the human body has some different qualities. 

I relished the moment for a few seconds and then I jumped down. As always, Suzzane saw that as a chance to give me some of her pony kisses before I’d stand up again.

“Jeez, thanks.” I wiped my mouth with a grin. “But hey, I’m sure you can do it too! You were almost there.” I then nudged Suzzane towards the tree again.

"Suuu...?" She gave me a questioning look.

"Of course I think so!" I laughed, clapping my hands and cheering for her like she did for me. "Come on! Suzzane! Suzzane!"

It really did give her enough confidence to try once again and she even got to the very same point she was before… except she couldn’t get any further, just like the last time. The squishy hooves were kicking and the tiny wings were flapping but Suzzane’s body just wasn’t really made for climbing trees.

It might have been cheating but I couldn’t just let her face such disappointment after encouraging her to try again. So, when she calmed down a bit to not kick me in the face upon approaching her, I pushed Suzzane’s pony butt high enough for her to climb up on the branch, assisting her to not fall off in the process.

“SUZZAAAAAN! Eeeeeee!" She squeed, chirping some happy gibberish once she was safely there. 

I was relieved that my help didn’t dampen her happiness about making the climb.

That only lasted for a few seconds though, because once Suzzane fully realised just how high (compared to her own height of course) she was, she immediately got scared. Her already big pupils widened into big orbs, then shrunk into little dots before she closed her eyes, hugging the branch as if there was a molten lava underneath the tree. The fact that in reality, it couldn't have been more than 2,5 metres, didn’t really help. 

"Come on, it's not that high!" I snickered, "You fell from there once before.”

Technically, she wasn’t all the way up before but I thought that a metre or half doesn’t make that much of a difference. It did to her though.

"Suuuuuu...." the mare whined sadly. That was right before she slipped around the branch with a surprised “Eeep!”, holding onto it from below with all of her limbs. Now that was a real terror to her.

“I’ll catch you, just let go.” I opened my arms widely. However, Suzzane refused to look down. It didn’t take long for her to start slipping though.

“SUUUUZZAAANEEE!” she cried for help, desperately trying to hold onto the tree, yet in vain. And the next moment, she fell,.. straight into my arms.

"There we go! I told you I'd catch you, you little chicken." I laughed, holding her like a bride or an oversized baby.

Upon realisation of what happened, Suzzane slowly opened her eyes and her face muscles unclenched from the fearful expression. I wanted to set her down before she could bombard me with her mlems but I was too slow. It was getting kinda old to have my mouth licked each time I’d confront her but I was slowly getting used to it too.

On my right, there was the creek that we followed for the past half an hour, so, after setting Suzzane down on the ground, I went there to wash my face in the water. Naturally, Suzzanne went with me.

She didn’t pay too much attention to the water before but now that she saw me splashing my face in there, she noticed that not only is it a curious thing, but it can be drinked as well. (She always had water in her bowl at home but the moving water was certainly a lot different kind of phenomena to her.) After splashing around with her hooves for a bit, she lowered her head towards the water surface but it was a bit too low to reach comfortably. The poner must have been parched from constantly running around and she was eager to serve her thirst there. I saw her hesitating merely for a second or two before she straight up walked into the creek without any scruples. However, soon the mud at the bottom began flowing up because of her and her fur got all brown from it. 

“Damn Suzzane, here I thought you’d be relatively clean after today…” I murmured.

The wet and dirty, but happy, mare glanced at me with a wide smile, the water still dripping down from her chin. 

“Well, I’m glad I won’t be the one who’ll have to wash you today.” I chuckled.




…




We went just a little further that day before I decided it might be time to turn back. After all, we still had to walk the same distance back home and I already felt pretty tired. I wasn’t the only one though because Suzzane was progressively slowing down too, until she just calmly walked at my own pace. 

For the rest of the walk, the mare kept herself right next to me, just like yesterday. And, just like yesterday, she’d occasionally lean herself over my leg; which I didn’t appreciate that much considering her wet fur. Even then though, I felt really satisfied about the afternoon, more than I would be after finishing a video game with all its possible achievements. 

I felt genuinely appreciated by the artless creature. She was the first one in my life to make me feel that way just for spending time with her, without having to pretend or do anything extraordinary. I knew that even though I might not always be good enough for my parents, the teachers and the rest of the society who’d judge me by my success in life, at least I’ll be good enough for Suzzane. She values people a lot differently than others.


...


The way back didn’t actually take as long as I expected. We weren’t making too many stops and even though our pace was kinda slow, it was still somewhat faster than the way there.

After more than two hours spent outside, we were finally approaching our home again. Looking at the house, I felt as if something was a bit off but over the enthusiastic state I was in, I didn’t fully realise what it was or why would it be important. Only when I opened the door, planning to head into my room and resume my usual activities, involving shooting people online and stabbing virtual bad guys, I realised that the house is awfully quiet.

"Mom?! Dad?!" I yelled. Yet, no one replied.

I glanced outside again, confirming what I already knew but somewhat didn’t pay attention to. Dad’s car was gone. In that second, the dots connected: Earlier I heard my dad saying something about doing groceries today. I must have thought he wouldn’t take everyone else with him.

Especially my mom who was supposed to wash Suzzanne.

“Aw man…” I glanced at the mudpony sitting on the doormat behind me. She cluelessly smiled in return. “What did I do to deserve this?” I sighed.

“Suzzan!” Suzzane immediately replied. 

“Yeah right,..” I chuckled. “Well, I can’t just leave you outside till they return but you owe me one okay?”


...


Before everything else, I undressed myself to my shorts to avoid staining the clothing on me that was still somewhat clean. Then I picked Suzzane up and carried her to the bathroom so that she wouldn’t leave any hoofprints on the floor. I note that even though she was in range of my face, she didn’t attempt to lick me this time. Probably because she did that at least a dozen times before that day. She merely gazed at me with a smile on her face. 

The pony seemed to be happy about getting carried like that, probably thinking it’s a form of affection from my side. This time it was exclusively for practical purposes though. She had no idea. 

Eventually, I set her down into the bathtub, picking up the showerhead nearby. 

"Ready for the second round of water today?” I nudged her with it.

“Sooz.” she nudged me back with her nose.

“I take it as a yes.” I grinned and turned the water flow on, setting it at a mild temperature.

That was my very first time washing Suzzane so I didn’t really know how she’d react. It wasn’t her first time in the bathtub though, so she was quite calm. To the point that she actually seemed to be quite enjoying it, especially when I was working the lavender shampoo into her coat to make it shine again. She’d even pose for me to help me reach where I needed to get.

I began with her neck, then the withers and loins, slowly working my way down towards her hooves that were meant to be the last part. I was just scrubbing Suzzane’s underbelly, trying to clean her as best as I could from the dried in mud, when I slid my hand a little too far between her legs. From what I figured, I must have accidentally touched her genitals there. It was just a split second but for some reason, that weird, unusually soft sensation, as if it stayed on my hand for a while. I couldn’t get it off. Like, as if I could still feel it on my fingers.

Later, when Suzzane turned around for me to rub the shampoo into her rump, tail and hind legs, I felt really awkward, having that shiny, bubble covered thing that was between her haunches, right in front of my face. It was kind of a relief when she turned back to the side and I could forget about that whole experience.

“Achoo!” Suzzane sneezed about the time I was finished with the shampoo. 

“Blesh you.” I chuckled, rinsing the bubbles down from her body. I was a lot more comfortable looking at her face than at her fanny. 

When Suzzane was properly clean, I turned around to grab two towels. One for her and one under her so that the floor won’t get any wetter. Before I could prepare the second one, Suzzane was already on her way out of the shower. Setting her first hoof outside, she somehow managed to immediately slip and she’d probably hit her head on the floor if I wasn’t there to catch her. Luckily, I was.

“Jeez Suzie, so clumsy.” I laughed while throwing both of the towels over her. I began drying her as best as I could and once I was finished, I let her go and took a step back.

Through the whole drying process, the mare surrendered to whatever I was doing with her. After I let go of the slightly moving pile of towels though, her head finally stuck out. With the towel still enshrouding her, she resembled a colourful ringwraith or a way too cheerful sith lord.

"We're done, Darth Suzie." I snickered. "I'm gonna go spend some quality time with vydia and you can have a rest on your mattress. I’d say we both deserve it."

As expected, the pony followed me to the living room, where I expected her to stay. From there, I went to my room as planned, only, Suzzane went with me.

"Stay here Suz. Your fur will dry here better, your mattress is just next to the radiator." I tried to make her stay. 

However, Suz didn’t understand or simply didn’t want to understand.

With patience, I walked back with her to the mattress and set her there.

"Stay okay? This is your mattress." I pointed at the surface.

"Mattess....." she repeated and obediently laid herself down on it. 

"Yup." I grinned, thinking I won. "Suzzanne's mattress."

I gave her one last headpan and I picked myself up, heading towards my room. 

I felt great, as if I absolutely nailed everything that day. I deserved some rest and the rest was supposed to be my daily dose of virtual adrenaline. I woke up my PC and went straight for the ‘games folder’.

It must have been about ten minutes or so, I was merely getting started, when I heard the familiar sound of my door opening.

"Suzzan mattess." The pegasus standing in the doorframe announced. To my disbelief, she pulled the whole fricking mattress beside her. 

Honestly, it was more amusing than upsetting to me, so I let her in. I wanted to see what she’s going to do.

Suzzane grabbed the mattress with her teeth again and she began pulling her whole “lair”, all the way towards my chair where she finally set herself down on it.

"So,.. you really like me this much huh? Or are you just looking for any kind of company?"

It was true that she’d usually go to anyone who shows her some affection but pulling her mattress away from her spot was definitely new. I didn’t get any clear answer though, besides a sleepy: “Sooz…” and a yawn, before she laid her head down.

Suzzanne was asleep in a matter of minutes and not even the sounds of battle coming out of my speakers could possibly disturb her. 

It surely seemed I might have jumped a step further above my sister in the pony’s list of favourite hoomans…

 
> God knows I'm good
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been about a month since me and Suzzane became friends and throughout that time, my life has drastically changed.

I actually got used to walking her almost every day, realising, -even though not openly admitting, that spending time outside with her counts the same, if not better quality than sitting at home. What a discovery, right?

Such shift in my mentality improved my relationship with my parents as well, which was a pleasant bonus. I couldn’t say it was enough to fix my problems with them completely but it was definitely better than it used to be. I almost stopped hearing about getting kicked out for a while. 

When I said “a pleasant bonus”, it’s because the real reward to me was the friend I found in Suzzane. One that I subconsciously longed for with all my being without ever noticing it.

Suddenly, she was in my life and it was the best thing that happened to my mental health in a long time. There was someone who unconditionally loved me and I found that I had the ability to unconditionally love too.

Over time, I slowly stopped hiding it. And, I began showing affection to her even in front of my parents. An occasional pat, turned into a shameless cuddle in just three weeks. Suzzane visiting my room when she had nothing better to do was already a normal thing by that time too.

It felt good to stop pretending for a moment of my life.




***




One day, when I returned home after school, I noticed Suzzane was acting a little unusual during our daily walk.

She was always affectionate but suddenly she seemed almost clingy. That wasn’t normal because her priorities were always in this order: Fun first and then cuddles. Usually when she feels exhausted or just plain lazy.

I couldn’t say that she seemed sick or anything because she appeared to be fine, just as if “not herself”. Usually she would gaze at birds, run around or explore but that day she just stayed by my side, rubbing her body over mine like a cat at every opportunity possible. Sometimes she even nickered like a horse, which she didn’t usually do or yell “Suzzaan!” at me for no reason at all.

I made a mental note to ask about it as soon as I got home.


…


"Oh I’m sure she’s fine, Anon. I think she’s just in heat, like regular horses. We’re halfway through spring already and she’s adult enough for it." My mom glanced over her shoulder from the kitchen counter when I asked her.

"Uhh, okay.” I furrowed my eyebrows “I guess that’s making kind of sense."

"…Was she giving you any trouble? Tried to run away or something?" Dad joined in on the topic.

"No, no. The other way around, she wasn’t running at all. I was worried if she isn’t sick or something... Hopefully it'll be over soon."

"Don’t worry about her, she’ll be fine. She’s probably just confused." My mom ended the conversation for me. That was all I needed to know.

“Alrighty then.” I replied, already on the way to my room.

I kind of liked the ‘old’ Suzzane better because she was more fun. It was not as if she was completely replaced, though, it was still her. Just as if she was drunk or something. I just needed to wait a week or two for her to get sober.

Last time I saw the pony, she was in the living room, getting distracted by my sister who was drawing something silly. That was still typical Suzzane. 

‘I bet she stole a pencil from her and now she’s trying to draw too.’ I thought.

At first I thought I might check if my assumptions were correct but then I decided not to. I knew she would show up at my door eventually and I didn’t want to steal her away from my sister because she was already getting just a teeny tiny bit jealous as of lately. And, just as I expected, Suzzane did appear at my door in less than half an hour. 

"...Soozan!" She announced herself. 

“Yo, Suzie. Come in.” I smirked her way before dismissing the distraction to finish a particularly interesting article I found on the internet. Spending the time several weeks ago to teach Suzzane how to close the door after herself has paid off. I no longer had to stand up and tear myself away from the screen every time she wandered in.

The pony then went straight towards me, trying to get my attention.

"Sooooozzan! Suzzan!" She sat down, sort of patting my knee with her hoof.

I just finished the article, so I turned in my chair towards the mare. “I spoke with my parents and I know what your deal is now.” I grinned in slight amusement. “I was worried you might be sick but you were just horny all along eh?”

“Soozzane!” She sort of agreed.

“Welp, can’t help you with that.” I shrugged and laughed. “I mean, I know how it is, I’m not judging. But I can’t say that I’ve seen any stallions of your kind in this neighbourhood. Plus, you do NOT want to have kids yet, trust me.”

“Sooz..?” She tilted her head, confused about all the words I just said to her.

“Oh yeah. It is a lot of responsibility. Look how my parents failed.” I couldn’t help but to grin over my own joke. I really felt that way but I also feared that Suzzane having foals would change her and I liked her the way she was. Then again, I wasn’t lying when I said that I haven’t seen any other of her kind yet anyway. These ponies were quite rare so it wasn’t much for discussion.

“Sooz!” She somewhat slightly springed up towards me and sat back down again. It was her way of saying that she wants up.

“Alright then, have your seat.” I brought her chair right next to mine so that she can see on the monitor and be in the cuddle range. 

However, each time I tried to do something on the computer, she would nudge me with her snoot and make all kinds of noises to get my attention. After a few youtube videos, I decided to give her some, hoping it would calm her down a bit. Reaching my hands towards her definitely made her happy at first but the scritches soon stopped being enough. After a minute of getting petted, she suddenly reared up, wrapped her hooves around my arm and began humping it.

"Whoa, there." I laughed while pushing her softly away, back into her chair. "You’re not even a boy, what are you doing?”

Instead of an answer though, she just went for another try. That time I could actually feel something wet rub over my hand too. The weird sensation made me push her away even faster.

"Stop Suzzanne, alright? This is not okay!” I glanced at the moist stroke, going from my knuckles to my wrist. I immediately reached for a tissue to wipe it away. It felt so wrong to have animal horny juice all over my hand.

Suzzane didn’t seem discouraged enough though, because she immediately reared up to hump my arm again. A bit shaken about all that, I instinctively shoved her away a lot harsher than before. “NO! Suzzanne, stop it!”

It finally made her snap back and freeze for a second.

“Sooz..” She whined eventually, shamefully reaching her hooves down to the ground, about to leave my room. Needless to say, watching her demonstrative display of guilt quickly made me soften once again.

“Aww, sorry Suzzane. I didn’t mean to be so harsh.” I buried my hand into her mane to stop her and to show that I’m not all that angry. Once she was relaxed, I placed my palms on her cheeks to fondle them a bit and make her look at me. “I do love you, you’re just making me kind of uncomfortable with this behaviour, you know?” 

“Sooz..” The mare softly whined again, as if saying “I know.”

“I know it probably isn’t easy for you either.” I rubbed her ear with one hand, sniffing the other one whether it was really clean. The scent of her wet marehood still stayed on my skin though.

I naturally expected to be repulsed by it but to my absolute surprise, it didn’t even smell nasty. It was actually kind of enticing, in an unfamiliar way. 

To be sure that it wasn't just my imagination, I took a second whiff; a lot more thorough one. To my shock though, it smelled even better to me the more I inhaled it. A bit musky but also… sweet. Like a fruity pheromone perfume. 

It actually was so pleasant to my olfactory receptors, that something primal and automatic suddenly activated in my body. The next second, my heart sped up and I could feel my blood being pumped into a quickly growing erection between my legs.

Suzzane, who watched me the whole time, immediately noticed something had changed and curiously reached her head closer to my crotch, trying to have a whiff of my tools as well. However, in my utter bewilderment over how my body just reacted, I frantically pushed her away.

“Suzzane, n-no!” I stuttered as I snapped back from the moment that felt like an eternity and put my hand away. I was trying to avoid every horny thought, which suddenly began flooding my head like wasps, attacking a poor drunk bum that was my brain at the moment. 

It would be so easy to just pull my pants down and show Suzzane the thing she was so curious about. 

‘What would she do with it if I showed her? …Would she actually lick it?’ flashed through my head.

I felt horrible about visualising such things but at the same time, I just wanted to succumb to them and make them reality. If I remember correctly, I was physically shaking over the sudden mess in my own head.

Then I realised that such confusion and a lack of control must be similar to what Suzzane experiences through her heat too. I was still a raging virgin in puberty so the hormones always seemed to have an upperhand on me. We had something in common.

The empathy towards her made me want to stay strong for both of us, so I stood up and I somewhat panickingly began backing away. Eventually, I stumbled over a LAN cable and clumsily fell on my back. It made Suzzane spring up towards me and head straight to my crotch. I shooed her away though and I sat on my bed nearby, trying to recollect myself. 

“Jeez…” I exhaled, watching Suzzane sitting on the ground in front of me, unsure about what next. The ‘moment of weakness’ had passed and I saw things a bit more clearly again, gaining some control over my thoughts too.  “Sorry Suzie but this is wrong. So wrong… Can’t let that happen.”

“Sooz..?” She tilted her head inquiringly.

“Just can’t okay?” I tried to explain as if she knew what I was talking about. Looking back though, she probably did, at least partly. I merely didn’t give her enough credit. “You see, I’m a human and you’re a colourful horse. It just wouldn’t work!”

‘Would it really though?’ A thought arose in my mind. I quickly suppressed it.

“It might be better if we stop seeing each other for a little while, okay?” I continued, standing up and heading towards my door to open them for her. “Let’s go to the kitchen so you can see my parents…- o-or my sister.”

I could see that Suzzane didn’t want to, yet still she went. It’s not like she never ever protested but when I asked her nicely, she usually obeyed. 

On the way out, I gave her a little byebye-cuddle to show that I’m not mad at her and I slowly closed the door after her. I felt a bit bad about it pushing her away like that but I told myself it was necessary.

I thought it would be the end of it, that I successfully handled the situation and “defeated my demons” but boy was I wrong. 

Shortly after Suzzane left, I went to the bathroom to wash the scent away from my hand but before doing that, I couldn’t help myself but to smell it one last time. It instantly gave me a guilty boner again and brought back all the repressed thoughts from before. To get rid of it, I quickly washed it off, then I washed my face with cold water and I went into my room to launch some videogame to take my mind somewhere else. 

It did help me move my blood somewhere else in my body but nothing really seemed to satisfy me. As if the things I cared about in the morning suddenly began losing sense. My thoughts kept returning to just how easy it would be to finally experience the sweet sweet feeling of losing my burden of a virginity. 

I felt so ashamed about it because I knew it was selfish and socially unacceptable but the craving feeling was stronger than me. I wondered how long I’ll be able to endure it. 

‘Will it be long enough? Who knows how long the heat can last…’ 

Instead of an active kind of fun, such as videogames, I resorted to something that doesn’t require me to do anything: watching a movie. Before that though, I crept into the kitchen to get some food along with it. 

I did my best to make sure I avoid Suzzane on the way no matter what. To my relief, she was somewhere else, so I grabbed a large bag of chips, some soda and I hurried back like a goblin with his stolen treasure. In my room, I closed all the curtains and victoriously put on the movie I picked. Ironically enough, it was Zootopia because it was new back then.

My little successful mission made me feel somewhat victorious and for some time, it worked to keep my libido at bay too. Soon I was immersed in the story and the chilli and lime flavour in my mouth that I almost forgot about my troubles. That is, until I heard a familiar sound of my door handle. It was Suzzane, paying me a visit.

“Soozanne?” She asked whether she could join me.

It was almost automatic that if I watched a movie, which wasn’t often, Suzzane would always accompany me. That was why it felt kind of wrong to not let her in this time.

Combined with the fact that I began feeling a bit more confident about being in control of my thoughts, I actually decided that: ‘Watching a film together can’t hurt. Right?’

Sure, my young self, it will only shape your future life but that’s not important. It would probably happen sooner or later nonetheless, so go on.

“Come on then Suzie,.. But no funny business okay?” I brought her seat right next to mine. And her smile was enough of a reward for me to feel like I did the right thing at the moment. She sat on the seat and leaned herself on my side. Didn’t forget to give me a lengthy, thorough lick over my face to show gratitude.

Things were going okay for a while but very soon I felt as if I could again smell the same scent that aroused the weird feelings in me. This time it was kind of subtle, yet more persistent; as if always present. You know, as if there was a shit somewhere in the room while you’re eating except the shit didn’t smell bad and instead of getting rid of it you wanted to eat it.

Come to think, the “shit metaphor” wasn’t exactly a good one. Using food would probably be more appropriate but I’m pretty sure you catch my meaning anyway. Simply put: for a while, I tried to ignore it but the more I did, the more I was aware of it. Eventually, I couldn't pay attention to the movie anymore. I was horny. 

I stopped the movie and somewhat worriedly glanced at Suzanne next to me, hoping for some kind of an answer. Which I got straight away. 

She was in the middle of adjusting herself and reaching her head towards her crotch to clean herself. In the silence of a paused film, I could audibly hear the schlicking noises of how her tongue scooped the sticky liquid away from her slightly swollen vulva and the gulping sounds of how she swallowed it afterwards.

Then it kind of clicked.

She must have licked herself shortly before visiting me… and right after then she licked my face. It was literally right under my nose, that’s why I could always smell it.

“Fuuuuck…” I said to myself in realisation while Suzzane continued her activity, likely not out of necessity anymore but rather for the feeling of it.

Try to understand, I was still 'relatively' innocent back then. From my point of view it was one of the weirdest, lewdest and most confusing situations that I ever found myself in. Lower part of my face smelled like Suzzane's horny juices and she was right next to me, shamelessly pleasuring herself. One part of me definitely found it gross but the other one found the whole thing extremely hot.

You can only guess what such a mess in my head resulted in:

A boner.

It gave me a boner.

And with it, the mini-tyrant completely took over my actions.

The decision was quick, quicker than I'd think it could be. When Suzzane raised her head again to look at me, I slowly pulled my pants down, exposing my stiff manhood to her.

I could see a little spark in her eyes when she laid them on me and it was visible that she'd like to get closer. However she was too much of a good girl to “take advantage” of me, since I shooed her away like three times before. It was up to me to admit my inner degenerate and invite her closer. 

Deep down, I knew that I already lost the fight to resist but on the outside, I still pretended to struggle just to make myself look better in front of myself. Kinda strange, pointless, act but people actually seem to do that a lot. 

Anyway, after a little while of pretended struggle, I looked around to make sure we're alone and only then I finally whispered: “It’s okay Suzie…Go on.” The moment I said it out loud, I could feel my heartbeat rapidly accelerate in a rush of guilt and eager expectation. 

For Suzzane, it was more than enough of an encouragement to continue. She shifted in her seat closer to me and reached her head all the way down to my crotch. At first, she gave the strangely smelling meatstick a thorough sniff from up close; So close that I could feel the hot air blowing on my skin. And seconds later, her snoot gently connected with my skin as well.

Honestly, just her face touching it and sniffing on it was almost like sex to me. 

You can imagine how I felt when she actually reached her tongue to give it a lick, so she could taste the bit of precum that formed on my tip. The taste of such sensation, combined with the adrenaline of doing something immoral, made me so excited I’d probably go fuck a sofa just to get off, if Suzzane decided that she doesn’t like it and left me all alone.

Luckily for my libido though, she liked it. She liked it a lot and after tasting it, she wanted more too. When she glanced at me and I gently nudged her to continue, she actually began licking my member. Cautiously at first but when she made me leak another drop of preejaculate, her dedication to the cause quickly grew.

I wasn’t sure if my own pheromones were the same intoxicating to her as hers were to me but she seemed really into it and frankly, I didn’t care why at that point. I didn’t care about anything else other than enjoying the blissful moment just a little bit longer.

It was only a short living kind of pleasure though because it was way too intense for its own good. In less than a minute I felt the orgasm knocking on the door, about to kick its way through. In the last second, I shamelessly grabbed Suzie's head and I held it down on my erection, ejaculating straight into the surprised mare’s mouth.- She actually did attempt to wriggle away when something hot and sticky began filling up the inside of her cheek but then she stopped fighting it. 

In the last seconds of my little death, her tongue actually began cleaning my dick as she realised that nothing hurts and the liquid in her mouth is the thing that she was after the whole time. 

Looking back, I have to say that Suzie was really good to me, especially in comparison to how I was to her afterwards. She definitely deserved a little kiss on the snoot and at least an hour of very thorough cuddle session but what she got instead was me, shooing her away.

Very shortly after I climaxed, I snapped back into post nut clarity and fully realised what I had done. It was like waking up from a dream and it felt unfair that only now when the battle is lost, I’m back in control. 

I knew it was my fault but I still felt as if I was tricked by someone, something,.. Something that wasn’t me. In a sudden rush of negative emotions I very sharply dismissed Suzzane out of my room like a used toy and angrily shut the door after her. 

Needless to say, all of that only made me feel worse. Not only was I officially a degenerate but I was also abusive towards the being that I cared about the most. At this point you'd probably think I was a real dick and you'd be right. I thought so too, in fact, after giving it a short thought, I went for a knife to end things because I felt like I messed up my life so bad it couldn’t be fixed anymore.

As you can guess, since I’m telling you all this, I didn’t do it. It could be that I was just too weak for it, or something deep inside of me knew that it would not be worth it. 

I found myself with a knife in my hand that I wasn’t going to use, a dick hanging out from my pants and an incredible mess in my head that needed to be sorted out. It might even look funny to some if I wasn’t at the lowest point of my life.

When I realised I am not able to kill myself, I laid the knife back down and pulled my pants up. Then I curled into a corner of my room, trying to calm myself down. All of the guilt that I accumulated inside of me was without the previous pleasure, unbearable.

I wept and cursed myself for being too weak to slit my wrists, for being a total degenerate and for being mean to my sweet girl Suzie. As the three tormenting thoughts kept spinning through my head, one actually coherent thing arose from it like a white beacon.

I can still fix at least one of them.

Yup, and I went to finish the job and slit my wrists. The end.










Nah, of course I went to apologise to Suzzane. That was the only one thing that still made sense in my head because I kept seeing the visible hurt in her face when I so rudely got rid of her. She only did what I asked her after all, then she glanced up at me expecting a gentle touch or maybe even a praise but I told her off instead.

I stood up with a single thing on my mind, as if nothing else suddenly mattered. I had to find Suzzane and tell her off agai- ahem, apologise. No more jokes about serious situations I swear.

After what could have been 10 minutes or an hour, I crept out of my room, looking for the mare. To my surprise though, she wasn’t in the kitchen or living room. She stayed in the hallway the whole time. I could tell as soon as I stepped out of my room, seeing the two orbs that were her eyes, reflecting in the dark. 

I let the door half open so I could see her silhouette and I made a few hesitant steps towards her.

Honestly, I did expect her to flee when I’d try to approach her. However, she didn’t, which actually sparked hope in me that not everything was lost.

“Suzie..?” I picked her hoof up, caressing it in my palms like a lady’s hand. I didn’t really even dare to look her in the eyes. I just guiltily stared at her hoof in my hands as if she was there to judge me. Suddenly all kinds of emotions started flowing and even tears began pouring out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry for lashing out at you Suzie…You didn’t deserve that.” I sobbed while trying to form sentences. “I’m just so confused!” I cried almost too audibly. “This shouldn’t have happened, none of this should have happened. But there’s something horribly wrong with me and I-I…I’m not strong enough to overcome it.” I kept sobbing into her hoof. “...I’m so sorry.”

And I wept, feeling sorry for myself until I suddenly felt a warm embrace around me. It was Suzzane, hugging me. She quietly held me until there was nothing left in me to pour out and I actually began feeling a little better. When I looked up at her face, even in the dim light I could sense a deep understanding from her expression; one almost unfit to her usually, silly self. As if she knew what I was going through and she didn’t judge me for it. It was as if there was still a chance to remedy myself. Somehow.

I felt so thankful towards her that I hugged her back as tightly as I could without hurting the squishy little pony, whispering my gratitude into her ear in the form of “I love you Suzie…Thank you so much.”

I think it must have been that moment, when I stopped perceiving her as an animal and began thinking of her as more of an equal being. After all, could a simple animal understand complicated human emotions?

It was also when I began seeing the way out of this, one almost unthinkable before:

“...Do you really think this could work out between the two of us? Suzie? Was that why you came to me in the first place?” I eventually let go of her again to see her face. She was smiling at me in such a strange, specific manner, as if she was happy that I finally figured something out.

Then I understood. She might have been horny because of hormones but she chose me as her partner before that. She chose me. I was her first choice. 

Sure it might sound pathetic because she only knew a handful of other creatures but it was the first time I actually was someone's first choice. It never happened to me before that someone would take me, specifically ME, over others. Nobody ever did. 

It made my heart tingle to realise that Suzzane did. 

Maybe it wasn’t a complete mistake. I thought.

Suddenly I felt happy. For the moment I forgot about all the self torturing thoughts and I wanted just one thing:

To kiss her. Like a real girl. A real lover.

And I did.

I pressed my lips against hers and closed my eyes, wrapping my hands around her body.

If in that moment one of my parents entered the hallway and turned the lights on, they would see their son clumsily kissing their family pet on the mouth while the pony is even more clumsily trying to replicate what he’s doing.

For me though, it was magical.

My first real kiss might not have been with my favourite girl from class and it wasn’t a romance worthy of a book, or even being mentioned somewhere in public for that matter. However, it felt 100% right.

It felt right to slide my fingers into her mane and it felt right to lovingly trace the curve of her spine to her waist. It also felt right to gently try to squeeze my tongue into her mouth after a minute of our lips touching.

After that though, it actually started to feel just a bit comical because Suzzane had no idea about how tongue kissing works. 

What started as a pretty romantic moment between a man and a mare, ended up with Suzzane licking my whole face while I couldn’t stop chuckling about it.

There she was, back to her old silly self but I already knew there’s a lot more than that inside of her. I had no doubts about it.

However, I knew literally anyone else would definitely have some serious doubts. Serious enough to condemn me for it, just like I did a mere hour ago. Or was it really an hour? Could have been less. I had no idea how much time had actually passed. But I did know that I should move back to the privacy of my room if I plan to take this any further.

I was lucky enough that no one wandered in to interrupt our moment. Likely because they were busy watching TV or fate simply wanted it that way.

Anyway, I got up and I gently led Suzanne to my room and on my bed where I intended to continue where the situation was going. My heart raced again but this time it wasn’t out of fear but something different. I felt great. I felt this kind of joyful expectation, like when Bilbo finally made up his mind to go on an adventure with dwarves, so did I go on an adventure with Suzie. 

Once I got rid of the shackles in my mind, it was suddenly so easy and almost natural to have her seat right in front of me, both kind of giggling like two kids sharing a secret. - Yes, Suzzane, among many sounds that she could make, could also giggle like a human. It delighted me to hear it when I gently touched her cheek and playfully booped her nose with mine. She did the same to me and then slightly attempted to kiss me like I did her before. However, she didn’t know very well what to do with her lips so she just sort of bumped them into my face.

“Like this.” I closed my eyes and shortly kissed her back with an audible smooch. It made her shortly giggle again, sort of sheepishly smile and eye away and then back. Then she widely smiled, closed her eyes as well and leaned in for another one. 

It was the most proper one so far, even though nothing could possibly beat the atmosphere of the very first, clumsy one.

When I opened my eyes again, I could see Suzzane friskily poking out her tongue, as if asking what the next step would be. I could see very well that she had to hold herself not to lick my whole face again because that was how she was used to showing gratitude and joy.

Honestly though, I had no idea how to french kiss either so I just sort of poked my own tongue as well and picked up her own appendage with mine, slowly bringing my lips closer. When we were touching, I very gently began sticking my tongue into her mouth and entwining it with hers. That must have been the point where Suzzane figured she understood the whole thing because she nonchalantly shoved her three times larger tongue into my mouth and almost down my throat. For me it was the point where the bulge in my pants really began raging because it was the hottest thing anyone has ever done to me.

After we let go however, I knew I had a debt to settle with Suzie and I wanted to pay it before we got any further. 

“I love you Suzie.” I smiled when I got to see her face again. With that I picked up her front hooves, which she’s been using to keep herself seated, and I softly lifted them up, making her slowly lay down on her back. She wasn’t struggling, although I could see that she wanted to do a little bit more of that which we were doing before. She let me guide her though and I was hoping I wouldn’t let her down. 

“Wuv yuu.” She even replied when our eyes met again once she was in the position I hoped would be comfortable. It sounded a bit silly but I didn’t mind. Rather, I appreciated the effort.

I gave her one last smile before I slowly moved my head down lower between her legs. I could already smell the same scent from before that now felt even more inviting. She had many of the “right” parts that I liked to see on a human woman. The wide hips, soft belly and almost perfectly round buttocks. However, I have to admit that the shape of her vulva was by far the most strange thing on her body, if I don’t count the nonexistence of breasts on her chest, which I didn’t mind all that much.

I mostly avoided looking there before, even though I had a few accidental glances at how her marehood looks like. This was the first time I directly went to see from up close and at first I was just a little bit staggered by how “horse” it looked.

The sight was so alien but it smelled so fine and I was not going to back down anyway. First I massaged her thighs with my hands, preparing myself to have a first lick from down to up.

As I gently slid my tongue along the vertical, puffy lips, they suddenly opened and briefly exposed a pink clit in a quick wink. As the sweetish/salty taste dissolved in my mouth, I could hear Suzzane let out a slight high pitched moan and her left leg slightly twitched.

I gulped, still fondling her things and even though it still felt kinda strange, I wanted to do it again. Maybe even because of how strange it felt. And, because I liked the fact that it was making her feel good.

So, I had another lick and another and the next one wasn’t even as gentle as the previous ones. Soon I realised that I was really enjoying myself as well, even though the “taste” was mostly gone at that point. It was just me, getting more and more rough with my tongue and lips and Suzzane, making more and more urgent noises or pleasure. 

A thought flew through my head, hoping no one could hear her on the other side of the house but then again she wasn’t as loud as their TV.

Wanting to hear more of those noises and feeling even more of that soft, squishy peach in my mouth, I pressed my mouth on the vulva as if I was french kissing her, even very softly biting into it and suckling with my tongue on the winky clitoris. It must have been the last straw for Suzzane because both of her legs began twitching uncontrollably and the noises turned into some high pitched gibberish, occasionally shifting into a prolonged squeal. In the middle of all that I suddenly felt my mouth filling with something hot that overwhelmed me enough to shoot through my nostrils and spill out of my mouth again, down on the sheet. Trying to be as good to her as Suzzane was to me, I quickly recovered and wrapped my lips around the enlarged clit again, teasing it for minutes more until the pone body stopped twitching and just relaxed.

“Mmmm.” she moaned eventually and stretched her limbs when I stopped and leaned above her to see her face again. Only then she finally opened her eyes and grinned at me with a satisfied, spoiled expression. She gave me a little kiss that we practised before and then her usual lick, with which she partly cleaned the lower part of my face. It probably wasn’t the intention but she didn’t mind.

“Alright, now I’d say we're even.” I smiled. “It’s not over yet though.”

“Over yeddou?” She asked.

“Yeah. Not.” I grinned, adjusting myself for the moment my member has been waiting for the whole time. I couldn't possibly get any harder than that.

First I let the head slide up and down her vulva to make her aware of what’s going on. To my surprise though, when Suzzane noticed, she began turning herself to reach for it with her mouth. She probably didn’t realise it can be sticked in down there as well, so she tried to help me out the only way she had learned it so far. However, I gently held her down in position. “Shh shh, it’s okay.” I chuckled and kissed her snoot. “It’s all okay…”

And I began slowly pushing my phallus into her.

At very first, I could see a confusion over the strange sensation in her expression but she very quickly realised what’s going on. She opened her mouth in a silent gasp and a wide smile that kept on growing as I went further in. Only then when I was all the way inside, feeling I might have reached her own limit as well, she blissfully closed her eyes, relishing her feeling.

I did relish it as well because it was even better than the sloppy blowjob she gave me before. Not only it felt snug and warm like an oven inside of her but I also felt this “union” through this special connection. It was like,.. I was inside of her but not just as a part of my body if that makes any sense. It felt kind of deeper than ‘just’ sex. We enjoyed the feeling like a one being and then we began rocking against each other. Soon I moved from on top of her onto my side and I embraced her furry soft body onto mine, as tightly as I could. For a while I just kept pumping into her while she squirmed in pleasure, forcing herself even lower on my penis. I felt a soft fur pressing tightly on my chest, a sweat forming between our bodies rubbing against each other, hooves tightly embracing my head, slight nibbling on my ear,.. A soft tail swishing between and tickling my legs. A cooling wind from one of the small wings flapping. A bit of mane in my mouth.

It was truly a grandiose first real encounter that I never really even dreamed of being so amazing. 

I felt like I could go on and on if I kept the same pace but something inside of me longer for yet even more so after what could have been half an hour, I began speeding up and the sensory overload slowly climaxed to a point where I knew there won’t be turning back.

Suzzane must have known as well because at that point, she let go of my head which she was clutching and glanced in my eyes. 

Just for a second I was worried that if I looked into them, I might not see what I saw before: The intelligent spark, the intention of wanting specifically me and the connection I felt with her. - That maybe I just made it all up to justify what I was doing.

However, when I did set my gaze into those jet black pupils, I saw it all again. All of which I longed to see. Hidden behind all the silliness that she was overflowing with at a first sight, there was just as much wisdom in her. A different kind than mine or any human but it was undeniable.

And I wished to understand it, to stay by her side and learn, even if I should dedicate my life to it.

I felt all that so real and the next moment, all thoughts got swept away by a sudden spasm of pleasure pulsing through two bodies like one, clutching each other tightly until the very last drop of pleasure was squeezed and the one can become two again.

As I let go, I realised just how exhausted I suddenly was. I even slightly panted but I was happy. So happy I could laugh. And I did. We both did. And I kissed her. And it felt right.



For a while, we were just laying on the sheets, dirty from bodily fluids but I didn’t even mind. I had to enjoy the moment and not let it go until the time was right.

It lasted a few more minutes until the very first “sober” thoughts came up again. I realised that if someone barged in, I wouldn’t have time to cover everything up. If they’d see us like that, if they could smell the air that must have reeked of sex, there was no way I could explain anything. So, I eventually gave up to the fear of getting caught and as much as I wanted to stay until we fell asleep, I lazily stood up.

Very first thing I did was that I opened all the windows wide and cleaned myself with a paper towel. I wanted to clean Suzzane as well but she already began working on it with her tongue.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. I knew she wouldn't suddenly start behaving like a human but I was determined to bring her just a little bit closer to me in the future. …Or myself to her? Or will it be both ways? Wasn’t the difference so magical just some time ago?

I smiled eventually and I stroked her mane. “Yo Suzie, let's go wash up properly. I’ll teach you some of the better things from my world and you can teach me some from yours…”


…

> These mysteries of life
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I changed and got rid of the ruined bedsheet, I took Suzzane to the bathroom so we could both have a proper bath; This time together. Both to save time and because it kinda felt appropriate. Now that we were something like,.. partners? 

Oh yeah, I quickly found out that I liked to use such terms in my head. With it though, came first worries about our future. I wondered if I’ll be able to keep things between us hidden in front of my parents. If THEY found out… I gulped.

In their eyes, this wouldn’t be okay at all. I was actually quite surprised that I managed to adapt to this new viewpoint myself so easily.

Suzzane didn’t seem to care about such things at all. She almost always lived in the present and her present moments at the moment were full of joy. Thanks to the little rest we took after making love, she was full of energy again and the glee simply dripped from her.

Not the white kind of course, she managed to clean that off before it would start dripping.

On the way to the bathroom, she slightly, but very lively, waved her head to a rhythm I couldn’t hear. I wondered if it was something made up or one of my songs that I played to her in the past. Nonetheless, just watching her carelessness made me want to put away my worries for later. 

In the bathroom, I locked the door as usual but this time I was actually going to use the bathtub that we had, instead of just taking a shower in it. It was a special occasion for Suzzane too because she’d never even seen anyone use it that way before. 

The mini mare climbed on the ledge with her front hooves and watched the steamy water fill the tub with undisguised interest.

“Wash Soozan?” she pointed her hoof into the water after a minute of pondering.

“Oh yeah, and Anon too.” I chuckled, helping her climb up over the ledge which she was already trying to get over. I followed right after her. It was great that she actually liked water because not many animals do. Then again, she was no animal. She was my girlfriend.

And my girlfriend’s tiny wings flapped in joy when she saw me joining her. 

“Anon wash!”

“Yup.” I grinned and splashed some of the slowly rising water at her. That she understood very quickly because she immediately went for a revenge. 

“Suzzaan!” She smacked her hoof into the bottom of the tub so hard it splashed on both of us. There wasn’t yet enough of it to make a mess outside of the tub. 

“Jeez, calm down!” I laughed, shielding my eyes with one hand while fighting back using the other one. I knew if we carry on like that, soon there will be a lot to clean up for me but I wasn’t really mad at Suzzane.The other way around, I loved seeing her so happy and careless because it was exactly what I needed in my life as well. 

I let the outside world bury the part of me that used to be happy with little, but through Suzzane, as if I began digging it up.

Eventually, the situation turned into an intense play-fight in a very narrow space and a puddle began slowly forming under the arena. One moment I tried to blow a raspberry on Suzzane’s belly while she was trying to squirm away and get on top of me. The next second, she was behind me with her teeth softly biting on my ear. In the water, her body was a lot more slippery and harder to keep in place.

After a few minutes of changing positions and a few little victories for each of us, Suzzane ended up laying on her back between my legs; both resting. 

“I guess it’s high time we finally began with the actual washing.” I turned off the water which was already so high up that only Suzzane’s head was sticking out. 

“Anon Suzzane wash!” she eyed up at me and reached for a soap, only to immediately drop it in the water. 

“Oh yes, I’ll wash you good.” I chuckled, trying to fish out the slippery block from the bottom of the tub, somewhere between Suzzane’s legs. When I finally had it in my hand I began rubbing it on her fur. The pony adjusted herself for me to reach easier and eventually stood up as well so I could get to her more intimate parts as well. 

I found myself laying on my back with her rump in front of my face once again. However, this time it was merely to clean the mess I made earlier. There wasn’t too much to clean either because most had already washed off so I was done with it before I’d get any ideas. 

And honestly, I had enough lewd stuff for the day. I just wanted to enjoy our time together with the knowledge that there’s something more between us. Something amazing and kind of a secret. It felt great.

While scrubbing Suzzane, I mostly managed to soap up myself as well but after I was done washing her, she still insisted it was my turn to get pampered. So, I let her somewhat clumsily trace the soap on my own body, occasionally reaching into the water for the slippery block when she dropped it. I have to admit, it felt kinda nice and definitely “new” to be touched like that on my bare body by someone. The frogs on Suzzane’s hoofs are pretty soft and pleasant overall.

When Suzie got particularly close with her muzzle to my face, I couldn’t help but to give her a short kiss on the mouth because of how sweet she was and partly because I wanted to see how she would react.

I kind of expected her to blush like an anime girl except Suzzane doesn’t blush very often. Simply, because she very rarely feels bashful or coy. So, naturally, it only made her smile, give me back a lick on the face, then slip with one of her hooves and ever so ungracefully fall down straight on my chest, hitting my nose with her head on the way.

“Ow…fucking Christ…” my hand instantly sprang towards my face to check if I wasn’t bleeding while my clumsy gf began picking herself. Luckily, there was no blood and as much as it hurt, it was also funny enough for me to snicker through the pain “Oh, Suzzanne…” I grinned while holding my nose. 

“Suuz…” she poked me with her snoot a few times in a very apologising manner.

“That’s okay you blunderbuss.” I chuckled for the last time and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her on myself to forget the pain. “...I think it’s time we finish though, the water will be lukewarm soon. Don’t ya think?”

“Soou…” the mare just laid her head on my chest as if she was so very tired, even partly closing her eyelids before eyeing up on me to see how I'd react to her proposition of staying a bit longer.

“Alright then, we'll have five minutes more.” I laid my head back back as well, just staring into the ceiling and enjoying the water while it was still enjoyable.

However, the beautiful calmness got interrupted in less than two minutes by a knocking on the door. It was my mother who just finished watching TV and she was going to take a shower, then go to sleep. Soon to be followed by my dad.

“I’m having a bath mom! Almost finished though…” I yelled at the door.

“You? Bathing?” My mother sounded a little amused, her good mood probably supported by Friday wine. “Since when?”

“I dunno, I just felt like it.” I shrugged, even though she couldn't see.

“Alright, I’ll come back in five minutes then. Have you seen Suzzane by the way? Your sister was looking for her. It was strange she was gone the whole evening. You did not let her out to chase colts, right?” 

“Uhh, no. She’s… She was watching a movie with me. Two of them actually…”

There weren’t any more questions so I used my 5 minute window to get out and dry both of us with a towel as thoroughly as possible. There was no time for a hairdryer for Suzzane which I felt just a little bit bad about because of her wet tail but it was a warm summer night outside. I knew she’d dry easily anyway. Then I threw the towel on the floor to dry it as well and wringed the water back into the tub before leaving the dirty cloth next to a washing machine. 

We sneaked out of the bathroom straight back into my room and although I felt a little bit tired while in the water, I felt quite refreshed on the way out. I also knew I should probably wait for Suzzane to dry completely before going to sleep too, so I asked her:

“Ay Suzie, do you want to grab something to eat before we go to sleep?”

“Eat! Suzzane!” she exclaimed. After all, we didn’t eat pretty much anything since lunch that day.

“...I think I did “eat Suzzane” already but I guess you catch my meaning.” I chuckled at her. She might have known the words back then but she completely missed the joke. I didn’t mind.

Since it was settled, we crept out of my room for yet another little adventure, this time a crusade to a fridge for some snacks. I was only in my bathrobe and Suzzane, still a bit wet, was right after me. On the way, we could hear the sounds of my mother showering while my dad was still on the couch in the living room, waiting for her to finish. We had to sneak past him in order to get into the kitchen unseen. 

It wouldn’t really be a big deal if he saw us of course. It wasn’t like we were doing anything shameful or wrong at that point but it was fun to pretend we were on a secret, fridge raiding mission. 

Once we were in the kitchen, I closed the door behind us and opened the white treasury box.

“Ta-dah!” I whispered a bit too quietly, considering the TV was still on in the other room. “What would you like to have Suzie?” I nudged her closer while grabbing some things for myself. I already had a pack of Lotus biscuits, a pack of eidam and some sauce in my pockets when Suzzane turned around at me with a very specific expression on her face.

“Suzzan?” she asked as if asking:  “Me? Really? …Are you sure?”

She wasn’t exactly allowed to rummage through our food. That one time she tried, my dad made sure she’d know not to do that again. So, to make 100% sure that this wasn’t some kind of joke or a test, I had to push her directly in front of the fridge.

“Yes, you Suzie! Come on, pick something you’d like.” I chuckled into her ear from behind and gave her a few encouraging scritches. 

The pone cautiously checked whether the door to the living room was still closed and deeming it was, she slowly pulled herself even closer into the light of the fridge. Her dark pupils slightly widened at the sight of all the food but to my surprise, after a few seconds of staring and sniffing, her hoof landed on nothing less than a simple tomato. It was fresh and ripe but nonetheless it was still just a plain tomato.

I kind of expected Suzzane to pick something like one of my sister's puddings or something.

 “...Are you sure? Is this what you want?” I grabbed a few tomatoes and held them in front of her. 

“Suzzane yes!” She nodded, nudging the fruit with her snoot.

“You can have more Suzie, come on, pick something unhealthy. This is a special occasion.” I laughed and gestured with my opened hand in front of the fridge.

It took a bit of persuading but I managed to explain to the mare that she can pick more than one thing but we got there eventually. 

When we did, her hoof first landed on a salad but then she changed her mind for a cucumber.

“You really like your veggies eh?” I grinned while Suzzane’s eyes sparkled at the sight of me, taking both the salad and the cucumber. 

“Suz!” she exclaimed happily at whatever I was saying to her.

I thought it was kind of a plain thing but then again, she rarely received fresh fruit and veggies from my parents. They either let her eat grass outside or they’d give her some granules; Occasionally a carrot or an apple but that was it. Me and my sister would sometimes slip her a bit of our own food but it would either be a bit of baked potato, fry or something like that. Thinking back, it made sense Suzzane was drawn to these veggies. It was something natural but new at the same time for her. 

“Whichever floats your boat.” I tousled her mane and took all the stuff to the kitchen counter to slice it and put on a plate. 

After a few seconds, Suzzane put her front hooves on the counter and cautiously pulled herself up to see what I was doing with her veggies. A bold move, considering she normally wasn’t allowed to do that either. However, she must have understood already that when she’s alone with me, we have different rules. I just hoped she wouldn’t get into trouble with my parents when I’m not around. 

Soon I had a pizza sized plate, full of sliced veggies and pieces of eidam cheese. I even arranged it into a fancy, colourful spiral. Then I sprinkled it with just a tad of ranch in case Suzzane would prefer it plain.

“Voilá!” I presented my work to her for which I was rewarded with a big smile and a light stomp of her right front hoof. “Hope you’ll like it but we’re not done yet.” I smiled back and put a piece of tomato that I couldn’t fit on the plate, into Suzzane’s mouth. 

While Suzzane was chewing on it with visible relish, I turned back around towards the counter to make a big cup of hot cocoa with cream on top ready as well. I thought that the pone would dig into the plate in the meanwhile but she was waiting for me, watching what I was doing.

“I had to make something for myself as well.” I smiled when I had everything ready, showing her the cup of hot cocoa. “I made a big one though so you could have as well.” 

“Suz!” She sniffed the cream, deeming it edible.

“Let’s take it to my room though, come on!” I stood up before she could have a sneaky lick and I with both hands full, I rushed back to where we came from. By that time my dad was already in the shower so we went straight to my room, where I laid the plate on my bed while Suzzane closed the door behind us. I could see the glee in her face.

“Come on then!” I invited her on the bed, patting the place next to me.

For whatever reason, I felt as excited as if we were about to make love again or something; Even though we were merely having a late dinner together. Never before did we eat from one plate like that though so it was probably it. A few months ago, I would find it gross to eat from the same plate with her but that was a long time ago. Suddenly, I was so looking forward to it. It was-...’Romantic’, yes that’s the word! That’s exactly how it felt.

Each time I looked at her smiling face as she laid herself right next to me, I felt such hardly describable joy and I just wanted to do all kinds of things together. Not as a boy and his pet but as two lovers. Yeah, weird to most maybe but it was how I felt and I was enjoying it so much. 

I picked up a piece of sliced cucumber with a drop of the ranch to feed it to my inamorata next to me like in one of those cliché movie shots with a strawberry and a whipped cream. The resemblance made me giggle slightly. Suzzane smiled back and didn’t even break eye contact when I slid the veggie in her mouth. Only after the first crunch, her attention shifted more to the taste and flavour of the food. 

“Good eh?” I chuckled. “Maybe I should try some too.”

“Goood.” Suzzane cooed back.

“Alright, I’ll have some then.” I was about to pick a piece of veggie for myself but Suzzane somehow managed to do that first and she hovered the green slice in front of my face.

“Gooood.” She told me.

Before I could even try to eat it though, she dropped it back onto the plate, partly ruining the carefully arranged food artwork I made. Upon realisation of what she’d done, her brows furrowed a bit and she tried to pick it up again to pretend it never happened but she made it even worse. That was a typical Suzzane. Such a clumsy gentlemare.

After like 3rd failed attempt to pick the same piece up and arrange it all back she resigned and glanced at me:

“Suzzan sowry…”

“That's okay Suzie.” I snickered and put the piece into her hoof. I wasn’t sure if I should feel amused by her clumsiness or astonished by the fact that she actually used words to apologise instead of her usual body language. Before I could decide, she kind of shoved the piece of cucumber into my mouth to make sure she doesn’t drop it again. 

“Anon, gooood! Eeeh?” She exclaimed in whispers because we must have been the only ones still awake in the house.

At that point, I no longer doubted which emotion I felt. I almost spat the morsel out while trying to hold back laughter.

“Gee, thanks Suzie. Very romantic.” I wheezed.


…




We managed to eat the whole plate together over approximately half an hour of chewing, giggling, cuddling and teaching Suzzane how to pick up small pieces. In her defence, it really must be hard to do that with her hoofs. Pretty much impossible, I would think if I didn’t know better, but her frogs worked in a mysterious way that she could make things “stick” to them.

Anyway, by the time we were finished, I realised we still had the hot cocoa. It wasn’t exactly hot cocoa anymore though, more of a lukewarm cocoa. That didn’t stop me from bringing it up though. 

“Hey Suzie, try this.” I took the cup and presented it to Suzzane. “Cocoa.”

“Coa-coo…” She tried to articulate after me.

“Yup. Aaand, I know they never let you drink from a cup but let's hope you can do that. You gotta drink it like so.” I took a sip while making a demonstrative slurping sound to make sure she‘d know to suck the liquid instead of just letting it fall into her mouth. “Think you can do that?”

Suzzane, always up for anything new, eagerly nodded: “Suzzane!”

“Alrighty then.” I grinned while putting the cup to her lips and gently tilting it. 

To my surprise, she didn’t even spill anything because she slurped it just as hard as I demonstrated. She didn’t drink too much either though because she was extra careful. 

“Goood.” She announced appreciatively and nodded her head in a very human manner. I wasn’t sure whether she was complimenting the cocoa or herself but probably both. I also wasn’t sure where did she learn such gesture, if it was her own or if she saw someone do it. 

“Glad you’re liking it. And a good job too.” I grinned and I had a sip as well. 

I put it back in front of her face to have more, which she did and she slurped like ⅕ of the cup in one go. I think she was about to let me have my turn with the cocoa but then she realised that if she’d blow air into it instead of sucking it in, she could make bubbles in the milk. Which she immediately began doing.

“Aww, Suzie. You’re spitting in it like this.” I pulled the cup away from her face.

“Su..?” She tilted her head like: “What’s wrong?”

“No bubbles. Okay?”

“Boobles? No?”

“Uh-uh.” I shook my head. “You’ll spit in it.”

I consumed more than just her spit that day, so it felt kind of unimportant. However, I wanted to teach her at least some kind of manners. I hoped that maybe one day she could learn enough for other people to realise what I did that day: 

That she wasn’t just a simple animal but an actual sentient being and they would start treating her with more respect. So, I wanted to insist on her not making the bubbles.

“No boobles…” She hung her head just a little.

Watching her made me kind of feel like my own parents though. Which I hated more than anything.

“Damn, you know what? Have as many bubbles as you want. We can teach you manners some other time… Ehh, bubbles yes, then?”

“Suzzan!” She smiled and affectionately licked my face. 

“I love you too Suzie.” I chuckled before giving the cup back to her “You have a long way to go though…”

We were taking turns in drinking the lukewarm cocoa while Suzzane would always bubble it up before giving it back. By the end though, she had enough of it and would just drink normally. Even the excessive slurping mostly stopped over time. When there was about enough for her to finish the cup, I took her hoofs into my hands and placed the cup in between them.

“Can you hold it yourself Suzie? Like that?”

“Holt Suzzii?”

“Yeah, like that.” I very slowly let go of her limbs to see whether she will or won’t drop the cup. There wasn’t too much in it so I wasn’t worried about her staining the sheets (a lot). However, Suzzane proved herself to be capable and held the cup firmly enough.

“Nice, Suzie. Now try to hold it and drink.” I gestured with my hands, downing an invisible cup.

Suzzane, naturally copied my movements as authentically as she could… and she dumped the rest of the liquid straight onto her face.

It took me a lot of self restraint not to burst into loud bouts of laughter and wake up the whole house upon witnessing that. 

“Jeez, Suzzane…” I almost cried “I’m sorry but I just can’t…”

Suzzane seemed mostly shocked about what she had done at first but I guess that my laughter was infectious and she began laughing with me. 

Just as I mentioned, there wasn’t exactly a lot of cocoa left but it was enough to know that we’ll have to visit the bathroom together once more. For me to brush my teeth and for Suzzane to get her face washed. …And maybe to brush her teeth as well because she just had milk and it would make her breath truly awful in the morning. I thought.

So, as soon as we were done laughing, we went on our last mission that night. It wasn’t going to be a long one because it was quite late and we were both past our usual bedtimes. With full stomachs and overall satisfaction about our day together, we were both just about ready for bed. 

I quickly washed and dried Suzzane’s face, brushed my teeth and then I grabbed one of the unused brushes for Suzzane. She was already yawning by that time so she didn’t participate a lot while I stuck the brush into her mouth, although she was quite surprised by the sudden minty flavour of the paste.

To me, it felt strange brushing someone else’s teeth but it wasn't the strangest thing I did that day so I carried on. 

“You gotta spit it out now.” I told her after I was done and spat into the sink, which Suzzane repeated after me flawlessly. She even rinsed her mouth with water just like I did.

To my surprise though, when we went back to my room, Suzzane went to her mattress instead of joining me in bed. I thought it was obvious but I guess habit is a shirt made of iron, so, I called out to her:

“Come on, Suzie, come here!” I patted the bed and opened the blanket for her. She was allowed on the bed before but not exactly over the night and certainly never under the blankets.

It did take Suzzane a second of deciding but then she happily rushed to me, straight under the blanket and into my embrace.

I’d probably not fall asleep while holding onto a dog sized mare under normal circumstances because I was used to a certain sleeping position. However, I was so tired and in love that night, I didn’t even consider my usual habits.

“Goodnight Suzie. I love you.” I gave her snoot one last kiss and turned off the lights. 

In the dark, I could feel Suzzane awkwardly trying to kiss me back which earned her one more additional smooch. For a second I thought I could just kiss and cuddle with her a bit longer but all that sleepiness has already caught up with me. And not just me. In less than a minute, Suzie was out cold. 

“Wuw yuu…” was the last thing trailed off from the mare’s lips.

The last thing I remember from that day was pulling her soft furry body a bit closer and burying my face into her mane.

“Love you too Suzie…”
> Wake up unscathed
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I slightly flinched upon coming back into reality from a dream plane of existence. The story I was experiencing while asleep immediately began slipping away from my consciousness; faster with each conscious breath.

The dream was gone within seconds but it didn’t feel all that important because being back in my body actually felt better than sleeping, that particular morning. Better and cosy.

I hugged the pillow that I was holding just a little tighter and opened my eyes to a view of a million blonde-purple hair, gently brushing over my face. A pair of fluffy ears was poking from the ruffled up mane, tickling my cheek.

Right,.. That’s no pillow.

Everything that happened yesterday immediately came back to me and I flinched again.

At the very first moment, a ‘What the fuck was I thinking yesterday.’ kind of thought tried to wiggle itself into my head and make me panic. Then Suzzane slightly shifted in my arms and cooed something to herself with that adorable voice, making me look at her. That moment I recalled exactly what I was thinking yesterday. 

That she was worth it.

And indeed she was. I mean, In the back of my mind I was still scared shitless of the possible consequences but I wasn’t going to regret either. Not while the cute mare was so devotedly laying there in my arms and I could hear her soft breaths. Not when I could feel the rhythm of her heart against mine in unison…

The more I immersed myself in her calmness, the more I was sure that I was exactly where I belonged. After all, a place of such content could possibly be the wrong place to be? Could it? I studied her face, sensing a smile rising on my face on its own.

So this must be love… could it be? I thought.

To somehow affirm it in my mind, I whispered ever so softly into her ear: ”I looove you Suzie…” And I gently kissed the top of her head because that was about where I could reach with my lips without moving.

I had hoped it wouldn’t wake her up but she must have been partly awake already because it made the pony nuzzle herself into my neck. She hummed back something that could have been a response or merely a sound of delight and I could feel her hot breath warming my skin. …As well as a little wet sensation on my neck which I presumed was her attempt to kiss me.

I didn’t really need her to speak clearly, to know how she was feeling. After all, it was her who chose me as her partner. And it felt wonderful each time I recalled that. 

Neither of us felt like getting up or even parting from each other anytime soon and the mare was so comfy she wouldn’t even open her eyes just yet. In the meanwhile I buried the fingers of my right hand into her mane and began gently caressing her head, which rewarded me with some high pitched noises of delight. When I added my second arm into action, to gently massage her wings under the blanket, it made Suzzane stretch her spine and slightly shift in my embrace.

Her pretty face was now in front of mine and I could finally glance into those enchanting eyes. She smiled and I kissed her on the lips, receiving back a tiny lick.

“Good morning princess.” I grinned.

Suzzane simpered at me as if she knew what that meant. The next moment her eyes shifted elsewhere for a second and her mouth moved silently, clearly constructing the answer in her head:

“Good-...” She yawned deeply in the middle of her sentence, ruining her certainly perfect pronunciation. “...mooooning…um, pincess.”

“I’m not a princess, you're the princess here.” I laughed and yawned also because it was infectious.

“Suzzan pincess? What.” She asked somewhat nonchalantly, trying to hold back another yawn.

“That’s kind of hard to explain.” I scratched my chin, not sure how to explain such a word. “Suzzane’s a princess.” I chuckled in the end.

Luckily, instead of prying a better explanation out of me, the mare just decided to roll with it and snuggled back up to me. “Suzzan pincess luv Anon.” She mumbled.

“Aw, I love you too Suzie…” I felt my face getting red. She was too sweet for me to handle.

However, I couldn’t stop thinking about how far her ability to speak can go. I wondered if given enough time and practice, she could learn to speak fluently or if there was some kind of stopping point over which she couldn’t get. So far she only kept surprising me… It would surely be strange if they sold fully intelligent creatures as pets though. Or is Suzzane just special? 

“What do you say, Suzie? Do you remember any other ponies from the hatchery?” I asked, not exactly hoping for a real answer. Yet. “Were they all like you or are you special?”

“Suzzan pincess…” She grinned at me, delivering the line flawlessly.

“Of course you are.” I grinned back and gave her a kiss. I just wanted to kiss her and hold her and cherish her forever but for the moment I was happy with what I had. However, as I pressed her body against mine, fondling her curves with my hands, my own body began craving for more than that. 

Of course, Goddamn you, boner. I thought in my head but the purity of the moment was already tainted with the uncontrollable meat stick that just wouldn’t go down. Especially not when it was being pressed against Suzzane’s belly.

I knew just how much she loved it when I massaged her feathery appendages and I wanted to shift my focus there, so I could make the situation less sexual. However, it somehow did the exact opposite. 

As if not, I was still just a horny teenager back then, being pushed around by my own hormones. Then again, so was Suzie. My rod only kept rising as she pressed herself against me and eventually, I could feel something wet brushing over my leg too. I realised that the mare was beginning to rub herself against me with the same thought.

Long story told short, we made love that morning just as we did the night before. A quicker one though and a lot less messy too. 

Only after I was finished cleaning everything up did I glance at the time on my phone and to my surprise I realised that it was only a few minutes past nine. That was actually earlier than my usual getting up time if I didn’t go to sleep like 2 am the night before. 

If the time that we had spent in bed together was an hour in total, it would mean that I slept about 6 hours that night AND also felt completely rested. It didn’t feel possible.

“Guess you really DO have a great influence on me!” I slapped Suzzane’s rump that was conveniently resting next to me while she was preeing one of her wings. 

“Eep!” She sprang up in shock but immediately went into the playful mode, nudging into me with all of her weight and trying to either tackle me down under her or at least push me off the bed as revenge. 

“Not so fast! This is still my domain!” I laughed as I fought back, trying to blow raspberries on her belly.

After winning against her in two disciplines that morning, we were both lying exhausted on the bed a second time. Only then did I finally decide to actually get up.


…


I didn’t want to raise any suspicions that something would be out of the ordinary so I arrived for breakfast late as usual. Suzzane was right behind me, which wasn’t considered unusual, because those days my parents were already used to her sleeping over in my room quite often; so they didn’t question it. On the contrary, they encouraged me to spend time together because she was the reason why I started going outside regularly. However, I was quite sure they would switch their attitude 180 degrees if they knew what we did together that morning and the night before.

So, I was very cautious around them that particular morning, afraid that they might already know something, suspect it, or smell Suzzane’s horny juice from me (even though I thoroughly cleaned myself and sprayed my clothing with a ton of deodorant) or, through some miracle, read my mind and see the flashing images of how I brought the mini mare towards her climax just about 20 minutes ago. I could still see that scene when I closed my eyes, even vividly recalling all those cute sounds she was making when I-...  Ehm, anyway, while it felt nice just before entering the kitchen, after walking through that door it made me feel incredibly vulnerable.

“Hey mom, hey dad…” I greeted my parents, sneakily studying their expressions. Only then did I notice my sister. “Hey sis.”

“Suzzan!” Suzzane greeted them with a lot more enthusiasm than me. Oblivious to any possible danger. 

“Hey son.” My father glanced up at me from his news article and then right back.

“Morning Anon.” My mother looked over at me from attending to my sister’s hair.

It went pretty much as usual. Maybe too usual. What if they are just bottling up their anger and burst at me at the most unexpected moment? 

“Hey Anoon! Hello Suzzane!” My sister snapped me out of the thought. Thank god. “Slept well?” 

“Me or Suzzane?” I asked, grateful for the normal conversation.

“Both! I had a dream where I was a mermaid and I could swim-swim-swim-” The little girl gestured with her left hand as if it was a mermaid’s fin “-swim underwater and go as deep as I wanted!”

“She watched the little mermaid yesterday.” My mother explained.

“Well, I can’t remember what I was doing in my dreams but I slept like a log. Suzzane too.” I went towards the fridge to grab some hummus.

“Really?” My dad shortly glanced away from his articles again. “Wasn’t she giving you any trouble? Because of the heat and all.”

“Um, no..?”I couldn’t help myself from eyeing on Suzzane. She was sitting in the place where her mattress would usually be if it wasn’t still in my room and she curiously listened to the conversations I was having. “I mean, uh- just a little bit but nothing too… weird.” Bravo, Anon, that definitely didn’t sound like you have something to hide.

To make the situation even worse, Suzie found that moment to be the adequate one to proudly announce: “Suzzan pincess luuuv Anon!”

For a second, there was a silence between all of us. Until my dad broke it. “Huh, did you teach her that?” He laughed heartfeltly, completely oblivious.

“I think she must have heard those words from my sister.” I wiped a little bit of sweat from my forehead. While grateful for not being found out, I still cringed internally. That was a little too close.

Luckily, my sister didn’t say anything about it, although I did see her face wondering whether she ever said something like that in front of her. She missed her chance to say anything about it though and I quickly changed the topic towards cars.

Finally I could eat my breakfast peacefully. However, I had to wait a tiny while for my stomach to unclench from the stress. 

After the conversations went mostly quiet again, most of the eyes in the room slowly turned towards the turned on TV, like a strange magnet that steals everyone’s attention. Normally I hated it, even though I consumed quite a lot of media on my PC as well. However, I felt like that the damn thing doesn’t always have to be turned on because it tends to steal my own attention too, without me realising it. That one time though, I was actually glad it was on because I could stare at Suzzane who was munching down her own food and enjoy the fact that nobody was trying to talk to me. I thought she was cute, no matter what she was doing. It was strange though to see my girlfriend being given her food like a dog, into the bowl. I felt like it was demeaning to her intelligence but then again, my parents didn’t know her like I did. And another thing: the mini mare was always so grateful for the life she had with us that she rarely ever complained about anything. She’d just accept whatever life gave her and did not try to change it. It had a downside that people could easily underestimate her abilities because of that.

Is this rather submissive nature of her normal or was she treated poorly before getting to us? It made me wonder.

…I wished I could make my parents see, make everyone see, what was inside of her. Not literally of course, that I was okay with knowing only myself, but for the people to understand that she is a person. Not a dog or a creature that cannot learn to be responsible for herself, given enough space. I thought she would like that too, judging by how humanlike she acted around me, who actually supported that kind of behaviour. All the others just wanted her to be a smart dog and nothing more, so they treated her that way. Maybe with the exception of my sister because she was still a kid but it wasn’t as if she would teach Suzzane anything more than the names of her dolls and tic toc dances.

After the breakfast, when everyone went around their own business again, I found a moment to be alone with Suzzane again and I began explaining some things:

“Look, Suzie. I know that you’re happy about what’s between us and trust me, I am too. Ecstatic even. But I really need you to NOT be so informative about it, okay? Suzzan love Anon is secret.”

“Sea-clit? Sea-cwet?” She tried to pronounce it, visibly confused about the meaning of the word. 

To elaborate, I gestured with a finger between me and her, moved closer and looked around as if no one else should know and I put a finger in front of my mouth to express “hush”. Suzzane knew what hush meant because my dad preferred her quiet during movies and thanks to that, she was able to understand what I tried to communicate.

She leaned in closer to me and whispered: “Pincess Suzzan luv Anon, seeecwet.” To emphasise, she repeated the hush sign with her hoof. 

“Yes!” I whispered back with great relief and gave her a big smooch. “Now we just need to work on those “R’s” and maybe we could one day tell them about us together!” I was smiling from ear to ear, visualising that thought in my mind as I held her and fondly scritched the mare's fur. Surprisingly, things were smoothly going our way and I almost couldn’t believe it.


***


Since everything was going so well and I was bursting with love, I decided it was time to start taking my role as a boyfriend seriously and take Suzzane on a date too. To show her the world, like Alladin, except my world was quite limited, there was no flying rug and I had very little money. Nonetheless, I was hoping to make her feel special with what I had. My world was still a lot bigger than hers after all, so it was definitely going to be a step up.

Being a total virgin until yesterday, I naturally had no idea how exactly a date should take place or even where to go, so I took my inspiration from what I saw in the movies: Aquaparks, cinemas, amusement parks or a nice dinner; the most stereotypical destinations I could think of. I had an advantage of Suzzane already being mine and the fact that she had literally zero expectations, so I didn’t need to stress myself about ruining it, like I probably would if I was with a human girl. However, Suzzane being a sentient horse also had some downsides, because I doubted they would even let her into the local aquapark or a cinema. An open pool or some lake could be an option but those I knew about were all quite far away and regarding the movies, I wasn’t sure if she would even enjoy it a whole lot since she still couldn’t understand longer sentences. A 3d one might be a great experience for her but the glasses would probably not fit her head anyway. As far as dinner went, a fast food or a diner would probably be the only option because I couldn’t afford anything too expensive. I wasn't sure though if they’d even have something vegetarian for her, except just a plain salad. Suzzane would never even touch meat, as if she could tell that it once lived. 

Then there was the amusement park option. Out of those four, I figured it might be the most promising one because I not only knew where such a park was but I kind of wanted to go there myself; I just didn’t want to go alone. It was decided then. 

I probably would have taken her there straight away that Saturday afternoon but I felt like I should play it cool and not do anything out of the ordinary that day (besides the soon-to-be-routine session of teaching Suzzane new words). It was probably just paranoia but I just didn’t want to risk it anyway. So, we spent that Saturday afternoon pretty much as usual: With a long walk. I even took my sister along to alleviate any possible suspicions about me and Suzzane even further. The little girl was happy to spend some time with her pony who recently became more interested in me than her “owner”. 

Suzzane was as frisky as ever and she wasn’t getting distracted by any horny thoughts either because she was already satiated for the while. While my sister relentlessly attempted to win at Suzzane’s rigged “Come on, catch me. You can do it.” game, I had more time to plan through our date. The buses to be exact and whether they would even let someone on four legs inside. It wasn’t too long of a search though, so for most of the walk I just watched the two interact.

It made me wonder what Suzzane sees my sister as and overall, how does she perceive other people besides me. How does she perceive herself? Does she ever think about that?

I was sure that she does think about stuff sometimes. I could her do that ‘pondering frown’ sometimes while trying to figure something out. However, I knew for sure that she doesn’t spend as much time thinking over things as I do. She mostly seemed to let things flow and just rarely worried about anything. I admired that actually, and I wished for some of that carefreeness to rub onto me as well; Seeing how well it worked for her wellbeing.

It is worth mentioning that my sister was surprised that I didn’t use the leash at all and threatened to tell mom. Luckily she was a lot more reasonable than my parents and when she could see that Suzzane really doesn’t need such a thing, she promised to keep it a secret. ;A second secret promised to keep that day. 

Gotta admit, my sister really was alright.


***




The next day started very similarly as the previous one, including some finer details like Suzzane experiencing her ‘little death’ before me; thanks to my slowly growing skills of pleasuring her and thanks to her equine nature she is rather easier to please. The awkward breakfast with my parents afterwards also took place, however, the second time was a lot less stressful than the first one because I grew more confident in their obliviousness. I still didn’t take it lightly though and made sure to not leave any traces of anything that could raise a suspicion. 

Suzzane, after our little chat about secrets, thankfully didn’t do anything reckless that time either, so it was a great setup for the afternoon too. Parents were just a little bit surprised that she doesn’t show any signs of heat anymore after a single day but thank God, they did not question it. In reality, her heat lasted for almost a whole month before things calmed down but that is a telling for another time. 

Anyway, after lunch, I broke my piggy bank, which wasn’t exactly pig shaped and I didn’t exactly break it either because it had a hole on the bottom so I could use it as many times I wanted. Which was fair because who the hell wants to break a piece of porcelain that cost money, in order to access the money and have to use some of them to buy a new one, right?

But enough of that, I found out I had just a little bit more than I hoped for, which was great and I was looking forward to what was waiting for us that day. So, with no further hesitations, I announced that I’m taking Suzzane for a longer walk that day and we skeddadled before anyone could ask why or where.

Once we were out of sight, I crouched to be at the same height with Suzie, untied the collar on her neck and kissed her snoot:

“I have some special plans for us this time, honey.” I grinned.

“...Plans this tiem honey?” The mare repeated and slightly frowned, processing what could possibly be the full meaning of the sentence. “What?” She asked eventually. 

“A date! I’m taking you on a date, Suzie.” I kept on grinning as I stood up and began walking in a different direction than usual. “We’ll take a bus and visit an amusement park together.”

Suzzane definitely understood that today is going to be different and different always meant interesting, so she quickly followed after me, chirping: “What date? What taek a bus? What amoosement paik? Together Anon Suzzan!?”

“Yes! Together Anon and Suzzane!” I laughed, walking relatively fast because I wanted to be at the bus stop on time. Eventually, we even began running just for the fun of it and to burn off some of that energy Suzzane had to spend. “This here’s a bus stop.” I announced when we arrived at our destination. “And that over there-” I pointed at a bus waiting there “-that’s a bus.”

“Taek a bus!” The mare announced, already rushing towards it to show me that she understands. 

“Wait!” I had to grab her tail in order to stop her because otherwise she would just rush inside, right before the door began closing. It wasn’t a hard tug, yet I felt bad about it nonetheless when she stopped and turned around all confused: “Taek a bus,.. no?” In the meanwhile, the door closed and the metal box on wheels departed, leaving Suzzane there. “BUS!” She yelled at it.

“Aw, Suz, that was a wrong bus.” I knelt to give her a little hug to apologise. I couldn’t completely hold back a chuckle though because it was kinda funny too. 

“Wong?” She frowned at me questioningly. She knew what the word meant but it was as if she questioned the truth of my claim. To her, that bus was as good as any. 

“Yeah, our bus, the right bus will be here in-” I checked the time. “Five minutes…”

It was actually just three minutes but Suzzane understood that “five minutes” basically meant “later” so she was cool with that. 

“Fife minutes.” She nodded knowingly and sat down. I nodded back and gave her a little nuzzle. 

It was only then when I fully realised that there were two more people waiting for the next bus with us, so I stood up and tried to play it cool. Even though my face was red the whole time, I could not shake off my happy smile about being out in public with my poner girlfriend. A few months before that, I’d be embarrassed just from standing next to her but after our history,.. I was still a little bit embarrassed about cuddling her in front of them but also immensely proud. Something inside of me even wanted to demonstratively kiss her, though I figured that it would be a little too much so I didn’t do that of course.

The bus actually arrived in less than the mentioned three minutes and as soon as I spotted it I knelt down to Suzzane to show her. However, the mare saw it even earlier and before I could do that, she pointed her hoof at it, asking: “Ou-...Oua-.. Aight bus?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” I gave a thumbs up. The mare smiled back as if saying: “Nice.” and stood up.

When the vehicle docked in front of us, I let the two people go first just in case there was some kind of trouble and as if I knew it, the driver stopped us:

“Gonna have to ask you to put a leash on that thing.”

“She’s well mannered.” I tried argumenting. “And cleaner than many humans.”

“I don’t care.” The man didn’t budge in the slightest.

“Mister, trust me please, she won’t be causing any trouble.”

“Either put her on a leash or step out.” He pointed outside.

“I did already pay for the ride though.”

“That is not my problem.” 

If I wasn’t such a kid back then, I probably would have handled the situation better but I was a kid. Both body and mind. So, even though I was boiling inside, I took the collar with the leash out of my pocket and clipped it on Suzzane’s neck.

As we sat on one of the empty seats I was still angry, so angry that I didn’t even notice that Suzzane does not really care that much. Certainly not as much as I did. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t tell what the argument was about, she was smart enough to figure out that the man forced me to put the least on her. She just wouldn’t emotionally participate in the drama.

I automatically let her sit next to the window so she could see outside and I quietly cursed the asshole behind the wheel. Only when the mare laid her head on my shoulder and her touch made me glance into her eyes, did I snap back into the present moment.

“...You really do not care at all huh?” I asked her. “Don’t you feel insulted?”

To my surprise back then, the mare waved her head as a ‘no’, as if she could perfectly understand all those words. Or, at least their meaning. Then she put her hoof on my chest and softly smiled, clearly telling me to let the whole thing go. Not a single word needed to be said in order to express herself. It was one of those moments where her inner wisdom got a chance to shine through the otherwise silly outside. 

At first, I struggled with my ego because calming down felt like admitting a defeat. However, as I kept looking into her kind eyes, I really couldn’t stay mad. Not when I was looking at her face. The man was several seats away from us and if I should continue projecting my rage, I would be doing that to Suzzane, not him. Only in that realisation did I finally ease up. 

When Suzzane noticed my anger melting away, she fondly nuzzled my face and licked my cheek as an approval. I felt sincerely grateful for having her in my life at that moment. After all, forgiveness was her shield and kindness her weapon, the same tools that she carved her way into my heart with. 

“Thanks, Suzie.” I smiled and fondly touched her face. I would probably kiss her too if I wasn’t in a bus full of people so I merely hugged her. As I did, I also unclipped her collar with my free hand; Not out of spite though, but because I realised that it wasn’t even necessary anymore. - The driver couldn’t see us in the back of the bus anyway. In a way, we both got what we wanted.

And so, Suzzane got to enjoy her first ride in a bus, which proved to be entertaining for her too because it was the only time (if I don’t include her way home in a car) that she was in a moving vehicle. However, the sightseeing tour through the city was merely the start of her adventure because we still had the amusement park to explore. 

We stepped off the bus at a stop that was merely one or two hundred metres away from the amusement park entrance. It visibly stood out from its surroundings already and Suzzane understood that it was our destination so she naturally headed that way. However, as soon as we entered inside and the mare actually got to see all the attractions, her jaw dropped a bit. 

“Amoosement?” She glanced at me in thrilled disbelief, making 100% sure it was the place that I mentioned.

“Yeah.” I chuckled, scratching the back of my head. “I sort of wanted to go here myself but I didn’t want to go alone. I figured if we went together, it would be a win win.” 

“Togetha, win win.” She gave me a toothy grin and indicated with her head that we should go already. Naturally, she rushed first but not too fast to lose me. There were too many people and none of us wanted to get separated.

At first Suzzane would zoom from place to place, taking in the sight of all those new things: A colourful carousel with seats that actually looked a little like the mare herself, a big carousel that moved so fast that at one point it was hard to keep track of individual people, a candy selling stand with all kinds of strange looking and smelling sugary sweetnesses, a scary looking pendulum ride with people screaming as it swings up and down and twists around, and of course: the bumper cars.

“Sooozan?” the mare longingly pointed her hoof at the two seat vehicles, moving around and crashing into each other in their little arena.

“Huh, wanna go there?” I grinned at the pony. She suddenly seemed a little shy to ask. My answer encouraged her though and in reply she quickly nodded:

“Suz!”

“Let’s go then!” I stepped into the short waiting line “I’m sure they’ll let us in both, no problem.”

And, just as I expected, nobody even asked about me, taking a miniature mare with me into the car. Not even when I sat her into the driver’s seat and put her hoofs on the steering wheel.

“Okay, so this pedal is forward…” I gestured forwards with my hand while using my other hand to put Suzzane’s leg on the pedal. “And  the left one is backwards.” I showed her the same way. “This is for steering.” I moved the steering wheel from left to right. “...Think you can handle it?”

Suzzane stepped on both of the pedals for starters, then each one individually a few times. With a visible concentration on her face, the tip of her tongue poked out as she put her hoof on the steering wheel and tried turning it. While she was trying to figure it out though, they started the ride, the electricity began flowing and our car began rapidly reversing because Suzzane forgot to let go of the left pedal. Before I could do anything to stop her, we went through half of the arena and stopped only because of the wall. With a thud, the force propelled us into the seats and for a second, there was a horrified shock in the mare’s face. With eyes still wide open, she glanced at me and announced:

“Beckwaeds.”

For merely a second, I was worries whether that wasn’t a traumatising experience for her but I was quickly led out of the misconception when she announced “Foewads! Wheeee!” and slapped the right pedal with all her might. 

In all that excitement, Suzzane completely forgot to steer so I had to grab the wheel in order for us to not crash immediately thanks to the mare’s erratic driving. 

The best part about bumper cars is the initial acceleration because they do not go very fast once they reach maximum speed, which Suzzane quickly understood, so she began slapping the pedals randomly, the car jerking forwards and backwards like a rodeo for a while. It was kinda silly but it was her utterly first driving experience and I didnt want to spoil her fun with any lectures. As for me, merely watching her crash, laugh, giggle and have a great time, brought me more joy than all bumper cars in the world. Seeing her happy made me happy too.

After Suzzane was done with jerking the car back and forth, she finally decided it was time to go in one direction and thankfully decided to go with the forward one. First we made a single circle around the arena thanks to my steering. And after that, I took her front hooves and laid them on the steering wheel. 

“Come on, Suzie, try it!” I laughed. “You can do it.”

With merely a little hint of uncertainty in otherwise determined face, the mini daredevil put her appendages on the round thingy. A good start. The next second she clumsily turned it all the way right, stepping on the left pedal at the same time. The car began wildly reversing in a circle and her chaotic fun began anew. Being able to control the direction was pretty much literally a whole new dimension, although it was the domain where Suzzane struggled. However, it only proved to be more fun because of it. Using hoofs to turn a steering wheel is like using a fist, which isn’t impossible but not exactly the best choice either. Combined with Suzzane’s reckless movements, let’s say she was a menace. We were constantly crashing and bumping into walls and other cars too and I got to watch people’s shocked faces when they realised they just got violently rammed by a tiny pegas. They mostly took it sportingly though because it is the risk you have to take when you drive a bumper car. Someone will eventually ram you and going around in circles is boring anyway.

However, as quickly as the fun began, the same quickly it ended. Just when it seemed like Suzzane was finally getting a grip on the thing, it stopped.

“...Suz?” She glanced at me with a little bit of guilt in her face, probably wondering whether it wasn’t her fault that everybody stopped.

“Nah it’s just the end. Wanna have another go?” I gestured steering the wheel or leaving.

You can guess which option the mare picked. Of course we had another round. Suzzane could probably do with the third go as well but I had a limited budget and wanted to try something else too. So, after the second ride, we got up and searched for something new. Along the way, I bought us a small portion of cotton candy which interested Suzzane greatly because it was unlike any edible substance that she ever had before. As much as she wasn’t exactly into sweets, we definitely had our fun with it.

And then, we found the thing we were looking for, even though we did not know it yet. Something that Suzzane fell in love with at the first sight: A big roller coaster with two loops. From the sparks in her eyes when she stopped in awe, watching the carts speed around, I already knew that we’ll be going there.

“Wanna try that Suzie?” I asked.

“Suzzan!” She glanced at me with eyes almost glittering in expectation. I sincerely hoped there wouldn't be any restrictions as far as who can enter. 

Upon buying the tickets, the man asked me: “You’ll be taking that thing on our ride? Really?”

“Yeah. It’s her birthday.” I lied. In truth, I had do idea when Suzzane’s birthday was. “She always wanted to try one of those.”

“Damn, you better strap her up tight and make sure she stays in the seat. Got it? It’s at your own risk.” The man tapped a sign that specified that they aren’t responsible for any injuries caused by negligence of safety instructions.

“Thanks! I’ll sure do.” I smiled, ecstatic about my success and already on my way towards our cart. There, I helped the excited Suzzane with her seatbelt and sat down behind her because all the seats next to each other were already taken. It was a bit of a bummer but I was glad they let her there in the first place. 

The ride started slow as it always does but soon it began speeding up to a point that a weaker individual might start feeling nauseous. Suzzane was no weaker individual though because I could hear her in front me, enjoying the ride to the fullest. As much as I enjoyed it myself, I wished to be next to her too which proved to be a crucial thing because then I could probably stop what happened next. At some point when the carts were doing their last circle around the coaster, slowing down but not entirely, Suzzane must have managed to break free from the seatbelts because I saw her getting up prematurely. There must have been some primordial flying instinct inside of her that just kicked in because, to my absolute horror, she suddenly stood up and spread her tiny wings. Even though they were not big enough to lift off and carry her body upwards, they were big enough for the wind to pick her up and send her gliding in a straight line as the cart went into its final turns.

All I could do was yell: "Suzzan, no! Wait!" But she was already gone with a "Eeeeeeee!" that started out excited but progressed into horror when Suzzan recalled that she was afraid of heights. The last I saw of her was her tail, disappearing behind my back as the carts went into the turn and then I heard a crash.

Completely mortified, I unclipped the belts as fast as I could and I sprang up from the seat to jump down from the slowly stopping cart. Before anyone could stop me, I leaped over the railing and I rushed in the direction that Suzzan had disappeared. Some man was running after me but I didn't even look back. The only thing that mattered was finding Suzzane.

Of course, the worst kind of thoughts were racing through my head those two horrible minutes, telling me she's probably dead or horribly mangled. It wasn't a sight I could take to see after what we've been through but I knew I had to find her nonetheless. If there was a chance to do something to save her from dying the most stupid death, I’d do it. 

I didn’t have to run too far to see the place of Suzzane’s crash because we weren’t actually that high up above the ground at the time of her taking off. It was a candy stand with a tent roof that collapsed, underneath it was trapped an angry and confused man, swearing and trying to find his way out and somewhere in the middle of it: 

"Suzzane! Fucking Christ, what were you thinking? Are you alright?" I knelt to the mare that just managed to untangle herself from the mess she made; A few pieces of candy still hanging from her mane. Judging from the dumb grin on her face, I figured that by some miracle nothing actually happened to her. 

There wasn't a time to question her though because the roller coaster man was still after us and there was no way I was going to find out what he wanted. I guessed it wasn’t anything nice anyway.

So, I quickly snatched the mare and continued running away with her in my arms. I have to say it took all my strength and adrenaline but eventually, I managed to lose him in the crowd and just to be completely sure, I kept running until I was out of the amusement park and only stopped when I found myself in a nearby park. There I laid Suzzane onto the grass and collapsed next to her, trying to catch my breath.

While gasping for air, my eyes were fixed on the sun above me that decorated the azure blue sky and if I wasn’t concentrating on not dying, I might have appreciated the sight too. However, it wasn’t long when the shine got overshadowed by a pony face, worriedly standing looming over me. 

"...Anon wun fast." She told me and nudged my face with her snoot, trying to determine whether I'm okay. 

"Jeez, you'll be the death of me." I grumbled but I was also kind of flattered by the compliment. What she said was absolutely on point though because outrunning a fit looking man would be a no mean feat by itself but outrunning a fit looking man while holding a 35 kg of a colourful horse in my arms felt like a goddamn miracle. 

Overall, I was more glad that we both survived than I was angry. So glad, I actually began laughing out loud at how absurdly lucky we were. "Suzzane, you are fucking crazy, I hope you know that." I chuckled while getting myself up to inspect her. "Are you alright? No broken bones? Does nothing hurt?"

When I looked at her in detail, I saw that she had a little bruise on her rump, which she probably must have somehow landed on, but other than that, she was completely fine. I hoped that the man underneath her was also okay but I presumed that if he had energy to swear, it probably wasn’t that bad.

"I think that's the last time in a good while that we're visiting the amusement park. Something tells me they won't be too fond of us there if we return."

"Amoosement, fun!" Suzzane exclaimed, pony-kissing my face before I managed to get up.

"Yeah, but no more." I chuckled. "We probably ought to go home..."

"Home..?" The mare's smile slightly turned upside down as she looked around the blooming park around us. "...But hewe, bootiful." 

It was true, the park was indeed beautiful and since nobody was chasing us, there probably wouldn't be any harm in staying a little longer. I reconsidered:

"Hmmm, alright then but let's look for some food first. I'm starving and I think that I deserve some reward for saving our asses back there." I grinned.

There was a kebab stand quite nearby in the park so I went straight there. It was the closest thing I knew about and not too bad of a choice either. I could get a kebab while Suzzane could have some salad with a dressing. However, when we actually got there, I noticed that their vegetarian menu had grown since the last time I went there. Or maybe it was the same, I just didn’t even bother to look there before. Anyway, they had falafel durum and burek sticks with salad too, so I bought one of each.

Content with my choice, I headed towards a nice bench by the park pond to sit down and eat.

Suzzane must have been hungry too or just simply curious because as soon as I opened it, she tried to get a whiff of the food. 

“Which one do you want? Or do we go halfsies?” I pretended to cut the food with my hand and give each of us a half.

“Halfsies. Suzzan, Anon.” The mare smiled. I knew she’d say that but at least I could teach her a new word that way.

We’ve started with the durum. I split it in half and gave my lovely autistic girlfriend the slightly smaller part. She was, after all, tinier than an average human. I presumed she’d like the durum but I didn’t know she’d like it as much as she did. Upon the first bite, she actually closed her eyes to relish the thing and shook the thing between her hoofs to emphasise.

“Bootiful!” She exclaimed when she finished chewing. “Fun!” She could probably think of even more positive words for it, most of which wouldn’t typically be used to describe food, but instead she just took another bite. That time a bigger one. 

Seeing how much she liked that, I decided to leave her my own half as well and grab one of the burek sticks. I never had those before and to my own surprise, they were delicious. Inside, there was some kind of cheese and spinach but in the combination with the salad and the dressing, they were amazing. I tried giving one of them to Suzzane but she seemed to like the durum more, so in the end, each of us had our own food. 

When we were done eating, I felt like laying down somewhere so I picked myself up and walked even further towards the water, spreading myself on the fresh green grass. Soon I heard the clopping of Suzzane’s hoofs, coming to join me there. The mare laid herself right next to me and cuddled up to my chest. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her and let out a pleasant sigh. The atmosphere was pleasant and cosy, the sun was gentle, birds were singing… 

‘Man what a great first date.’ I thought and squeezed Suzzane a little bit tighter.
> Like burning the ocean
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

About two months had passed since my relationship with Suzzane had grown from friends to something more than that. We were partners, best friends, lovers and even though I had to hide what was between us in front of my parents, I never once regretted taking that step further. It felt like I was finally truly living the life I yearned for in the depths of my soul. 

Suzzane has taught me a lot in regard to keeping my cool and avoiding getting stressed or angry because of pointless things and I… Well, I showed her some of the better things in life than just sitting at home.

Since our first date, I began taking her to new places regularly. The little money I’d occasionally make or receive, I spent on making memories together and I also dusted off my old bicycle so that we could move at the same tempo; Keeping us both fit too! 

Speaking of things keeping us fit, I should probably mention how long Suzzane’s heat lasted in the end because no one actually knew it back then. At first I was worried it might be like with actual horses: Approximately every 4th week for a whole week. Then again, Suzzane wasn’t exactly an actual horse, so it wasn’t true in her case. In reality, it lasted about two weeks (big wow) and hasn’t come back in almost a year. It was kind of a lucky situation for me because I got to sate my own newfound thirst for her, which was as seemingly unquenchable as hers: We were regularly going at it at least once, but sometimes even four times a day. 

However, after those two weeks I felt like I couldn’t keep up with her in the long term if she should be horny like that all the time and I was actually kind of glad that it eventually ended. Then it became more of a “Once or twice a week” kinda thing and I’d say it was a healthy change for both of us. It was where I learned that in reality, you don’t want a relationship centred about a single thing; no matter how good that thing might be. Especially when there were so many other things which we loved doing together that we almost began neglecting just to find some time for a quick fuck. In retrospect, it was a miracle we didn’t get caught once but I guess that’s just how fate works. It holds the door for you and then it kicks you in the back.

Anyway, enough about that. There are other things worth mentioning: I had my 18th birthday so I was legally an adult if you could call me that.  The spring steadily transitioned into a warm summer and it was ideal weather to spend our days outside, which we mostly did. Suzzane has learned to use a dance pad as a controller so if the weather happened to suck, we could actually play some easier games in co-op mode inside - which was mind blowing for me. Never before have I had a player two. I could speak about my excitement for hours but I’ll restrain myself here.

You can imagine that if Suzzane could learn to play vydia with me, that her speaking abilities grew further too. Which you’d be right about, but it was a lengthy process. It’s basically like learning a whole new language from scratch and without a proper translator. It takes a lot of time. Especially when it isn’t always your main concern, because Suzzane was often content with using just her body language (which I learned to read quite well) and resorted to speaking when she wanted to discuss something specific or ask about something. Her dictionary got quite wide though, compared to what she started with and I was really proud of her. Her sentence building wasn’t that great though.

To my great disappointment, my parents barely noticed any of her progress. It might have been that they didn’t even want to believe that she could learn to speak. Maybe it was in fear of having to perceive her differently than just a smart dog, so that when she actually constructed a basic sentence in front of them, they thought that she was merely parroting something from me, or my sister. However, I believed that one day it’ll become so obvious that no one could possibly deny her sentience. I was convinced that she will indeed learn to speak fluently one day and she will tell them everything herself. I didn’t want to push Suzzane too much though and I preferred  let her learn at her own pace. The worst thing I could do was stressing her out about not progressing fast enough. 

Then there was that one fateful day when she blew my mind with two things at the same time though. It was a Thursday evening and I was on my PC while Suzzane was somewhere with my parents. It wasn’t unusual, the mare would still spend time with other members of the family. Suddenly though, she stormed into my room and announced her discovery:

“Suzzan not pinces! Suzzan wife! Suzzan ma-uhh, mawr-.. maRRy Anon!”  

“Marry? Where did you learn tha- Wait..” I turned around in my chair “Did you just nail that “R”? 

“Suzzane marry Anon! All…” She proudly agreed and stood up on her hind legs to draw circles with her front hooves “All happiee! No secw-... No secret! YES.”

I was baffled by both of those things. She must have learned to pronounce the R’s while trying to say the word “marry” but I had no idea where did she learn about such a thing as a marriage in the first place. So, I tried asking, using as few words as possible to get a straight answer:

“Where Suzzane learn?”

“Suzzane saw! TV, Movie. Come!” The excited mare led me towards the living room. I stopped before entering and merely peaked through the door to see what was going on. However, the movie must have already ended because we merely saw the credits rolling. Suzzane seemed a little disappointed about not being able to show me what she meant but I could easily picture it already. It must have been one of those movies where parents don’t approve of a romatic relationship their kid has but then something happens to make them change their mind and the movie ends with a marriage where all the naysayers reconcile.

“...Suzzane marry Anon?” The mare glanced at me pleadingly, as if it would solve all the things in the universe. 

Needless to say, I didn’t have the heart nor ability to explain that no priest (besides those in neon chapels of Las Vegas) would wed us and even if he did, it wouldn’t solve a lot. So, naturally, I closed the door completely so that they wouldn’t see us from the living room, knelt down to be at my four legged girlfriend’s eye level and gave her a little kiss:

“Yes, I will marry you, Suzie.”

In response, she put her hooves on my shoulders and excitedly kissed me back. In the human manner even, I should specify. Just like in the movies. My sweet and naive Suzzane.

I sincerely hoped that my promise wouldn’t backfire at me in some manner in the future. 




***




Since then, I did not hear about the marriage thingy for some time. I presumed that Suzzane either considered that a finished thing or that she understood if it should ever happen, it will be in the far future. 

It wasn’t as if I wouldn’t marry her though, given the chance. I loved her with my whole heart, regardless of the fact that she wasn’t a human. I wouldn’t ever want anyone else, even if Suzzane never learned to speak properly. I knew that she was my soulmate, however, I did not see marriage as a possible thing for us at the moment.

Suzzane had a different idea though and already began plotting some way to make it happen. Ten days later on Saturday, after lunch, she came to my room in a white dress that probably belonged to my sister and announced:

“Anon, come marry Suzzane!”

Before I could reply, my sister popped up next to her and added: “Get your best suit big bro, the altar is waiting.”

“Excuse me, what?” I stared at them, unable to comprehend why the hell was my sister with her.

“Suzzane told me is going to marry you so I arranged it for her!” She clarified as if it was a completely normal thing to do. “Will you keep the bride waiting?”

It seemed that Suzzane trusted my sister enough to tell her about this. I just hoped that she didn’t tell her about anything else. The kid was way too small to even think about the “adult stuff” and I did not want to be the reason of her childish innocence getting corrupted. So far, she had no idea how babies are really being made. Not that we could have any with Suzie but you get the point. 

“Bro, are you even there?” My sister waved her hand in front of me to snap me out. “Will you do that for her? The ceremony is taking place in my room in 15 minutes! Get ready!”

With that, Suzzane gave me one last excited smile and trotted off with the little girl.

Man, what exactly did I get myself into? I wondered.

As I said, I wouldn’t mind marrying Suzzane. However, I wouldn’t want the celebrant to be my little sister. Hell, I’d prefer if she wasn’t present at all, should a real wedding ever happen. I didn’t want to twist her expectations of what a married pair should look like, given the fact that me and Suzzane were quite an “unusual” pair. However, I didn’t want to disappoint Suzzane either, knowing that it probably meant more to her than it should. Poor girl still didn’t know too well just how the human world works.How immensely complicated we make some things for ourselves…

My head was a mess but in that chaos that was flowing through my mind, I found myself searching for that suit which my parents bought me for the formal activities. I guessed it was decided then, after all, I indeed shouldn’t keep the bride waiting.

So, I donned the white shirt, coat and pants and I went towards my sister’s room. My heart was beating more than it probably should, partly in fear of getting caught, partly from cringe, partly from sincere excitement, even though it was a fake ceremony.

When I opened the door to my sister’s room, I was actually surprised by how much work they did on making the room look like a wedding place. Of course, the altar was made of old books and the guests were just plush toys. Suzzane’s wedding attire didn’t exactly fit her and the veil was just someone’s white handkerchief. The rose petals on the floor were in fact lego - which wasn’t exactly a good idea.

Then again, for Suzzane it was real and in a way, it was. Because she wanted it to be. So, I walked the lego path towards my bride and I kneeled to be at the same height with her. The mare grinned proudly from under the veil. 

My sister, who was standing behind the altar, began very clumsily reading the text she prepared about whether Suzzane wants to marry me in good and bad, poor and rich, etc, etc. And, when she finally laid the question, Suzzane exclaimed: “Yes!”

Then she moved onto me, reading the same thing again and this time a little bit better because it was her second time. When she finished, all four eyes glanced at me:

I couldn’t help but to chuckle over the sheer absurdity of what was happening but I still said it with a happy smile that I didn’t even have to force:

“Yes, I do.”

“In that case, I pronounce you husband and wife!” My sister declared “You can exchange rings.”

I didn’t have a ring for Suzzane. Not only would it not fit her hoof but I wouldn’t even have money for such stuff; If I actually had the time to buy one before the last minute ceremony. Though, I did grab a wristband bracelet on the way to her room, to have something at least. It was an adjustable leather strip with some engravings and a few decorated steel pins. Hardly a wedding ring but Suzzane seemed immensely happy when I clipped it on her hoof. 

In return, Suzzane gave me a little silver ring that she had in her hoof the whole time and only after I gave her the bracelet, did she reveal it by dropping it in my palm.

I was actually kinda surprised by it, wondering where she got it, but since it was so small that it only fit my pinky, I figured she got it from my sister. It was nice of her nonetheless. When I put it on, the little girl announced:

“You may now kiss the bride.” Then she added with a whisper: “At least pretend or she’ll be sad.”

“Alright, but turn around.” I gestured a circle with my finger. “It’s already an embarrassing situation you got me into.”

“Alright alright.” The little girl did so and I lifted the handkerchief off Suzzane’s face.

She was as pretty as ever but that happy smile managed to make her look even better. Without hesitation, I kissed the bride and she kissed me. While Suzzane still liked to lick my face in affection, we did practise human kissing many times before, so it wasn’t even any sloppy kiss. I’d almost forgot about my sister behind us if she didn’t remind me of herself:

“Can I turn around now? What’s taking so long?... Are you really kissing or something?”

“Uhm, no, of course not. I just uh,.. wanted to pretend convincingly.” I wrapped my arm around the gleeful pony and pulled her closer.

“Uhuuh…” The girl furrowed her brow for a second “Anyway what comes next after a wedding?”

“Well, usually a feast and then a honeymoon I guess. But, we already had lunch so I’d skip straight to the honeymoon and take Suzzane for a walk.” I grinned at Suzzane. 

“Suz! Suzzane waif now.”

“So that’s it I guess. I thought there would be something more. Shame that mom and dad didn’t come, there would be congratulations… things like that. At least Suzzane’s happy.”

“You’ve invited them?!” I blurted with a bit too audible panic in my voice upon hearing it.

“Duh, parents should be present at the wedding. Our parents are busy thought and I don‘t know Suzzane’s parents, so it’s just us.”

“It might be a good thing.” I cringed slightly over the thought. Considering that they didn’t come, it must have meant that they didn’t have the slightest suspicions about anything.“I wouldn’t go through this if they were present.”

“I thought you liked Suzzane? Look how happy she is.” My sister smiled at the still grinning pony, eager to get out of here and celebrate.

“Yeah, but having our parents here would be wayyy over the top.”

“I think it would be cool! And I think I’m going to be a wedding planner or a priest when I grow up.”

“Probably the first one rather than the second.” I chuckled. “Anyway, I think I’ll go outside now.”

“Can I come with?”

“If you can keep up, sure. I am taking the bike though.”

“I don’t like bicycles. I fell once.” The little girl frowned. 

“You just gotta keep practising then.” I tousled her hair and stood up, picking Suzzane into my arms like a real bride. “You’ll learn to like it, don’t worry.” I added, speaking over my shoulder as I was already on my way. “Yeah and thanks, for Suzzane. It really did make her happy.”

“No probs!”


…


Suzzane and I went for a long bicycle ride after that, far behind the fields where we had our first, or was it the second walk? Also, I was the one riding a bicycle but you get the idea. The mare is fast on her own. What I wanted to say is that we found a forest that we’ve never been to before. A pretty place where you can easily forget that you’re merely 6 km away from the city outskirts where I lived. Since we didn’t take any resting pauses on the way either, we decided to have one (a longer one that is) there. Suzzane found the perfect place for it too:

There was a spot in the middle of the beech forest, no bigger than a family house, where no trees grew and instead there was a carpet of soft green grass. It was almost as if it was begging you to lay down there and rest. The sun glimmered through the branches, creating a perfect compromise between the shade of the forest and the heat of the open space. And, in the middle of it, there was some kind of a big, smooth rock that you could sit on if you got tired of the grass. …Or suddenly got scared of ticks. It was also pretty much the only place where the sun shined directly, so it was warm to touch.

Suzzane climbed right on top of it of course, as is her nature, and proclaimed:

"Rest! Here!"

Then she proceeded to do something that almost resembled a sideways flip and landed on her back in the grass. Naturally, I rushed to check whether she was okay but I found her already stretched out and comfortable with a content expression on her face. I began suspecting that she has some kind of immunity towards falling damage.

It was decided then. I laid myself right next to my silly, nilly, lovely horse wife and grabbed her hoof into my hand. We stared quietly together at the sky above us, encircled by the leafy treetops, gently swaying and rustling in the wind. It was the kind of sight that I'd probably miss out on if the mare never entered my life. I'd probably be at home, staring at the screen instead. It made me appreciate the small mare by my side even more. 

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I eyed onto her, moving my head closer to hers, so that I could feel her mane in my hair. 

"Mhmm, beautiful." She replied with perfect pronunciation this time, returning the smile I gave her. 

The things were perfect and I wanted to engrave that picture of us, laying there in the grass into my memory. That feeling of everything making sense and belonging. So that I could escape here in times when the presence won't be so ideal. For some reason I had a feeling that times like these can't always be taken for granted...

We stayed there a lot longer than I initially planned, it might have even been almost an hour over which we very slowly transitioned into an embrace and eventually fell asleep for a while. However, to me it felt like I didn't leave that place, not even in my dreams. 

Waking up didn't feel that much like waking but rather as if flowing back into my body, if that makes sense. The term "wake up", which often means springing up at the sound of an alarm at 6 in the morning,.. it feels too violent compared to the way I drifted back. 

This was all nice, gentle and soft. Just like the fair creature next to me. She had her eyes partly open, conscious but still half asleep; something in between the two worlds. The sun was still high above us and I kissed her snoot, nuzzling her till she returned my affection with a smile and a few lazy licks over my lips. One of which said licks went through my lips and into my mouth. I have to admit, even such a trivial thing somehow awoke arousement inside of me and the next second I could feel a "not-exactly-morning” wood rising in my pants. Then again, it was our honeymoon, so I didn't exactly resist it that much. I returned her the kiss instead and with growing hunger for her, I began slowly slipping lower down her body, brushing my face over her fur along the way. Suzzane didn't resist me, realising where I was going with that, she actually put her hoof on my head, stroking my hair the way I would do to her when she gave me oral pleasure. It wasn't the very first time I did that for her but it was the first time that I went there immediately after waking up. Her legs lazily opened up for me when I buried my face between her thighs, just enough for my head to slip in between them and my hands wrapped around her. With my mouth and my tongue, I went straight for the pearl.

I took it slow, but thorough, to make sure my lover will be satisfied even before I serve the main course to her. Only after she was properly awake, her whole body quivering after clamping my head between her thighs and after I tasted her nectar by a mouthful, did I finally pull my shorts all the way down to keep them clean and went straight inside of her dripping wet peach with my already eager member. 

It started out as a missionary but with each pump, I leaned lower and lower towards the mare until I sort of collapsed onto her so that our bodies would touch as much as possible. Though, I didn’t want to squish the pony who was half my weight, so I grabbed her into embrace and we fell onto our sides. 

We held each other close and tight, bare bodies touching, our hot breaths exchanging from one set of lungs to another and our eyes connected the whole time. 

Oh yes it was blissful, so blissful I didn’t even think about where we are. It was a garden of Eden for me at the moment and Suzzane was my Eve. Then, when I was getting close towards my limit of how much pleasure my body can take, I went for a deep, passionate kiss. 

A mouthful of Suzzane’s tongue, fireworks in my brain, spasms of pleasure in my body, a heat of the sun on my back, birds chirping all around,.. an amazing way to make love for the first time as a husband and a wife. Oh yes, I thought so too. That is, until I noticed one little detail that made the situation a whole lot less than an ideal:

When I let go from the kiss and opened my eyes, I spotted something behind Suzzane’s head. Even through her dishevelled mane and with eyes, dazy from all that, I could visibly tell it was a human figure with a dog on the leash. The next second, when I actually focused my confused vision, I could even make out that it was some lady in her 40’s or 50’ and the horrified expression she glanced at me when our eyes met.

All I could do was cringe both internally and externally, unable to move a single inch, just like the unwilling peeping Tom next to us that just stood there, as if the whole world was lagged in place. That was when Suzzane noticed something was wrong and she turned her head the same direction to see it as well. 

“Suzzane and Anon married. No secret. All happy!” she announced gleefully when her eyes connected with those of the shock-frozen woman.

That must have been too much for her because it was when she finally snapped out of her momentary brain short circuit, turned around and ran away, pulling the curious dog behind her.

I have to admit, like many things in life, it would be kinda funny to watch the scene play out if you weren’t one of the actors. Needless to say that the magic of the moment was broken and replaced with paranoia and shame. One that Suzzane took no part in because she apparently thought it was okay to french kiss and even have sex in front of others, since we became husband and wife. Technically, it wouldn’t be that bad if the marriage was official and Suzzane wasn’t a beautiful, gorgeous and intelligent, yet still a four legged mare.

In panic, I quickly pulled out from my wife who was still confused by my sudden acting, watching me as I rushed to put my clothes back on. 

“Man, how could I be so stupid? Of course someone could wander in here! It’s the fucking weekend, sun is shining and this is the closest actual forest you can take you dog to! Why why why!” I gibbered to myself while struggling with the shirt and shorts. “The damn woman must have seen everything, what am I going to do?!”

“Su-.. Um, Anon?” Suzzane’s hoof on my shoulder snapped me out of it so hard that I almost yanked. “Arr yuu okay?” She added a sentence that she must have heard in many movies but haven’t used a lot.

“No, I’m not okay Suzie.” I facepalmed myself instead. “This isn’t good. Not good at all. She could live somewhere nearby. If I ever see her again, she’ll know.”

“But, Suzzane wife nao! Anon and Suzzane married.” The mare furrowed her brows. “...No?”

“Suzie, my love... “ I sighed. “It doesn’t work like that. The wedding was not even real. Nobody would ever wed us. We might be in big trouble now.”

“Wedding not real?” The mare raised her hoof, one with the bracelet I gave her instead of a wedding ring and she glanced at it. “But-...”

With all the mess in my head, explaining stuff to Suzzane suddenly felt extremely difficult. The scared little man that wanted to take over just wanted her to be quiet and I let him win when I yelled:  "Look, love is not enough okay?! People will not accept this! A pretended wedding is not going to change that I-...I…" 

That was when I glanced into her shocked eyes as she stepped back away from me and I recalled the last time I actually lashed out at her. Back then, when her heat started. She looked just the same. And I promised myself not to ever do that again. That’s why I instantly deflated, going from angry to just sad, guilty and pathetic.

“...I’m sorry Suzie.” I finally broke the silence that felt way longer than it actually was. “I am an idiot. A proper one. I probably don’t even deserve you, that’s why I got so scared of losing you because of what happened, that I almost chased you away myself.”

Suzzane, with her gaze turned toward the ground, moved a little bit closer to where I sat down on the ground and she sat next to me: “Suzan also idiot.”

“What?” I looked at her in shock. “No, you’re not! I am the idiot here.” My thumb bumped onto my chest, making an audible ‘thud’ sound, then my pointing finger pointed at the mare. “You are clever and wise! Wiser than me, you just… didn’t know. And I didn’t tell you. I guess I should fix that. Tell you the truth.”

“Truth?”

“Yeah. Look sunshine,.. the wedding ceremony wasn’t real, it wasn’t “official”. But even if it was, I think it would not help or solve anything.”

“Wedding not real. Suzzane no waif.” She frowned and glanced at the bracelet on her hoof, about to pull it down.

“Wait, Suzie.” I held her hoof to stop her. “Look, the wedding wasn’t official but it was real for me.” My hand, decorated with the ring that she gave me, hovered in front of her eyes “This is real for me. I will never take this off You ARE my wife and I love you.” I kissed her hoof that was still in my hand and I gently caressed it as I continued: “It’s just that people, including my parents, especially them, they will not understand. Not yet.”

Although Suzzane didn't say anything, from her face I knew she finally understood all of it. It must have been a lot to take in for her as well because that whole time, she actually naively believed that staging a wedding ceremony in my sister's room will solve all our problems. 

I really don't think it was stupid of her, the way she connected the dots the wrong way. She just really wanted it to solve this but she had no idea how the human world works. 

We sat there quietly together for a few more minutes, just gently holding each other. Processing, reconciling in our heads. 

Meanwhile, another person passed by too. Come to think, it was a miracle that it was just one person who saw us before. Or maybe there was more, I just didn't pay attention. I tried not to think about it any more though, even though I felt that it might come back to bite me. The fact alone was bad enough and I knew I shouldn’t ruin our present moments with the fear of the future. However, it was still in the back of my mind and I couldn’t get it out. Especially when we bumped into other people. 

My original plan was to get something to eat before going home but since I was afraid of getting seen in public, we went straight home. Suzzane could probably feel my worries as well because she was awfully quiet on the way. That, or maybe she was just thinking of a different way to solve our problem because later she cheered up again. I did too, especially when we got back home and my parents were acting as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I quickly grabbed something for us to eat and I walked with Suzzane by my side towards my room to eat it there together from one plate as usual. On the way, she kept eyeing my parents so I said:

“Maybe one day, you might tell them yourself. Not now though,.. they probably won't take you seriously before you’ll learn to speak like them.”

The mare returned me a grin as if she understood exactly what was needed of her…
> Quicksand
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since our private marriage, which also happened to be the day when we got caught in an extravagant act of forbidden love by a random stranger, Suzzane started to put bigger efforts into learning how to speak. Of course, it wasn’t as if we needed it to communicate with each other, we could always share a lot of thoughts even without words. However, the clever mare caught on the idea of convincing my parents to actually listen to her when she’s trying to tell them something important. Such as: That she’s actually way more sentient than they give her credit for and that we’re in love. Then again, until she could argue with them properly without my help, they’d likely think I’m just making her parrot the stuff that I taught her myself. So, she still had a long way to go before she could tell them.

I noticed Suzzane’s increased endeavour quickly. For instance: She began asking me more often about the meaning of certain words and she had also started using her voice to communicate way more often than before. 

We could sometimes spend hours together without Suzzane needing to resort to speaking; using more than a single or two word sentence. She could usually make do with her body language and only an occasional word. 

Things suddenly changed though. For instance, she would suddenly try to tell me about her day after I returned from school. The first time she tried, it went like:

“Hello Anon, Suzzane see burd at garden. Big AND blue, yes. Try touch but fly awa-way.”

She then sat there with a wide smile, waiting for my verdict.

Needless to say, I was  immensely proud of her and it was also adorable as hell. It was not enough though. I wish I could say that a week later she came to my parents and and with excellent pronunciation announced:

"Dear mother and father of Anon, it is high time I tell you that me and your son are deeply in love. I know this is rather unconventional as he is a human and I am of a different, yet same intelligent and passionate species. However, our hearts can't be told otherwise because they beat as one! Would you kindly give us your blessing?"

And they would be like:

"Oh well,.. yes this is rather unconventional from the traditional point of view, but we can see from your display of speech that you indeed are a lot more than the colourful dog we assumed you to be. With a little effort on our side, maybe we could get over the fact that you happen to walk on four legs and accept the strange, however pure, bond of love between you and our son. 

We have decided to give you our blessing."

Of course, that isn’t exactly what happened. Suzzane barely scraped the surface of making longer sentences but her ultimate test came way too early and way too pressingly…

It was a friday afternoon and I just returned from school. I barely managed to greet Suzzane and my sister when my dad returned from his work, looking awfully stern. The first thing he did was that he sent my sister to her room and ordered me to stay in the kitchen. I already knew something was wrong but I had hoped it would be merely because of school. You see, I only had about a week left of school before the summer holiday would start and I didn't exactly ‘nail’ the last maths test, so I expected my final grade to be somewhat less than savoury. It would make sense that my father would be mad about it, and it has been almost two weeks since we got caught by the dog lady. I really thought that after such a long time, it wouldn’t come back to bite me. That maybe, the protective hand that felt like it was above us, would keep us from harm's way forever; or, at least until we’d be ready and prepared to take that step ourselves. 

However, from the expression on my dad’s face, I feared that it wouldn't be the case. It was as if I was looking at a stranger. There was not even a hint of his usual good hearted undertone while trying to scold me about something that made my mother mad. A cold shiver ran up my spine as I realised that my second worst fear in life might actually be coming to reality right before me. Suzzane probably did not see the heaviness of the situation even though she definitely sensed that something was off. The mare sat on the ground next to me, as if wanting to support me in whatever was going to happen. 

“Anon, certain ‘news’ have come to my attention today at work.” The way my father started, I already knew I was fucked. “A mother of my colleague supposedly saw, in her own words: ‘someone shagging one of those new mini horses they began selling this year’. It was supposedly in the forest not too far from here and that someone also had a bicycle with him. Of course, she would not recognize his face but people know that we are the only ones in the neighbourhood who own a creature like Suzzane. Also, people at my workplace know that I have a son who spends a considerable lot of his time with our pet. Often out on a bicycle! Do you know why?”

My head began spinning and every molecule of my body inched me to run. It took a massive amount of self restraint just to stand there and face what was about to come. “N-no…” I stuttered with my heart in my stomach. 

“Well, that’s because I told them. I told them because I had no idea that my own son is screwing our goddamn family pet! Word spreads fast and now everyone I work with knows that I have a freak for a son! I look like an idiot in front of my coworkers and even in front of the people I supervise, because even they somehow knew it before me!” The man banged his fist onto a table to emphasise his rage. “...Was that the first time?!”

“Dad I-” I tried to explain myself but I was interrupted.

“Was that the first time?!”

“It wasn’t.” I admitted. I felt so weak and defeated that I couldn’t even find the strength to lie. All that I could muster to say in my defence was a weak: “I love her, dad.”

“We all do but only one of us is banging the goddamn thing! Jesus fucking Christ, Anon, not only are you taking advantage of an animal that cannot think for itself but you’re also doing it so shamelessly in public!? Are you utterly insane?”

“I had no idea someone would-”

“You aren’t supposed to be fucking animals in the first place!”

“Dad, listen, she’s not an animal!” I yelled in desperation, hoping he would actually hear me out. “She’s a person with real thoughts, feelings, moods and ideas! She just… she needs time to learn. -Please, Suzie, tell him.”  I glanced down at the spot by my side where I last saw her, and found the had moved to what little protective shielding would be had behind my legs. She had never seen my father that angry and it was likely more scary for her than she initially anticipated.

All she could get out of herself under such pressure was a scared: “S-Suzzane love Anon, v-very… Pleas. Need tiem.”

“She’s been telling that ever since you taught her. Are you trying to fool me or are you actually fooling yourself?” The man seemed to calm down just a little bit. Enough to stop yelling but definitely not enough to stop boiling inside.“Just look at her goddammit. She only says what you teach her.”

This was it. With the argument in full force, all the cards were out on the table. No more denying, no more trying to hide it... If I didn't stand up for myself, for Suzan, nobody would, now or ever; but especially now. How could things have possibly gotten worse than they already were? Suzan had reasoning and understanding, I just knew it. Did my father? However short of a supply they were in, I had to try.

“That is not true! She’s doing her best to learn to speak fluently so that she could tell you herself but you never even acknowledged her progress! Look, I know it is hard to swallow, but it was hard for me too! Especially when I realised that this would be me. That I’d never have children and I’d have to hide our relationship in front of everyone. But I cannot abandon her, she is my soulmate. She’s like the second part of my soul that missed my whole life and I cannot imagine spending the rest of it with anyone else…”

The man just stood there, quiet. For a short moment, I thought he might understand but the truth was that he was completely unmoved by a single word that I said. The only reason why he let me speak so long was because in his eyes, I was openly confessing my insanity. "Anon, you're delusional and quite deranged if you actually believe all this,” he said way too calmly, as if talking to an actual patient in an asylum. “This is actually even worse than I thought it would be."

My heart sank. The world as I knew it was crashing down all around me. "No dad, you gotta understand, please! She-"

"Enough."

"Dad-"

"I said enough!” He yelled, only to forcefully calm his tone afterwards. “I am not letting you near her again. Even if it should mean kicking you out of this house."

"You can't mean that."

"Oh yes I can. And I do. Starting tomorrow. You're 18 after all. It's time you learned about the real world. Maybe you’ll finally come to your senses too. You can go pack your things.” He pointed towards my room.

“Are you actually serious?”

“Dead serious. Now go! And the horse stays here in the living room until you’re out of this house. Don’t even think I’ll leave you in one room with her unsupervised.”

All I was able to do at that point was to burst into tears and walk away to my room like a little bitch. Suzzane tried to follow me but the man, who I considered my father just a few minutes before, grabbed her by the tail to prevent her from leaving. I even heard her scared yelp but I just couldn’t do anything. I was too weak. I wanted to turn around, punch him in the jaw, take Suzzane and leave, never to see him again. Yet I didn’t, I was full of fear. And I hated myself for it. I hated him, I hated the world, I even hated God for letting this happen.

In my room, I cried alone for what could have been an hour before I calmed down enough to start thinking logically again. I knew I should probably use that precious time I still had to pack the things I needed the most. However, the only thing on my mind was Suzzane. The fact that she didn’t come, made clear that the man was serious about all the things he had said. Still though, I had to see her. If that was the last day I could be in her presence, I had to be there. So, I dried away the tears from my face and crept towards the living room. When I opened the door, I saw my mother and my father talking. They didn’t notice me at first but who did notice me was Suzzane. She was laying on her mattress that they moved near the couch in front of the TV. The mare raised her head, then glanced at the two figures whether they were looking and deeming it might be safe, she hesitantly picked herself up and sneakily went towards me. I also dared to make a step forward into the room but that was when the door creaked and both of my parents' eyes landed on me. 

It was obvious that my father had already told my mother everything, yet she didn’t seem as angry as him when she saw me. Rather, sad and disappointed. 

“Didn’t I tell you something?” Father said before anyone else could speak.

“I just want to see her.” I stood my ground, a bit more determined than before.

“He’s not going to do anything while we are here.” My mother laid her hand on the man's shoulder to ease him a bit.

“He better not.” He pushed the hand away and went to sit down in his chair.

“Anon, are the things that your father said about you, you and Suzzane, true?”

“Depends on what he said. Mom, I love her. I’m serious.”

“Anon, please, don’t. Just-” She looked away and didn’t finish. Instead, she slowly turned around and went to the kitchen. Probably to make something for dinner to take her mind somewhere else. 

Suzzane, stopped halfway through on her way to me, took a few more hesitant steps and I did towards her as well. My father was still there but he probably only let it happen because he was prepared to stop me if I tried anything ‘funny’. 

I finally got close enough to Suzzane to kneel down and gently take her front hoof into my hands. She was visibly shaken by what happened, scared to hug or show too much affection to me in front of the man, just as I was afraid to touch her. The mare likely never imagined it could have gone like this when they found out. Truth was, I didn’t imagine it could go this bad either.

“Suzzan sorry… Suzzan love Anon. Never think parent so… angry. ” She whispered.

“No, I’m sorry Suzie. None of this is your fault.” I caressed her hoof in my hand, desperately longing to hug her and keep her close. To tell her that things would be alright, that we would be alright, but I just didn’t know what to say other than: “I love you too…”

For the moment when our eyes met as I said that, a smile flew over both our faces but then it shifted into a pained wince.

“Tomorrow Anon… gone?” Suzzane asked.

“Yes. I do not want to but...” I hung my head. “I have no choice.”

“Suzzane know.” She put the hoof, which I let go of, onto my head, stroking my hair. Then, there I burst into tears again. Quietly of course. I felt like that was all I could ever do. To cry, weak and good for nothing.

As I wept, I sort of just collapsed on the ground by the wall and soon I could feel Suzzane laying next to me, trying to comfort me even though she didn’t feel exactly well herself. Nobody stopped her, either knowing that in the state I was in, I surely wouldn’t try anything, or the man simply stopped watching my pathetic displays of sadness.

Either way, I was at least partially happy to be so close to her for the moment. It was hard to say how long after I stopped crying we remained there but it eventually started to get dark. I think we both might have even fallen asleep at some point but my dreams were plagued with the scenarios of recent events. I hoped that I could just wake up any minute and realise that it was all a mere nightmare, that we still had time to fix things; to prepare ourselves for the time when they found out and maybe that it would go a lot better.

That wasn’t the case though, of course.

When I woke up, I was still on the ground, next to a wall in the living room. I didn’t even want to look in the direction where my father sat the last time I saw him, so I just buried my face deeper into Suzzane’s fur. Never before did I realise just how nicely she smelled while she was aroused but rather how sweet her natural scent was. It sort of reminded me of vanilla with a pinch of some fruit, but maybe I was just imagining it. Either way, it was very calming to me in such a state.

I longed to be alone with her. Not to have sex but to know that there wasn’t anyone else, looking or judging. I wanted to go for a bike ride, far away from this place, together. I wanted to watch the sunset, and then the stars and moon, feeling safe; feeling that everything would be okay. 

Instead, I settled for reaching my hand into her fur and softly stroking it, which was enough.

“I love you Suzie, I’ll never stop. Even when I’ll be gone…” I whispered to her. “I’ll find my way back to you one day.”


…


It was my mother who eventually nudged me to get up after some time. It was about 10pm. She insisted I pack up properly because the man decided I’ll be leaving the next day before noon. 

I did pack up all I could but I was limited by what I could carry, so taking things like my PC was out of the question of course. I packed up more practical things such as a toothbrush, a small tent I owned, spare socks, a book, survival kit, a small pillow… and the thin blanket that we used to sleep under in recent months when it was too hot for a normal blanket. It smelled like Suzzane and had a lot of her hair in it too so I decided it would be a piece of her that they couldn’t keep from me.

Falling asleep that night was rather hard as I had spent a considerable amount of time that day laying on the ground, so I didn’t feel tired when I actually needed to sleep. Unclear about what to do, I tried going back to the living room where Suzzane was but to no surprise, it was locked. I actually considered escaping through the window of my room, then breaking the window in the living room to grab and run away with her. I had nothing to lose after all. However, I kept hoping that tomorrow they might reconsider, so I didn’t do it. 

Instead, I had been on my PC until I felt tired enough to go to sleep. It wasn’t too thrilling since I wasn’t sure if I’ll ever be able to return to my saved games, but it was the only thing I could easily kill time with.


…


The next day, they let me have an awkward, silent breakfast with them at the same table. My sister was there as well but she didn’t seem affected at all by what was happening because she was the only one cheerful. I figured they told her I was merely going for some kind of a trip or something similar and I wasn't going to tell her the truth either. It wouldn’t do her any good to be involved in it.

Suzzane was there as well, but she knew exactly what was coming and it reflected heavily on her mood. She sat nearby, looking unusually gloomy, compared to her usual chirpy personality. We would occasionally glance at each other but doing that somehow hurt more than just looking away. Still though, I couldn’t stop. 

After the breakfast, it was time to go, so I went to pick up my bag and a bicycle. I figured that it would be better than having to go on foot everywhere. I said goodbye to my sister and hugged Suzzane. I didn’t say anything, nor did she. Everything important was already said. I just looked into her eyes one last time and gave her a short kiss on the lips. Short enough for my parents to not be able to stop me. By the time they noticed, I was already standing up.

I didn’t say anything to them either. Everything important was already said too, and nothing was going to change now. However, neither of them exactly looked angry anymore, rather, sad instead. It seemed out of place to me. I wasn’t going to pity them, though. I just took my stuff and left. 


***


After I was kicked out, I spent a few days under the tent which I cleverly took with me. I had no actual idea where to go so I just set it up somewhere close to the fields where I used to go for walks with my precious, now lost, four legged girlfriend. I just placed the camp a bit further away from the road where people walk to avoid them.

It was of course a temporary solution but I wasn’t in a state to make any future plans. I just collapsed there, once I was done building the tent, and listened to sad songs on my phone. The mat was making my back hurt, as it still hurt from laying on the ground yesterday, and all of it even added to the miserable state I was in: 

Feeling betrayed by my own parents and having lost my single most cherished person in my life, I was unsure about my future, losing will to live while not being strong enough to end it myself, as always. Nothing seemed to make sense in the world. 

I gotta admit, I cried plentily that day and I had to cry myself to sleep too, pathetically clutching the blanket that still had some Suzzane’s hair in it and smelled a bit like vanilla with a hint of some fruit.

Okay, I cried the second day as well but you probably get the point that I wasn't taking it all exactly well.

Throughout that period, I didn’t even know what to do with my time, so I’d either walk aimlessly when I wasn’t laying in the tent or I’d occasionally sneak around back to my parents house, trying to at least catch a glimpse of Suzzane. Yeah, I really was that desperate but broken heart is a broken heart and it hurts about as much when someone important to you dies, except it’s you, dying on the inside. I also considered going to school but it was almost the end of the school year. Grades were already set, and honestly, I was scared of seeing the people I knew.

What soon became the most pressing issue was the fact that I was starting to starve. All of the food that I had when I left my home, I had already eaten, and I didn’t have any idea how to get more. Spending a day on an empty stomach however, gives you a lot of motivation to start searching for a way to eat something, anything at all. My first attempt was to sneakily rummage through the trash like an actual hobo. It was degrading of course but I was really hungry. In the end, I didn’t even find anything worth picking up which didn’t exactly add to my will to live. An experienced hobo would probably know where to look but I was as green as a spring grass. So, the next day, feeling like I had nothing to lose anymore, I went shoplifting in a big-ass supermarket. I figured that nobody would miss a few cans of food and some bread, but boy was I mistaken. Somebody must have noticed me on camera and suddenly there were two security men running after me. I presume it was obvious that I ran like a motherfucker towards my bicycle that was waiting outside. It reminded me of the time I was running away with Suzzane in my arms from the amusement park, except this time it was merely with a bag of stolen food on my back. Just like the last time though, I managed to safely get away too. I really was good at running from people and once I was sitting on the bicycle, it was easy to get away. 

It was obvious though, that I couldn’t do that again, not in the same supermarket at least. I wasn’t feeling bad about myself in the slightest, I always considered big corporations to be greedy bastards, but I knew that if I keep doing that, I would eventually get caught. With that in mind on the way back to my tent, I stopped in the public library to charge my phone and use their wifi to look up some jobs. I figured that I might as well be doing something with my otherwise useless life. Sitting in my tent, listening to sad songs on my phone, wallowing in self pity and letting my thoughts rot my mind was the worst way to deal with my situation.

As luck would have it, I found a job offer as if made for me. It said:

“Secluded hotel/restaurant needs help in the kitchen. No experience required.

Accommodation and food will be provided.

Hiring: immediately.”

I used my last credit to call the number written underneath the text and after a few rings someone picked up:

“Hello?.. Hello?!” said a grumpy sounding voice with an audible russian accent. It also was as if he was hungover.

“Um, yes, hello, sorry. I read that you are seeking help in the kitchen. No experience required. Is that true?”

“Why yes!” the man on the other side changed tone into a much more welcoming one “We are indeed! Tell me something about yourself.”

In short, I did tell him the truth about my situation and why I wanted a job like this. Of course, I left out why I was kicked out. It didn’t seem to change the man's attitude. “...I have no idea where the address you provided is though, nor do I have any money to travel there.” I added at the end. 

“Is no problem! Wait tomorrow at bus station in town, I pick you up.”

With that agreed, I ended the call.

I figured that I was either getting a job or I was getting murdered tomorrow. Both of which would solve a big part of my problems. A win-win situation for me.


…


The next morning I packed up my tent and I went to the station to be there at the time that we agreed on. Soon, I noticed an old, large, 4x4 truck stop nearby. Out of the car stepped a fittingly large man with a bald head and I shit you not, he only had one eye. I could tell immediately because instead of a subtle looking prosthetic eye, he only wore a shameless eyepatch like a pirate. If I felt like it was a fifty-fifty percent chance of getting a job versus getting murdered in the woods, I reconsidered and adjusted the chances in my head to twenty-eighty. Kinda scared, I approached him nonetheless.

“Um, hello. Are you-”

“You must be Anon!” The man interrupted me with a firm handshake. “Call me Sasha. Sorry to hear about your family but fear not! Soon you’ll have a new one!” He laughed loudly and patted my shoulder, pushing me into the car at the same time. Then he took a sip from the hip flask he had in his pocket and threw my bicycle and a bag onto the truck bed.


…


The ride was relatively quiet, but not exactly because Sasha would be a quiet person (which he definitely wasn’t) but because it was so damn long. He asked me a few questions about myself which I hesitantly answered but he sort of noticed that I wasn’t very interested in sharing a lot, so he didn’t pry too many details about me. It was kinda relieving. I then asked some general questions regarding the work, like what exactly will I be helping with and how long the shifts are. Not that it would change anything at that point. I just wanted to know what I was getting into. 

It turned out that I would be working every single day with no days off until the end of summer holidays. After that, I could help out on weekends if I wanted to stay. At least until the winter and if I still wanted to continue after that, then I could work full time again throughout the winter season and so on. Regarding the shifts: they would be from approximately 10AM until 6PM or 8PM, depending on the guests. The pay sounded average from what I could tell but it was my first job after all. I didn’t expect to be paid as much as my father was at his position.

I admit that I was kinda shocked about not having a single day off for 2 months but I didn’t say anything about it. I needed a job and a place to stay. 

After everything was answered, we still had about an hour of ride ahead of us which we spent pretty much in silence. As I expected, we really did stop in the middle of nowhere but to my relief, there really was an actual hotel waiting for us and not just a shallow grave for me. It was a large, old building made mostly of wood and a few stone walls. Other than that though, there were no signs of human civilization for miles. 

Once inside, Sasha led me up the stairs to the second floor where the guest rooms were and he gave me a key from the door with a number “1” written on it. I opened and saw what could have been a storage room in the past, turned into a tiny apartment; likely reserved for people working at my position. It was approximately 3x2 metres large but it had a freshly made bed, a TV, a cabinet and a sink too.

“The water is a bit rusty here in this room, not good for drinking.” Mentioned Sasha when I glanced that way. “Drink from the tap next to toilets, that one’s clean. Your sink is good for pissing though, so do what you will with that.” He laughed again and slapped his belly. “There’s some working clothes on the bed. We will open in half an hour but maybe come down sooner so that Mary can show you the ropes.”

With that, he was gone and I was alone in my new room, unsure how to feel. I was still depressed but this was the first good thing that happened to me since I left home. I had my own room again, with a real bed and I was going to have real food here too.

I’ll be working in a kitchen after all. There will be plenty. I thought to myself. 

So, I changed into the old, yet clean, and freshly smelling working shirt and shorts and I went. I had no idea that the nice smell of my attire would last less than a day at my workplace, being in the same room with 5 deep fryers and 8 stoves, but it was uplifting for me at the moment.

In the kitchen, I met Mary, a woman roughly in her 50’s, about as old as Sasha. The first thing I noticed about her was the piercing frown she gave me. Honestly, when I saw her, I thought that she’d start yelling at me but then she introduced herself in a completely different tone from what I expected and I realised that it was just her neutral expression. On the contrary from what it looked like at first, she was actually quite happy about me being there because I was supposed to help with work that she'd otherwise have to be doing alongside her own work,- which was operating the deep fryers and chopping vegetables while Sasha did the cooking.

I was supposed to be pre-washing dishes, then shoving them into an ancient dishwasher for degreasing, washing all the pans, pots and kitchen tools. It wasn’t everything though because Mary and I would also have to, depending on who currently had more time, heat up already prepared pancakes, decorate them, and also make ice cream sundaes. Yeah, it was a lotta work, especially for someone that never worked a real job before. Luckily, not too many customers came the first day so I had enough time to adjust and get used to things. 

As it usually was, the first day felt really long and I found myself putting all my brain and energy into learning all the new stuff. It was so much that I actually stopped thinking about the things I had gone through before finding myself in front of the dishwasher which I started calling ‘Grandma D’. There was only work on my mind and nothing else.

For a sweet little moment when the shift ended and we were done for the day, I felt as if I just earned a right to be happy. However, when I returned to my empty room and sat on my empty bed, it all started coming back again. The loneliness of my soul hit me like a stone that I had been lifting up a whole day, only to let it fall onto my face at the end of it. It wasn’t that easy to move on and I guessed it wouldn’t be fair if it was. If it was easy, how could what I had lost even be real? I thought. It didn’t get me anywhere though, besides leading me only into darker places of my mind. 

I felt tired but not tired enough to sleep. I somehow felt hungry even though I had a full belly. Unsure about what to do, I just stared out of the window, watching the sun slowly set, sulking and sinking down with it.

After it got dark, I decided to finally have a shower after all those days, which actually made me feel a bit better before going to sleep. I hugged my blanket, imagining myself at a better time and place.


…


The next day, I rushed to work as soon as I got up, looking for any kind of distraction. I helped Sasha with some preparations, such as chopping vegetables or cleaning some old equipment. He didn’t really need me to do that stuff but it definitely made me shine in his eyes. I guess it was better that he didn't know the reason why I was so eager to work. Then the shift started and it went just like the day before, except more people began stopping to eat because the summer holiday had officially begun. 


…


The next day was the same, except even more people came. Soon I was swimming in work, not knowing what to do first. Then again, so was Sasha and his wife so it didn’t feel unfair. It was only the three of us for the whole kitchen. There was also their daughter, Svetlana, who worked the bar and served the dishes but she had enough of her own work as well.

In the everyday routine, days eventually began blending in. And in a way, I realised that what Sasha said to me the first day, that I’ll soon have a new family, wasn’t actually that far-fetched. I thought it was one of those cheesy lines people say when they are trying to hire you but in this case, it made sense. I was basically stranded in a forest with only 3 other people and they soon took me as one of their own.

Even though I was mostly quiet and visibly on a different wavelength than them, we got along just fine from the start. Apparently I was the first honest, hard working man to come there in a long time. They were used to taking in people who had nowhere to go: Criminals, delinquents, ex-junkies, divorced men etc. They basically expected a heavily flawed person, so it came as a surprise that I was not all that problematic. 

I have to say, the routine and a friendly collective helped me to cope with my loss but I still couldn’t just forget and move on completely. Something deep inside me remembered the times when I was truly happy and when I wasn't just trying to numb down the pain with work. Times when I felt whole, more complete.

Of course, there were some bright moments when I felt genuine happiness, even moments when I was sincerely proud about myself as an individual: When I made it through a difficult shift, when I learned to cook a new food in my spare time, and occasionally, when I reminded myself that I made it that far instead of becoming a hobo.

Each time though, I wished I had someone to share these feelings with. Someone to truly be there with me emotionally, someone I could feel comfortable with in complete silence, someone who I could tell all my deepest secrets without fear, someone who loves me, even if I wasn’t excelling at the things I did. This deep longing would randomly surface in my mind in a form of bitterness that was difficult to overcome. 

…I should probably mention that Sasha was fond of vodka, if it wasn’t obvious, and since I was (hard to believe) officially an adult, he would sometimes invite me to his table for shots. I’d usually refuse but when I had one of those times when I felt lonely on a spiritual level, I’d accept and we’d get shitfaced together after the shift. Those were the only times that I talked a bit more deeply with my “new family” because as much as we appreciated each other, we didn’t have that many common interests besides work. While drunk though, it is a lot easier to speak about a wider range of things that you wouldn’t normally care about. Mary and Svetlana would often join too and we would drink and chat till late hours. 

That was when I learned pieces of their stories as well, while sharing fractions of mine. For instance: The reason why Sasha moved out from the motherland was because he fell in love with Mary who was studying there as a young girl. Back in the communist era.

After a night spent drinking in their company, I’d usually feel a bit better. Like I’ve driven the gnawing feeling back, deeper under my skin, back into my bones from where it would surely one day crawl back out.

One particular night, such as one of those that I mentioned, Sasha and Mary already went to their own rooms and I stayed there with Svetlana for one last beer because the shots were Sasha’s speciality and I have to admit, I only drank those because I didn't want to let him down. I could never even stomach the raw vodka without mixing it in my mouth with something very sweet first. That is not important though. Important is, that this particular night Svetalana tried to make a first move on me. 

The girl wasn’t ugly, but she wasn’t outstandingly pretty either. Just an average looking lass that spent most of her days in a single house, doing a monotonous job and watching those unending TV shows in her spare time. Looking back, it kind of made sense that when just a few years younger and a seemingly decent guy appears in her small circle, she would be into him.

We finished the ‘last’ beer together and after that I was planning to head back to my room. However, I was convinced to stay for one more. I knew she had a bigger tolerance than me, since she was working at the bar, but still I thought that she just didn’t want to drink alone. I agreed to stay for a small beer while she’d got herself a full one. However, when she sat closer to me than usual after pouring us new glasses, I began suspecting that it might have been about something more than beer that night. When she actually laid her hand on my thigh and glanced at me with a desiring smile, it was as clear as day. 

Having my mind clouded by the alcohol, I naturally began thinking with my penis that stood itself at the very thought of being touched by something else, other than my hand. I put my hand on her thigh as well, gently feeling it, when suddenly a picture of Suzzane’s face blinked in front of my inner sight. 

The upcoming two seconds, I went through an intense conflict in my head about whether or not I should give in to what was about to come. Even though I was drunk and horny at that time, I wasn’t that drunk and that horny to completely forget everything that led me where I was. However, my will wasn’t as strong as when I was sober and maybe it would even lose, if it wasn’t for one sentence that I recalled:

“It's time you learned about the real world. Maybe you’ll finally come to your senses too.”

It was what my father said to justify kicking me out in such a manner. The very thought that I’d be doing exactly what he wanted me to do, that he would actually be right to do what he did to me, it filled me with repulsion towards what I was about to do. Not towards Svetlana of course, she was a good friend to me but I knew that some people should simply stay friends. It just wouldn’t work because her biggest ambition was to run the place herself one day while my ambition was to see the world out there one day. A complete opposite.

My guess is that if I didn’t pull away before things got serious, I might have ended up in a relationship that would not work. Then I would have to decide whether I wanted to continue in a life that wasn’t meant for me or disappoint both Svetlana and her parents and leave her at some point. 

Thankfully though, as I mentioned earlier, I did stop it before any of that had a chance to manifest.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, looking confused about my sudden action. “Did I do something?”

“No you didn’t, sorry, but it’s me…” I cringed slightly over how cliché it sounded.

“Oh my… So you really are gay? That’s why your parents kicked you out? Oh, I’m so sorry about this.”

“What? No, I'm not gay for Christ’s sake! Is that what you were really thinking about me?”

“Well.” The girl blushed a bit. “Since you never wanted to talk about it, we made a few assumptions ourselves and this was one of them…”

“Well, it’s not the correct one.” I frowned, just a little bit offended. “Though, I did get ‘exiled’ from home because of a romantic interest.”

“Incest?” Svetlana gasped, covering her blushing face with her palms.

“Gods, not that either! Why would you even think that?” I jumped in my seat in shock, then settled back down, glancing into my glass as I was about to admit the truth: “...The thing is that uh,.. she’s just… She’s not entirely human.” 

“Bestiality??” The barmaid widened her eyes. “That’s new.”

“She isn’t an animal either! I dunno, it’s just too complicated. And I’m a total retard for even speaking out about it.”

“Well you can’t stop now that you’ve started.” The girl next to me had a big gulp of her beer, as if trying to extinguish her previous lust, replaced by growing curiosity. “What is she then? An alien or something?”

“I dunno what exactly she is, that’s the thing. Ever heard of those colourful ponies they introduced as “Pets of the Future™” last winter? Well, ours was so smart that she learned to speak and even play videogames with me. And uh, we sort of fell in love too. Like, deeply.”

“No shit? Really? A speaking horse is why you’re getting so depressed from time to time?”

“Well, yeah. I know it sounds fucking weird when you put it like that. That’s why they kicked me out in the first place. Now you know and ya’ll can kick me out as well.”

“Come on, don’t be an idiot man. We had murderers working here and even one ex-pedophile; Although we always wondered if you can ever stop being one. - My point is that as weird as it is, we’ve probably seen worse.”

“Huh, really? Well I do appreciate that. Never thought someone would be so cool about learning this stuff so I guess what I’m trying to say is: Thanks...”

“You’re welcome I guess.” She grinned. “Man but it IS kinda shame. I really thought for a while that a future husband might have finally entered the territory.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” I scratched my head, this time it was me blushing. I don’t know what I’d give just a year ago, for a real girl to actually like me enough to consider me a possible husband. A past me would consider it absurd as fuck to turn her down. “The thing is, as much as I’m grateful for you people taking me in here, I probably couldn’t stay forever.”

“Heh, so you’re saying that if you were into human girls, you’d probably flinch away from me as well eh. Cold.” She smirked.

“Hey, don’t put it that way. I think you’re a great friend but I just couldn’t settle at one place for the rest of my life. And I do like human girls too but I just happened to pick one that isn’t exactly human. Jeez, I’m only making this worse am I?”

“Relax… You do realise we’re having shots after this beer though, right?”

“What? No way!... Okay then.”




***


I wished that my parents could also be so relaxed about it. Maybe it would go better if that dog lady didn’t spread the news to every single soul she knew. Still though, it felt strangely liberating to be able to tell my secret to someone without it causing a scene. 

I’m not sure if Svetlana ever told others about what happened that night but the fact is that nothing had changed between any of them and me after that. I was quite relieved about it too because I still had almost a month of work ahead of me before the summer holidays would end. However, in my head, thanks to that, I soon came to a conclusion of what I wanted to do next. My plan was to take all the money that I will have by that time and try to buy Suzanne from my parents. Then, I could stay at the hotel for a while, just like Sasha promised me the first day. After a few seasons, I might have enough money to start my own life with Suzzane somewhere. Or maybe I could start travelling, just like I always wanted to. 

The plan felt perfect in my head, finally something solid to hold onto and to look forward to. Of course, it wasn’t granted that my parents would actually sell Suzzane to me but I was prepared to steal her in the absolute worst case. Knowing that I’d have a place to hide with her gave me confidence which I couldn’t even dream of back then when I left my home.


***


Once I had a plan, a direction and purpose, those two months seemed to end just as quickly as they started and when we were done for the season, I asked Sasha to drive me back where he picked me up. I didn’t have any dialogue prepared in my head but I had a relatively fat amount of money in my pocket and I wasn’t afraid to use it. After all, I was getting paid for every single day and since the accommodation and food was free, I didn’t have to spend a single coin the whole time. 

At the bus station where Sasha dropped me off, I sat inside a bus heading to the house of my parents and I stared out of the window while the big man continued towards the city centre. I told him I needed to pick up someone close to me and that if it was okay with him, she would live in my small room with me. I was prepared to work the weekends for free if it meant I’d get to provide for Suzzane but he said it was okay. “One room is still one room. I don’t care.” He said. “As long as you promise to stay for the winter!”

I was going to stay for the winter of course.

We agreed that he would go shopping around the city, as he planned to visit there someday anyway and I would later call him to pick me up somewhere once he’s done.

As I felt that the moment I was waiting for would actually be coming to reality that day, my head started to flood with all the possible scenarios of how it might play out. I was confident at first but as I was getting closer, I began having certain doubts. My worst fear was suddenly that Suzzane could have moved on while I was still madly in love with her. That would be really awkward and probably even more heartbreaking than leaving her the first time. Then again, if that was true, so would all the moments we shared together have to be one sided and I didn’t believe it possibly could be. “She chose me back then. Me! It was her choice.” I kept recalling what I realised back then. It felt like such a long time ago…

However, I didn’t get to find out that day how Suzzane felt about me because of a peculiar event that happened next. You see, a certain Steve, who was responsible for keeping the traffic lights working as they should, had too much maryjane the other day and didn’t arrive that specific morning. Maybe if he would, he would notice the malfunctioning light and fix it. However, he wasn’t there that day and as a result of it, the bus I was in got T-boned by a big fucking SUV, right in the middle, where I was sitting. 

Okay okay, I have no idea why it actually happened, could be that the driver of the SUV was on coke or just plain stupid but the fact remains that I got ‘tickled’ by the front of the car just right to send me unconscious with a few broken bones, straight to a hospital.

All I can remember from that moment was seeing the car and thinking: Hey that almost looks like he’s going to ram us. Surely he wouldn’t tho- WHAT THE.

I actually got up between the “what” and “the”, trying to get to the other side of the bus. However, before I could think “fuck” or make more than half a step, there was a loud crash. And then, only darkness.
> One of these days
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


***



As you can probably guess, since I’m telling you this, I didn’t die in the crash. I merely earned myself plenty of bruises on my body, a broken left arm, and on it, a broken wrist. Other than that, I was relatively fine.

I woke up laying in a white hospital bed, inside an equally white hospital room. It wasn’t exactly a quick waking up, one that instantly snaps you into reality. At some point of my unconsciousness, the darkness turned into dreams and I remember chasing after a blurry, distant figure of the small mare which I longed to see for so long. The more I ran though, the further she seemed to be. 

Eventually I stopped, not even out of tiredness, rather, in realisation that it just doesn’t lead anywhere. She was getting out of my reach and my endeavour seemed to work in the exact opposite direction. However, as I finally sat down to rest and re-think my strategy, the figure started to walk back into my direction on its own. As it did, the unclear image started to take real shape and colours. I could feel my eyes water in joy when I could recognize her image. We smiled at each other and I opened my arms to embrace her but then the whole vision started to fade away and my body began feeling heavier each second.

“Uuuh?” I opened my eyes eventually, examining the colourless place I found myself in. It definitely was no heaven, nor hell, so I wasn’t dead. There was another occupied bed on the other side of my room and in it laid some kind of an old man. He wasn’t conscious, at least from what I could tell. Then I noticed my left arm, completely covered in gypsum. Damn… I thought, as I began recollecting what exactly happened before. All of the memories started to come back, including the fact that I was supposed to call Sasha after I bought out Suzzane. 

The money!.. My phone! Where are they? I shortly panicked but then I glanced on my right side, reaching my good hand towards the nightstand. To my great relief I found my wallet in the drawer with no money missing, as well as my phone. The screen was cracked at several places but when I pressed the button on its side, the screen lit up and I could unlock it too. 

The device was still set on flight mode, like it was the whole time I was at Sasha’s hotel. It made sense there, because there was no signal from my provider. The only way to stop the phone from constantly searching for it and wasting battery, was either to switch my SIM card for the same brand Sasha had or set it on flight. Naturally, I picked the easier option, I rarely ever used my phone for actual calling. However, I forgot to turn the mode off when I returned to the city. That way, no one could reach me, no matter how much they tried.

I switched it back, about to ring up the big man, apologise for not calling, and to explain what happened. However, as soon as I turned the mode off, I received several missed calls. 2 were from Sasha and… several more were from my parents. Both of them.

“Huh?” 

I didn’t go through all of the logs but there was a considerable amount of them. Most of which were from last month but then there were still at least two every week. I tried to process it, Why would they even call me?, but then the phone suddenly started ringing. It was my mother. I hesitated a short while before actually picking it up.

“Hello?”

“Anon, thank God! We thought you might be dead!”

“What? Why?”

“Because you completely disappeared and no one ever heard of you since!”

“No, I mean why would you even care? Isn’t that precisely what you wanted? To get rid of the defective son? You should have been happy with the results.”

“Honey, it wasn’t like that. Your father was angry but we didn’t mean to abandon you… Where are you?”

I swallowed another peppery remark and instead just answered the question: “...In a hospital.”

“What?!”

“In a hospital.” I repeated with my temper slightly rising again. “My bus got rammed from the side by some idiot in an EV and I literally just woke up here.”

“Oh my God, are you alright? I’ve seen it on the news but I had no idea that you were in it! We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“I’m alive, just a broken arm but don’t even bother yoursel-” I didn’t even finish because I could hear her putting the phone away from her ear, explaining everything to my father and organising a visit. I was still pretty angry at both of them, so, before she could put the phone back to her ear, I hung up. Instead, I called Sasha to apologise.

After the dial rang a few times, he finally picked it up and could finally tell him what went down…

“Ha! I thought you made up with your parents and decided to stay there instead.” He replied, sounding a lot less worried than my mother. I appreciated his easy going approach. “So, will you be okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I will.” I replied. “...Can I still return once they let me out? I probably couldn’t use my left arm for a while but I can still work with my right.”

“Is okay, no worries. Take time if you need to, we can manage the weekends. Just let me know when you need to get picked up. Best day before that.”

“Will do. Thanks a bunch. Sorry again.”

“I said is okay. Not your fault. See you later.” 

“Yeah, see you.” We both hung up and the room went quiet again, apart from the hospital machines monitoring the oldtimer’s life functions next to me. I wondered what happened to him but I never really found that out.

I closed my eyes again instead, trying to sleep, but I couldn’t exactly silence my own thoughts enough to do that. Instead, I just daydreamed until a nurse randomly came to check on me. I asked her for some food and I had a short chat with her before she disappeared again. She also gave me some painkillers I was supposed to take. 

After finishing the tasteless food I had received I was going to use the hospital wifi to kill some time on the youtube but before I could find anything interesting, the door to the room opened yet again. 

It was my mother and my father. They had come to see me, just as she said they would. I, however, wasn’t that happy to see them. It was just as awkward as you can probably imagine.

“Oh,.. hey.” I glanced their way.

“Hey son.” My father announced but my mother ran up front to my bed.

“My, you’re full of bruises! Are you okay?”

“I already said that I’m fine.” I crossed my arms. I also wanted to tell my father to not ‘son’ me after how he acted the last time we saw each other but I forced myself not to. I settled for: “I also told you not to bother yourselves with coming here.”

“We couldn’t just leave our son-” My mother started, but hearing them call me ‘son’ the second time was simply too much. It was my time to interrupt them for once:

“Yes you could! And don’t act like you two have a son, you made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to have anything in common with this freak right here!” I angrily pointed at myself.

That was when the man behind my mother stepped in front of her. I half expected, maybe even slightly wanted, him to burst as well but he actually kept his usual calmness:

“Look Anon, I know it’s not easy but this isn’t what we wanted.” He said.

I wasn’t going to keep calm though. “What DID you want then?” I began and it was suddenly hard to stop. “You basically disowned me, threw me out on the streets with only what I could carry and now you come to me, as if nothing ever happened? Is this some kind of stupid joke? Did you come to laugh at me?”

“I know I was harsh back then. I was very angry and I used some strong word-”

“Damn right you did.” I interrupted him again.

“Yes…” he made a short pause to acknowledge it. “But as I was going to say: You are still my only son. The measure I took wasn’t meant to be forever. I hoped that you could see some reason when you’re separated from that horse for a week or two. And hopefully, promise to stop with that ‘soulmate’ nonsense once you come back.”

As you can probably guess, that only added some kindling to the fire inside me that almost began to weaken:

“Well guess what? This plan of yours went horribly wrong.” I reached into the drawer and threw my bulging wallet at their feet before I’d continue. “The only reason why I came back was to exchange all this money for her and to never see you again. That’s the only thing you’ve achieved.”

Properly shocked by what I said, they both stood there silently for a few seconds, so I added:

“Go on, open it.”

My mother hesitantly picked the thing up and opened it, gasping at how much was inside:

“Where did you get all this money?”

“I worked two goddamn months, every single day, ten hours a day. All for the singular purpose of getting Suzzane back. That “horse”, as you call her, means more to me than your ‘generous hospitality’.”

Another round of shocked silence followed, through which, watching their dumbfounded faces gave me some kind of twisted satisfaction.

“...You really are serious with all this?” My mother asked.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” I answered sarcastically. “And for the love of all that is holy, if you still have just a little bit of sympathy for me, just say that it is enough.”

I really hoped they would just take the damn money, let me take Suzanne and I’d get out of their life forever.

However, after a short while of thinking, the man took the wallet and put it back onto my bed.

“You’re fucking cruel you know that?!” I actually yelled. “Just how much more do you want? It’s almost as much as she cost you initially! Or are you doing that just to spite me?”

“Anon, it's not about money, we just want you to come to your senses. There are real girls out there, you just need to give them a chance and-”

“I don’t want them! I could have had the daughter of my boss. I could marry her and inherit their hotel one day but I don’t want it! I already found the one but you took her away from me! Can’t you see it goddammit?! No matter how much you hurt me, you are NOT changing my mind!”

That is when the door opened again and a different nurse than before barged in, whispering aggressively:

“What is going on here? The patients are not to be disturbed! You said you just wanted to see your son! And you, young man, what are you yelling for?”

I scowled, wanting to tell her to go fuck herself but when I recalled that the poor grandpa was with us in the same room, I had to give her that she was kinda right. I just looked away in shame.

“No more yelling okay? Don’t make me come here again.” She finally went away, leaving the four of us alone again. 

I didn’t feel like talking though as everything important has already been said. Just like the last time I parted with them. I was so damn angry and I only wished for them to go away so I could turn that anger into tears, as always, and just sulk in peace. However, after a uncomfortably long minute of silence my father spoke in low tone:

“So, there really is no budging you?”

“Not a damn chance!” I whispered as aggressively as the nurse, holding back a tear in my right eye.

“Look son, we just want what’s best for you. I just thought we might know it better than you.”

“That is the single most pretentious thing you could say!” I kept whispering. “I’m not 12 anymore, I want to have my own choice and my choice is to be with the one person I love the most in the whole world. Is that so hard to accept?”

“Well it is certainly a lot harder for us than you think…” The man said, partly to himself. Then he paused again as if weighing options and coming to a painful conclusion (for him), he continued: “...But if this really is the only way for us to have peace, then you can have her.”

I was still so angry, prepared to fling at him a big fat “fuck you”, I thought I must have misheard him. “Sorry, can you repeat that? Did I hear right?” I said instead, sincerely baffled.

“You can have her, goddammit.” My dad hung his head in defeat. “I had hoped that you'd just move on eventually but you’re both stubborn as mules. ”

“Both?”

“Yeah. Truth is, Suzzane has not been feeling well since you left. I thought that she’d forget but…”

All my remaining anger disappeared in an instant, replaced by worry: “W-what do you mean? What is with her?” 

“Well, she hasn’t been eating a lot and she’s grown a bit apathetic. It’s not exactly life threatening but it is visible.”

“My poor girl…” I covered my mouth with my palm. I always considered Suzzane to be more emotionally mature than me, in fact, I still do. That is why it came to me as such a surprise that she’d be taking it as bad or even worse than I was. I had hoped that she wouldn’t forget about me but I would never want her to punish herself like that. “I have to see her. Today.”

“Anon, you’re in no condition to-” my mother tried to stop me but I was already trying to stand up. My body was sore all over when I tried to move it but when I pushed myself off the bed, my legs did not betray me.

“See? I’m okay. Let’s go.” I smiled forcibly.

“Honey, you can’t just waltz out of here like nothing!” The woman began explaining. “They won’t even let you, they have procedures.”

“Mom, I don’t care. I’ll escape through the window if I have to. I cannot wait a day more, knowing it is my fault that she suffers.”

“Calm down, Anon.” My dad firmly pushed me back onto the bed and glanced at me with his typical, reasonable look. “We can ask whether they would let you but if they say no, you will not be escaping through the window. Okay? I think I have already receded enough today.”

After a few seconds of a staring contest, I exhaled in defeat: “Fine, but tell them I won’t be taking ‘no’ as an answer...”


…




After what could have been 20 minutes, my parents returned with a doctor by their side. I told him that I need to see a certain someone and I cannot possibly wait any longer but it didn’t move him a lot. However, after a while of insisting and persuading, he told me that if I sign him some papers about taking the full responsibility onto myself, I can fuck off. 

Alright, he didn’t say it like that but I’m sure it was exactly what he was thinking. I couldn’t care less though. 

They gave me back my clothes, which were mostly intact, even though still a bit dirty from the crash. I decided to not wear them though. You see, changing clothes with my bruised body was kind of a pain and I need not to do that twice. I figured I could make it home just in the hospital gown and there I could change into something clean. So, I went straight towards my father’s car in the hospital gown. 

On the way home, mom inquired me to tell them what exactly have I been doing the whole time I was gone. So, I told them all about my few days as a hobo, the shoplifting attempt and then the sudden second chance at Sasha’s hotel. I also told them a lot about my time there and how I earned my place among his family; How hard the work was sometimes, and how I always managed to overcome it. 

In a way, I think they were proud of me, being able to fend for myself in the world without their help. I know I was, because nobody, including myself, really expected me to fare so well. What’s more,- come back with a full wallet. 

Though, when I was done talking and we still had a bit of road ahead of us, a question of what comes next arised. Naturally, I also told them that Sasha will expect me to return. However, as I expected, my parents wanted me to finish high school. There was merely one year left and if I would not finish it, those previous three would be for nothing. I had to agree with that point, even though I felt that staying home, in order to finish the last school year, could be harmful to the unexpected truce we made. From what I could tell, my parents still didn’t exactly approve of me, choosing Suzzane as my lifelong partner. It was merely a necessary evil for them and I feared that staying at their house with her could potentially create more conflicts. I didn’t say that out loud though.

We agreed to leave that conversation for later since we were already in the old neighbourhood where I grew up. I promised to “be reasonable while judging such important decisions” and that we’ll talk about it once I recover a bit more. 

As much as it was a pickle, I didn’t let that bother me at the moment. After all, I was finally going to see Suzzane again.

Upon entering the house, the first familiar face that I saw was actually my sister’s. She thought I was on a work holiday in a foreign land which wasn’t actually that far from the truth. I didn’t even have to lie about the reason why I was so banged up, so it wasn’t really hard to play along with the story. After all the greeting and stuff, I promised to tell her more later as I was eager to finally see my beloved horse wife. It was unusual for her to not already be present in order to see first hoof what was the commotion. Normally, the ever curious mare would be there first. 

However, as I passed further into the house, through the kitchen joined with the living room, I finally saw her. She was peeking through the hallway doorframe, likely coming straight from my room. I figured it might have been where she resided while I was gone. I’d probably do that too, if our roles were switched.

When our eyes first met, the slight disinterest on her face was replaced by shock, disbelief and then a rising, wide smile. I made two more steps towards her and I fell down on my bruised knees so I could hug her. Naturally, the mare had no idea my body was sore all over so she pretty much ran into my arms, almost toppling me over. It did hurt but definitely not enough for me to not enjoy every second of feeling her warmth on my skin; Smelling the familiar scent which I missed so bad; Hearing her sweet, angel voice as she almost whimpered into my ear:

“Anon back! Suzzane know, Anon back later! Miss very, very, very lot!”

“I missed you too, little darling.” I smiled with the tears in my eyes as I held her. “I missed you so much...”

We stayed in the tight, unmoving embrace until the tears that were rolling down our faces dried and it was impossible to hold back the chuckles and laughs. Only then I let go enough to look into her widened eyes again and see my own reflection in them. I wasn’t sure if my parents were still around but I just couldn’t help myself not to kiss her on the lips.- Gently, with no tongue, nothing sexually revolting. Merely a long expression of my deep love towards her. 

When we parted from the kiss, I pressed my forehead against hers and caressed her cheek with my good hand. 

“I love you girl.” I whispered.

“Love youuuu.” She grinned.

Quietly, we stayed like that, smiling and staring into each other's eyes for a half a minute more before slowly letting go. The reunion felt just as sweet as I imagined it would, if not more. 

In the meanwhile, my parents and my sister disappeared; Which was fair because we took a lot of time to finish. Only then did Suzzane realise the state I was in, seeing the bruises under my gown.

“Anon hurt! What hurt Anon?”

“That’s a long story sweetie. I’ll be alright though. I’ll tell you all about it but I think I need to rest for a bit.”

“Suzzane come tooo. Help rest.” 

“Wouldn’t want it any other way.” I chuckled, very cautiously standing up. I probably should have just slowly knelt before, instead of falling on my knees, but I just couldn’t help myself not to be dramatic.

I went straight to my old room where I found mom, changing the sheets for me because it was obvious where I’d go next in my state. The old ones were full of Suzzane’s hair, and I did consider stopping my mother and saying I’d rather keep it that way, but I had the real Suzzane with me to keep me company. So, I just thanked her and went straight under the blanket.

It could have been because of the painkillers but I felt sincerely tired as I laid in the soft bed. Comfortably tired though, like I can finally take a hard earned rest after a day of hard work. So, I buried my face into my pretty wife’s silky mane and soon I was drifting off. It was certainly the happiest day I had in a long, long time.


…


I woke up later in the middle of the night, confused about my whereabouts. In my dream, I was sleeping in a tent and for whatever reason, I didn’t just instantly snap back into reality. It could be that because in my dream, my body was sore from sleeping on the ground and when I woke up, I was still sore, yet for a different reason. The point is: Only when I reached my right hand through the dark space and my fingers felt something soft next to me, did the memories start to return. You wouldn’t believe how incredibly relieving it can feel to realise that you did not just teleport into the past.

Suzzane was still in a very similar spot to where she was the last time I saw her before I went to sleep. She wasn’t under the blanket with me, rather just on top of it because it was too hot for her, having fur on her body. She must have moved a little bit though because I recalled falling asleep with my face directly in her mane and now she wasn’t exactly touching me anymore. I guessed that she must have left to go to the toilet or simply rolled away in her sleep. 

Now though, when I laid my hand on her in my confusion, she must have woken up.

“Mmmm…” I heard her shifting, trying to move back, closer to me. “...Anon awake?” She eventually raised her head a little. Even in the very dim moonlight, she must have noticed that I had my eyes open.

“Yeah, I am. Sorry for waking you up too little darling.” I nuzzled her.

“Do not sorry.” The mare had to take a little bit of time to find words, being just woken up. “Suzzane sleep um-... very much hours…. Not very tired.”

“Me neither to be honest.” I smiled, hearing her cute voice constructing those clumsy sentences. I really missed that. “...Have you been here with me the whole time?”

“Yes. Suzzane not leave. Want stay,..” It seemed that she wanted to say more on the topic but didn’t know how to express herself. Instead she asked: “Where Anon go away? Alone? Outside?”

“...Yeah, I was alone outside for a few days. Then I found a job and a place to stay. I never forgot about you though. Only the thought of seeing you again kept me going.” I gently touched her face with my good arm.

“But,.. What happen? How Anon back? Why hurt?” 

“Well,..” I told her about how I earned some money for the work I was doing, how I wanted to buy her away from my parents but I got myself in a road accident and finally, how my parents came to visit me and we made peace. I spoke slowly but I didn’t have to use too many  simplified sentences throughout my story. Suzzane actually seemed to understand most of it and if anything wasn’t clear to her, she’d stop me and ask.  I had to explain to her in bigger detail what a restaurant is and how it works because she’s never really been in one. We only ever visited fast foods together. 

When I was finally done telling the story, she remarked: “Human complicaet life. Too very complicaet. Suzzan happy not human.”

I couldn’t help not to chuckle: “You tell me! It’s crazy out there…. And what have you been doing the whole time? You speak a bit better than before. Have you been practising?” 

“Suzzan no speak, no prac-um, pracicing. Parents not talk to Suzzane and Suzzane not wanna speak. Suzanne sad…” The mare had to make a short pause, either to make her story more dramatic or to find words. “...But Suzzane listen, very lot. And sometime speak with sister. Sister very nice but… not Anon. Suzzane love Anon… diffrent. That why Suzzane wife!” She raised her hoof, on which she still had the bracelet I gave her instead of a wedding ring back then. “Never take off. Promise.”

Her story, although a lot shorter than mine, actually made my eyes water a little bit. I’m not sure if it was from being touched by her sincerity or from the happiness of being finally back at her side. Maybe a mix of both. “I also never took it off.” I raised my hand and laughed quietly. “Good thing I broke the other one.”

“Yes, good thing.” It made the mare laugh as well. She then cuddled up closer to me with a content sigh. “...What happen now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do Anon stay or take Suzzane to restaurant?” Her eyes glanced up at me inquiringly while her muzzle was still pressed tight against my cheek.

“That is actually a very good question. I’m not sure. My parents want me to finish school but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to be here, now that the two of us are no longer a secret. I mean, they kind of accepted it because they didn’t have any other choice. Seems like they still care about me otherwise, they wouldn’t care about losing their son but they are not happy about us either.”

“So-oo?”

“I don’t know, let’s wait for how the situation will unfold. I swear though that I won’t let anyone separate us again.” I kissed the snoot that was poking my face. 

“Yes!” I received a wet lick back. “...Try sleep now?” 

“Yeah I guess, let’s…” I yawned.

As strange as it may sound, I think that was the most human-like conversation I ever had with Suzzane up until that day. It’s not like we didn’t share our thoughts before but it usually wasn’t through so many words. Nor did we talk a lot about our past or our future because we sort of just lived in the present together. Mostly. At least Suzzane did. I was usually the one speaking about the past and the future while she just listened. However, I felt like she had made a certain step while I was gone, I just wasn't sure in which direction. 

I think it was as if she was never hurt before, or at least not like that. What happened to us though, made her shed a tiny bit of that sweet innocence which she used to overflow with. Of course, it didn’t change her completely, merely made her slightly more human. 

However, I wondered whether she would not have a better life if she just stayed naive and oblivious as she was at the very start. I considered I’d have to blame myself for that but it wasn’t only my choice. After all, it was her, who chose me. Twice actually. First time as a friend and the second time as a lover. She probably had no idea what she was getting herself into though. All that I could do at that point was to protect her from further harm, knowing very well I might not always be able to. 

As I was thinking these thoughts, the mare had already dozed off. After all, she was, and still is, pretty good at it. The falling asleep at will, I mean.

I let go of my thoughts for a moment and opened my eyes so I could take a look at the mare's dainty silhouette. …She really was beautiful, both in body and soul. 

As I watched her in the moonlight, breathing calmly and rhythmically, suddenly I had the answer to my pondering:

“Whatever will happen in the future, I will always be there for you from now on. I know it isn’t much, but if it is the only real thing I can do for you, I will do it as best as I can.” I whispered as gently as I could, in order to not wake her up.

With that thought in mind, I could finally drift away into a peaceful slumber.
> You know what to do
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After being let go from the hospital, I’ve spent the first two days mostly resting. It’s what I’d be doing there anyway. Of course though, I wasn’t limited to resting solely in my room, so I’d often go sit down in the garden to catch some sun. Suzzane, as if trying to make up for the time lost, would very often come and stay there with me. It was sweet of her, though I did not want her life to revolve solely around me so I kept reminding her to visit my sister sometimes too. Nonetheless, I still seemed to be her #1 priority, as if she simply needed to make up for the time lost.

While she was with me, I figured that we could put our time together to some use so I downloaded a certain language learning app with a green bird as a logo. With it, I could start learning another language and Suzzane could reinforce her first one as I went through the basic sentences over and over again. It was somewhat addictive and beneficial too, because we were both doing something that would surely be of great use in the future. Certainly better than just sleeping or lounging all day.

Of course, grinding for knowledge wasn't the sole thing we did as that would be tiring for the mind. We’d often just bask in the sun together, gently cuddle or even play some card games. It wasn’t hard to teach Suzzane a few of those I knew, however, what proved to be a bit of a challenge for her was holding the cards. That’s where my sister stepped into the picture because she saw Suzzane struggling and offered to help. At first she was just holding the cards for the mare but eventually they teamed up against me. Good times for all three of us, actually. Back then, I used to feel like I could have been a better brother, so spending more time with my sister helped my conscience a bit.

Since Suzzane seemed to be even better at listening after those two months, I started to read books out loud in front of her. Again, I tried to combine something that could serve us both, since I had plenty of books I wanted to read, yet never did, and Suzzane had plenty to learn. It wasn’t just the language that she needed to know but also a bit more about the world out there as she was massively out of touch about some things. She did know something from those few movies which she actually saw from beginning to end, but it wasn’t always a correct assumption. For instance, my parents (I have to shamefully admit that neither did I) never bothered to explain to her which movies were set in a fictional world and which tried to imitate what was actually out there. That’s why my lovely horsewife believed for a long time that people with supernatural powers are actually quite common, that dragons are real or that certain animals can speak and are fully sentient, just like her. That was another fun topic to chat about.
In the evening, after the sun set and it was preferable to come inside again, we’d switch from books, cards and learning, to PC. I’d be lying if I said that I did not miss it. Not as much as I missed my better half of course but I still enjoyed vidya from time to time. The thing is, I only had my right hand to use it, so, we made a compromise with Suzzane that I’d be aiming with the mouse and she would walk. As you can expect, it was very clumsy at first but eventually, we did manage to make a bit of progress. It was definitely a new and entertaining experience. 

What I was trying to say though, if it isn’t obvious, is that we had an absolute blast being together again; Being able to share activities and thoughts after such a long time. It was missing one thing though… Okay, maybe two things but I wasn’t really in condition to do any of those. At least not throughout the first few days.

On the third day though, if I don’t count the one when I arrived and went straight to sleep, I finally deemed it was time to stop being so easy on myself and just go on the stroll I longed so much for. The bruises, although horribly colourful, ceased hurting so much with every move and we finally ventured somewhere where the real trees grow and water flows on its own!~ Even if the water was just a small creek and the trees were a mere alley. Considering the nerd I used to be, I grew very fond of nature. 

Considering the recent events, I slightly feared whether Suzzane would still enjoy being outside the same way she used to. You know, whether she’d still be so much fun to be around but most importantly, whether she’d have fun. Whether she retained the ability to enjoy the little things. However, I soon found out that in her heart, she was still the same silly mare that enjoyed chasing butterflies, jumping over water and climbing trees. Merely a little more educated and experienced one. 

As much as I’d want to, I couldn’t do all that stuff with her but I knew it wasn’t going to be like that forever so I didn’t mind. Settling for just watching her have fun was enough for me. I was looking forward to being completely healed though.

We went our usual direction towards the fields where we had our very first stroll. It wasn’t far, we had some good memories and, I’m not even exactly sure why, I also wanted to have a look at the place where I had my tent, two months ago. 

On the way throughout the neighbourhood, I occasionally saw somewhat familiar faces of people living there; Although I didn’t really know any of them personally. It made me wonder just how many of them actually knew about ‘the incident in the woods’. However, judging from the fact that somehow most of my father's co-workers learned about it, I presumed the dog lady told as many people as she could. I didn’t really care at that point though. Since my worst fear had already manifested itself in its worst possible form, there was nothing worse that could happen. 

When I caught an eye of someone that was looking at me judgingly, as if he or she knew who I was, I’d gladly return the look with a smile and wish a terrific day. It felt nice, not being scared anymore. If someone asked, I’d probably even tell them directly: “Yes, this is my wife, ain’t she beautiful?” Just to see their faces. Nobody did ask though and maybe it was for the better because it would probably give my family even more negative fame. 

We slowly went through the familiar alley where I ‘lost’ Suzzane the first time and then got pranked by her. Then we passed the creek and not far from it, was the spot.

“Dis where Anon sleep?” Suzzane ate one of the dandelions growing there.

“Yeah, this is the place…” I stared at it.

“Good plaec. Good grass here.” Remarked the mare and had another dandelion.

I sort of thought there would be something to look at but there wasn’t anything at all. Not even a trace of me, spending there some of the worst moments of my life. Just green grass which was way taller than before and some flowers. 

In a way, it was actually quite liberating to see it. As if it was a sign that if we let them, wounds will heal and allow you to grow further; Maybe even, to grow some tasty flowers. 

In the sudden realisation, I smiled: “So, now that we’ve been here, let’s go back again. There’s nothing to see, really.”

On the way back, we took a different route so we could walk along the creek a little longer. Then we had to go an equally lengthy way through the neighbourhood but we were not in a hurry. It was a beautiful summer day, begging to be enjoyed outside in the sun. 

Since we also made a few more stops, and I didn’t walk as fast as I usually would, the stroll ended up being a whole afternoon activity. 




…




Upon our return, my dad was out somewhere but my mother was in the house. Gone were the days when I had to rely on her to clean Suzzane’s hooves before coming inside. I gladly began doing it myself, even with only one usable hand. The woman approached us nonetheless though, inquiring where we have been and what we’ve been doing.

“The usual I guess. We just went for a walk towards the fields.” I replied nonchalantly, while scrubbing clean one of Suzzane’s hoofs. Then I smiled. “It was really nice though.”

“Good, good.” The woman smiled back awkwardly. “Didn’t do anything um, you know, publicly inappropriate, right?”

“Mom!.. You really think that’s all we ever do outside?” I laid down the cloth rag and Suzzane blushed a little when she realised what was the topic of our conversation. “It’s not like each time we go out, we have to go at it! It happened only once.”

“I was just making sure Anon. We don’t need any more unwanted attention, that’s all.”

“Well, I did learn my lesson to be more mindful about my surroundings if that is what you mean…” I picked up the rag again, moving onto the last hoof. “And if it makes you feel better, we haven't even done it once since I got home.”

“Okay, okay. I believe you Anon.” My mom said quickly, hoping to prevent me from going into any details. She then opened her mouth, about to say something more but then just awkwardly walked away, knowing well that she didn’t handle the conversation very well.

I was speaking the truth though, I honestly didn’t even think about making the “big sex, yes” to Suzzane; as she once called it herself. 

Okay,.. I did think about it but I wasn’t in the condition to do it and I wasn’t in a big hurry to do it either. I knew there’d be plenty of time for that in the future. 

However, since it was already implied, I figured that we might as well have a little bit of a good time together that night. A very gentle and discreet kind, that is. After all, I was well enough to walk and it’s been so long…




***




After what my mother said, I figured it really might be the best thing to leave the house when I can. Giving it some more thought, I might have finally come up with a solution to not disappoint anyone. The next day on breakfast, while Suzzane was outside in the garden with my sister, I decided to bring it up:

“Hey Dad, it IS possible to take a year off from school and then continue where I left off, right?” I asked while eating my bread with some curry hummus. Yum.

“Well, yes, I think it is. Under some circumstances.” He looked up at me from his own food. “Wouldn’t it be easier though to just continue now?”

“That depends. You see…” I explained to him my exact concerns regarding my stay with them, about how I can see that they are still not exactly at peace with my relationship with Suzzane, and how I don’t want to trigger them with every little thing I might do. My dad had to admit that it was somewhat true but he couldn't see how postponing it a year would help.

“Throughout that year, Suzzane could learn to speak a bit better and maybe you would start to perceive her a little differently than you do now.” I said. “...You still don’t believe me about her intellect, do you?”

For a few seconds, there was silence while my father weighed whether to be completely honest about what he was thinking or say something neutral. In the end he explained his point of view:

“Sorry, but no. One would think that if she really was as smart as you consider her to be, she would try to speak with us while you were gone but she never did. It only reinforced my belief that she’s just parroting you.”

“But that’s just because she was depressed, dad!”

“Son please, let’s not go this direction again.”

I really wanted to tell him that I can show him how she uses the dance pad to play video games with me or how she can beat my sister at cards. I wanted to convince my parents to have a conversation with Suzzane in calm, while giving her enough time to form the sentences. Instead, I swallowed that and just said instead:

“Okay, as you wish, but it is all the more reason to have a gap year. Then, when I’ll return, you’ll be gasping at how much progress she’ll make.”

It made the two people look at each other in doubt but they didn’t say anything. I guess that they resented the idea of Suzzane being sentient so much, because then they would have to admit to themselves that they were not treating her the way she deserved. That they would have to admit that they basically own a slave, not a pet. Although, the term “slave” is probably too harsh as she wasn’t exactly required to do any slave work. Still, they owned another sentient being and it was hard to acknowledge.

I somewhat understood how drastic it would be for them but I wasn’t going to let them stay in their illusion forever. I was determined to make them see. One day, when there will be absolutely no way for them to deny.


***


It was decided then, I called Sasha to pick me up next week as I presumed I would be relatively fine by that time. The gypsum could be taken off at any hospital later, or, I figured we could even do it at the restaurant; Provided Sasha would be sober at the moment of cutting through it.

It meant that I had over a week to fully prepare myself, which was way more than the last time and more than enough. I actually had a few things I wanted to get done throughout that time. One of which was to sell my PC and buy an older gaming laptop instead. And also, to get a new phone screen so I could try to replace it later when I’d have both hands available and a plenty of time on them. 

I have to say that I was very lucky because I found a buyer for my PC relatively quickly. With the money, I was able to afford both the new screen and the used laptop without having to touch my reserves. A lot. 

My parents didn’t know exactly how much was in there, so I figured that if I used just a little bit of it before exchanging the money for Suzzane, it wouldn’t hurt.

Anyway, I was in the town centre, looking for the shop I had found on the internet. Supposedly, they were selling all kinds of both old and new tech stuff there, including spare phone screens. I already called there to ask if they had mine, so I only went there to pick it up and maybe choose a laptop as well. 

Naturally, I had Suzzane with me to keep me company as well as for her to get outside from the house and see new places. I was on the bicycle and she was naturally on foot, or rather, hoof in her case. Before you ask: riding the bike with only one hand wasn’t an issue as I was used to riding it without hands altogether and, no, it wasn’t even my bicycle. Mine was still at the restaurant. Dad was actually kind enough to let me borrow his, so thumbs up to him for that.

It was actually our first ride together with Suzzane since I returned, so we were both a little out of shape. Nevermind that though, we have both thoroughly enjoyed it.

Once we reached the centre, I decided we could buy something to eat as a reward for making it all the way and to replenish some energy. Fortunately, there was a pizza place nearby and you can guess who loves pizza. Everyone, including Suzzane and me.

However, as we sat down on one of the benches at the square, sharing a tasty vegetariana, I suddenly heard a female voice from somewhere behind me:

“Hey! You there!”

Naturally, I turned around and I saw a woman rushing towards us. She was probably somewhere between her 30’s and 40’s, had glasses and short-ish hair. I slowly laid down the pizza slice that I was about to bite into and waited, wondering whether there would be some kind of trouble or not. 

“You there, want to help me change history?” She asked when she was nearly there.

“Uh, hello. What’s this about?” I asked. While I was glad it wasn’t about something I did, her saying something ambitious sounded odd as hell.

The woman had a closer look at Suzzane sitting next to me before continuing: “Say,.. would you consider the pony being way more intelligent than you initially thought?” 

“Well, yeah. I actually know that for a fact.” I made a short pause. “How did you know though?”

“That’s what I thought. You see, I’m putting together interviews from people like you. The reason is that there’s a growing number of cases in which these ponies sprout rapid intellect growth but the media don’t seem to acknowledge the fact. Someone ought to point out what is happening here and I decided to take it into my own hands. Would you care for an interview?” She smiled.

I glanced at Suzzane, who probably wasn’t too familiar with the word “interview" yet but she seemed to be enthusiastic about the topic. We nodded at each other.

“Why not?” I said. “And if it gets us some answers regarding Suzzane’s origin, that would be great.”

“Perfect! My name’s Michelle. Let’s sit down at the café over there.” The woman pointed towards the door from which she must have run out before. “I already have a table reserved and you can tell me your story. My um, colleague is already waiting there.”

“Okay...” I glanced over to Suzzane, wondering what she meant by that. As suspicious as it sounded, I wasn’t going to back down at that point. “Sue, you want some more of that pizza before we go?”

“Yes.” The mare nodded and took two big bites from the slice which I had in my hand. “Ih gooh noe.” She announced then with a mouthful.

“Alright. Let’s go then.” I also had a bite out of the slice and picked myself up.


…


We followed the woman inside the building, towards one of the tables near the window. It was an ordinary café, maybe just a little bit too posh for my tastes, as I tended to choose cheaper places. However, there was quite a shocker waiting for me at the table. It turned out the woman’s colleague was in fact not a human. 

To my absolute surprise, for the very first time, I saw another pony from up close. When she glanced at me, her face looked like Suzzane’s, except with a different default expression. This other pony seemed more reserved from the very first glance. She was lounging in her seat, somehow holding a dessert fork in her hoof and slowly chewing a morsel of a chocolate cake that was in front of her.

I should point out though that she didn’t merely look like Suzzane, she looked exactly like Suzzane. As if I saw an instance of my beloved mare from an alternate reality. The only notable difference was in their manes: The other mare had it cut into a modern looking hairstyle, while my silly wife’s mane was naturally growing and was about two times longer.

I knew that my parents mentioned before that they all looked like clones but I wasn’t there with them when they were choosing. Never before have I seen another of Suzzane’s kind, so I guessed they all merely looked very similar in colour. However, seeing a perfect imitation of my one and only, sitting there in front of me, was truly confounding.

When I sat down, I couldn’t stop staring from one pony to another. If it weren’t for the manes and the difference in body posture, it would be nearly impossible to tell them apart. I hated that for some reason.

Suzzane, however, wasn’t as shocked as I was. Sure, she was curious about seeing another one that’s just like her but it obviously wasn’t her first time. “Me Suzzane, hello!” She greeted and introduced herself in one sentence.

“Um, hi there.” I waved awkwardly.

“Hello. I’m Stacy. Nice to meet you both.” Answered the other pony. She spoke too refinedly to sound like a casual, born speaker of the language but it was almost perfect. That part visibly surprised even Suzzane.

“Ooo! Speak very good!” She commented on it, pupils widened. “Where learn?”

“I had many classes with a private teacher.” Smiled Stacy ever so courteously. “Thank you.”

My jaw dropped a little. What Stacy represented for me was both a proof that I was completely correct about Suzzane having the mental capacity to perfectly learn to speak but at the same time, it raised so many questions. 

Is she really just a clone? If so, does that make her our bond any less special? 

“Mister, are you okay?” Stacy spoke to me suddenly.

“Um, yeah! Of course!” I realised just how long I have been staring at her. “...Sorry it’s just that, it’s my first time seeing another one of your species. Besides Suzzane..” I decided to admit.

“We invented the term. “equinians”.” Michelle squeezed herself into the conversation. “Or just “ponies”, if you prefer, but I’d say that the first one sounds a little more apt, wouldn't you say?”

“...You’re right that the term “equinilians” sounds somewhat more official.” I looked at her awkwardly, still a little befuddled.

“Equinians.” I was corrected. “Not equinilian-...anyway, let's just use "ponies"."

“Sure.” I nodded, failing to play it cool. “So, um…Uh…”

“You have questions, right?” Asked Stacy.

“Yeah. I do, actually.” I glanced at the mare and then at Suzzane, sitting next to me. She was observing the situation the whole time and she seemed to be just a little confused by my own confusion. Just why is my Anon acting so nervous?

“We can answer those after the interview, I would like it to be authentic.” Michelle stepped in. “Sorry. Surely you won’t mind?”

“Okayyyy then. I guess I can wait.” I agreed, though a little bit disappointed.

Great!” The woman smiled and as if by the way, she raised her hand with a phone in it, waving at a waiter that was passing by. “Two more Sachers please! Wait! Actually four…Thank you.” She then put her phone into the middle of the table and turned back to me. “You won’t mind that I will be recording this, right? It will be anonymous, unless you’d want to share more about yourself publicly.”

“The recording is fine but I’m not sure if I want my name to be in public.” I glanced at the phone.

“Understandable. In the article, you’ll be Steve and Suzzane will be um- Pocahontas!” She smiled and pressed the record button on the touch screen. “Aaaaand, we’re recording. So, to start it off, what is your relationship with the pony next to you? Do you still consider her ‘a pet’ or rather ‘a person’?”

“We are way past that I’d say.” I involuntarily chuckled to myself and blushed a little. I hesitated for merely a second, but since there wasn’t going to be my name in there to ruin the reputation of my parents, I continued: “This lovely gal is my wife.” And I raised my hand with the silver ring on my pinky for Michelle to see.

“Yes, Suzzane wife!” The mare next to me proudly moved a little closer and grinned widely as she raised her hoof to show off her bracelet. “...Not real, but real for Anon and Suzzane.”

“Well, that’s definitely new…” It slightly stumped both of the females in front of me. “We haven’t interviewed many people yet, but you’re the first I know about to um… go so far in their relationship’. This will certainly be interesting.” It was Michelle’s turn to try and play it cool. “So, how did you two come together? ”

“Anon parents buy Suzzane and Suzzane friend Anon. Then wife. Then Anon must leave but then he come back and both very happy.” Suzzane nodded to herself proudly. Somehow she must have missed that she’s supposed to be Pocahontas and I was supposed to be Steve.

“Um Suzie, we were supposed to use fake names but nevermind I guess.” I smiled awkwardly. I should have realised that she could still easily miss parts of sentences if we didn’t speak clearly enough.

“Oh, that why Suzzane Pocahotas. Understand nao.” The pony gave me an angelic smile. It’s not as if I was actually upset at her but if I was, I wouldn’t be any longer at that point. 

“That’s no problem, we can just change it in the article. Speak anyhow you want. Let’s just continue. ” The woman in front of me said to Suzzane, then turned towards me. “How did the relationship progress? When and how did you realise that there might be more to your pony companion?”

“Well, it actually took me a couple of months…” I started and I told them in truth about how I initially resented Suzzane but then she found her way into my heart. Then, I explained how I slowly began spending more and more time with her until she became my very best friend. In the meanwhile, they brought us all the Sacher cakes which Michelle kindly ordered for us. Throughout that time, Suzzane just let me speak without any input from her side. She merely listened and occasionally took a bite of her cake in a similar clumsy manner as a dog would. When I was done with my story, I couldn’t help not to ask a question that lingered in my mind for a while:

“Hey Suzie, why did you even choose me?” I turned towards her, just as she finally managed to lick off the bit of chocolate that was stuck on her nose. 

“Anon Suzzane best friend. Anon always very, very nice to Suzzane. Treat like human.” The mare smiled and blushed a little .”Anon also very pretty. And smell good. That why Suzzane try lick-”

“No no sweetie,” I hastily stopped her before she’d go into details about our very first night. That was something I definitely wanted to keep between the two of us. “I mean, why did you even come to my room back then. At the very start. I didn’t want to have anything to do with you back then but you still came over.”

“Ooo. Because Anon sad before. Inside.” She put her hoof on her chest while searching for the right word. “Alo-ane. Need a friend. Suzzane always friend who need.” The mare smiled.

“Just like that?... Even though I wasn’t good to you back then?” I was about to have a piece of my cake as well but I laid the fork down instead.

“Yes.” Suzzane nodded. “Also, Suzzane co-...um…coorius! Before, not know that future wife. But enjoy very much nao.”

“Yeah, I had no idea either.” I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and kiss her forehead. “Thanks for being so kind to me back then, darling.”

“Anon also kind to Suzzane.” She smiled and cuddled up to me. “Feel warm inside when around.”

I realised that even if it was just her (possibly artificial) friendly nature which initially brought us together, it didn’t change the fact that my feelings for her were very real. 

For a second or two I almost forgot that we were being interviewed. I began nuzzling the mare and I was about to kiss her on her lips when I stopped, coughing into my fist. “I um., sorry. We got a little lost in the moment. Was there anything else?”

“Maybe I will also find a human mate for myself.” Sneakily announced Stacy to Michelle. “I also long to be cherished like this by a male.”

Michelle also coughed into her fist. “A-Anyway, what was the crucial moment when you became 100% sure about the sentience of your companion?”

“I um,..It was…” I began, still red from before. However, when I remembered that the crucial moment actually happened that very night which I didn’t want to talk about publicly, I grew even redder. My intention was to find some words to say the truth but also mask it enough to not give away any details, so I said: “When I looked into her eyes at one important milestone of our relationship, I saw a lot more in there than I possibly could see in the eyes of an animal. There was potential and understanding, deeper than I thought before. And I just knew that she was the one who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Then we do the big sex for first time!” Happily announced Suzzane next to me, turning everyone else’s faces completely red in an instant. Paying absolutely no mind to the embarrassment she had caused, the mare continued fondly: “Suzzane also see in Anon eyes that he “the one”. Feel,.. familiar. Remember from time before Suzzane was Suzzane and Anon was Anon.”

Because of the predicament, I almost didn’t hear the last part that she said. It took me a good few awkward seconds to realise it. “...Wait, what did you say, sweetie? That you remember “us” from before you were you and I was I?”

“Yes! Suzzane see before. When look deep.” She smiled as if it was a completely normal thing to do. 

“What did we look like back then?” I inquired.

“Don’t know! Only feeeel.” Suzzane widened her eyes and raised her front hooves to flap them a little in front of herself. “Suzzane feel many things when look deep into eyes.”

“Huh…” Michelle glanced at Stacy. “Do you have any telepathic powers or…”

“Well I never really tried…” Frowned the mare slightly and used her fork to carefully cut a piece of her cake. “I’ve spent my life learning to be like you humans.”

“Well it is certainly an important discovery. We’ll have to look into it.” The woman, still a little red in her face from before, adjusted her glasses to regain her composure. It seemed that the topic of reincarnation wasn’t anything new to her. “We thank you both for sharing. Is there anything else worth noting for the research? Any particularly interesting finds?”

“Well, I’m not sure.” I shrugged my arms, in my head still wondering about what Suzzane just said. “A few months after what we just told you about, we had a little private marriage, then my parents found out and they threw me out for being a degenerate. Then they took me back in for a while and we will be leaving next week together. Then, we will hopefully have enough time for Suzzane to learn the language even better. We didn’t practise that much in the past. I didn’t want to force her.”

 “I’m sure you’ll get there eventually.” Smiled Stacy at Suzzane.

“Thanks!” Suzzane smiled back.

“Anyway, I think we were mostly done.” Michelle returned us all back on track after swallowing a big morsel of her cake that she visibly longed for a good while. “Now, I did promise you some answers, so, we will be happy to tell you everything that we know so far.”

“Great! Do you know anything about the origin of eqi-uh ponies? Where did they come from?” I asked quickly, hungry for some answers.

“That’s the thing,.. we don’t.” Michelle sort of ruined my quickly rising hopes. “Yet though! We are collecting every information that we can, so we could publish it one day. It’s not much but we’ve already learned a few things that we can base the research on. First is: The ponies are very likely clones, all made from the same DNA; Accelerated growth. That is why there are only very minimal mutations between their looks and why they appeared so suddenly.”

“Well, I don’t mean to be rude but I sort of could have guessed that when I saw Stacy.” I glanced at her. “No offence.”

“None taken.” She glanced back at me and had the last morsel of her Sacher cake.

Suzzane meanwhile tried to imitate her using the fork, but she dropped it.

“I know, but there’s a bit more.” Michelle snapped her fingers to get back my attention as I was reaching down to pick up the fork for Suzzane. “I suspect that all of the first gen ponies can boast with intelligence rivalling the human mind. Initially, I thought it only applies to those with the blue-ish eye colour, which is approximately every tenth one but it's probably not true. There might be something else to the blue eyed individuals, possibly the telepathy thingy, but I need to do more interviews before making any conclusions. The next thing: Their creators might have been partly or even very aware of their intelligence, but were likely unable to deal with it through genetics… I know for a fact, that these ponies have been growing up with dogs. Stacy remembers parts of it.” She glanced at Suzzane, as if looking for some kind of reaction from her.

“Suzzane remember dog friends!” Suzzane exclaimed, adding to Michelle’s growing smug expression. 

“Yeah, I figured.” The woman adjusted her glasses with a little smile. “I’ve been pondering why would they make all the equinians spend their whole youth solely with dogs and I think the answer is simple: To make them behave like dogs. Likely in hopes that after reaching adulthood, they would simply keep that animal mindset. Provided no one would start treating them differently.” 

“But that is insane.” I raised my arms a little in disbelief. “I mean, there was bound to be someone who would find out. Wouldn’t there?”

“Well yes, but they must have been desperate for money.” Michelle raised her finger, shortly glancing at Suzzane who was attempting to use the fork again. “I looked up the corp’s net worth throughout the years and while they were in the development, they almost went bankrupt. In order to get back on track, they had to turn their research into profit, which they did. That’s likely why they launched their campaign prematurely, fully aware that their “product” was flawed. They simply could not afford to scrap it and start all over again. But if they could pull it off, then they’d have enough money to perfect them, silence all media and bribe all the possible lawsuits. Makes sense right? It does to me.”

“Well, it is still a completely unhinged plan. I mean, don’t we have some state organs specifically for snuffing out actions like these?” I stuffed a piece of my cake into my mouth and cut another piece to feed it to Suzanne. I wanted to let her do it herself but I felt bad about her attempts.

“Dear boy, you really are young if you still believe that the state works for the people.” The woman laughed. “Everything is just a question of money, power and knowledge. These organs would happily let a thing like this slide, even help cover it up, if they’d get their share of money and information from the research. Ever heard of MK ultra, project monarch?”

“Um-” I wanted to speak with my mouthful but I decided not to. 

“What is truly interesting is that recently, the corporation received funds from the government.” Continued Michelle. “Even though the government actually tried to sue them in the past! At one point, every action against them was dropped. Instead, they began pouring money into them. Isn’t that interesting? I’m almost sure that they realised that they could have some sort of military interest in what they do. It could have something to do with the telepathic powers that we just discovered, who knows?”

“Lady, this is quite a lot to take in, I-” I laid my fork down because I was finished eating. “... hold on, whose is the DNA they cloned all of the ponies off?

“Yeah, that’s the big enigma.” The woman leaned back and threw her hands up. “Could be alien. Could be something they dug up from the past. Could be something from behind the antarctic! Why is absolutely no one allowed to explore the whole damn thing? But I’m 90% sure that the discovery of the DNA is basically the whole reason why this whole thing started in the first place.”

“Well,.. You certainly gave me a lot to think about.” I scratched my head. “Almost too much.”

“Likewise.” Michelle smiled, then glanced at the mare next to her who was eyeing up a confused male waiter. “And I’m pretty sure that Stacy also received a different perspective…”


***


We chatted for a little longer but eventually, we shook our hands and said goodbyes. 

I left the café with Suzzane next to me and the cold pizza in my hands. I didn’t regret the visit, even though I learned that Suzzane’s body may not be as special as I might have thought before. In the end, it didn’t even matter because it was her soul that was special to me. Even more so after what she had said about us during the interview.

It is true that I called her “a soulmate” numerous times before but it was just a word to describe how I felt towards her. However, hearing Suzzane herself speak about our life before this one, that was something different. I wasn’t sure back then whether I believed in reincarnation but hearing such a claim from someone who doesn’t tend to lie, it made me delve more into the subject later in life.

What I was really trying to say here though, was that if it was even possible for my love towards my pretty little wife to grow even further, it definitely did that day.

We walked back to the bench at which we sat before to finish the pizza because there wasn’t that much left and I wanted to get rid of the box before we would go. I quietly chewed my morsel, one after another, watching Suzzane munch hers. My mind kept wondering about the overwhelming amount of things that I learned, trying to make sense of it all in my own head. Especially, I wanted to filter what to believe in and what not. I also considered asking Suzzane more questions but for that moment, I merely settled for watching her eat. In a way, her carefreeness calmed me. 

I wasn’t sure what would be of the interview we gave and whether it would really help anything. I did hope though, that Michelle would uncover the whole truth eventually and maybe one day, even people like my father could read about it in the newspaper. Until then though, not many things were changed.

As I watched the mare, staying in the present moment, it ultimately didn’t matter to me where she came from or what exactly she was. Just like her, I knew that we really did belong together and that was all I needed to know. 

When we were finished with the pizza, I sat on my bicycle and I rode back with my wife galloping by my side. After the interview, I happened to completely forget about the phone screen and the notebook, which I initially went to pick up. 

Only once we stopped, about halfway home, and Suzzane asked: “No buy stuff today?” did I recall what was the main point of that day. 

“Let’s just go home now, they might be closing anytime soon anyway.” I scratched my head, feeling a little dumb. Then I smiled though. “ Hey, at least we’ll have a reason to go out together tomorrow again, what do you say?”

“Suzzane yes! Race home now.” The mare pranced and she was already on her way.


***

> Come to me again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


***


I didn’t tell my parents about the interview we had, nor about meeting Stacy; the pony who had already mastered the art of speaking fluently. It wasn’t exactly a taboo topic but I figured that trying to convince them about Suzzane’s sentient mind was just wasting my energy and stirring the waters of possible conflict. After all, I didn’t even record a video of Stacy and Suzzane together or anything so I didn’t have proof. I was soon to be leaving too.

I figured that the best kind of proof would be when we return after a year and they would see for themselves just how much would Suzzane progress. Or, in the best case, they might even hear about the whole affair of sentient ponies from the news; if Michelle and Stacy succeed.

So, the things stayed pretty much the same at home until it was the time to leave. 

And eventually, the day of our departure back to the middle of nowhere, where time seems to flow differently, where my phone doesn’t have any signal and where and where troubled souls come to recover, has come.

Okay, when I say it like that, it does sound a little more mysterious than Sasha’s hotel actually was but each of the points are still true.

And I gotta admit, I was really looking forward to showing Suzzane something more than the city and its weak fauna and flora. Just as much as I was looking forward to being there myself: Avoiding school, hanging out with my beloved wife, making some money and exploring nature? Heck yeah, that’s what Anon likes.

This time Sasha agreed to pick me up by the house, so that I wouldn’t have to walk with all the luggage. I also had everything packed up the day before, so, all that we had to do that morning was to pick ourselves up and go outside. 

The morning breakfast before my departure was somewhat silent and for some reason a little bit awkward. As if no one knew what to talk about. As if everything important has already been said. 

I used to think that it’s just how it always goes. Turns out it isn’t always true. There usually is something more to say and oftentimes it can be very important.

I said my goodbyes to mom, my sister and lastly, my dad. As I did, he handed me Suzzane’s ownership papers, already legally changed to my name. Sadly, it was the only way to do things because legally, she was still a mere property. In return, I took out my wallet to give him the money. To my surprise though, he just counted the stack of banknotes and returned them back to me.

“...What does that mean?” I asked, a bit puzzled about what he did. After all, I already had the papers which I wanted in my hand.

“I told you before it was not about money, Anon. And I did mean it. You’ll need these more than I do.” He patted my shoulder. “But know that I’m proud of you, for being able to take care of yourself out there in the world.”

His behaviour definitely caught me off guard, so it took me a second just to process it.

“You actually mean all that?” I said eventually, finding it hard to believe.

“I do, son. It’s true that I imagined a slightly different future for you but in the end, I just hope you’ll be happy out there.” He offered me a handshake.

“T-Thanks dad.” I hesitantly took his hand but when I did, he pulled me into a short embrace. That was when I was sure that he meant it. “...I really appreciate this dad.”

If there was any grudge left in me towards him, I think it dissolved then. It was the day when I had to admit to myself that even with his flaws, my father was a good man at his core. 




…




“So, this is that important person you needed to pick up?” Laughed Sasha when Suzzane and I sat inside his car. 

“I’m Suzzan! Nice tu meet you.” The mare seemed to remember the correct way which Stacy introduced herself before. “You Sasha? Anon say much about.”

“Woah, you really CAN talk.” The russian acknowledged with just a slight visible surprise, took a small sip from his hip flask and put on his usual grin . “Yes I am Sasha. I hope he said good things about me.”

“Only the best.” I grinned back.

“Said Sasha look scary but he very nice.” Suzzane continued in her conversation. “Not think look scary. Think look like pirate.” She smiled. (I should probably point out that the term “pirate” meant “a funny man that sails on the sea with his friends” to Suzzane back then.)

“Yeah well maybe I am a bit of a pirate because of the tax fraud I’m committing while employing Anon.” Sasha laughed and stepped on the gas pedal.

I barely managed to wave at my family, catching only a glimpse of my mother’s worried expression about seeing Sasha drink and drive as if he stole the car. It was kinda funny to see her but I was also glad I didn’t have to have that conversation with her later.


…


As we left, Suzzane was growing increasingly excited about the journey, seeing all the new places we passed along the way. As soon as we left the city, she had her sight glued to the outside, eagerly taking in the sights of things previously unseen. After a few minutes of her face being pressed against the glass, Sasha also had the good idea to pull the window down for her to be able to stick her head out. Needless to say, the mare greatly appreciated it. 

I wasn’t sure back then whether Sasha already knew about the nature of my relationship with Suzzane but they seemed to get along just fine from the very start. I sort of guessed that he knew though, so I didn’t exactly make any hardcore attempts to hide it.

When we arrived at the hotel and parked the car, Suzzane was almost gleaming with excitement about living at a place such as this. Not the building itself though, but rather the forest. I did tell her before that it would be in the middle of nowhere but to see it for herself was something different.

“Biuuutiful!” The mare jumped out of the car as soon as she figured out how to use the handle and she rushed towards a nearest tree to have a look at it from up close. I should mention that she already knew by name most of the trees that were in the vicinity of our house. However, naming the whole, seemingly endless forest would be a different task. One that she was still up for though. Meanwhile, I went ahead and began moving our stuff from the car to the small room that was waiting for us up on the first floor.

Inside, I greeted Mary and Svetlana who already saw us coming and now they were watching Suzzane through a restaurant window. She was walking around, smelling and inspecting every piece of nature from up close, looking very much like an ordinary animal at the first sight.

Partly to shift their attention somewhere else, I struck up a short conversation with them about what was new. To my not-so-much of a surprise, I learned that while I was gone and my life was drastically changing, nothing much has really happened here. However, before I could get into details of how exactly the bus got rammed, Suzzane had barged in through the front door.

“Hello Sasha family! I’m Suzzan, nice’ t meet yuu!” She smiled at the two women, confident in her sentence; despite the pronunciation being a bit less good than the last time. And, if there was a chance that Svetlana did not tell Mary uptill then, she added proudly: “Suzzane wife to Anon.”

As it usually is when Suzzane speaks her heart out loud without any scruples, I stood there all red while both the mother and her daughter looked just a little bit baffled. Mary, slightly more than Svetlana. 

“...So you’re the one who stole the heart of our fastest dishwasher?” Grinned the younger woman eventually, after a second of silence that felt longer than it actually was. “Hi, I’m Svetlana.”

“And I’m Mary. Hi.” Added her mother, processing that just a little longer.

“Yes.” Suzzane nodded. “Very pretty place here. Much trees. Much grass. Suzzane like. House pretty also.”

“Why thank you.” Mary giggled eventually. “What a polite… young lady you are!”

“Oh yeah, she’s very polite.” I chuckled, relieved that the situation went relatively smoothly. “Ya’ll can chat and I’ll move all this stuff in the meanwhile.”

After that, I left because the bag in my good hand was getting heavy and I refused to put it on the ground the whole time. Once I was in my room, I finally set it down and started unpacking. After a few minutes though, I could hear a clop of hoofsteps in the corridor behind the partially closed door.

“Anooon?” Suzzane’s voice followed soon after.

“I’m here!” I stood up and yelled back, opening the door completely. The next second, I could see the mare on the other side of the corridor so I waved at her. She smiled when she saw me and began walking a little bit faster.

“Heyyy.” I crouched back down to give her a small nuzzle and a kiss. “You didn’t tell them anything too private, right?”

“Suzzane speak about house. And trees. Good for running and baycycle with Anon.” She grinned in amusement. “But Anon always shy if Suzzane speak about love. Think is cute.”

“What? Are you putting me in these situations on purpose?” I laughed.

“No… Sometime.” Suzzane bit her lip and grinned a little bit wider. 

“You little devil!” I lifted the mare up and threw her on the bed. 

Before she could get up, I blew a raspberry on her belly. She laughed and giggled, trying to wiggle away from me but it was of no use. Not even my temporary handicap could stop me. She was then mercilessly tickled till she could barely speak. 

Such is the grim fate of those with loose lips…

Anyway, after what could have been like 20 minutes of intense playfighthing, I returned downstairs for the rest of our stuff. It was only then, when I realised that hearing all that noise from upstairs and seeing Suzzane all dishevelled might have given everyone the wrong ideas of what we were doing. However, I was in too good of a mood to care and since no one brought it up, I carried on.

I still had to unpack all those things that I brought and find a place for them in the cramped up space. Suzzane helped me with the arrangement of course, actually showing a surprisingly good aesthetic feeling while keeping it practical. The rest of what we couldn’t fit anywhere, we had to hide under the bed and take it out only when we needed it.

Then we finally went down to have a proper chat with everyone and maybe a beer too. At least I did.

All three housemates were curious about what I have to share, partly because nothing ever happens around where they live, so they never get a lot of gossip outside of the season. As cool as they were though, I did notice that none of them were too sure about how exactly they should treat Suzzane; whether like an animal or a person. In the end, they sort of just settled for treating her like something in between, or a child. 

To be fair, since Suzzane was kind of clumsy with her hooves, stupidly cute, easy to excite with so many new things around and because of her far-from-perfect grammar, she was giving out that kind of vibes to someone who doesn't know her well enough.

It was not exactly a perfect situation, but it was a good start. I considered asking everyone to talk to her normally, without all the lisping and stuff but it simply needed some time for them to get to know her more and see that she’s an actual person underneath that cute exterior. At least they couldn’t care less about what we do together. 

And boy, we did a lot of things together throughout that year. And I’m not speaking about the lewd things, although we had a fair share of those as well. I’m talking about getting the most out of our situation, being basically stranded in the middle of nowhere. 

We went for lengthy walks (with me on a bicycle, duh) almost every single day, when it wasn’t raining, slowly but steadily mapping the area. While inside, we also continued with all the activities that we started doing at home. You know, reading, playing games together and most of all: learning languages. Never before was Suzzane more motivated to learn than after seeing Stacy. She even began correcting herself sometimes after referring to me and herself in the third person! However, this way of talking was so rooted in her, that it was going to be a very long run for her. We had time though, nothing was pressing us anymore; no worries about anything or anyone, and my little horse-wife indeed thrived like never before. 


…


On the weekends, when I actually had to work, Suzzane would either watch or try to help me (which wasn’t always that helpful but she did her best). 

Of course though, we couldn’t always be together and I guess that for the health of the relationship, we also shouldn’t. So, she’d often depart into the woods on her own while I was busy. When I asked her about what she does there all day, she simply stated: “Making friends. Exploring.”

At first I thought that she meant the random people that seemed to pop up from the forest all the time to get a beer or something to eat but later on, she began talking about horns, wings, scales and such.

At first I was a little worried about her mental health but later I’ve come to accept that maybe, just maybe she can see things that humans can’t. After all, there was some kind of a magical element to her that nobody could exactly put a finger on. She could have been seeing fairies, spirits of the forest or maybe even speaking to the dead. That, or she just had a very vivid imagination. 

While I wasn’t sure which stance I should take, when she was eagerly telling me about the strange creatures she met, about the sacred rites they keep, how they live and about the history of this forest, I at least listened. Because of how important it was to her, I’d say I even wanted to believe her, if only for the sake that she believed it and I wanted to share that reality with her. However, when she tried to introduce me to some of them, I couldn’t see anything. 

I didn’t lie to her about it and admitted I can’t see what she does, which puzzled her but did not destroy her enthusiasm. Even more she began pointing out when there was one of her friends nearby and occasionally, I caught myself feeling some sort of presence around, which I couldn’t exactly explain. That was the most though and I never could see any of those things with my own eyes.


…


After my hand healed enough for the cast to be taken off, I could finally begin with what I had in mind some time ago, which was learning to play an instrument. It was actually Sasha who gave me the “final push”, because I mentioned it to him one night and he told me that he can lend me his old guitar. It was an old hunk of junk that was stashed away somewhere in the attic but it was enough to ignite a passion inside me for the instrument. Sasha himself was not a very skilled guitarist but he knew the very basics, which he was happy to pass on. 

It was the start of a very long, basically a never ending journey; one that I never regret taking. You see, if there is a God, (which I personally believe there is, because when I look back at my life, I feel kinda blessed.) then playing an instrument is the closest thing you can have to talking with him.

It might sound cliché but I feel it to be true. Besides, a good feeling isn’t the only good thing that the guitar gave me but more about that later. 




***




Eventually, the summer and even the colourful fall ended and the winter season started. My work schedule changed from the weekends to every single day and suddenly, I barely had time for Suzzane throughout the day. While she did visit me in the kitchen sometimes, to have an occasional chat or a quick cuddle, often she just departed outside on her own throughout my shifts.

I couldn’t keep her around me all the time, that much was obvious. After all, she had a love for freedom and I would never want to take it from her. So, I never objected or feared that she might not return. I knew that she was able to take care of herself out there.

However, one particular day was different.

Those winter days were cold and short and as soon as the sun set, it began freezing even more. As much as Suzzane’s natural winter coat seemed to protect her, she almost always returned before, or shortly after it got dark.  That fateful day though, after I kissed her goodbye at the start of my shift, a terrible wind broke out outside. The kind that usually leaves most of the old and weak trees broken or torn out. I was a little worried to see it through the window but I suspected that my beloved would be back soon. After all, why would anyone want to willingly stay outside in such weather?

She wasn’t returning though. Hours passed and she was still gone, even after the wind partly subsided. Then it got dark and when she still wasn’t anywhere in sight, I was beginning to get really worried.

It wasn’t the end of my shift yet but because of the weather, there weren't too many people that day. So, naturally, I asked Sasha to let me go look for her. He had no problems with it, even lent me his head lamp and his old coat that was big enough for the two of us, in case I needed to warm her up. I didn’t actually realise I might need such a thing, so kudos to him. Determined to find and bring my wife back home, I put on some of my own warm clothes too and rushed outside. 

However, I quickly realised it was like looking for a grain of glass in the sea. Even after the wind, the snow had a frozen crust on top, so it was possible that I might find Suzzane’s hoofprints, yet, she wasn’t the only one who walked there. There were many footprints of people from the day before and also some of those few who ventured outside on that day as well. Many tracks were also incomplete, destroyed by wind or fallen branches.

When I realised that I had no actual lead to even start with, dark thoughts slowly began taking over my mind. Fear, regret, hopelessness. After all, I did promise to always be at her side when she needed me. 

I didn’t give up though, I walked in continually bigger circles around the hotel, yelling her name and hoping for some kind of an answer or any kind of lead on her. I walked like that for more than an hour but eventually, I was beginning to get desperate. 

Everything that I’ve done, everything that we’ve archived, just be together, all the progress that Suzzane made with the language: It all suddenly felt like it was slipping away. Done in vain, just to be lost and turned into nothingness. After all, life in this material form is such a fragile thing and it can be destroyed so very easily.

With my throat sore from yelling and my will crumbling, I eventually sat down and succumbed to the hopelessness. I wasn’t even sure where I was anymore. Even though I knew those forests when they were green and sunlit, in the darkness that enveloped the world and in my desperation, all the trees looked similar. Even if I could recognise certain places before, after the rampage of the wild wind, with all the branches and trees laying around, everything seemed unfamiliar. 

I started to feel like that not only I would never find Suzzane but I might never even find my way back either. A fitting end for such a fool you might say, but since I’m telling you this, you can guess that I somehow survived after all. However, I pretty much stopped hoping that I alone could do it myself at that point. 

That’s when I started to beg: Anyone who could help me, God, angels, even the fairies and spirits which Suzzane sometimes talked about, anyone who would aid me find her. I wasn’t sure what to expect though. Even if they were real, I was never able to interact with them anyhow.

As I sort of expected, no one answered my prayers. I felt alone. 

In my last desperate attempt, I picked myself up and continued walking to generate some heat because I was starting to freeze. I walked pretty much aimlessly at that point, just randomly picked a direction and followed it. 

However, after a few metres, I suddenly felt as if someone tapped on my shoulder. Gently, so gently that you could question whether it was even real. In that moment though, it was enough for me to turn around and that’s when I saw it. 

Hoofprints, actual hoofprints which I recognised. I hastily began following them, calling out Suzzane’s name but there was no response yet. At least there was finally some kind of hope though, a thing that I already lost and when I found it again, I clung to it like a drowning man to anything in his vicinity. 

Then, after a few minutes of walking, I finally saw the scene:

An unmoving pony body in the snow, blood dried on her head and a big fallen branch nearby. 

“Suzzane!” I yelled and rushed towards her, picking the cold mare in my arms. “Come on, wake up! Please, be alive!”

I absolutely refused the very idea that she might already be dead, I just couldn’t ever deal with losing her that way. I didn’t know how to check the pulse on her though and putting a wet finger in front of her nose didn’t work because of the wind. If she really was breathing, it was only very faintly. 

I wanted to believe that the slight movement which I saw on her chest was real, so I stuffed the frail pony underneath my coat, so that she could get warm from my own body; Not even her head was sticking out. It was like putting a furry ice cube in there though.

Motivated to get us both warm and back to the hotel, I started following my own footsteps in the snow but as I progressed further, they started getting chaotic. After all, I was just as lost in the woods as Suzzane was. 

I tried going the opposite straight from the direction where I found her but it didn’t really seem to lead anywhere either. After a few minutes of walking, I actually felt more lost than I was before with no clue of which direction to go. I cursed myself for not taking my phone so I could at least use a compass on it. 

The joy from finally finding Suzzane began slowly slipping away as I started to fear that we both might eventually freeze there together. Eventually, I had to sit down on a tree stump and rest because I was tired from walking with the extra weight on me. 

I pulled the large coat over my head and withdrew my hands from my sleeves so I could hide in it and wrap my hands around Suzzane. The mare was finally getting just a bit warmer and in my embrace, I hoped that I could speed up the process.

I sat there for merely a while when I realised that the pony had shifted just a tiny bit and then even sighed a faint:

“A-..Anon..?”

“Yes. Yes it’s me, little darling.” I whispered into the dark, feeling a smile growing on my face, even though I was getting completely desperate just a few seconds before that. I was just so incredibly happy that she was alive. That I could actually hear her voice. “You’re going to be okay.”

“You come. For Suzzane?” Her face moved a little bit and brushed against mine. 

“How could I possibly leave you out here?” I laughed over how absurd it felt in my head. “You mean everything to me, silly.”

“Where… we?” She continued, still faintly but a tad more presently. Presently enough to recall that she can use the word “we”, instead of quoting both our names. “Outside, still?”

“Yes… We’re still outside.” I admitted, partly losing my smile. “I did find you but I couldn’t find my way back. We might have to make it till morning because I got us both lost. It’s just too dark, I can’t recognise anything.”

“Suzzane stupid… Should come back… sooner. But wind start… All my fault.” Her face brushed against and withdrew from mine, as if she turned away in shame.

“Don’t say that sweetie, you’re not stupid. Don’t ever say that! Okay?” I reached with my hand from her back to where her head was, so I could guide her to face me again.

The mare made a pause, probably swallowing the sentence that she was constructing in her head. I could feel her breath on my cheek as she turned towards me again. Her nose, slightly poking my own in the cramped up space of the large winter coat. 

Then, after a few more seconds, she said instead:  “Anon. You always nice to Suzzane. Even when not deserve…” 

“I would be happier to die here with you than live on without you.” I replied immediately, without even thinking about it. From the cold, slowly creeping up on my back though, I realised it might actually be the case if we won’t start moving again. “I love you.” I added nonetheless and kissed her.

After the kiss, I closed my eyes and gently rubbed my cheek against hers. Suddenly I felt a liquid, brushing off her onto me. For a split second, I was worried it might be blood from the wound on Suzzane’s head. The next second however, from the gentle sob I heard, I realised those were tears.

“Are you crying..?” I asked.

“Yes. Because Anon might die because me.” She sobbed again. I wasn’t sure if she somehow read my mind about how I felt or if she was just being emotional. 

“No way, Suzie.” I actually felt a chuckle coming. “No way it’s gonna be like that. We’ll get moving and we’ll find our way back. Or at least some place where we can hide from the wind until morning but we are not going to die here. Neither of us. Okay?”

“Okay…” She sobbed one last time, as if forcing herself to stop.

“Now let’s get moving again. Together, we have a better chance.” I withdrew my head from inside the coat and slowly stood up. My legs and feet were freezing and I needed to make the blood circulate again. I still had no idea where I was going but at least I was walking. 

Soon, Suzzane’s head stuck out from the coat as well and she was trying to orient herself about where we were. However, she had no idea either. It was dark as an abyss and even though the wind had subsided, compared to what it was a few hours ago, it was still making a mess of the forest. The tree crowns were shaking and everywhere on the ground were fallen branches; from tiny small ones to occasional ones which were as big as a small tree. Some actual trees have been ripped from the ground as well. 

The biggest carnage was already over though, so that was a good thing. 

I was hoping to find something, anything that I might recognise. A tree stump I sat on in the past, a hill, a land art we made with Suzzane, an actual damn road for cars or at least a path, made by animals… However, we must have unknowingly strayed too far and deep into the woods.

After what could have been like 20 minutes, just when I felt like I was slowly losing hope again, Suzzane suddenly stopped me.

“Wait!” she yelped out of a sudden and stuck out her hoof, even though she was barely conscious. She pointed me towards one especially large and old tree. “There…”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I was already making my way there.

“Come there. Ask!”

When I approached the immense tree trunk, the mare stared at it from up close and after a little while, she leaned her forehead against it. At first I feared that she might have fallen unconscious again but then it seemed as if there was a very faint glow coming from the spot where her head connected with it. I might have been just seeing things though. After all, I was also very tired. 

However, after a minute of staying like that, Suzzane widely smiled, seeming a little bit energised too. She nuzzled the tree before letting go. “This way!” Her hoof pointed me in a new direction.

I didn’t question it, I just went because unlike me, she seemed to have some kind of an idea while I was completely lost. And, to our great shared joy, she was right. We have found a path, probably made by passing animals, which Suzzane told me to follow. 

After a few more minutes of walking, I even started to faintly recognise certain places. We still must have been a few kilometres away from the hotel but at least we knew where to go.

Suzzane offered to walk by herself but I didn’t really want to let her. She was concussed and must have been freezing there for a few hours. Putting her back in the cold, just after she stopped feeling like an ice cube on my body, it felt like a bad idea to me. So, I carried on carrying her and I did carry her the whole rest of the way.  I walked, mostly quiet but immensely motivated by finally knowing where to go. 

After what could have been less than an hour, I actually saw the hotel in front of us again. It was dark because all of the residents had already gone to sleep. Only the big sign on the front was lit up and by God, was I happy to see it. 

“Look Suzie, we’re back!” I laughed and sped up, finding new strength in my steps. “We’re actually back!”

The mare almost drifted into sleep in the meanwhile but my sudden jog and cheerfulness woke her up.

Soon we were at the doorstep and I was sticking keys into the backdoor, leading toward the rooms. You can not imagine the pure bliss from seeing those few square metres we’ve been calling home, from stepping in and feeling the warmth of the old radiators… As soon as we untangled ourselves from the clothes, we both went straight into the shower to regain our body heat.

It must have been like -20 outside and the wind made it ever worse, so not even the walk made us fully warm. My feet were so numb from the cold that they started to hurt when I showered them with lukewarm water at first. However, for me it was at least a sign that they are still alive and not frozen. 

Then, we just sat in the shower box with Suzzane, leaning on each other’s head and letting the warm water fall on us. I only moved every few minutes to increase the heat a little bit until it was so hot that the whole shower box was filled with steam. 

We were both quiet throughout the whole time, merely resting with a content smile on our faces. We didn’t really even cuddle or anything. When the water was at max heat, we merely hugged each other, enjoying the peace at last. 

After what could have been half an hour, we somewhat nodded at each other in agreement that it was enough. While Sasha usually couldn’t care less about us using hot water, because the dishwashing already used up more than plenty, we couldn’t stay there forever. 

I still had to dry Suzzane’s mane before we’d move to bed too. It wasn’t anything lengthy though and soon we could finally lay down. When I finally did lay my weary body down on the mattress and turned off the lights, it felt like heaven. I must have fallen asleep within a minute. Suzzane kept waking up throughout the night though.

Each time she did, I did as well because she always shifted or moaned slightly. I didn’t mind though, as I was sincerely happy that I had her back. I occasionally whispered to her to calm her down and stroked her fur. I also kept her in an embrace that whole night to keep her warm, even though she was sweating in my arms.

Sometime before the sunrise, did we finally both fall asleep long enough to call it an actual rest.


…




It’s probably a no-brainer that I didn’t go to work the next day. Sasha understood as he was happy that I made it back in the first place. There were not too many customers anyway because of the weather; Even though it was milder than the day before, it was still not something you’d usually go outside to.

My body still hurt from all the exertion and I must have caught cold too; not even the hot shower could stop the process at that point. However, Suzzane was doing a bit worse than I was. After all, she was laying there in the snow for a good few hours and since the hit from the branch was able to knock her out, it was not to be taken lightly either. 

She had to stay for more than a week in bed, while I was able to return to work mere three days after the incident. However, I made sure to visit my sweet sweet, sickly poner gf on every possible occasion throughout the day. I was still a bit worried back then because I didn’t know how severely she was hurt.

Luckily, my little ladybug recovered without any permanent damage.

What happened to us…It was like a reminder that life can’t and won’t always be just rainbows and sunshine. There will always be moments that will make you touch your very low. However, surviving those moments makes you stronger and more prepared for the lesser obstacles which life throws your way.

And as they say, everything bad is good for something, yada yada…It was also because of that incident, that we learned our first song that we could both perform together. I remember that we were laying in bed two days after, still recovering, and for the time to pass a little bit quicker, I let a playlist with recommended songs quietly go on at random. 

Eventually, it switched to the “In the cold cold night” from White Stripes, which was one of those songs that I’d likely skip under the normal circumstances. This time though, I let it play and it turned out to be a crucial thing for a few upcoming years. 

Kinda sleepy, I listened, and as the slow melody continued, I found myself enjoying the song more and more. Maybe it was partly because of its name, which I could relate to, maybe it was just a good song. The guitar was quite easy though, like many songs from White Stripes, and because of that I decided to learn to play it.

What was even better though, was that while I was already learning the tabs throughout the next day, listening to the song many times, Suzzane was secretly memorising the lyrics. One evening after work, I thought that she was sleeping while I was quietly practising. However, at one point she started singing behind me:

“You make me feel a little older

Like a full grown woman might

But when you're gone I grow colder

Come to me again in The Cold, Cold, Night”

My jaw actually dropped a bit and I had to stop playing when I heard her singing voice for the first time. I wish you could hear it through my written words but even though she still had the cold, she actually sounded way better than Meg White, who sang the original. 

I just sat there, astonished because even though I always loved the sound of her voice, I never even guessed that my Suzzane could possibly be so good at singing. It was probably because of her yet imperfect knowledge of the language that I didn’t even consider the possibility. Looking back though, it does make sense. After all, I could learn the words of a song in foreign language without actually speaking it or knowing what it means. And Suzzane was able to remember this one, even though she was not able to construct these sentences on her own yet back then.

When she finished the verse, I glanced at her with a shocked expression and she gave me back a satisfied grin.

“Oh my God, Suzzane, that was beautiful!” I finally laid down the guitar. “How did you- I didn’t even know that you could sing!”

“Song sound easy, slow and nice.” The mare gave a coy, tired smile. “Remind Suz-...Remind me how Anon come rescue me. Never forget.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I just took her hoof into my hand and lovingly caressed it, looking down to hide my blushing face. Then, I chuckled: “...You do know that the lyrics are about something a little bit different, right?” 

“Suzzane know…” Suzzane grinned shamelessly, this time without correcting herself. “...But also remind of rescue.” She added a little bit more innocently. 

“Do you wanna learn the whole thing then? I’ll play the guitar and you’ll sing! Soon we could perform it together, like the real White stripes! Minus the divorce.”

“Sound good.” She smiled. “But,.. later? Tired now.”

“Of course! You gotta heal up first completely…”


…