Loonas Alicorn Experince

PuzzleMaster98

PuzzleMaster98 #1 · Apr 3rd, 2023 · 2 · 1 · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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Very nice!! Very nice indeed! loved this!!

Pepsi Addict

Pepsi Addict #2 · Apr 3rd, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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11546336
glad you enjoyed

PuzzleMaster98

PuzzleMaster98 #3 · Apr 3rd, 2023 · 1 · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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11546960
Wish there was a followup

Pepsi Addict

Pepsi Addict #4 · Apr 3rd, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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11547155
i was short for time regarding the ending but in the future i plan to revisit this

Eldorado

Moderator

Eldorado #5 · Apr 5th, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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Just FYI, NSFW links aren't permitted anywhere on Fimfiction; that includes the cover art source thing. You can direct people to images, such as stating the artist's name and website where you found it, but you can't link directly to NSFW images.

Pepsi Addict

Pepsi Addict #6 · Apr 6th, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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11549277
thx gonna go change that

oh you removed it already, ok well thanks for the heads up

Eldorado

Moderator

Eldorado #7 · Apr 6th, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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11549929
No worries, it's not the end of the world.

dirty little secret

dirty little secret #8 · Apr 9th, 2023 · · · Loona will be sore after this Chapter 2. ·

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This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

Notes:
- Given the lack of apostrophe in the title, I'm expecting more than one Loona.
- Chapter 2's chapter title is pretty cute!
- Describing the ponies' bodies was done in an extremely un-subtle way ... but I'm very glad that it was done. Too many clopfics just skip over that kind of thing entirely!
- Nice job on Blitzo's to-do list.
- The real titanic girths were, to no one’s surprise Blitzo's already not surprised anymore?
- They’re naked ladies with their dicks out!” he emphasized, throwing his hands out from the group to the alicorns, “They have dicks!” Shut up, Moxxie. We all know this is your dream come true.
- “Yes, that’d be correct,” answered Celestia I really can't believe Celestia would ever say "That'd"
- or maybe she was just a deprived bitch depraved?
- Celstias tongue Come on, now...
- she clawed at the bed, ruining the sheets and mattress. But ... it's self-repairing?
- Loona wheezed and coughed around Celestia's girth, her eyes red Loona's eyes are always red...
- cum had found its way into the hounds head and out her ears, soaking her brain in jizz as it spurted out of every orifice. Well ... that's a new one for me. Not bad, though!
- Glad to see that you didn't forget Luna's tits or Loona's cock. Nice use of futa-on-futa.
- “She can be quite vicious,”Luna replied. Missing space.
- putting a damn liter in her litter ... Though liter also kind of works ... but the way this fic has been going, I suspect there's going to be much more than one liter.
- the guy that hired them; an ugly yeti thing calling himself “The Storm King,” Seems like the Storm King would be more interested in killing Twilight and/or Tempest ... yeah, he doesn't like Celestia much either, but Twilight or Tempest would be the ones he'd hold a personal grudge against. He never even actually met Celestia, other than as a statue.
- Not bad, as far as very extreme porn with very little plot goes. But could definitely use a proofreader.

Scores:
Provocativeness: 65
Progression: 70
Payoff: 35
Pacing: 89
Personality: 60
Prose: 29
Total: 348
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.