• Member Since 20th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

tailsopony


Awkward.

Comments ( 47 )

Very well-written. Quite sexy, even in this short chapter. :)

8458180
Thanks! I don't usually like "painting a picture with words" but this pic inspired me. lol. working on the next chapter right now, it's a little more actually cloppy, but pretty lacking in photography so far. It follows the usual progression for my not quite dark stories, where I cement the dark tag in the second or third chapter. Whoopsies. Still, I knew that going in. I loved how the picture looks like innocent fun at first glance, but the closer you look, the more apparent it becomes that something... isn't quite right for those four gals.

8458205
Oh, yeah. Twistedscarlett's art is a masterpiece. I got a commission from him a little while ago. Worth every penny.

Good story, but how is Chrysalis going to keep them as her pets, after all Celestia and Luna have to raise and lower the sun and moon, Cadance runs the Crystal Empire and Twilight down in Ponyville with her castle and the Cutie Map, also if Sunset were to return and find out about this she could undo ALL of what Chrysalis did to the four Princesses quickly.

8458276
Good questions! But I'll have to wait on answering them. Some are answered in the bit I'm writing. But honestly, it's ancient history now. I mean, that's at least 3 or four years ago. Could be as many as ten, or maybe even more. They've had a lot of time to resolve these little issues. That being said, I'm sure Shimmy is around somewhere. It's just that this is the exclusive "alicorns only" club that Chrissy keeps for herself. How selfish of her.

Honestly I'd be more concerned about Glimglam wandering around. She can F*** S*** up, and has proven willing to in the show. And Discord, of course.

The other question is "Where in the timeline is this?" It's clearly after Twilight's ascension, so what other characters are floating around. Is Flurry heart here? She'd be older now. What's an alicorn goddess gonna end up like if she grew up in this crazy world thinking it was the norm? What if they led her to believe that it's her sacred duty to raise the sun and moon, and that she's just a fledgling changeling queen that can't change? Shining armor would still be her dad... And really, isn't it family that matters?

And who says princesses need to run their countries after the changelings have conquered them? Why bother conquering them at all if that was the case?

So many questions! And I'll hit a few in the bit I'm writing, but certainly not all.

And, of course, the everpresent question in my changeling fics. Where the heck is Spike?

I dislike two things generally about mind break/control stories: the villain is portrayed as sympathetic, and the villain engages in wanton cruelty. I haven't seen either so far as it strikes that tenuous balance between the two. More story might change that, and I would be sad if it does, but so far I see a rather sexy short piece.

8458347
Actually, in this story Chrysalis will intentionally not be cruel. She might be mean here or there, but not needlessly cruel. It was one of the things I decided at the start. As far as sympathetic, I dunno about that. I try to make all my characters as empathetic as possible, but rarely do I try to make the villains sympathetic. I think the one case I can think of is "ex-smooze me." But that's for very specific reasons...

Also, sympathetic and cruel is very difficult to pull off since cruelty is basically the opposite of sympathy... But what do I know. lol.

8458359
I don't like it because mind breaking and mind control is often an inherently evil act. This is especially true if you are rewriting certain aspects of someone's personality and make them do things they would otherwise not do. It's why I have such a huge beef with the Friendship is Mind Control story. Twilight does horrible things to her friends, and because another also does bad things, that... makes what she did better? Sympathetic and cruel can be done. It just doesn't often make a story better.

In here, Chrissy literally broke Cadance's brain. She's done evil. Granted, it wasn't intentional, but that should decrease the scope of what she'd done. It's a trap a lot of stories fall into: forgetting what got them to that point and doing something that a character shouldn't or likely wouldn't given the context of their previous choices. When it happens, I just role my eyes, unsub to the story, and downvote depending on how bad they utterly screw the pooch.

Chrissy does have that fae succubus trope floating around her, so if anyone can do mind control right, it would be her. I speak for no one but myself, but the new changeling look is utterly hideous, so I like the stereotype. O am surprised there aren't more mind control stories involving her. She does deal with emotional manipulation more than anyone except perhaps Cadance, and has the villainous streak to want to do it in the first place. I like bad girls in general, but it seems more plausible that to use evil magic like mind control, it is best to start with an evil character. Plus, long tongues are hot.

8458397
I could see that. The only story I have where the main character does mind control and is painted as the protagonist is the ex-smooze me one I mentioned, but that's because The protagonist and the antagonist are the same character that's been warped by time travel/mind control/ and an alien infection. I was going to flick the story all the way back around to the beginning, and then run through it again from the antagonist's point of view, all while staying with the same character.

But that's the only one. The others I have, the "main characters" that do mind control are clearly the bad guys. I want people to empathize, but certainly not sympathize with them. And if you ever find yourself rooting for them, you're laughably wrong. Take my recent one, feather bangs.

He's a no holds barred bad guy. He doesn't think he is, and maybe it's not his fault. But is it a lions fault that it's a lion? He's still very much the bad guy.

And Glimmer is a bit... super evil still sometimes in cannon. But I haven't written much about her. lol.

100% with you on long tongues. We should start a club or something. Oddly this story has a bunch in common with chapter 6 of my other story, Competent Villains... Its the new leader for most active characters in a scene, has changelings, has tongues, and a few weirdly similar themes. But the Chrissy here is absolutely not CV:C Chrissy. That one would be... much less nice.

Hmm.... I should finish that thing.

This is Good, will we get to see some flashback chapters? It also reminds me of I certen picture on derpibooru ( i.d. 208946) and accompanying speech in the comments.

I wonder what's happened to the elements of harmony and Starlight in this scenario. This scenario means that Chrysalis never lost control of her hive and likely stopped Starlight, Trixie, Thorax and Discord in their efforts to save everypony.

I'm guessing the elements are probably rewards for her higher generals, or perhaps the pets of her husband (whom I'm guessing from her descriptions here is a brainwashed Shining Armour), while Trixie and Starlight are probably in a far more terrible situation due to their resistance of Chrysalis take over of Equestria

Noc

Oh, this is promising. Very highly so. Add my vote to the “please sir may we have some more” pile. The best part was keeping the reference image open in another window as I was reading this – seeing the actual poses and facial expressions made it twice as hot.

I love all the pets, though my favorite has to be Celestia. There’s nothing more fun than playing with a slave who isn’t quite broken yet, but who’s resigned to her new life and who’s perfectly obedient nonetheless. Forcing her to expose herself so openly is beautiful. Perhaps more focus on our pets’ backdoors in a future chapter, such as having a semi-unwilling Celestia bend over and hold her cheeks open for the camera for a prolonged period of time, the sheer humiliation she must feel as she imagines the world staring at her pucker and fapping to it …

ahem. Imagination’s getting away from me.

I also second the vote for more CV:C. It’s how I first discovered your stories, years ago now. Always wondered what was going on with Rarity …

EDIT: The moment I post this, I notice chapter 2 is already up. Awesome.

So this is set after the second failed invasion, how the BUCK did Chrysalis capture them then, also where is Discord, he should be able to sense what Chrysalis is doing and just snap his fingers to free the mares from her mind control. Not to mention Shining Armor and Flurry Heart would wonder where Cadance is along with the other members of the Mane 6, Starlight, Spike and even Sunset when she hasn't heard anything from Twilight through the journal if this has happened, also I think Sunset should have been made an Alicorn when she came back to Equestria in that one EQG mini-episode, after all she went through after she was redeemed and helped out with everything since then.

Noc

Oh my. It’s like you took my comment I just left on the first chapter and brought my desires to life. You say it isn’t very hot, but honestly, I thought it was great – sexy in a slightly understated way, no hardcore fucking but little teases and with heavy use of visual imagery. I can just imagine that photo of Celestia caught mid-squirting orgasm.

8458806
Fam chill this is just for the clop not for the plot. :raritywink:

8458784
Thanks! Dunno. Maybe some of those would be fun. Some would be not so fun though. But I like those too... And that's one of my fave pics for a few reasons. That and the one that's a gif of Celestia that will eventually flash to chrysalis for like a second once every ten seconds or so. It's got Twilight and her lying in bed. Yeah. That one.

8458787
Yeah. That seems like a good place for the timeline divergence. Lets roll with it! And that rolls well into why Glimmer isn't causing problems right now... She's in one of the cocoon caverns that's mentioned. One of the changeling stockyards... So the dark tag is here for a really really good reason. I sort of insinuated it in this chapter, but, well, Chrissy here... is keeping animals for pets. The more I explore this timeline the darker it gets.... Maybe something else is happening? Hmm...


8458806
I will not be able to satisfactorily answer these questions! Yay! Oh wait. Maybe I can. It's been a very long time since the coup transpired. It's been long enough that all these problems are really very far in the past. Chrysalis just lives in a constant state of wonder that things actually worked out. Kind of like that day where you look around at the big house, abd you say, whose house is this? And then you realize... it's yours. It's your big beutiful house. Sure, you worked for it, bought it, and did all the paperwork, but none of that just seems real on those days. Chrissy here is having one of those days. But back in the long, long ago, she solved basically every single one of those problems with the events in the episode that 8458787 mentioned. The answer? Kidnap everybody. EVERYBODY. And then replace them with changelings. Turns out that it worked pretty well. And I haven't seem the EQG mini episode. Sunset was always promised to me to be non-canon. Was I lied to? Do the EQG episodes tie into the regular seasons and I missed it somewhere? Does Sunset become an Alicorn somewhere? Did I miss something important? Anyways, we'll just have to figure out the specifics as we go. I'm literally making this up while waiting for the artist to tell me what's going on in the pic. lol. This isn't something I've been thinking about for more than a few hours at a time, and only for a day now. Honestly, if the artist comes out and says, "Sooo.... Chrysalis is throwing a costume themed slumber party, and they're reverse changelings. Chrysalis is actually just Pinkie in disguise." I'll re-write the story to accomodate. Mostly.... Also, tit for tat. You don't use return carriage, I don't use return carriage. Muhahahahahahah! But thanks for the comment! Keep at it! I'll be thinking about this stuff as I move forward. If I move forward.

8458859
Wait... You don't want hard core? Oops.... Well, thanks for the awesome comments! And way to use your imagination! There's no wrong way to fantasize! Also, I feel weird making you look at a picture while your reading, and read while you're looking at a picture. I'm so sorry. It's an abomination that shouldn't exist. I'm so sorry....

8459013
At least they're passionate! I can accept that! Everybody has to get in their groove somehow, and if that's asking lots of questions and wishing Sunset was an alicorn because she deserves it darn it, then so be it. As I said too the other guy, there's no wrong way to fantasize! Heck, I wish they did an episode where all the characters were anthropomorphic mushrooms. I'm sure I've heard that somewhere recently. Must be like a radio commercial or something! And I love your profile pic! That too, is strikingly familiar somehow...

Noc

8459110
Oh dear, I don’t wanna give you the wrong impression. I love hardcore, and I’d love to see it included in this story. (It’d be hard to appreciate your other stories as much as I do if I didn’t like hardcore!) I was just gently disputing your statement in the chapter 2 author’s note that the Celestia scene was “not very hot” – it may be softcore, but it’s hot aplenty, at least in my opinion. Well-done softcore can be as good as any hardcore, if handled right, which I think this was. The backstory about Celestia’s training, her continued but doomed resistance, how she gradually breaks down and begs for it; it’s not hardcore, but it’s still damn sexy.

As for the picture, it just helps me visualize the scene more clearly in my mind. In turn, reading the story gives the scene more context and depth, allowing me to imagine what’s being said and done in that picture. The result is a combined fantasy that’s even hotter, at least for me.

So, yeah, hope you didn’t read either of my comments as a complaint, cuz they absolutely weren’t. I love this story already. :pinkiehappy:

8459110
There was one where Sunset came to Equestria and brought Starlight over to Pedestria next. She wasn't an Alicorn then. Word of God is she's also plain weaker than either Starlight or Twilight.

Me, I want to see what Chrysalis is doing to Shining Armor. She mentions taking him from Cadance; that implies he's not just trapped in a goo bubble somewhere, but that Chrysalis is enjoying his company in more direct ways.

Damn, that's dominance. :D I do like the reminders of the camera still going. :D

Noc

Man, you and I have vastly differing opinions of what constitutes “not hot”. In particular, Celestia groggily watching her sister get finger-blasted by their niece and cumming from it … now that’s hot.

I’m loving the quick updates, too. Badly want to see more of this story.

Edit: Also, I wouldn’t mind learning a little about what kind of training Chrissy put her pets through, specifically …

Edit 2 (I keep remembering things I wanted to mention): Celestia plaintively asking her mistress about how she fell so low, all the while hugging Chrissy, is probably my favorite part. The psychological training on display is beautiful.

Finally, editing note: The italics in this section are broken:

… but her wedding ring[i/] kept her magic at bay.

8461643
Fixed! Thanks! What I mean is that I usually go through and refine dirty scenes several times. I almost always am embarassed by them the first two or three scans. Once I'm at about scan four, it's usually much more... impactful. But i haven't re-read this chapter, or the last one really, with editing eyes yet.

I'd say this was damned hot. If we get more, then awesome. If not, what we have here is some great clop. :D

So how long until Chrysalis is defeated and the ponies retake Equestria, after all Discord, Starlight, Trixie and Thorax should still be free, not to mention Sunset and the Human Mane 7 and the Mane 5 of Equestria are still there, heck a certain Centaur could be released and sent after Chrysalis, lets see her try to defeat HIM after he's drained her of her magic.

8463154
Will Chrysalis ever be stopped? Will Luna regain her divine aura? Will Cadence get that cramp out of her left toe? Will Twilight's tongue eventually go numb? Will Celestia remember where she left her keys? (Answer: They're not where you think!) Find out next time on Chrissy Ball Z!

But seriously. I sent you a PM. Have an upvote for commenting! Although, I wish you'd read the whole chapter before commenting. lol.

Noc

Well. Interesting to see how she got Luna to obey her. I hope next chapter we’ll get some one-on-one time with Lulu and her treasures?

So,wait, is Glimmy wandering around like you commented in chapter one, or has she been captured and is strung up in Chrysalis' throne room?

She’d put them down viciously, and now their cocoons hung from the roof of her thrown room as a reminder to all other would be rebels.

Should be 'throne'. Nothing else I could see.

Anyway, Chryssie... sometimes you should maybe listen to people with a bit more experience in matters such as black holes. ;) So this rag-tag bunch. I'm guessing Thorax and Discord at least. Did that include Trixie, too? Dang. I'd love to see Chryssie play with her. ;)

Great chapter. I like the bit about photography at the beginning and composition.

8463217
Dunno. I have a different idea, but we'll see how it goes.

8463262
Her current status is unknown. As the story continues, I'll find out more as much as you do! We know she was captured during her rescue attempt, and so far that's it. If her attempt was unsuccessful, she's likely just another pony in Chrysalis's eyes, so once her "time" was up, Chrissie would let her go. That's assuming she didn't do something stupid, like confidently state that she'd never give up when Chrissy released her. Then it would be "plop, back in you go."


8463810
Fixed! Thanks! Yeah, that included Trixe, but see above. Trixie might be wandering around free right now if she played her cards right. Or she might be glued to a roof somewhere. Or something in-between... I was gonna keep this story focused around the Alicorns and Shining Armor. If it gets too grandiose, I'll never finish it, like usual. This was supposed to just be a short diversion when I saw the pic. Whoopsies.



Also, I updated the story in this chapter a little. It reads a little better, I added some fun details, and fleshed out a few things. Specifically Cadence has more info. And I went into more detail on her little research project as well. Maybe it will come up somewhere...

Noc

8465134
Interesting revisions. The improved explanations and fleshed out scenes are appreciated. Not as explicit as I’d like, but I understand if you’re building up to something. And I wish I could read Chrissy’s book …

Did find a couple little errors:

  • The first two paragraphs have identical endings; looks like a copy-paste gone wrong. :raritywink:
  • bedroom (and throne room” (missing space)

8465134
Sorry about bringing her up. I know how hard it can be to lose focus on the central plot. You're right-good to focus on the alicorns and imagine my own fate for the Sexy and Alluring Trixie.

8465352
Thanks! Stuff fixed!

I'm weird like that. I like mixed overly explicit bits and way under detailed bits mixed together. Dunno why. Maybe because the explicit bits set the tone, and your imagination can run wild with the vague descriptions. It's always seemed just slightly more effective. Plus, constant unending porn gets boring.

As for the book, lol yeah. Maybe that might be fun to do something with later. Not now though. Thanks for the comments!


8466285
Sorry? Sorry? You should be sorry! Oh, wait, no you shouldn't. Bring up what you want! I'd prefer people ask questions like that then not comment at all. It encourages me to write. I'm very comment motivated.

Nice. Glad to see Chryssie doing well for herself.

Mmmm, long tongue ~

8468053
8468456

Thanks! Appreciate the comments.


8468822
Thanks! Yeah, I like tongues. lol.

Hawt.

Dunno why it needs the dark tag, it's clearly a happy timeline, Chryssie's all good.

now that's what i call a strong first start

8516895
lol. And then it fizzles out after. I have that problem.


8470462
I know, right?

Looks good!
I especially like how you describe Celestia's subtle disapproval of the whole situation.


Found a small typo:

As twilight licked

Should be uppercase, since you are probably referring to the person Twilight, right?

Every single changeling owned a copy, happy to help support their mother, and it had glowing reviews as to the efficacy of the methods she'd pioneered. Satisfyingly enough, it was even a best seller amongst the ponies, although she wasn't too naive to deny that was likely due to her very in-depth descriptions of Luna's training methods, experiences and anatomy. Not to mention the pictures she had taken throughout the process. All the before and after pictures, the up close pictures for diagrams, and the example pictures that showed what to look for really helped drive home the research. And the collectors edition was even printed in color!

I want one of those.
For science, and science only, of course.
But for the best results I need the colored collectors edition. For science.
And I also have to ask for the director's cut version with additional content. Only for schience, I want to add.

Nice.

But an in atmosphere black hole wouldn't work like that anymore than pouring napalm on an oil fire would stop a gas fire.

Is good chapter, but I feel like I should point out some scientific issues:
Firstly, making a black hole is stupidly hard. To make a black hole with an event horizon the size of a single helium atom (the smallest atom), you would need 2.087×10^16 kg of mass. To put that into perspective, that's about 261 times the total mass of all biomatter on Earth. Furthermore, a small black hole us unstable, and will promptly radiate all of its mass as energy. In the case of the helium-atom-sized black hole, that would be 1.876×10^33 J, which is about one-sixth the total energy output of the sun in a year, or about an order of magnitude greater than the Earth's gravitational binding energy. Yes, you read that right, creating a black hole only the size of a helium atom would destroy the entire planet.

If you wanted a black hole you could actually see (0.1 mm diameter), you'd need a mass of 3.37×10^22 kg, just shy of half of the entire moon, and the destabilization would release 3.029×10^39 J, which is about a quarter of the energy output of the sun over one million years

Is it? I update randomly, sporadically, and rarely. I am halfway through a Shining Armor chapter though. Maybe I'll finish, maybe I will not. I'm like a fish in an open aquarium. I could jump out at any time, and land on your carpet. No notice. Just a fish on your carpet.

Flop...

Meh. Boring. Feels too much like ordinary, vanilla porn for my liking.

If the Princesses still had some fight left in them, it might be more interesting. But that would be a repeat of Competent Villains: Chrysalis with added photography, I suppose.

Login or register to comment