Magic Night

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Proofreaded 20.08.2022 by dearest DustyDominic!

The Heart's Warming Eve is approaching; all creatures in Equestria and beyond are preparing for this amazing holiday, and students are going home to celebrate it with their families. Sandbar is making final preparations for departure when he suddenly notices that his friend, Gallus, does not share everyone's joy. Now the colt will not rest until he finds a way to cheer up his feathered pal.

Contains MxM shipping.

Chapters (3)

Don't care · 15th Aug 2022 · 2,563 words
2,563
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Beneath the starry skies · 17th Aug 2022 · 3,541 words
3,541
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In the name of Twilight · 18th Aug 2022 · 1,580 words
1,580
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Comments ( 10 )

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PlymouthFury58

PlymouthFury58 #1 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 4 · 2 · Don't care ·

My native language is not English, so this story is a translation, and I was using online translator for it. I know English well enough to be able to fix some really horrible mistakes and rewrite some parts of it, but it's still far from perfect. I'm really looking forward for your feedback guys and will be really glad if someone's gonna help me editing it. I'm sure about grammar, but sentences' construction and punctuation marks in English are really hard for me.

AlexWolfy03

AlexWolfy03 #2 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 2 · 3 · Don't care ·

11333287
Thanks, I fixed that)

PlymouthFury58

PlymouthFury58 #3 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 4 · 2 · Don't care ·

11333293
Still missing the "t" at the end of "about" before "grammar"

AlexWolfy03

AlexWolfy03 #4 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 4 · 3 · Don't care ·

11333296
Heh, not anymore

It’s ironic I said I was sure about grammar while I made 3 grammar mistakes in just a description, lmao

Madmadmad123

Madmadmad123 #5 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 4 · 2 · Don't care ·

Cant wait 4 more

Flora Blossom

Flora Blossom #6 · Aug 16th, 2022 · 4 · 3 · Don't care ·

A lot of time has passed since then. Now Ponyville had become practically home, and the ponies didn't seed too weird, and Twilight left school in order to rule Equestria. But he remembered this lesson well, and more importantly, he put it into practice.

Seed... I think you meant ( seem ).

“It's nothing. Just think, on the eve of Hearts Warming, veryone, including me, will go home, and this time I won't be able to detain all of you for cleaning. So, while you're all having fun there, I'll have to listen to eternal reproaches from Grandpa Gruff again, wander the streets, and what's even worse — miss you and wait for these stupid holidays to end!”

veryone I think you meant ( everyone. )

“You can always write us letters. Doesn't Gabby deliver them anywhere in the world?”Sandbar suggested after a moment's thought. The problem was by no means new, but pony still didn't know how to react to it. He was not afraid of friendship problems — after all, it would be foolish to be afraid of them with such mentors. But there was nothing he could do about it, and it really depressed him. He couldn't really forbid his friends to leave, could he? Or…

world?"Sandbar needs a space.... = world?" Sandbar

He had never seen any of his friends in SUCH a state before. His heart was breaking when he looked at the silhouette of the one he used to consider a friend shuddering in silent sobs…

such should all be lower cased... because there isn't shouting...

one = one, a comma needs to be there.

AlexWolfy03