tailsopony
Joined 20th May, 2012 ·
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tailsopony · 6.5k words · 32 15 · 920 views
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- tailsopony · 6.5k words · 32 15 · 920 views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I felt this was friggin' brilliantly-written. Just... wow.
11299388
I doubt that, but it's different in presentation if not content. lol. Do you think I should go for the 100% dialogue less other half from Twilight? It would be a lot of physical descriptions, which I find boring... But the challenge would keep me busy. Thanks for commenting!
11299391
I'd say got for it!
Unf. This is another brilliant showoff of skill. In 2.8k words there's enough character building, conflict and drama to justify a novel.
Susan is a good character design, with a great presentation and execution. Crescent delivery of dramatic bits of her past and present makes the story engaging from beginning to end. She's terrifying and terribly realistic.
The one-sided dialogue also works great. It enourages the reader to actively imagine Twilight's parts, which in turn encourages a deeper analysis and understanding than most pre-written dialogues. It's easy enough to never feel distracting and rewarding enough to be well worth it. The small clues of punctuation also add to this experience. I would doubt this form for a long story, but here it's perfect.
It's unfortunately likely this story will perform poorly. Let it be said that it's a great story regardless
A perfect example of someone who needs help, a lot of it, and got to take out on someone else their own suffering and sadness. Hell, I bet she isn't even lying most of the time. And that makes it worse
I like how you portrayed her issues, and the social issues of that region. This is how monsters breed.
The one-half is a little off-putting, but is entirely sufficient, and the full dialogue and narrative mght even distract the reader possibly?
I would like to read about those "stallion moments" from the POV of the stallion, especially some of those early ones. There must have been at least one who was skeptical and tried to refuse. Or is that Susan's next step? To force her to commit crimes for her amusement?
Fimfiction's description, and likely the reason for the score is that this is not porn. Explicit, but not strictly porn, because it lacks the graphic depiction of intercourse to achieve that effect. It is possible to write it like that with only one-half to achieve a POV effect, but then the reader is having sex with a very verbose character. Like telephone sex.
I was too stupid for this one, but I did really love the character of Susan, and the unique way in which it was conveyed.
11299414
Thanks! One of the goals was to let people fill in the blanks. The exact dialogue doesn't matter, only the emotions. This was an experiment, and I don't think it went great, but some people seemed to like it!
11299597
Susan is a terrible person, and her past doesn't excuse that. That being said, she may benefit from help. She might also be too far gone. Thanks for the comment!
11299600
Truth be told, my friends that went to these camps (The old, super super bad ones) and had remarkably shitty parents mostly just ended up traumatized and emotionally crippled, not predatory monsters. Then again, I try not to be friends with predatory monsters, so my sample set may be biased. I wasn't sure about porn. I figured since the whole thing was a sex scene, even if shown through a weird curtain, it probably qualified. I'm not too worried about it performing poorly as it definitely is a strange little story. Yeah, the stallion side might be fun. I don't want to spend too much time on this little side project, I have too many other things to update! Thanks for the input and the comment! I appreciate it.
11299982
The reader is never too stupid, the author is the failure. This was a weird experiment of showing an entire scene almost entirely through the dialogue of one character. Susan is the main character of a different story, and she's not too out of character here, so you might like that story when I eventually publish it. She does slightly more drugs in that one, though. It will be a more normal presentation, at least so far it is. lol. I never know when I'll change my mind and just re-write a story for no raisins. It isn't a grape habit, but I soda like doing it.
11300004
It was great! This style of fic just tends to attract squick from people who don't like the general subject matter.
The trick is to leverage groups to your advantage. I have a VERY similar fic starring Chrysalis that managed an 80% like/dislike ratio. Groups are your friend :)