Catch Me Before I Fall

by Supernova08

A Moonlit Departure

Luna set the fateful note along with her obsidian tiara down on her bed. Celestia should find it in the morning, she thought. The tiara gleamed in the flickering candlelight, and she lingered with a somber look in her eyes. Sighing, Luna opened her cumbersome chamber door and made her way through the moonlit halls of Canterlot Castle. Her hoofsteps echoed throughout the corridor as metal hit stone. The polished walls, so smooth she could see her reflection, showed just how disheveled she was. Her mane and coat were unkempt from a lack of motivation, and her eyes wore bags from restless slumbers. It was certainly not a look fit for a princess. Despite this, she felt calm. She showed this by walking gracefully with a neutral expression plastered on her face.

As Luna made her way to a nearby balcony, she couldn’t help but reflect. So many things had happened; she was having trouble processing it. It was dizzying, it was like being thrown onto a twisting roller coaster with no way to get out. Having to dissect each and every event just to understand it was extremely draining for Luna. Not only had she been banished to the moon, but Equestria had changed over the course of a thousand years. The landscape was different, and the familiar faces were long gone. Nothing was as she remembered. It all made her feel helpless, there was nothing she could do but watch as more and more time slipped out of her grasp. A thousand years were quite a lot of precious hours to have lost. It was time she could have spent wisely, it was time she would never ever get back. What use is a princess who doesn’t belong in this era?

Luna spread her dark navy wings, taking to the air and relishing the feeling of cool night air ruffling her feathers. The stars shone above, competing with the more powerful light of the moon. The nightly hours were one of the few times that she could truly enjoy; they were everything to her, it was part of her identity, it was her domain. Under moonlight was when she did her best thinking and, unlike the day, the night sang sweet melodies that only she could hear. A symphony of nighttime creatures and nightly breezes. It was serene, peaceful, and all the more calming. A time of rest for every hard-working pony that needed it. She would miss these moments, most importantly she would miss everypony that lived in Equestria. One of Luna’s favorite past times was to secretly listen to the endless chatter of passing ponies and the laughter of nearby visiting foals. It made her develop a warm fuzzy feeling she couldn’t quite explain. Unfortunately, whenever she entered a room or was seen by the common folks, joy and happiness seeped out and ceased to exist. How she wished for it to continue when she arrived or even the atmosphere the room gave off when her sister entered, the sensation of everypony’s spirits being lifted at once.

Luna mentally checked off whether she had completed the necessities before she left. Though it had been taxing, even more with her lack of motivation for anything, all and any of her paperwork was finished along with her duties. Before Luna had departed she had given away the items most valued to her; accessories, books, and artwork, mostly to her sister but also to random servants and guards here and there. It gave her some comfort that such important items would land in better hooves. Those objects would help ponies, and besides, she wouldn’t need them where she was going anyways.

Luna knew for certain in her heart that when she was gone, nopony would bat an eye. It filled her with sorrow, a lonely pang in her chest, but there was also something else. Reassurance. It filled her to the brim with reassurance to know that everyone would be fine when she left. They had been living this way for a thousand years by now and everypony was content with Celestia as their sole ruler. Celestia. Her big sister would be the only pony to miss her in this world. The only thought that barely stopped her from leaving was knowing that she would most likely make the mighty alicorn of the sun, her best and only friend, cry. Luna resented the idea, the very thought of hurting her sister made her sick. But, this time it had to be done, she couldn’t afford to harm anyone else. By leaving, she could avoid the problem and she wouldn’t be needed either way as Celestia had done a marvelous job leading by herself.

For now, though, she needed to focus on the task at hand. One loose thought could make her falter and weeks of planning would go to waste. So instead of wallowing in her rumination, she decided to look back at a distant memory to lift her spirits.

”Catch me, Tia!” Luna shouted in glee as she raced towards her equally excited sister. She was galloping through a lush meadow. Blues, greens, reds, and yellows all mixed together, creating one big brilliant blend of colors as far as the eye could see. The sky was a saltwater taffy blue. A warm breeze picking up the sweet scents of the flowers rushed through the tiny blue filly’s cornflower mane as she yelled and giggled to her heart's content.

“Woah! Slow down, Lulu!” Celestia shouted in reply, a huge grin on her face. Luna made contact and the pair went tumbling; rolling through the meadow in a ball of overwhelming delight. When they finally came to a stop, they laughed and giggled till their sides ached. Eventually, their wave of euphoria subsided and they lay in the summer sun, enjoying the warmth on their bellies.

They scoured the sky for the fun and exciting shapes of the clouds, which looked like cotton balls pulled apart. Occasionally, one of them would point out a shape and they would both start bubbling with laughter again.

“Tia?” Luna spoke softly.

“Yes, Lulu?” Celestia replied.

“Do you think that when I’m older, I’ll do something great and become famous?” Luna asked with a curious expression.

“I’m sure you will, just keep reaching for new heights and I'm sure that, one day, you’ll do something worthy of being written in the stars,” Celestia said with a smile.

“Really? Well, if it’s something great then I’d want you to be there too. I will never leave your side no matter what!” Luna announced with much confidence in her voice. She inched closer to her sister. Celestia wrapped a small white wing around her in response.

Celestia chuckled. “I’d like that very much, Lulu.”

The pair lay in silence, enjoying each other’s company and taking in the sight of the meadow around them. The fresh smell of grass was so strong they were sure they could taste it. Eventually, Luna broke the silence.

“I love you, Tia,” Luna exclaimed, nuzzling her sister’s fluffy chest. Celestia returned the gesture, laying her head on top of Luna’s.

“Me too, Lulu, me too,” she replied.

It was a fond memory of hers. Back before neither her nor Celestia had risen the celestial beings, they had spent time together whenever they could. Now though, she barely saw her sister unless it were a special occasion. Having shifts at the opposite hours, along with having work every day and night meant no more sisterly bonding times. Luna missed seeing her sister, she missed talking to her. Luna had returned from the moon, yet she felt as if she were still banished from Celestia. She knew that with how crises were still popping up around Equestria, she wouldn’t be able to see her sister anyway with the amount of work Celestia received. Leaving was the right choice, she couldn’t help in any way, the paperwork was beyond her skills and she hadn’t been able to save her homeland when it needed a hero. The only time she had really been involved was when she was the one trying to take over. She had given up a long time ago, her hope of a better future had gone out, having been blown away by the winds of time.

As Luna neared her desired destination, a part of her screamed to turn back. She did her best to ignore it, pushing and shoving it to the deepest parts of her mind. Luna flapped her wings and began to gain altitude. The air surrounding her body chilled and her breaths became shallower as the oxygen decreased. She was heading up a high cliff, taller than many of the castle towers but still shorter than the highest. The cliff was not too far from the castle. It overlooked the gardens, this made it the perfect spot for Luna’s plan as the only ponies who passed by in the morning were gardeners. She didn’t want to risk traumatizing any small foals who visited.

Eventually, Luna made it to the top of the jagged cliff and her hooves lightly landed on the sandpaper-like ground. A woodsy odor filled her nostrils and the light of her moon made shadows dance about with the nighttime creatures who roamed freely. She looked out upon Canterlot, the spires of the castle sparkled, purple and gold intertwined with one another as the flags flew in the wind. The city below was silent, nothing more than the sound of crickets chirping. Any lights still on in the city we’re few and far between. Luna absorbed everything she possibly could, making sure not to miss even the slightest of details.

Luna walked slowly over to the edge of the cliff. This was her one and only time to turn back. The memory of her reuniting with her sister flashed in her mind and she faltered. Luna could hear the blood pounding in her ears. Should she do it? Could she do it? Luna searched through the events of her life. The same terrible moments kept coming back over and over again, it was a vicious never-ending cycle. Whatever memory she examined showed her hurting the ponies around her, physically and mentally. No, she couldn’t continue her life like this, it was now or never.

Luna removed her silver horseshoes, placing them on the ground beside her. This was it, her last moments in Equestria. Goodbye dear ponies, may the heavens be with you, she thought. Luna gingerly moved closer to the edge, getting a view of the well-tended gardens below. Taking in a deep breath, she braced herself. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, distorting her vision. Her throat ached as she choked back a sob. Closing her eyes, she felt her hooves leave solid ground.

Feeling the rush of adrenaline, she breathed heavily. She dared not to look down. Her abdomen felt numb and her gut felt like flying out of her rib cage. Freezing winds rushed around her body, paralyzing any previously movable limbs. Her pegasus instincts begged her to open her wings; to catch air and stop her fall. Luna mustered all of her remaining willpower to refuse it. The only sound her ears picked up was rushing air and that familiar slight ringing noise of tinnitus. Knowing what was to come, tears leaked from Luna’s eyes as she whispered a single phrase.

“Catch me, Tia.”

---

My dearest sister Celestia,

I apologize for you having to find me this way. No doubt you already know that I have departed and have searched my room for clues. Take this note as my final goodbye. And, please, do not worry, this was my plan all along. Unfortunately, I was simply not meant for this world, all I have done is harm your subjects and bring sadness and pain to my family. Do not blame yourself sister, for neither Nightmare Moon nor my death, this was never your fault, everything was my decision and my decision only. I am the pony who let herself succumb to the darkness and I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness.

Along with some of the many possessions I recently gifted you, I have left you my tiara, I never deserved to be a ruler and your subjects never accepted me as one. I know that you will continue to be a wonderful ruler to the ponies, Celestia. Even when I was gone you ruled by yourself as a kind and gracious leader, I know I have left Equestria in good hooves. Now, though I have lost the battle within me, always remember this; I love you, Tia. Never forget that no matter what. Thank you for giving me the happiest foalhood, it remains one of my most treasured memories. Make sure to tell everypony that I care for them deeply.

Please do not cry dear sister, even if I’m not there physically, I’m always with you even if you don’t realize it. Continue shining bright, Celestia, for as long as time I’ll be watching from above.

Love, Luna

Author's Note:

I have now contributed to the many sad Luna fics. They’re pretty interesting to write.

Update: Now with two different sequels, think of it like two separate timelines. I couldn’t decide on a sequel so I wrote two.

Will you let her fall or will you save her?

Comments

[Clockwork2003]

I love this story. Let me tell you why.

In 2017, when I was 14, I tried to take my own life. I took a bunch of benzodiazepines and OD'd in my sleep. I still don't know how, but my mother found me unresponsive, and rushed me to the hospital.
While I was in my comatose state, Luna appeared to me. She asked me why I tried to end my own life. I said it was because I'm autistic, and nobody could understand me.

Luna said that SHE understood me, and she knew how I felt. Feeling rejected for being different, living with guilt over past misdeeds, etc.

She said I am a Child of the Night, and I'd always have a protector and guardian alicorn. I woke up some 36 or so hours later in the hospital, and I spent a good 8 weeks in the youth psychiatric ward.

While I still suffer from depression and anxiety, I haven't had suicidal ideation or tendencies in over five years. I would go as far to say my 1 on 1 with Luna in my coma gave me the strength to wake up, and not give up and die.

There's a reason Princess Luna is my OC's mom.

Outstanding fic.

[Witchery]

It's impossible to know how many lives you will affect until you're gone. But at that point, you'll never know.

[Arcanum -Phantasy]

I can relate to this. I have done so for over twenty years.

[Azure Sandora]

11225165
You know what, I don't care what anyone says. This is beautiful.

Your life matters. Never forget that.

[SamuelK28]

If there was a sequel to this I can only imagine one thing happening and that is Celestia descending into madness and turning into Daybreaker, blaming her ungrateful subjects for her sister's death.

[Savant Sentral]

11225422
step on a lego

[Teraunce]

The sad thing is is this could have happened were it not a kids show. 9/10 excellent chapter. Can't wait to see the part 2.

[Savant Sentral]

11225999
Yes

[DezzarTac]

“Catch me, Tia.”

The short lines get to me the most

[Clockwork2003]

11226378
What the actual fuck, bro?

Why would I lie about something like this?

[The Ancestor]

11225581
Well, you can, the problem is, it'll take too much time and would ultimately prove useless, especially if a person has already made their mind.

Anyhow, there's always a reason to live if you look hard enough.

Worst case scenario? Do it out of spite.

Great story.

[Crimson Eclipse77]

That was....heavy.. It makes me want to talk her out if it..

[Kirov]

11226506
right right I am so sorry about what I said, I didn't know what I was thinking and I shouldn't state like that.
Your stories is beautiful and I am a fool for not seeing that sooner.

I am really sorry and I hope u can forgive me. If not then pretend I never existed.

[Kyuubi325]

Luna honestly didn’t need the Elements of Harmony as much as a therapist… even in the show. She seems to have a lot of self loathing, and while they touched on it a little, I feel it would have been better to have her agree to talk about her issues. Celestia isn’t a bad sister on purpose, but her focus on ruling makes her very neglectful. Which is bad when you have a sister with deep self esteem issues, plus the different sleep schedules don’t help their relationship either. Luna needs support and love which her sister just can’t give as a ruler, even retired I’m concerned about Celestias ability to help and give her the attention she needs.

[Bubblesniffer]

11227115
Luna says in her suicide note that she never even wanted to be a princess, so I have to wonder why she even bothered reclaiming her title when she returned instead of doing..... literally anything else.

[Kyuubi325]

11227258
She likely wanted to be close to her sister. That’s my guess

[Kurolothgarian]

I can see an epilouge chapter where it is revealed That the ponies were acting like that because of a surprise party set up to celebrate Luna's return, so when Celestia goes to her room to draw Luna out....

[Liuv]

11227351
Bro why you have to make it darker?

[Kurolothgarian]

11227504
Dark, Darker, Yet Darker.

[Kurolothgarian]

11227504
Seriously, though, it could easily go that way. Or maybe a humorous opposite, like her AC rating was too high, so she takes no harm.

[publiq]

The eternally-unanswered question of "why did she take off her shoes before she jumped?" made this story stick in my mind. The other unanswered questions have straightforward explanations, but the fact that she felt it important enough to remove her shoes as her final act in Equestria made the story more poignant.

11227810
Or a horror route: she falls endlessly with no bottom to the cliff

[Courage Fire]

11228582
Well, if you notice in a lot of stories (or even AJ saying: We don't normally wear clothes.) Clothes tend to be worn by 'fancy' or upper-class ponies, and having specially made metal or silver shoes, is part of the royal regalia.

If you want to analyze it to the point of "College level English Class" (The not-fun kind) there's symbolism there, and how 'the author' wrote each piece of regalia to mean something or whatever. (Eeeven if that wasn't the case.)

[Thranx]

11228582
Probably it's a symbolism of sorts? She left her tiara as a memento to Celestia and a sign that she would no longer be a princess. She took off her shoes because she wants die as a normal pony, not bounded by the responsibilities that her regalia represent, not a princess. I don't know, all of this is just my theory.

[publiq]

11237381
That’s a very good point. In fact, the author uses this in one of the sequels.

[TheFlint44]

Poor Luna.

She was very kind. She didn't want to trouble or sadden others even when she was to give up her life.

[Green121]

11228582
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BarefootSuicide
Taking one's shoes off before jumping to their deaths is an actual thing in asian countries

[Yubella]

It took me a while to finally find a fic under the subject I wanted.

[TalB]

Reading this makes me feel very sad about Luna. Part of me feels that she is this way because she can't get over the fact that her dark side known as Nightmare Moon will always be there to torment her. The other part is that not being around for nearly a millennium can make it hard to adapt to changes especially after being a long time. I still feel that she has a lot to live for rather than kill herself. Maybe if she destroys that helmet and the rest of the armor, she won't think of Nightmare Moon anymore. Then again, being a manifestation, something tells me that destroying that armor alone may not be enough as long as negative emotions tend to get the better of her. On a side note, reading this fanfic sort of reminds me of one my fanfics such as Helping Megan Fit In where Megan feels that she doesn't belong in present day Equestria seeing that pretty much everything she knew about Pony Land is no longer around, but unlike Luna, she doesn't become suicidal, but thinks about leaving and never coming instead until Twilight helps her reconsider by sharing memories with each other.

[eiggengrau]

11241731
Not just Asia

Evelyn McHale, with the Mona Lisa smile,
she took off her shoes, and she flew a quarter mile

[Night-Watch-The-DAD]

The military is full of weebs and bronies.

I could see a marine squad breaching the door and all you hear is.

"Target identified. HUG HER DEPRESSED ASS"!

Don't tell me I'm wrong.