• Member Since 21st May, 2012
  • offline last seen 19 hours ago


I read. I write. I edit. I Twidash. But above all else, I'm just a regular guy. Shoot me a PM if you have a question.


Rainbow Dash is fine, despite what her friends think. There's nothing wrong. She's just tired, that's all.

Pre-Read and edited by Rimmer.
Cover art edited by ModMCdl. Frankly I don't deserve either of them but here we are. (Original image by Arkwys)

Now available in audio format thanks to The Mystery Fluttershy Fan, available on their youtube channel here!
A reading also available from Reaper Prince of Light, which can be found on their youtube channel here!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 36 )

I feel this. On like a VERY personal level I do feel this.

I really liked this story, It’s very well written and lowkey relatable with the insomnia

i love me some good ole twidash

lovely story!

Amazing, love it :D


That is as fitting of a word as any.
You wake up, look outside, the sun is shining, birds are singing, bees are buzzing, crickets are chirping - and all you feel is tired.
There are friends you can visit, gardening you could do, games to play, hobbies to pursue - and all you feel is tired.

A really excellent story!

I relate so much

This was a good read before bed. My kind of depression, when experienced, is less like general life-sapped numbness and more like spirals of agitated misery. I would actually prefer to have the version represented in this story, the pure feeling of heavy-weighted do-nothingness, though that may partly be an artifact of being tired right now. Luckily I have come out of my latest depressive episode I think, which makes the sadness of this more of a vibeshift for me than it would have been last month. Maybe I shouldn't read too many sad stories. There's a kind of sympathetic pleasure to be derived from empathizing with characters in such moods. I wonder what if anything in particular has Twilight and Dash feeling like this. It's quite interesting to see a character like Dash be depressed and wonder how someone like her could get to a state so antithetical to her typical presentation. The part with the crying and being held at the end was well-written and depicted exactly what I need more of in my life.

I was like this for over a decade and a half… heck, I still feel this way every now and then…

Damn it, stop punching us in the feels with something we can easily relate to!


just yep.

Sometimes I'm like this with my friends but most of the time it's... harder to explain. Like, imagine living in a cottage with a fireplace. It's cold outside, really cold. I have to start the fire or I'll freeze, I'm reluctant but I'll do it. Sometimes, my friends come over, so I do what I can to ensure the cottage is cozy, my thoughts squarely on them. They come over. We chat, we play, I keep the demons away. But as soon as I open the door to let them leave a gale of wind extinguishes the flames and it's cold again. My strength is sapped, the demons back and the numbness won't go away.

…good story, very good. I’m…gonna go think.

It's easier to are about others, than it is to care about ourselves. Others radiate a sense of value outward, that we can't even find within ourselves.

"There's beauty in the breakdown..."

It can be mighty difficult to explain one's mental and emotional troubles, especially for the one who is dealing with them.

You explained Rainbow Dash's troubles so simply and pointedly that anyone reading this tale can understand what she's going through.

It also puts a certain EQG song into perspective for me.

You did a fine job! :twilightsmile:

i don't have much to say that hasn't been said better by others, but thanks a lot for writing this.

I tend to avoid stories like these because seeing Rainbow hurt makes me sad, and I was worried seeing the tags, but after reading it, I'm glad Dashie has Twilight help her

I'd say the story is very well written, and it does hit home.

Read this aloud for an audiobook version to come soon.
I think this is a overdue change of pace from all the silly stories I've been reading lately.
Thank you.

I feel like this quite a lot too, the best thing to do is to just get busy with something, until it passes.

0 #17 · May 28th, 2023 · · ·

I have a continnuous dissatisfaction when it comes to this topic.

No, it's not the story, I quite enjoyed it. The first scene may have changed RD's character a bit more than necessary in my opinion, but I loved the trepidation when stating that living is tiring; that was a really good framing.

No, it's just that a lot of stories that deal with similar subjects, and have good or bittersweet endings, usually limelight the sharing of pain. I am sure most people do find solace in "you are not alone," but to me is, "welp, if your life sucks more than mine, then the world is truly a sad world."

I understand that building context and personal relationships leads to healing. Still, it feels numb to me. Maybe I have no soul.

Anyways, great story, you should feel proud of making something that makes people think a bit more deeply.

In a weird way, the best thing about this story is, in my opinion, that it's NOT a TwiDash fic. Don't get me wrong, their dynamic is pretty well written as usual, and the subtext is definitely there, but it's just that: subtext. I dunno, I've seen quite a few fics where something like this would be used at cheap against to put the romance into motion, when in real life making a move on your friend just after learning something like that is... problematic, to say the least.

Back when I was an engineering student, this was my default setting. The constant feeling of not wanting to do anything. I was so tired all the time - tired of going to classes, tired of not understanding any of my lessons, tired of sitting at my desk desperately trying to understanding my homework. Tired of wasting my parents’ money, tired of failing my exams, tired of eating lunch alone.

Tired of being less than I know I can be.

After I dropped out, the feeling dissipated. Eventually. Nowadays, with my job, I feel a different kind of tired. It’s a physical exhaustion, which leaves after a good night’s sleep. Mentally speaking, however, I’ve never felt better.

This story resonates with me. It brought back painful memories of my awful, awful time in college. But this fic is also comforting, in a way. I like the feeling of not being alone in my suffering.

Thank you for this wonderful piece, Kodeake, and my heartfelt congratulations on a well-deserved Top Featured spot.

Sometimes, the thing that has been done before needs to be done again and again. And you've done it very well.

I'm one of the lucky people who has never really had problems sleeping. But I know some people who have been struggling with insomnia for years, and it can be nasty.

It's good for Rainbow that she has a good, and understanding, friend in Twilight.

As much as I was dying to end this fic with a kiss (because I like to make the cute ponies kiss), it would very much be the wrong choice. For once I fought back my Twidash addiction, and the story is better for it.

If this little vent piece does nothing else, I'm glad it can at least help people see they aren't alone. An obvious statement, sometimes, but I find myself needing a reminder, every now and then.

Honestly I was talking with my editor about whether or not it needed the suicide tag, or even to be rated teen at all, given that it's not actually directly referenced. I added it out of an abundance of caution, knowing it may scare some people off in exchange for warning people about the general themes discussed. I also very much avoid sadfics as a general rule, but I'm glad you decided to check this one out and enjoyed.

Wow, this is an amazing story. There are things that do relate to us in real life.

There are people out there who deal with this stuff, but they have to realize that there are people who experienced the same thing and aren't alone. We need more of empathy in our broken world.

There are a few grammar errors here and there, but it doesn't change the fact that I love this story, and delivers a powerful message. Thank you for creating this!

Depression is not sadness but more of unrelenting numbness
Beautiful depiction here

Would the same apply to forehead kisses?

Depression comes in many forms. For some it's numbness, for others it's straight up tiredness.

Depression is like
I dont feel like doing NOTHING!

As someone who's had chronic depression since he was like 9 or 10, Yeah a kiss would have... ruined it, but maybe taken me out of it.
A pre-established relationship, maybe, but a depressive episode is not the place to confess love. Emotions are wild and people are not thinking things through. Also loves kiss won't just magically make things better. Just slightly easier, if anything

Hugs are good 😊
Good friends are willing to get on your bad side if it means pushing you back onto your good side

This was a very interesting read. I wrote a similar story involving the same character, although it has a slightly different ring to it, I think it still has the same message.

Additionally, I have no issue with thought of wishing I was that tired. A few months ago literally was laying in bed just like Rainbow Dash thinking to myself “I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.” But above all I want is to feel something, anything, because I haven’t been able to cry my emotions out in the last decade, despite how stressful life gets. In other words I’m too numb to cry.

This was a really well written one-shot.
I've had days like this, as a single guy in a world that implies that that is bad, I would definitely like to have a friend like Twilight, but most of the people I know at work or in town are young college age or established married families of 20+ years. Even the people that are close to my age have their established friend groups that went to school together yada yada. I moved several times growing up so I don't have those cradle/schoolyard buds that I can go grab a drink with.

I once tried googling singles groups in my area but almost all that led to was "JOIN THIS AMAZING DATING WEBSITE" yeah for how much $$$?

“Everything that I’m supposed to love or enjoy just seems so… boring, and tiring, and I just feel… numb .”


this story is so relatable somehow, There was a time that i also felt like this.. i just felt so bad about existing at some time that i would literally just spent time sleeping so i wouldn't feel that horrible thing inside my chest... i'd spent various minutes laying on my bed just trying to find a way to stop it. everything just felt it had no propurse, everything that seemed fun before i'd be too scared to try it out again with the fear i would just feel worser. i'd just have the fear that it wouldn't go away.

i'd also spent hours listening to "sad songs", they somehow made this bad feeling a bit less worse. but, i like to think this is just a mental state, if i had been happy before it means i can be happy again. and yeah, everytime this bad feeling comes, it stops after some time (maybe days, maybe weeks, but it will stop). and yeah, it is true in some level, i found ways to avoid this and there was many and many months i wouldn't feel it again, i truly found happiness again. this bad feeling comes up rarely now, but they won't last longer than 1 or 2 days. i hope everyone that have gone through this or something at a similar level find happiness again!


i cannot give any solid advice at all because i belive this mental state can only be changed by yourself realizing how to stop it with time and thinking, the worst thing we can say to people with this problem is a simple list of things to do, like "go socialize" or "go find a hobby" because when we feel this way, we don't want to do any of these, and this feels like we can only get better if we do these stuffs we feel tiring to do, which is a great pressure on us and and also a lie. you first need to overcome this massive bad felling and then later seek getting a hobby and socialize, if you feel enough good to talk to someone else for support, do it. dont feel pressured and give it the time you need.

Comment posted by RosieKeene deleted Jul 2nd, 2023

Oh my god. This is probably like, what, my tenth time reading this? I should've probably commented this instant this came out but I'm kinda weird so whatever.

I reread this everytime I'm feeling down so that I don't feel so alone. For some weird reason I like to know that there are ponies and pony loving people who can relate with me so much. Thank you so much for writing this.

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