• Published 2nd Dec 2021
  • 1,228 Views, 28 Comments

Rainbow Dash's Unforgettable Luncheon - EileenSaysHi



Rainbow Dash wants to show Applejack she can cook, but her roast is ruined! But what if... she were to purchase fast food and disguise it as her own cooking? "Steamed Hams", Equestria Girls-style.

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Epilogue: Heeeelllllp!

"So... you're only grounded for a week?"

"Yeah, and my parents cancelled my allowance to cover the damage. But it was only gonna last through the end of the school year anyway. I'm, uh... I'm really glad you stuck up for me."

"Anytime, Dash," Applejack said as she and Rainbow Dash walked up the front steps to Canterlot High on a warm Monday morning. "So... what's your plan for asking out Fluttershy?"

"Hey, not so loud!" Dash hissed. They darted into an empty corner just outside the school doors. "I mean... like I said, I'm grounded for a week, so, like, that gives me a week to figure out something really cool, right?"

Applejack chuckled. "Everything that happened yesterday, and you're still goin' the 'go big or go home' route with this?"

"Well, obviously! Just maybe with a few less... fire-startable materials."

"You mean inflammable?"

"No, no, flammable!"

"They mean the same thing, Dash."

Dash was still trying to process this information when a familiar voice called out to them. "Hey Applejack! Rainbow Dash! Where's everybody else?"

The two of them turned and saw the friendly visage of Sunset Shimmer reaching the top of the steps and striding towards them. "Oh, hey Sunset," Applejack responded. "Haven't run into anyone else yet, they must be inside already."

"I think Twilight's running late, she should be here soon. I heard about what happened yesterday. Everything alright?"

"Dash's folks handled it a little better than expected."

"Well, that's good to hear. Hey Dash!"

Applejack glanced over and noticed an oddly evil smirk on Rainbow Dash's face as she spoke. "Oh, hey Sunset."

"Um... hey? Everything okay?"

"Nothing to worry about. Just maybe thinking about hittin' the hay. Or maybe a burger."

Applejack's blood ran cold. Dash, you filthy traitor! What bonehead decided you were the avatar of loyalty?

Sunset cocked her head. "Already? What do you mean?"

"I just mean I'm feeling hungry as a horse right about now." And to seal the deal, Dash winked.

"Rainbow..." Applejack growled desperately, but it was too late. The gears in Sunset's head were turning.

"Rainbow Dash, what are you talking... about..."

Applejack could see the lightbulb go off inside Sunset as her eyes widened, then narrowed drastically. Within an instant, Sunset's warm, open demeanor was gone, replaced with the cold glare of a feral, bloodthirsty predator. A predator who was now staring directly at Applejack.

Beads of sweat were running down her forehead as Applejack gulped. She glanced at Rainbow, who seemed to be realizing the gravity of her error in judgment. And then she heard a guttural rasp issue from Sunset Shimmer's throat as flames licked the edge of her face.

"You... you little sneak... you promised..."

"Now, now hold on a minute there, Sunset, you don't understand-"

"Oh, don't I? Maybe you should come and let me read your mind"

Just then, Twilight Sparkle appeared from behind Sunset and seized her by the arms, shouting "Happy thoughts, Sunset! Happy thoughts!" She looked at Rainbow and Applejack and hissed "Run!" as Sunset reared back and tried to shake the bespectacled bookworm off of her. Rainbow Dash grabbed Applejack by the wrist and yanked her away into the distance, leaving dust hanging in the air and creating a mild sonic boom.


Sunset finally managed to wrest herself free of Twilight, then turned to the horizon. "YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!" she bellowed. "YOU'RE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, APPLEJACK, AND I'LL FIND YOU!!!"

Somewhere in the far distance, Rainbow Dash replied, "No you won't!"

"YES I WILL!!!!"

"Won't."

Author's Note:

Ah, she’ll forgive them by the end of the day. At least Dash and AJ know where they can hide out and get some burgers.

Comments ( 10 )

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Should've figured. Just because one has the Element of Loyalty doesn't stop them from having a little fun with them. Still, you'd think Rainbow could've been more subtle, like saying something like "It's not like the rest of you have experienced anything like that", and then watched Sunset squirm as she went "Oh, right, right! Totally never happened to me!". I do have to wonder how Twilight knew to be there, though.

Shame Rainbow and AJ's crushes didn't make an appearance.

11076689
I figured after a whole fic of playing things lower-key than I was expecting, I should have one go-for-broke bit of unrepentant, over-the-top silliness in there. Even if it’s mostly a glorified excuse for the ending “Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment” reference.

The idea with Twilight was just that she happened to be arriving at school right then and saw things going in a downward spiral. (EDIT: I added a line setting up that Twilight hadn't made it to school yet.)

EDIT: Also, expecting subtlety from Rainbow "Awesome as I Wanna Be" Dash? The very idea!

And then AJ went on to to become the beer baroness!

11076732
You mean the Cider Countess!:pinkiehappy:

11076756
Oh yes that actually is more appropriate.

11076756
“If it’s clear and yella, you’ve got juice there, fella! If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in Cidertown! Now, there’s two exceptions…”

Steamed Hams memes will NEVER DIE! :D

"Nothing to worry about. Just maybe thinking about hittin' the hay . Or maybe a burger ."

Uh oh! :twilightoops:

"I just mean I'm feeling hungry as a horse right about now." And to seal the deal, Dash winked.

My teeth are chattering in nervousness. 😬

Just then, Twilight Sparkle appeared from behind Sunset and seized her by the arms, shouting "Happy thoughts, Sunset! Happy thoughts! " She looked at Rainbow and Applejack and hissed " Run! " as Sunset reared back and tried to shake the bespectacled bookworm off of her. Rainbow Dash grabbed Applejack by the wrist and yanked her away into the distance, leaving dust hanging in the air and creating a mild sonic boom.

She'll get over it, eventually... :unsuresweetie:

Wonderful. Very funny. I liked how the plot didn't literally follow the script of steamed hams. Well written.

Very glad I got around to reading this one. Excellent balance of goofy adaptation and heartfelt original content. Thank you for it.

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