• Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

TheOneAJ


I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.

E

It was just a typical day of work for Applejack. Eager to get home, just one last errand in the freezer. That is, until she finds herself locked in.
Just great, now she’ll become the butt end of everyone’s joke. That is, when she gets out.... if she gets out.
No! That’s silly, of course she’ll get out... right?

*open for a better title, written for https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214288/the-cult-of-raccoon/thread/398722/nightmare-night-in-april-horror-write-off and thanks to my friend Sparrow for editing advice so some changes may be on the way. Please feel free to comment and like to help

Also, you can help by supporting me on kofi
Like The Darkhorse KC ChrisyChris, and to my firs ever supporter ChaosXIII, where you can get your name shouted out just by editing, and even have do things from colabing to editing for you.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Applejack let out a small sigh. “Hey, AutumnZ

.

Couple of grammatical errors

9589710
don't be shy, point them out and i'll give you proof-reader credit 0w0

9589784
Ok, understand

Did she die?

Reminds me of that scene in Short Circuit 2.

Very dark. Love the ending where we are not sure if AJ survived or not.

This was an alright read. Some grammatical issues, felt like it had the potential of being longer and I think it kind of pushes itself towards a T rating more rather than an E. Other than that, it's completely okay.

So she doesn’t have her super strength?

10806095
...
What is this camp everfree you speak of?! :twilightsheepish:

10806618
I think I get what you’re saying.

Applejack let out a small sigh. “Hey, AutumnZ

Period and " missing.

“Oh but enough about me, how was your day?” Autumn finished off.

There's a huge space between the sentences.

Once the door lost contact with the packages, the whole structure collapsed, blocking the path between the freezer and refrigerator.

That can't be good!! :twilightoops:

“Dam it!”

Damn*
Also there were 2 or 3 large spaces a few sentences up. :duck:

“Come on, AJ, stay with me!” she was then pulled through the walk-in, and outside. Laid on her back, Autumn Blaze looked down at her.At least, she was sure it was. Applejack’s vision blurry, probably from the ceiling lights blocking her view.

Space is needed after third sentence.

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