- Member Since 20th Aug, 2021
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
False Door
If you like feeling awful, you've come to the right place.
False Door
Joined 20th Aug, 2021 ·
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- False Door · 3.4k words · 26 7 · 487 views
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I tried to give this a read, I really did. It was just such a leap of logic from "tell someone" to "hide the body". I don't know, it just didn't sit right with my stomach.
I feel like this could've benefited from a little more setup. A bit more showing how Cheerilee is not doing well mentally, or something to show that this was more her fault. Yes, the parents could, and probably would, still destroy her in court, but the Cheerilee we know is peppy and good-hearted. It'd take a lot more to push her to the point of hiding a body.
I know it was acknowledged that her whole persona was a facade, but there wasn't enough to fully establish that, so I was left with a jarring sense of discontinuity. I feel like the quick intro with her coming in, setting up a classical record, and getting lost in the music just did nothing to help establish her as very different from the Cheerilee we know.
I couldn't really blame her for not checking the schoolyard further either. The holes were covered up, and can easily be assumed to be safe. Like she thought, the most she'd get is negligence, and while that would definetly marr her career, I just can't see it being made out to be as bad as she thought. No matter how I looked at it, I just couldn't see how it was her fault.
I can definetly see this getting better as the story progresses, but for me, I just can't stomach it.
I'm not a great critic either. Maybe others know better than me. These are just my opinions, feel free to ignore them.
I love stories like this. And this one is pretty awesome
Hah! I loved it! It was really dark, of course, but really well written. Kinda wish there was more to the ending though.
11025872
Thanks! Maybe it's laziness but I like ending on a shock and leaving some things up in the air. The original ending had Cheerilee falling in the same hole and being found by the students. I decided not to because it felt too similar to one of my other stories. I don't know if this ending was less or more cruel.
Woof. Dark times indeed. And depending on the medication and how long it's been expired, it could still have a positive effect. Could, of course. Being expired typically means that the medicine will not perform to the effectiveness that the dose should provide. Whatever happens, things will play out in one way or another.
I did enjoy it, watching the descent into uncertainty and madness. How it feels like everything is piling up and adding to the sheer weight of one's mistakes and the guilt for them, while telling yourself that it's -not- your fault, even if you yourself know that it's hollow because you know it was your mistake.
I will agree that the ending was slightly abrupt in how things reached their conclusion, but rather than the ending itself I would have liked to see more of how Cheerilee is handling the other students. Perhaps getting the chance to tell the CMCs off about how destructive their activities are, or laying into Silver Spoon for how 'pathetic' she is for being lost without Diamond Tiara to tell her what to do every day as the eternal follower. Since it's clear that her passion for teaching has long been beaten and crushed out of her, and she's developed a tendency to think nasty thoughts about her students. More snapping at them like she did with Twist, to sum it up.
Overall though I did like it, and I can understand leaving it to focus only upon DT. Cause if there's any filly that could bring out the worst in someone, she's clearly it, as even dead she'd still gladly get her shots in.
I liked the story.A perfect mix of horror and thriller
Is she ever found out?
11170767
Doubtful. Diamond's like that buried bag of money at the end of Fargo or the girl in The Lovely Bones. But Cheerilee's career is definitely over and she's probably going to be institutionalized for at least a while.
Horseshoe prints.
Well, that’s what happens when you take expired anti-psychotic medication. That was one heck of a slippery slope to right-out insanity.
Wow, I really feel like I murdered Diamond Tiara and am rapidly losing my mind. Shoulda just dragged her to the Everfree Forest and made it look like a timberwolf attack,
or something, with any luck a monster actually will eat her and take care of the evidence.
that was wonderful! absolutely making the top of my list of grimdarks—what an underrated gem!
11699381
Glad you liked it. It's always nice when someone discovers one of my obscure stories.