Miniature Relationship Equines: Friendship is M U R D E R

by TheMajorTechie

chalter one: u will be died.

Author's Note:

t-this iws my fuwst fim-fick uwu *blushes* pwease dont steew my ocs bobert an twibert they awe wovews fowevew *hides*

*peeks at you* dont wike dont wead gow wead the wittwe kids sowwies if uwu cant handwe bad wowds wike heck

*peeks at you again* *glomps ur hand* why awe uwu stiww weading the note? thewe's a stowy tuwu wead! thiws iws going tuwu win my an Oscar ow something!

THIS STOWY IS ONLY FOR WEADERS 13+ AND OLDER! LITTLE KIDS NEED NOT READ BECAUSE THIER PUNY SMOL SMOOTH BRAIN WONT UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS.

dear celestia I'm dealing psychic damage to myself just from this author's note holy crap

to make others lose brain cells, you must lose some yourself

this is the law of equivalent exchange

a red and black alicorn with very (and I mean very) long fingers wearing a big red thin dress walked into the room and kissed bobert the king of bad things on the lips. Twibery Spackle hated boBert really much but she kissed him because she love him like every other mare love him.

"C-can I come in?" Raisebrow Sesh knocked on the door.

"no go away raisebrow you make'd me raise my brow."

raisebrow Sash was sad after that and walked away to fight horse crime.

"MmmMMmmmmmm" Bobert mmm'd. "you make my hair stand up."

"That is the static from my dress sweetie" Twibert whispered sweetly into bobert's not-torn ear.

"I know hun its why you changed your name to match me that's why we like each other and stuff."

and then BIG explosion shakes the ground like jello. Twibery and Bobert did a little bit of wiggling with the floor.

"oh no what the heck was that?" Plinko Fry says from her plinko speaker.

"Shut up horse plinko machine." Twibert shouts at Plinko Fry. "I want to kiss Bobert more."

And then so Twibert holded Bobert's hand because that is a very naughty thing to do and it is why this fanfick should actually be rated M but I am a rebel and make it rated E instead because that goes against the rules.

BUT WAIT after the next day came after Twibery and Bobert holded hands in bed and sleep a big bom goes boom and made everything dieded.

'oh no I have to Save The World now!" Twibert said numbly. "I think i will use my power of alchemy fro FMA (that's Full-Metal Alchemist for you dorks that dont watch anime like a truly cultured man such as myself) to go fix things."

"Go kill things!" Bobert said behind her.

And so Twibert opened the door and got out her katana that was actually a chainsaw studded with philosophers stones that she made by killing a lot and making death and stuff so that she can have a cool weapon that makes all her enemies be scared and run away out of the closet.

Hmm... i think I will go kill some more so I get more philosophers stones." Twibert thonked. "It is always good to have moar powah."

"Yes go do that!" Bobery said behind her. "You are the most beautiful when you are covered in blood and angry."

"Shut up or else your going to be the next stone." Twibert shouted back and she pointed her sword at Bobert.

Because Bobert is very respectful of women like his beautiful wife Twibert that he loves very much, Bobert became silent. It turn out Bobert was Anonymous all along but nopony needs to know.

---

LOCATION: PON-E-VILL
DATE: YEAR 1 OF THE BAKAPOCALYPSE
TIME: THREE HOURS AFTER I MET YO MAMA

Twibert walk outside pretending like she is a normal pony who walks on two leg and has hand. Everything around her is burning like the bright red and maroon streak she has in her very long flowy mane which goes along with her scarlet red dress and crimson aura. She is very mad.

"aNONTYMOUs!!1" twibery yell at bobert. "I desire ice kweeeeeeeeeem!!!"

"Anything for you, my queen." Bobert bows deeply, knocking his head against the ground out of his respect for this absolutely stunning goddess of a mare standing before him. Her luscious eyelashes batted a home run and committed numerous war crimes.

and so because bobert is in very very deep love with her majesty twibert the edgehog he went to the ice cream truck but he is a bad boy that is very bad so he stole the ice cream and throw the ice cream stallion off a cliff like lion king. haha he go boom.

AND THEN, AND THEN, Bobert runned up Twibert and give her the ice cream! She really really liked it because it was blood flavored! Twibert is secretly actually a vampire and she drink her own blood sometimes because she likes the taste! But we don't tell that to anyone else, okay?

Twibert glared at you, the reader, because she know you is full of bloob. Perhaps she wants to drink you like a capri-sun.

"Your existence spites my eyes."

and because twibert is Twivert twitert is really mean and angry and so you the reader is now very scared.

"I AM BECOME YOUR SONIC OC." Twibert suddenly booms, reaching her hand (I don't remember if she has hooves or hands) through the screen and grabbing you.

Twibert was swat away by a hoof. It was me, your ever-watchful author and god of this realm! Twibert did a bad and so now she has to stand in the time-out corner. No breaking the fourth wall, Twibert! That isn't within your skillset!

but twibert didn't go stand in the time-out corner because she is a bad pony that does bad things.

Wait. What is this story supposed to be about again?

Oh, right... saving the world. I think.

The clouds rumbled above as the sky grew darker and darker. A torrential rain blanketed the land, beating down in what felt were solid sheets of ice-cold water. Twibery's mane dripped from the downpour as she walked, joined by her only follower, Anonymous.

She paused. Something approached in the distance.

Metal screeched against metal as she swung the scarlet-studded chainsaw into position in front of her. Anonymous, for his part, raised his fists.

"Oh what a happy day to be happy and run around singing about being happy and sunshine and the nice breeze and--" a monstrous monstrosity lumbered toward the duo and twibert said "oh no" and threw the chainsaw at the monster. The monster went boom after that and so they were alone again

Twibery stepped over the chunky remains of the creature and picked up her chainsaw. "Frick." She said randomly because frick is a bad word.

"Happy!" the monster screeched before being impaled again by Twibery's ridiculously-long fingers.

It continued to rain.

and then the rain became snow and theinn it turned into hail and back to rain again and then hail and then there was a tornado and a sandstorm that was very rude and blew away twibert and bobert to swordville where they learnted and studied the blade.

---

"While you were studying maths, I studied the blade."

Anonymous nodded along.

"While you picked up chicks, I threw their progenitors at the wall."

Anonymous pretended not to see the entire egg carton splattered on the wall behind him. That was supposed to be breakfast tomorrow.

Twibery slid her thumb along the edge of the katana, drawing a drop of blood. She drank it up eagerly. "I am a vampire, and you are not."

Anonymous bowed his head. "I... am aware."

"I'm sorry, Bob."

---

twivery wipe her mouth off with tablecloth and walked out of the room. there was still even badder things she have to kill.

'oh no a homcunculus" twibert say. THere is a big monster standing in front of her like giant. It is holding a big club and it want to smash her into ground like bug. She smash homunculus into ground instead and all that is left is big giant crater and smoke. she looked really really cool doing it too because her red flowy hair was all over the place in the air and there was shiny reflections and camera flare on the blade of her chainsaw katana thing that matched her very red and black dress.

And so, Equestria was saved I think.

end me

OH WAIT OH HECK I FORGOT BOBERT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTE--

Comments

[The Blue EM2]

Whoa! That was a wild ride.

[Herald of Opera]

Meet Twibert Spackle. She is my favorite OC (Original Character) that you should not steal because I am going to make her my waifu and not your waifu and we will be married and live long and edgy together also she is black and red and blue like a low-power concert light show in the middle of a blackout and she has a very long robe that's big and flowy and stuff.

Translation: "She's my immortal"

[hamster wizard]

this is just like among us

[Flora Blossom]

is this dark enough for you?

[HiddenEntity]

fucking hell i want my brain back

[TheMajorTechie]

11198872
No

[Aconite II]

I won’t make it. I wheezed at the summary and got flashbacks of my first OC. I’m still wheezing and I sound like a hissing teapot.

[TheMajorTechie]

11199220
AS YOU SHOULD

[GodzillaSpino]

I'm too scared to tread upon this, yet my curiosity prods me.
Which way should I choose?

[TheMajorTechie]

11203547
chaos

[GodzillaSpino]

11203550
You're paying for my funeral.

[TheMajorTechie]

11203986
*deposits one brain cell*

[KingSombraTheTyrantRuler]

This took nearly all of my brain cells away.

[Angel Midnight]

Woah, Techie, epic story! I wonder what inspired this stroke of utter genius. I might write one just like this! (But don't worry, I won't use your OCs if you don't want me to. I'm not that mean.)

On a more serious note, this was hilarious. Keep up publishing the crackfics. I know you had the idea of selling physical copies of What If, but TheMajorTechie's Crackfic Anthologies (or something along those lines) would also have a nice little spot on my bookshelf if you were interested.

[NotSuspicious366]

I don't even know how to comment on this.
_{I didn't laugh due to this. Please give me a prize.}

[TheMajorTechie]

11268928
your prize is a negative brain cell refund.

[NotSuspicious366]

11268959
Thank you!