Freedom is often taken for granted. It is only when you experience oppression fist-hand that its value starts to make itself clear. Whether you are a pony from the serene, peaceful land of Equestria, or a human from the seemingly free planet of Earth, liberty is never thought about until it is gone.
In a fictitious Earth, that's as brutal as our own, humans have finally been able to break through dimensional barriers, finding Eqeustria. But these scientists aren't instested solely in studying this newly-discovered world and its inhabitants. They aren't even for befriending the new species and making peace with them. No, they have something else planned, something more sinister and diabolical than any of that...slavery.
Source of photo: http://sultanknish.blogspot.com/2012/04/from-slavery-to-freedom.html
Ah yes, another, longer story involving ponies coming to the human world. I am so original /sarc/
But I decided to shake things up and make this human world not have bronies as the show does not exist.
Don't expect updates way too often as the school year has begun and for one of my classes I am going to have to start writing short stories (2 by the end of the semester).
I hope you enjoy the first few chapters of this, and if there is any room for improvement please let me know. The more feedback I get, the better.
Also in case anyone was asking, yes one of the main villains is based on an evil character from a recent mega-blockbuster film.
Ah, yes, another story where humans are bastards except for one special human who befrends and eventually falls in love with the aliens.
So orginal /sarc/!
Holy shit this chapter was intense.
I likey, so have 5 moustaches.
I like it so far, gonna have to keep tracking it if you do continue.
Oh wow. I'm not so sure I can manage to keep up with this. You know how much I love Twilight Sparkle. The last fic I read with a Dark tag, the author had turned poor Twilight into a cold murderer and then had her killed off. I was bawling my eyes out for hours afterward.
Personal feelings aside, I feel this is interestingly executed and quite different than most other fics I've read. I will say, if all this were to happen in real life, the bastards who turned the Ponies of Equestria into slaves would find themselves in a war with thousands upon thousands of Bronies!
I'll go ahead and like up and fave, but don't be too surprised if I can't continue reading. Poor Twilight
this is an interesting concept, I like it. Keep it up I look forward to see what happens =)
You have a serious problem with marketing. A real serious problem. What's that problem? Your summery absolutely and totally destroys any interest people have with reading this story. It might be the greatest thing ever written or it might be so bad it causes anyone who reads it to swear off the Internet and become a Luddite, but a perspective reader won't know one way or the other because that summery hits an extraordinary number of hated cliches.
Humans as the mustache twirling villains? Check.
Primitives being oppressed by the uber-evil villains? Check.
One (usually male) exception to the Always Chaotic Evil rule of the species? Check.
The exception helps the primitives and falls in love with one? Check.
Primitives distrusting the exception but eventually falling in love him (and possibly making him their leader)? Check.
On a more local note, the A/N's claim that this story is special because it doesn't have the protagonist being a Brony . . . Really, really, really just makes people who have read stories like All-American Girl, Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger, and Friends of a Solar Empire, among many others, grab a hold of your shoulders and vigorously shake you while screaming, "WAKE UP!"
Again, I haven't read the story, that's just my impression from reading the summary. If the actual story is like that . . . Ooooooh, boy.
Your story has a bit bigger problem than marketing.
interesting
Holy shit. T-this is amazing! I'm so looking forward to the next chapter!
hit the million dollar question there
Wonder if the princesses are gonna show up.
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Stop being mad and enjoy the story
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I am not mad, and I still haven't read the story. I have no strong feelings on it one way or the other. I was merely offering constructive criticism about its description and the plot as stated in the previous summery. That's all.
your not going to tell us what happens to Pinkie or Fluttershy are you? because you had to end it when they leave just when Pinkie is about to get bidden on i assume we wont hear from Fluttershy and Pinkie anytime soon i guess i cant wait for the next chap iam liking this.
Oh my god... This story... I just don't even...
You've done an extremely good job writing this to start. The prologue gave me real chills, knowing what was about to happen. Chapter one was amazing, perfectly showing the contrast of peaceful Ponyville life, and that of after the most evil humans there are attacked. You captured poor Twilight's terror perfectly, the instinctive fear of creatures that REALLY remind me of Furnace's Blacksuits. Attacked by demons that knew EVERYTHING... Yeah. Not only that, but you included many of our favorite background ponies, expanding the story from a small raid to a true assault, taking away and all ponies we ever loved. Seeing Colgate, Carmel, Lyra, added a lot to the power and cruelty that those dark humans possess.
Chapter two was even better. We find everypony that we love on the production line. POOR PINKIE PIE!!!!! DD: Oh my Celestia, I just wanted to grab her and hug her and hide her away, wispering sweet nothing's into her ear. You fully activated my protection instincts there. Now enter the master, who reminds me of Furnace's Warden. He has become the master of their fate, and loves feeding on their pain. Torturing poor Colgate really helped drive home his contempt. Then the actual auction...
Here we first see our protagonist Chad. He is slightly clic, the cruel parent's son with a heart of gold. Still, good job on clarifying this is NOT the norm. These people are the dark ones. They care nothing for life. Honestly, I'm wondering how this was set up? It has to be a private auction, a public one would destroy the entire program. Humans have hearts, and we abolished slavery ages ago. Decent humans would've never tolerated this.
Then when Rarity was sold, showing her denial, indignation, fear, then despair as she was taken away. Excellent job, especially comparing her to the auctioneer, who might as well have been selling a bar of soap. Selling Sweetie Belle... Apple Bloom... What is going to happen to the fillies? )':
Kudos on making sure only part of the mane six were reunited. Having my favorite little ponies somewhere else in this cruel world adds worry and fear to the Equestion. At least we know Dashie and AJ will have a protector. Big Mac will be there for his sister, but the loss of baby Apple Bloom could break the strong ponies. Rainbow Dash will need the Support of one of her idols. He is often shipped with her, but I hope that doesn't happen. Two champions with broken dreams will be enough.
We ending with Twilight. You made it very clear what was going to happen to her if Chad hasn't intervened. That thought just fills me with Big Mac's rage and Applejack's sorrow. It's clear something not of this earth pushed Chad to save the most powerful unicorn, and I'm glad he did. Still, leaving us with Pinkie Pie going up on the block with monsters like that in the crowd...
Please don't badly hurt Pinkie or Fluttershy. Their innocence and happy demeanor make them prime targets for the harshest cruelty, especially with the one who almost got Twilight. Please PLEASE don't give her to him. :'( Give her to a slave driver, a neglective one, maybe another kind heart. ANYTHING BUT HIM!! Fluttershy's weak flying skills will mean she will go for as little as Carmel. Who would want such a broken scared mare? I shudder to think of the implications...
This story is about our dark and our light sides. The extend of cruelty and the strength of our compassion. It's probably going to center around Twilight and Chad, but show us this dark world they now live in. Please note: this is NOT our true world. It is the dregs, the poison, the forgotten underbelly. If the rest of the world finds out, don't have them ignore it. Give us hope for our race, and have us rise as one to smash the chains of misery.
This is an awesome read, and I hope you update soon! I know that ponies are going to be hurt, but please... be gentle with them. Seeing a truly broken pony is not what I came to read. I came to read about the ponies who ALMOST gave up, but untied with the humans who say no to cruelty, overcome hell and found a way to return home. Happy endings?
I have a good feeling about chad. Who knows, he might be the one to help get the ponies home and back to their families and end this madness.
is this story still alive?
I want it to be alive!