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Hey guys, the story is back on. Progress is halted, though. Go read the blog post.
The Ponyville Mayoral Election is coming up, and Twilight is excited to root for Mayor Mare alongside her friends. That is, until she discovers that in Ponyville stallions are not allowed to vote. Twilight quickly gets mixed up with the Ponyville civil rights movement, but when the time comes, will she stand against her friends?
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Here's the prologue. It should lay the foundation for the rest of the story pretty well (I hope). As usual, questions/comments please!
A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed it. This is my first fic, so please be gentle.
Hopefully next week I'll have another chapter up. This story is one I have been meaning to write for a long time
(P.S. I was first, so FIRST!
ALL THE INTERNETZ ARE MINE!!! (read: Do not post a "First" post for the heckovit.)
(P.P.S. Did I just referance BOTH Cupcakes AND Rainbow Factory in less than 5 lines? Yes, yes I did.)
Hippies.
1686319 i am in no way making a political statement or pushing an agenda, hippie or non. I am merely exploring an open end left by the show, and trying my hand at weaving it into something worth reading. I hope this is not the archetype for future posts... 'cause that would make me...
lol jk, but seriously, please no hate?
1686364 Nope, no hate. Just...
Hippies.
Hmmm, it's definitely an interesting idea. Unfortunately, the amount of spelling and grammar issues makes it hard to enjoy. You may also want to consider looking the at common "Show, don't Tell" advice.
schorching => scorching
necissary => necessary
thier canidate => their candidate
Should probably all be on one line.
1686378 Sorry about that. Like I said in my comment, I am working on a Tablet with no spellcheck and poor formatting tools. I'll go through and make those revisions
Could you point me to an example of "Show, don't tell"? I'm a n00b writer and would love all the help I can get! Thanks!
1686422
Mind, those are just the few I went back and found for the sake of commenting. I believe there were more. Would strongly recommend going back and re-reading your own story carefully.
The first will probably be the most useful for you. (I think. It's been a while since I've read the EqD four-part guide, and I can't recall just how useful it is.)
Editor's Omnibus (Show vs. Tell section): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMMs8H-GpFIXPsQeC0RNu8V-Cq6uyGl_UERpOUK_6KY/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
EqD Pony Writing Guide: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/02/pony-writing-guide.html
Sithicus Helpicus: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kqN1tIlVqAVNQkiF_ZV72j-6sljr0bNyzpHAi9TXWTg/edit?hl=en_GB&authkey=CIe4pqkI&pli=1
PonyChan FanFiction Guidelines (Applicable sections probably includes #3 & #7): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RiPNbzuORjlbm8kUOjQmx81CX5vkddiPomWEVhAtb5M/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
Googling for "Show don't tell" will also net you a large number of results, advice, etc, not immediately related to ponies.
1686459 Thanks dude, I'll definately take a look at that...
Tomorrow. Imma get me some sleep. I have Math Class tomorrow early in the morning, and I have been up too late already.
Once again, thanks for your help.
Hopedully my next chapter will be better.
Fixed it. Thanks for the heads up, Q. kinda had a brain fart there...
Please update this as soon as possible^^
I have long waited a long time for a story that called attention to 90/10 female to male ratio.
I am now watching you^^
1690942 aww.. that makes me feel so warm and squishy.
Any vote for the Moon party canidate? [\shameless advertising]
Why not come up with an archetype mayoral ass who callously looks down on stallions.
Also, I thought the Apples founded Ponyville, both Granny Smith's mom and dad, how exactly did the power shift only to women?
I am not sure. *goes to re-watch episode*
The continuity CANNOT be compromised! (Mostly...)
So an OC. There's one vote. Just letting the few people folowing this know I am starting on the next chapter. Stay tuned!
New chapter. Hope you enjoy it. I will say, this chapter was a blast to write.
LADIES AND GENTLECOLTS! I present the moon party's canidate!
If I were one of my many followers (4), I wouldn't expect a new chapter any time soon. Next week is finals week at my college, and I am studying. Maybe I'll get one or two up, but I can guarentee there will be one by Christmas Break.
Off to edit the charecter tags!
[Note: Please do not hate on Republicans or Conservatives. I am one.
]
Communist party all the way true communism not the Russian Chinese crap either
My big advice? Change the title. "My Little <blank> <blank> is <blank>" is way way way over used, and truly unimaginative.
1696198 Any suggestions? I would consider it if I was more creative with names.
Am I the only one who noticed this... Stallions are boys... Mares are girls.. Twilight is a mare..
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTpOTYb3qFuMp-uuL-dIQKdZSTHEdJDzvisl4BG29AKPVLR_27L
1697234 Twilight would have the right vote in the election. Stallions don't. Twilight's upbringing in Canterlot means that she sees this as wrong. Make sense now?
This message brought to you by the letter twist:
1697350 ....
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRsXI_33rLyYj-pur3_8gBqyNfmLEI9ZOP5W7THhyvJleHfjvQw
(Side note: THIS CAT IS SO CUUUUTE)
1697371 That was just punderful. 5 mustaches for you.
i am practically Seething with hatred right now
but i guess your actions against the "inferior" sex is justified
i dont know what your so worried about. not all bronies are sexist bastards like me and even I wont dislike this. and this seems like a decent read, so you just need to keep your grammar in check and this should fly
*GASP*
you actually gave caramel an important role beneficial for the males! and not just some gay dude!
YES! I LOVE YOU(no homo)
1686367 THEY'RE THE REASON WE LOST VIETNAM WAR!
atleast I THINK we lost
nope..we definately lost
1698475 Hippies.
1695984
samandfuzzy.com/shop/shopimg/capcom_poster.gif
which side do YOU choose?
for this, i choose the left
1698445 D'aww... I'm flattered. Wuy wub woo too (no homo either
)
lol I am glad people are enjoying this fic despite my rusty writing skillz. It makes me...
anywho, I am starting on the next chapter. Probably will not be updated anywhere NEAR as fast. I would probably say it might be up in a week? (would be much faster with a prereader... hint hint)
1698566 Communism You can't vote but it is equal for no one can vote
Well here's a subject i hadn't thought of until recently. Another fic brought up the numbers equality in ponyville and it made me think about what ramifications that would have, if any. I don't remember seeing any stallions with political power in the show, and that makes for some interesting scenarios. Characters like Filthy Rich having his business only because it's in his wife's name? And since there actually are fewer males in the show that does make them a minority. I look forward to seeing what you do with this premise, and which of the mane 6 prefer the the status quo over giving stallions equal rights. Sounds like Rarity and Rainbow Dash don't care for it, but would Applejack, who seems to look up to and respect her older brother feel the same? Twilight is in the same situation too, a brother she loves and respects but isn't allowed to hold office?
If you spend a little more time on the technical side (either an editor or just re-reading the story a few times before release) it'll really help clean up the rough edges and let the readers focus on this powder keg you've set.
1810667
Thanks for the comment. It reminds me to work on updating this story.
I know it has many rough edges. I would really reallty appreciate an editor who is more versed in grammar than me. If anyone is interested?
I have big things planned. This poweder keg is gonna go off with a boom. Big Mac and Applejack's relationship (no shipping) will be fully explored. I am hoping that while I can stay faithful to the show, I can also enjoy some liberties with facts.
Example: Who really owns Sweet Apple Acres? Granny Smith? Big Mac? Or is it Applejack? Many fics say Applejack owns it, and I think that is the way I will go.
Just to let all of my followers know... I have hit a pretty severe writer's block. Right now I am working on a one-shot to break it, so please be patient. The next chapter (which boasts being 2x larger than previous ones) is finished. I am currently taking Landis' advice and re-reading the thing like crazy. I hope to be able to post it soon.
Next chapter is here! Hope it was wurth the wait!
Updates, so sweet and tasty, updates, don't be too hasty...
Some of Lauren Faust's original documents say Big Mac owns the farm. This was meant to be a subtle indicator that the Apple parents are dead.
2037070
APPLEJACK OWZ IT NOW! DIZ IZ KANON!
Kind of wondering why caramel didn't say anything about twilight I mean her connections make her a valuable asset.
You missed turning off the italics at the end of the chapter.
2037193 Fixed it. Thanks.
2037152 Shhh! That's the next chapter!
I'm glad you updated this. I forgot to fav it when I first saw it and then I couldn't remember the name for the life of me. Anyway, I'm interested to see where this is going, especially with Twilight's inevitable questions to her friends about why they are against stallion rights. I'm also interested in Celestia's take on all this, though I assume that since this is a democratic matter her hooves are tied.
2037747 You hit the tail right on the pony about Celestia.
I am planning on doing a chapter on each of the mane 6 (excluding Twilight of course) to explore their takes on this.
Stay tuned.
I am enjoying the story thus far, keep up the good work. I must say though, you've spelled Caramel and candidate wrong, unless of course you've decided to spell Caramel different for some reason, I just thought you might like to know.
2037861 Carmel was on purpose.
Candidate was a mistake.
I'll fix it later. Thanks!
(Could you give me a like please?)
>> Meester_Bob
Sure thing, I don't usually vote so I don't think about it. If I may ask, what is your reason for spelling Carmel like that, or will that be addressed in the story?
2038209 You may.
It has to do with pronunciation. I would rather have his name pronounced "Carmel" rather than "carAmel". I am kinda obsessive that way.
I now have ten times more likes than dislikes! Thanks everyone!
Nicely done. This was another gripping chapter. I must admit I cringed at Carmel's vilification of the otherwise moral Applejack, however, that is fairly realistic in this sort of evil. Even the genuinely good can be gripped by terrible prejudice and remain completely unaware of wrongdoing. Keep it up!
2038439 Thanks buddy!
In struggles like these, usually there is no black and white. Just different shades of grey.
That is what I am going for here.
Glad you enjoyed it!
2038459 But... not 50 shades of grey.
It'll be interesting to see if Carmel has some form of assurance that Carrot Top is not going to pull a Mayor Mare and dump the stallions rights movement the moment she gets elected.
2039112
Something about that sentance strikes me as funny. I might use that now.
i like this version of caramel
A great orator
and
MORE!!!