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While Rainbow Dash is an avid Daring Do fan, she has no merchandise outside of the books to show for it. Now, staring at a 'Daring Do' wallet, she contemplates whether or not to purchase it. In doing so, she hopes to overcome her phobia of publicly expressing her love of the "childish" series.
Will she succeed? Or will she be humiliated?
Thanks to Featherprop for the help editing this story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Now Dash knows how some bronies feel when purchasing MLP at Wal-Mart.
1739058
Try rooting through boxes of blind bag ponies with your wife, reading off codes while she consults a list for the ones she still needs....
NY, I think you did a great job of capturing the hesitancy and self-doubt RD is feeling here, as well as the quiet envy of people who have left their concerns behind. I... I won't speculate as to why that section is articulated so well... that would be a bit hypocritical of me.
Do I detect a bit of fanservice with the 'sandwiched' wallets reference? Little things like that made me laugh; nicely done!
1739058
I actually based this story on my own experience buying the Rainbow Dash wallet from Hot Topic over the summer.
1739223
Thanks
And yes this story was based on the time I went to Hot Topic and bought the Rainbow Dash wallet. I could probably buy MLP stuff a little easier now since I don't care as much (I also plan to when I get back home, perhaps even a t-shirt to wear around the dorm) but back then it was one of the ballsiest things I'd done.
1739330
This could apply to anyplace that sells MLP items.
1739378
Very true
1739330 I hate what Hot Topic has turned into(yeah I'm a gothic brony
) but I do like how they have MLP stuff, even if it is only because its the "latest thing" and that they jump on to any and all "fads". Hilarious story by the way.
1751151
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it
And yeah, if I remember what Hot Topic was like a while back, it's really changed
1739330 I got that same wallet I bet! And I also got my RD shirt from there.
My brony hat I found at Spensor's
.... Oddly enough, I had this same feel when I went into Hot Topic for the first time and saw the "Music is my life" Octavia t-shirt. Spent a long time whether or not I should buy it...
... Went to the checkout; realized I had no money.
Great fic, though
Quite hilarious. Nice work, my friend. 
Won't be surprised if it gets featured.
~Have a savvy day!
~
1751160
Yeah it's the one I saw on Equestria daily. Normally I can repress myself but...come on...it was RAINBOW DASH!
I sucked it up and bought it. And everything went better than expected. Planning on going to Hot Topic when I get home for Winter Break. Maybe pick-up a nice pony t-shirt.
1751168
Hopefully you're right about it being featured. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Glad you enjoyed it
1751159 Oh and the "Fifty Shades of Clop" part was pure genius.
1751189
It had to be done lol.
You know what I love about this story?
That the nerdy kid had more guts than Rainbow Dash.
And yes, I've kind of gone through this, but not with MLP...
You see, us Bronies aren't the only ones who go through this. I've been an avid Bionicle fan for years now. (Even after it ended). The fandoms share several similarities, most notably problems at the checkout. I've been lucky enough to avoid such problems.
Strangely, though I've collected many Bionicle sets over the years, I don't really buy MLP merchandise. I would like to get my hands on that nice villain poster, though.
1751240
Yeah this story is sort of meant to be a broad application to all fandom. I mean, MLP especially, but I'd be self-couscous purchasing things pertaining to "How to Train Your Dragon", even though it's my favorite animated film of all time. But that's just it...it's animated (and not Family Guy, Simpsons, etc...) and in our world being into things like that as an adult is seen by many as strange, when it shouldn't be.
But what are you gonna do? <shrugs>
1751178 Speaking of Pony t-shirts... remember the one I mentioned to you on Saturday?
i187.photobucket.com/albums/x163/Shammon_of_Gaia/aaa%20General%20Good%20Crap%20zzz/BikerDashCustomShirt.png
1751265
Oh yeah
Wouldn't mind wearing something like that
I first read this on deviantart. Loved it there, love it here.
1751279 Only one will be made...
Also, I am designing my own custom questick case. It is gonna be themed after my writing persona, of course.
If at all possible, I wish to make this one myself. Marine vinyl exterior with custom embroidery.
(Nothing is more pleasing than crafting your own stuff... now I understand why Rarity loves making dresses lol)
1751240Woot Bionicle
, I loved its story.
1751159
We went to HT a couple weeks ago so She Who Shall Not Be Deterred could get stuff with the discount code... and the staff was totally cool, chatting with her about all the new MLP merch.
Then, when we stepped outside, I noticed a cluster of about five-six bronies sitting on the benches outside the store. Brought a smile to my face to see them hanging out in a mall in Oklahoma unselfconsciously- heck, one of them even came in the store as we were in line to offer us an extra "20% OFF" scratch ticket. Gotta love the community!
*whispers* Towards the bottom, "He wings..." is missing an 'r'
1739330 I got the Vinyl Scratch one, and my experience was similar to this one.
"Should I buy it?"
"What will everyone think of me?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Yes it does."
"Fuck..."
"Fifty Shades of Clop"
Good sir, you are an island of truth in a swamp of lies. Why should a book about lewd acts be more accepted than a franchise that speaks to the inner child? Are cartoon ponies who preach peace through power and unity through friendship really more embarrassing than poorly-developed lust-avatars?
Apparently so. Yet which will have a more lasting, beneficial effect on the lives of young and old alike? A series about bringing pain to others for fleeting physical pleasure, or a two-part episode about defeating a changeling invasion to save your true love and treasure him forever? Seriously, even if one doesn't much care for a certain pink Alicorn, she's still got more character than the aforementioned lust-avatar.
Societal rant over, this was amazing. You took a moment that almost every older MLP-fan has either experienced or imagined, and ponified it. That's awesome. Everything from walking down the "youth isle" to covering up intent with "batmare" memorabilia. The intercom was a stroke of genius, and the end kicker was too much. Good show, sir. This story brightened my day.
Mechanics-wise, this is quite a ride in less than 3,500 words. Starting off with an explanation of how Daring Do is perceived in pony society versus "Adult-Oriented Novels" lays a firm foundation in the reader's mind. You moved very smoothly from one nervous moment to the next and kept the tension building to the story's climax. On a note of improvement, some adjustments to the flow of words could be made. For example, at the beginning of the story:
This doesn't sound quite right, because it's a separate sentence from "Beads of cold sweat rolled down Rainbow Dash’s neck." If a comma separated them instead of a period, it would sound better. Or, you could just convert the "-ing" verb to an "-ed" verb:
"The hot ceiling lights above intensified her anxiety until she felt as though she was going to pass out."
Little details like that are all I can find to critique in this story, and I hope it is helpful criticism. Really, by fanfiction standards this is extraordinary in both concept and form. For some reason, MLP attracts a large faction of good writers who actually want to improve. It makes you wonder who'll be laughing in five years, the ponies or the tasteless novels. I really enjoyed reading this, and hope you enjoyed writing it! It's is a great little nugget of meta-mindscrew that underscores a simple axiom:
Anything can be ponified. Even buying ponies.
1751844
So you're saying pony pony po-o-ony, pony should pony pony
1751844
Thanks. And yeah, this fandom has got to be one of the most talented, if not THE most talented, fandom of all time (maybe that's an exaggeration, idk).
I wouldn't be surprised to see a bunch of new writers and artists emerge over the next decade or so that started in this fandom and moved their way up. At least that's my goal with my own writing (I'd like to write screenplays down the line).
Either way, I'm happy you enjoyed this story and I hope that I can continue to deliver stories that you and everypony else on here can enjoy
Come on Rainbow Dash!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Many lols had bee shed on this battlefield of a fanfic, this was EPIC
This was great. Poor Rainbow Dash, though...
lunachan.net/chat/src/134911419010.png
Excellent story, but only one remark.
Rainbow Dash is not cyan. She is, if I recall correctly, Columbia Blue.
Other than that, a fun read and good mix of inciting sympathy and getting a chuckle. The fanfiction train of thought was a nice touch. This needs to be spread to more readers, it's really good.
1787032
Thanks, glad you liked it
Yeah, I'd like to get more people to check it out. Any ideas on how I could spread this? I've already put it a lot of groups and I don't think EQD would take it lol.
If you don't think EqD would take it, send it to Discord's Domain. They don't so much take EqD rejects as they do take things that are a little off the beaten path. It's a blog that encourages community debate, and while I've only sent two stories (one of which got accepted) the response I got was very quick. They won't tell you if it's accepted, they just put it up. And they don't get as many submissions as EqD. I got about 20-ish referrals through that, and I had a bad cover pic. Something as thought-provoking as this will get through, no doubt.
I've also taken the liberty of adding this to Twilight's Library , and arcum42 agreed with me that it's good feature material for the group. Putting things on the main page of a group is a little iffy with the new site setup, but when the next feature comes around it'll be added to the folder and about a hundred people will know.
Looking around, if you want publicity it seems Giant in the Playground forums and something called spacebattles forums seem to give a lot of hits (about a hundred in total for Certain Advantages). But I wouldn't recommend joining other forums to plug your fic: it'll turn people off.
My advice: keep writing goodfic, garner watchers/stalkers and if you see an opportunity to featurebait, do so. Just don't compromise a good fic for the sake of popularity.
1788333
Cool, I might check out the Discord's Domain thing. It doesn't seem like there are a lot of comments for fics there, though. Does it still get a decent amount of attention? If so, I'll submit it.
1791831
Well, it's another platform. Like I said, I got about 10-odd hits off it, better than nothing. And it's a site where you can work on a reputation, isn't it?
1793913
True. I'll send this story there later today and see where it goes. Thanks for the tip
Brilliant!
So, how long till somepony writes Fifty Shades of Clop?
1839825
Not sure...don't give them ideas, though.
It's only a matter of time
Well, well, well, look what we have here. A story just about everyone here can relate to. This ought to be interesting, to say the least. And greetings, I am Missy, a reviewer for WRITE, for you have called for us, and they have sent their resident nerd. This is my first review a part of that group, so *pushes up glasses* here we go:
The premise itself is very original and hilarious. The description alone made me grin, and that's good, because a promising, attention-grabbing description is everything. You basically bring in the common brony worry (“What will these strangers think of me when I buy this merchandise of a 'childish' franchise?”) and use it with ponies. And the fact it's Rainbow Dash on this... adventure, I'll call it, just makes it better.
You really quite nail the complication one has with buying something from a rather embarrassing fandom (I don't want to say embarrassing, yet it's hard to buy merchandise even at, say, Hot Topic, for a reason). I literally shrank back when he screamed out what she was buying into the intercom. Because it's something so relatable to just about every closet brony, many can understand the emotion and struggle it can be (I remember getting a brony wristband not long ago, but I also got another band to balance that out—good Celestia, I thought I was the only one to ever do that.)
There are a few grammatical errors—such as you do not need quotations for thoughts when they are already italicized. Also, I noticed that you use hyphens is some places that don't need them.
An example:
Some sentences like this can just have a comma instead. And in some cases, you press together two words with a hyphen when it doesn't need to. Another example:
Just take out the hyphen there, and maybe look over some other words, as well. I cannot quite explain what makes one have one or not, but I do not think there are too many in that case.
Next, when writing dialogue, in a lot of cases, you write it like this;
Since it's narrating that he said it, sentences like this can be changed into:
I wouldn't have pointed this out if I hadn't seen it so much. I do not mean to carp, nor do I mean to make this a grammar lesson for you—it's just simple things I feel I should mention for future references. Not to mention the mechanical problems of this story can be fixed easily. Now onto my thoughts on the actual story.
One thing that bothers me in this story is that the ponies snickering seems very odd. Realistically thinking, if one sees someone buying something targeted for fillies, they would not immediately laugh or assume it is for the pony buying it. I'm entirely aware this part was added in order to shrink Rainbow's confidence about this; however, I believe that ponies would not instantly jump into making fun of someone buying a childish thing. Not to mention that they're kind of shoving the fact it was from the youth section in Rainbow Dash's face, but I suppose that is because this is basically satirizing how, uh, expressive ponies can be, I suppose. Heh.
You take the reactions and emotions of most bronies and ponify it. As a whole, it's short, just being close to four thousand words, yet the story flows well enough to make that number work for this. I think having Rainbow Dash be the nervous fan is just hilarious. While she is ever the arrogant and tough, there is always one thing someone has that makes he/she want to crawl into a rock for several hours. Who knew she'd have a lack of self-confidence in moments so simple as this?
I'd like to think that Rainbow Dash would probably stand up for herself in the end (what kid wants a wallet, of all things, anyway? As a kid, no one I knew cared about having one—but that could just be me), since she is still Rainbow Dash, and she can kind of give that it's not a big deal (because it isn't). Yet there are some bronies who will stand up for him/herself and others would not, no matter how tough you are overall, and while it is not a big deal, we will nearly always act as if it is upon instinct. I can more imagine her being of the former, or at least trying.
Also, I feel like the end was really unnecessary. I would have liked to see how Rainbow was doing about this, not some stereotypical nerd who's making fanfiction about Batmare.
For my first review as a part of the WRITE group, I can say this fanfiction is actually quite good. It's a well thought out piece, not to mention something I've never seen before—and it's portrayed greatly. I honestly think what made it was having Rainbow Dash as the main character, because for the most part I can see her acting like this. A really good job, if I do say so myself. I do not know the requirements of Equestria Daily, nor do I think my opinion will make this certain (hardly do I ever even so much as touch that site), but honestly, they can be very picky, so some of the problems I mentioned above could very much make the difference between making it or not. However, I find it to be find quality, so trying it out over there cannot hurt. It's humorous, the flow goes well in my mind, and it's something many bronies can relate to. The grammar, overall, is not perfect, but it is strong. Look it over one more time and take notice of the mistakes I pointed out to make sure.
~Missy, WRITE's Resident Total Nerd
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/349/4/b/reviewer_logo_longver03_01_by_burrakupansa-d5o60h2.png
1844468
Thank you very much for the help. I added an ending with Rainbow because of your suggestion so hopefully that will play into its favor.
1844672
The ending with RD on the cloud. I originally ended the story with the nerdy pony saying how he wrote fanfiction. This way it's a little more serious and less silly
1844691 Excellent! I absolutely love Rainbow Dash's epiphany near the end. I only wish some other fans--such as myself, heh--could see things like her and stand up for themselves about being fans of a more "childish" franchise.
1844745
Yeah, same. Though I'm sort of like that too. Just the other day I bought two pony card packs, but to make up for it I bought three football card packs too.
Which worked out well, since I got a card of Chris Givens, who was the star receiver at my college last year (Wake Forest).
- Continuity error.
I like the added ending! Seeing personal growth in Dash gives me the warm fuzzies. I'm glad, though that you left the nerd in... that was a great ending on it's own. :)
1845995
Yeah I might have to get rid of it if EQD thinks it's too much of a shift in POV. Hopefully it isn't because I don't want to get rid of that little joke.
1845456
Thanks for letting me know
Pretty sweet story. The batmare fanfiction jokes were hilarious, but the plot and the lessons therein were really epic. Most excellent.
2173785
Thanks
This perfectly captures the feel you get when you but MLP merchandise at Hot Topic. I should know, I once bought a Derpy wallet there. Thing is, the only reason I was there is becuse my family was at the mall, and my little sister wanted the Power Rangers shirt she saw. It's an awkward situation, your dad talking about Bronydom like it was some bold statement, and your mom talking about all of it as girl's merchandise. Then she says it's because the sleeves were short... The mall, every non-driving teenage Brony's bane.
1751580
They have a Vinyl Scratch wallet?! Aw, I got the Derpy one 'cause I needed a new wallet. I'm not even that big a fan of Derpy!